What would you do?

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03-09-2006, 08:30 AM
lv4dogs

What would you do?

What would you do?

A. Go on a date that was already planned with a guy you like. It's not the first date yous have been on & you already have another date set up for the weekend.

B. Help out a dear friend & her daughter who is really having a real hard time with her home, b/f, life & health and has no where to stay?

More info if needed:
This is a fairly new relationship, it would be the 3rd date. But this date was set kind of last minute because I didn't have any plans and we do already have a date set up for this weekend.
So far it seems as if my date would be understanding about the situation, or at least I hope so. But I always feel so bad to cancel any plans I make.
My friend, which I don't have many good friends left in this state (they all moved away) is always there for me. I think she really needs me, her & her daughter need a place to stay.
03-09-2006, 08:35 AM
finn's mom

I'd cancel the date, and, not go into too many details with the guy about why...just tell him you have a friend in need. Tell him how badly you feel about cancelling, but, that she's a good friend. But, I guess I'm not understanding completely, you'd have to miss the date because your friend would be alone at your house? Would that be such a bad thing? Or is she staying at your house and you are going to talk with her and be with her? I just wasn't totally clear...
03-09-2006, 08:38 AM
Pawsitive Thinking

I'd go for option B to help out your friend. If the guy you are dating is worth anything he will understand. You're not cancelling anything - you are being a good friend to someone who needs you. Hope your friend is ok
03-09-2006, 08:43 AM
Felix

Id resceduale the date and help out a friend in need.
03-09-2006, 08:55 AM
Karen

I'd reschedule the date, making clear that this is no reflection on him. Something really has come up, and a friend needs you, but explain you were looking forward to the date, and are not brushing him off.

"Gotta help a friend" is sadly an oft-used excuse, but in this case it is true!
03-09-2006, 09:00 AM
lv4dogs

Quote:

Originally Posted by finn's mom

I'd cancel the date, and, not go into too many details with the guy about why...just tell him you have a friend in need. Tell him how badly you feel about cancelling, but, that she's a good friend. But, I guess I'm not understanding completely, you'd have to miss the date because your friend would be alone at your house? Would that be such a bad thing? Or is she staying at your house and you are going to talk with her and be with her? I just wasn't totally clear...

Well you see I would go on the date anyways & leave them at my house alone but theres a few reasons:
Her health is not good & she has been through a LOT lately, I know she would enjoy it very much if helped care for her daughter.
Raustyk loves them but she's not fond of people entering my house when I am not there, I honestly doubt she would do anything but bark a little at first till she knew who they were but my friend is kind of scared of her when she acts like that.
Our date was planned to be a short date anyways, during the weekday I don't get home from work till later. If I were to go on the date I'd have NO time to spend with my friend & her daughter.
03-09-2006, 09:01 AM
Laura's Babies

I agree with Karen... But if it is that you want to cancell because she will be at your house... she might just like some alone time to think.
03-09-2006, 09:03 AM
JenBKR

I agree with the others, I would probably explain that something came up, a friend is in need, but you are really looking forward to your next date with him. I bet he'll be understanding about it.
03-09-2006, 10:02 AM
finn's mom

Quote:

Originally Posted by lv4dogs

Well you see I would go on the date anyways & leave them at my house alone but theres a few reasons:
Her health is not good & she has been through a LOT lately, I know she would enjoy it very much if helped care for her daughter.
Raustyk loves them but she's not fond of people entering my house when I am not there, I honestly doubt she would do anything but bark a little at first till she knew who they were but my friend is kind of scared of her when she acts like that.
Our date was planned to be a short date anyways, during the weekday I don't get home from work till later. If I were to go on the date I'd have NO time to spend with my friend & her daughter.

Gotcha. Then, by all means, it doesn't sound like the date is that major, nothing to feel guilty for postponing. It's an early relationship, it doesn't sound like you've cancelled before (to make him think there's a pattern or you're not being truthful), and, you've got plans for the weekend already. Sounds like if there was ever a date that was cancellable without repercussion, this is it. ;) You're a good friend, that's obvious. Keep being a good friend. Sounds like you'd pretty much already made up your mind anyway, but, it's always good to get second or third or fourth opinions. ;) My thoughts are with your friend and her child. Good luck and good on you for taking them in.
03-09-2006, 10:20 AM
catnapper

Why not explain the situation and say "I want to still spend the evening with you, but I feel obligated to be with her.... would you mind hanging out with us tonight?" or something along those lines. If he says yes and has a grat time, making her laugh, then you know you've got yourself a keeper as a boyfriend.
03-09-2006, 10:28 AM
moosmom

Brody's Mom is right. Postpone the date and explain it to the guy. If this guy is worth keeping around, he'll understand. Guys may come and go, but friends like that are FOREVER!!!

I can guarantee you your friend will be there long after this guy is gone.

Good luck and keep us posted.
03-09-2006, 10:29 AM
king2005

I brought Rob to my friends houses while on a so called date. However I don't think most of the dates were really dates. They were more like, hey, lets all hang out so no one feels left out. I brought Rob to a sleep over twice (my friend lived out in the country & its just easier to sleep on the couch then drive back home).

For the past 7yrs Tom has come on just about every date i have had with Rob. I think it helps keep Rob & I together as we have nobody crying that we are ignoring them.

Can the 4 of you go to a movie? or rent movies & order pizza?

But if you do call this 1 date off, do what was said above. Make a new date asap & let him know how thankful you are that he underdstands & cares about your relationship/wellbeing of your friend.
03-09-2006, 10:58 AM
lv4dogs

Thanks once again for all the words of advice.

I just talked to him, (via IM, I know it's probably not a good way to communicate about something like this but it was the only way as we are both at work lol). Anyways he is ok with it, or so he says & he seems like he is the understanding type, lets just hope it doesn't change once I see him in person. I don't think it will but you never know.
Our date for the weekend is on no matter what, even if my friend is still at my house.

I was going to ask him to come over so that all of us could be together but I honestly doubt my friend would be up for it. She is pretty sick with a UTI that has most likely turned into a bladder or kidney infection, she just lost her b/f and has no where to stay. It might be a little different if it was just her but her 8 year old daughter is there too. I don't feel comfortable introducing someone I don't know very well to a child, even though he has kids & seems like a great person, I just want to get to know him a little better & make sure it is ok with the kids mom, ya know. I guess I'm just the motherly type person. lol

Thanks again!
03-09-2006, 11:50 AM
finn's mom

Quote:

Originally Posted by lv4dogs

Thanks once again for all the words of advice.

I just talked to him, (via IM, I know it's probably not a good way to communicate about something like this but it was the only way as we are both at work lol). Anyways he is ok with it, or so he says & he seems like he is the understanding type, lets just hope it doesn't change once I see him in person. I don't think it will but you never know.
Our date for the weekend is on no matter what, even if my friend is still at my house.

I was going to ask him to come over so that all of us could be together but I honestly doubt my friend would be up for it. She is pretty sick with a UTI that has most likely turned into a bladder or kidney infection, she just lost her b/f and has no where to stay. It might be a little different if it was just her but her 8 year old daughter is there too. I don't feel comfortable introducing someone I don't know very well to a child, even though he has kids & seems like a great person, I just want to get to know him a little better & make sure it is ok with the kids mom, ya know. I guess I'm just the motherly type person. lol

Thanks again!

I totally agree with you, I was thinking the same thing...I think you did the right thing. Good luck with your friend and her girl...and, enjoy the date this weekend!
03-09-2006, 11:52 AM
BC_MoM

A. It sounds like your friend could really use.. a good friend right now. Kudos to you for being such a loyal friend in a tough time like this. :)

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