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Medusa
08-27-2005, 05:52 PM
Hi Friends,
I was administering Puddy's SQ fluids today and she's been so good and still and quiet. Today she didn't want any of it and I had to struggle to keep her still. Also, the fluids seemed to take forever to drip but maybe that was just my perception of time. When I removed the needle, some of the fluid leaked out of Puddy and blood mixed in w/it. (Dr. LeBeau told me that sometime the fluid might leak out and he showed me how to pinch the skin so that I could prevent it.) But I felt so bad about it. I immediately called Dr. Lee's office and talked to a vet tech and she said that it sometimes happens w/her, too. Poor little girl. I was doing so well and now this. I feel like an incompetent boob. She never let out a peep when I inserted the needle, so I thought all was well. But when the fluid started to flow, she couldn't keep still.

Has anyone else ever experienced this or am I just an idiot who causes her sick cat more pain? I just feel terrible.

Blessings,
Mary

Grace
08-27-2005, 10:31 PM
It was most likely a small capillary bleed, mixing in with the IV fluids. I wouldn't worry about it - you are doing such a wonderful job with Puddy.

TopCat3
08-28-2005, 04:40 AM
No, you are NOT an idiot who causes her cat pain! You are a very concerned, loving and responsible cat-mama who is doing her best to give her cat the best health and quality of life she can. Let us hear no more of this self-berating! Give yourself a big pat on the back for having the patience, love and bravery to do this every day. Lots of people would have put it all in the too-hard-basket, got someone else to do it, paid the vet to do it, or abandoned the cat. (No-one on this forum, of course). Some days it goes better than others, your cat understands this, she's so grateful to you for all the love and support you are showing her. It's like everything else in life, sometimes you can back into that parking slot in one, the right distance from the kerb, perfectly parallel blah-di-blah, another day it'll take you three tries and the car is still crooked and you need a bus to take you to the kerb! Some days are diamonds, some days are stones....:)

Medusa
08-28-2005, 05:34 AM
I know I've been beating myself up ever since it happened. But Puddy is so little for a 12 yr. old cat; she's only 6 lbs. I always wanted to be the one to give my cats comfort when they're sick, not make it worse for them. I had pretty much gotten over my nervousness of administering the SQ fluids when this happened. Now I'm nervous about doing it again. But I won't let my Pud down. She's my girlie girl.

Thanx gobs and heaps...

Blessings,
M

QueenScoopalot
08-28-2005, 07:14 AM
As Grace said, it's probably a capillary. Not a thing to be worried about, but it sure can shake a person up to see that when it's not expected. :eek: I always loosen up the control on the IV bag before dispensing it into the kitty. Often the tubing will be sealed shut where the valve was off, and this could be why it seemed slow to you. ;) I always warm the fluids to a comfortable temp. as well, so as not to send an already unwilling kitty flying away from the cold liquid!:eek: :rolleyes: :) It works for me. Hoping to get more positive Puddy uppydates soon.;) ;) Jan

nepeta
08-28-2005, 09:45 AM
I think sometimes when the fluid seems to drip ever-so-slowly it's because of the position of the tip of the needle. If you move it slightly - and usually I just try to pull it back slightly rather than change its angle - it may go faster.

furrykidsmother
08-28-2005, 10:19 AM
Mary, you are doing such a wonderful job, please don't let this one instance scare you. Hopefully, it won't happen again. You are helping Puddy so much and I am sure she understands.

RedHedd
08-28-2005, 11:54 AM
That happened to me when I was giving Mishi Sub-Q's. As TopCat3 said, don't beat yourself up over this. It happens. Each time giving Sub-Q's is different. I noticed, too, that some days the fluid would flow slowly and other days it seemed to flow in very quickly. Some of the tips here should help.

Just know you are doing the best you can to help your cat get better and each day is different.

rosethecopycat
08-28-2005, 03:13 PM
Yep. It happened to us with Malfi.
I just got a cottonball and alcohol and wiped the area.
It didn't really bleed much.

You are doing a great job, don't worry so much about the pain. I think it only stings for a second, like when a human gives blood.

Sometimes I have gotten so frustrated I just want to 'pay the vet' and not worry about it. I figure, just as long as he gets what he needs, no matter how it gets done.

