*Vent*

If you didn't see the thread about my horse-riding lesson last week, then you can see it here

I hate to say it, but I think I've lost a little confidence in my riding. Nothing major, but I'm SO annoyed with myself. Here's the story:

Today my horse was a lovely thoroughbred gelding whom I love to bits and have ridden many times before. I was slightly relieved that I wasn't on the same horse as last week, I didn't fancy being stiff for a week again (and by the way, I think that horse's saddle is going to be changed. I saw two of the instructors in his stable with a measuring tape today, so hopefully all will be well!)

As I said, this horse is a full bred thoroughbred (you can see his pic below, it's not great, but it was taken with my old digital camera), so he is naturally forward going and has such long legs that he seems to cover one side of the arena in a couple of strides. I really love this horse, we do great in dressage together, I've jumped just under 4ft on him, and I will always remember the time when I rode him at a full pelt gallop in a field. That was amazing.

I was working in open order, and took him on a twenty metre circle so I could concentrate on getting a collected canter, as for some reason I find it easier to get collected gaits on a circle. I was just about to ask for the canter, when, at the exact space where Dennis bucked last week, he suddenly spooked.

I feel ashamed writing this part. It was the tiniest spook ever, not much more than a sudden sidestep. I've sat out things 100 times more powerful than that and it's barely shaken me. I didn't fall off, but at that moment, I just felt my confidence drain from me like someone pulled a plug. I was riding him pretty tight, constantly half halting and just kept tipping forward. I tried, believe me, I tried so hard I thought I'd burst to just sit up, take a breather and then move on, but something inside me just wouldn't let me. And the more I couldn't do it, the worse I seemed to become. I was very hesitant about cantering, and throughout the lesson I just couldn't relax. I feel stupid and embarrassed, the horse wasn't doing anything wrong and yet there was I acting like a novice.

I don't want to let it get the better of me, twice I've lost my confidence and I don't want to lose it again. I've worked so hard since the last time I lost it, which was 4 years ago, and felt I'd finally cracked it, I moved up two lessons and managed to fall of a horse 4 times in one lesson and still get back on for more. I really hate myself for it, why has this one insignificant incident caused this? I'm better than this, so why is it affecting me? I was so embarrassed that at the end of the lesson I didn't even speak to my instructor, I didn't want him to look at me in the 'oh deary me' kind of way that I've seen before.
It's really got me down. 10 years, I told myself, 10 years and still you get this. I'm feeling pretty depressed at the moment.

Next week, I'm really going to push myself to just ride, and not care about any spooks or rears or bucks, just sit on the saddle and ride. Hopefully, after a week to calm down, I'll be OK again. I guess the fall affected me more than I thought it did.

I just needed to write this all down to get my feelings out, PT seemed like the best place.

What might help, is to go & ride a smaller horse. Your body is just scared to death about the pain that happened last time. So riding a smaller horse inbetween lessons might help out :)

I had pretty much the same thing with my bike when I was younger. I few several times, no biggy, then I had a BIG fall, I tried to ride again, but just couldn't. I stayed off my bike for nearly 2 years. My dad went & bought me a bike that was just a little small for me. I loved it & did fine, then I gave that to my younger sister & was able to ride my larger bike again.. Its purely a mental issue & you just need to show yourself that you can do it on a smaller horse & then you'll do great again on the larger horses.


I'll never forget my first time on a 17H horse.. I nearly wet myself I was so scared. but he was a sweety & knew I was scared to death of him. he went around all the little jumps & just walked around on the grass.. Mind you my friend owned the horse & was leading him kinda, but he was soo good & didn't ,ind me clinging onto his mane in fear hehehe

That might help. The horse is 17hh. Size has never really been an issue for me, and as I'm tall I usually ride the larger horses. In fact, I usually like riding big horses, usually they're uncomplicated and there's a lot to get your leg round if they do bolt. But that seems like a good idea. I might phone them and ask if I can ride a 14.3hh mare that I like for my next lesson. Thank you.