I feel for you, we are lucky, we are not doing fluids now, but I know they are in my future.:rolleyes:

sandragonfly
08-29-2005, 06:37 PM
don't worry, medusa!! puddy can look/sound like he's in pain but he can not be! hey, I'm with you now. :)

I think it's because you 'fluided' in a little too fast? a well, big up-pinch is good, go really, really slowly so the nerves wouldn't react stings/jerks from the 'waving' fluid coming in.

if it leaks out, you didn't go all way through (skin, skin tissue & cell tissue). try go as far as you can, and squeeze in slowly.. if puddy screams, back a little, change angle and go slower. I know this is very hard but if you give a good stroke before you start SQ fluid, and make a good thick pinch (& pull up) she wouldn't feel the needle at most. this could let fluid going in faster too.

I wish you the best for his next SQ fluids! hugs,

..gina & chance

Medusa
08-29-2005, 06:41 PM
Oh boy, your post came at just the right time. Tomorrow is SQ fluid day for Puddy. It's also my longest work day, so I'm going to wait until I get home to do it. I just don't want to stress myself before I leave for work and I don't want her stressed and then I'll worry about her all day. I'll read your post over several times before I do it and I'll post as soon as I finish. Thanx so much for your help. You just don't know how I appreciate it.

Blessings,
M

Medusa
08-30-2005, 03:18 PM
Well, it went w/out a hitch today. Puddy didn't cry out, didn't squirm and sat perfectly still. So I must've done something right. And she isn't mad at me. She's sitting on my desk as I type this, so I guess it didn't hurt. I'm sure she knows on some level that I'm helping her but it still didn't keep her from scuttlebutting under the bed. :p But that's ok. She ran right out in a few seconds. I'm just glad to still have her w/me.

Thanx again for your encouragement, friends.

Blessings,
M

sandragonfly
08-30-2005, 03:32 PM
YIPEEE!! HOORAY! I'm happy!! :D great.. she sounds too cute going under bed. :p

how many more times do you have to do this? not too many, I hope! a bit-biffy congrats! ;)

Medusa
08-30-2005, 03:34 PM
Dr. Lee says that I may have to do it for the rest of her life. She's in renal failure and I almost lost her twice. But he said that he has seen cats live for years w/SQ fluids. So I'll do what I gotta. I want to keep my Pudster around for a loooooong time.

Blessings,
M

sandragonfly
08-30-2005, 03:51 PM
oh dear - true..for this, dear pudster's case.

by few more sq fluids, I'm positive the sessions will get better and better in no time. puddy already did good in her few first!

more good lucks & hugs,
..gina & furrfelines

TopCat3
08-31-2005, 05:51 AM
Well done Mary! This time next month you'll be giving lessons and support to others!
Good luck and good health to you both.
TC3

furrykidsmother
08-31-2005, 07:51 AM
So glad it went well this time. I am sure that Puddy know you are helping her. Keep up the good work.

Tubby & Peanut's Mom
08-31-2005, 09:22 AM
Great job, Mary! Tubby lived for 3 1/2 years after he was first diagnosed as being in renal failure, so I know you have many many years left with Puddy. :)

Medusa
08-31-2005, 09:48 AM
Oh wow! That's encouraging! Thanx so much for that. As long as she continues w/quality of life, I'm gonna keep on doing it. Right now she's doing grrrrreat! And I'm holding a positive thought. As Dr. Lee said "Puddy, I knew you were tough. I just didn't realize you were that tough." (It's Mom who needs to toughen up. And here I thought I was the strong one when it's been my furkids all along. :p )

Blessings,
M

Ingrid's dad
09-26-2005, 04:44 PM
Here's what I learned about administering the juice:

1. It worked best when I was calm & quiet, without the television or visitors or other distractions.

2. After a couple of times, the needles begin to dull--so you have to keep a fresh supply.

3. The little "tent" of skin & fur you pinch before you put the needle in has to feel just right--so that the needle lies flat, parallel to the spine, and not poking down into more sensitive tissue, definitely not going all the way through & through.

4. Sometimes it can feel shocking if the fluids are room-temperature. So if you let the bag rest against you skin (maybe inside your shirt) for a bit or let some warm water flow over it, that can make it more comfortable. Not hot, by any means--just warm.

5. Talk to the kitty & tell her/him how good they are.

6. I found that with the valve wide-open, I could get about 100ml saline in within 60-90 seconds. I hung the bag on a photo tripod and lay right on the floor with my kitty. She actually purred as the juice flowed.

7. When I withdrew the needle, I didn't see any blood, but some juice might dribble out. Best thing for that was massaging the area, keeping the point where the needle had gone in elevated.

8. The cat will probably tolerate this better if their back is to the bag & tube & all. Too clear a view of what's happening can be upsetting.

9. The volume of fluid may create a bulge before it is absorbed. It's a good idea to pet the cat & hold 'em & sort of help the fluid to spread around inside.

Medusa
09-26-2005, 05:38 PM
Hi there,
Thanx so much for the pointers. I really appreciate it! I'll tell ya, I make sure that phones are turned off, no music, TV, nothing. Puddy's back is always to the bag and I have a good supply of needles. I think I was just waaaaay too nervous in the beginning, given that it's Puddy and not one of my calmer cats. Plus she has a way of acting like a slinky or pulling her head in like a turtle and that makes it more difficult. But I've calmed down and so has she, although she knows when I'm going to administer the "juice", as you say. ;) I have to outsmart her every time and it's becoming more and more difficult. (That's rather sad, huh? My cat is smarter than I.) Anyhow, I will definitely take your advice to heart.

Thanx again!

Blessings,
Mary

Ingrid's dad
09-27-2005, 08:16 AM
I don't like needles much, but this was a routine that worked much better in practice than it sounds. I mean, the thought of it was a lot worse than the reality.

My cat was NOT pillable. But injections & SQ fluids were basically no problem for her.

Sus
09-27-2005, 09:14 AM
I'm sorry that your kitty is not OK. I think you are very brave to administer SQ fluids yourself, and I'm sure what happened was just an accident that could have happened to anybody.

However, I stumbled over this statement as I read the thread...


Originally posted by TopCat3
Lots of people would have put it all in the too-hard-basket, got someone else to do it, paid the vet to do it, or abandoned the cat. (No-one on this forum, of course).

- and I didn't particularly like it. Where I come from, it is rather - if not totally - unheard of that one should administer SQ fluid as a layman. So there's a cultural difference there that has nothing to do with being scared, lazy or careless. :rolleyes:

There are many different people on PT!

Good luck, anyway! ;)

Love,
Sus and Bella

Medusa
09-28-2005, 02:16 PM
I guess it's just easier for me to do it. When you live in a multiple cat household, all of them physically and mentally challenged w/special needs, ya learn quick! ;) Both Dr. LeBeau and Dr. Lee showed me how to administer the fluids but I was just so nervous in the beginning. But I got the hang of it and I'm saving time and money by not having to drive to the vet's and pay $10 each time. And, most importantly, it's easier on Puddy. She stresses when anyone except me touches her and most time she doesn't even like it when I pet her. :rolleyes: I have to think of my other furkids, too. If one of them should get sick in the meantime, I have to have money to take care of them, too. They each deserve every chance and I can't do it for one and not the other. Besides, I love them all too much, the little brats. ;)

Blessings,
Mary

Ingrid's dad
09-28-2005, 02:53 PM
I don't think anyone exactly *likes* needles. I don't.

But sometimes they are better than the alternative.

My cat got to the point that she could barely force herself to drink water. That was one of the first signs to me that she was in bad trouble.

This was heartbreaking to me, because she tried her best but could barely manage it, standing over by her fountain and concentrating on the water flowing out, where she had learned to lap it from the stream in mid-air. This was after a diagnosis of incipient renal failure, and many months of me giving her positive reinforcement basically praising the heck out of her every time I saw her drinking, and much delight that she was doing exactly what she needed to.

Toward the end--and believe me, I am still having trouble accepting that it was the end--she became dehydrated, and that made her feel much worse. I've been there. In a dehydrated state, you get bad headaches, and you generally feel just crappy.

One of the few things we could do to make her more comfortable was give her subcutaneous fluids. Did I like that? Hell, no. Did it help her? Yes, it did. My cat was a demon at the vet's, and she was not pillable under any circumstances, but she handled injections with barely a flinch, and she got to where she actually purred as her saline flowed in. She was a champion.

Ultimately it turned out that she had just about the worst kind of cancer you can get: pancreatic. So that was that.

But if maintaining a decent quality of life for her--one that would enable her to enjoy herself and feel good, even if she had never been able to zoom around like a kitten again--had been a matter of daily sub-q fluids, we would have done that for as long as she felt okay about it. We were NOT going to mess around with any dialysis or feeding tubes or any of that stuff that would have robbed her of her dignity or made her miserable, but if we had just had to spend a few minutes every morning and evening with the necessary evils of needles, we would have done that.

I'm curious about medical and veterinary costs in Denmark. It's all very, very expensive in the United States. There are American citizens who will actually get their own medical supplies from veterinarians (kind of a black-market thing), and people who cross the border into Canada and Mexico to defray the costs.

If I had had to do so long-term, I would have made arrangements to get the saline bags & needles & tubes & all via the internet. I couldn't have afforded to take my cat to the vet every time. But I would have done whatever it took to help her.

Medusa
09-28-2005, 06:38 PM
I'm w/ya on that one. I'll do whatever it takes to keep my Puddy loving life, as long as it's true quality. She's on to me and she knows when I'm preparing to administer but she seems to be resigned to it now. She's never tried to bite or scratch, though she has tried to run for cover a few times. But who can blame her? She's so much better now, though, and so am I. She even looks younger.

Blessings,
M

furrykidsmother
09-29-2005, 08:38 AM
I am so glad to hear that Puddy has resigned herself and that she is looking and feeling better.

You are doing a great job Mary!

Medusa
09-29-2005, 08:41 AM
Thanx! I needed to hear that! I always wanted to be the one who gave comfort to my cats, not discomfort or pain. Of course, I know it's for her own good but it doesn't help much when I have to insert that needle. But, as I say, she's a good little girl.

Thanx again.

Blessings,
M

Ingrid's dad
09-29-2005, 08:44 AM
Well, it's possible that she has learned that the fluids will make her feel better. My cat did.

I see that you looked at my posting elsewhere about my kitty dying. She did. It's hard for me to accept that. But I am dealing with it.

But our first step when they saw an obstructed duct on the ultrasound was to try a course of antibiotics and sub-q fluids. I was willing to do almost anything, as long as Ingrid would go along with it. Even in her weakened state, that sweet and trusting but stubborn little cat would *NOT* go for any oral meds. Period. She made that clear.

The fluids eased Ingrid's discomfort considerably, but antibiotics are basically useless against cancer. As I mentioned, I'm still having difficulty reconciling myself to her absence--at 17+ years, she didn't make much racket but darn it, she was an important, reassuring presence in my life--but they couldn't tell for certain that it even *was* cancer until they had a look inside her tummy on the operating table. And from what they found, it would have been cruel to prolong her life. If we had done that, Ingrid would have had very little ahead of her except pain and suffering. I miss her really, really badly, but we were *NOT* going to go the science project route of seeing how long we could keep her alive. She would have been miserable. I couldn't do that to her.

But all the same, I'm glad we tried the injections & fluids, I'm glad that Ingrid had no objections to my doing that, I'm glad that she trusted me deeply enough to go along with that attempt to save her, I'm glad that the juice made her feel better (if only temporarily), and I'm glad that when the time came, I made the right decision as far as sparing Ingrid any agony. I couldn't put her through that.

I hope it is a long time before you have to consider making such a decision. I knew that the day would probably eventually come--and 6520 days is a pretty long life for a cat--and in going back over it (as I have done many, many times, because that's just how my head works), I can warn you in advance that even if you are certain you have done the right thing, it will hurt a whole lot for a long time. My friends have been very kind, and they tell me that it's okay, that the pain I feel is natural, because I loved Ingrid. Still do.

But beforehand, even if I didn't want to think about it and I really couldn't discuss it without embarrassing myself (which is why I did most of that on the phone), the goal I had to keep in mind was what was best for Ingrid. That's all that really mattered.

Medusa
09-29-2005, 08:53 AM
True, what's best for our cats is what's most important. Sometimes we have to "just do it". I had to make the "unthinkable" choice back in April regarding my cat Peeka. She also went into renal failure and being an older cat, she went rather quickly. Everything we tried was unsuccessful, including fluids. When she became jaundiced, I decided it was time to let her have peace. She was my first rescue 15 years ago. Some kids tried to skin her alive and her fur was completely stripped from her tail and it was broken, too. She had to have her tail amputated but she was none the worse for it. She had an adorable little stub after that and she loved "stub rubs". She had the sweetest disposition and her favorite activity was lying in the sun, soaking up the rays and watching herself get fat. I still miss her patting my arm when she smelled chicken cooking as if to say "Mom, you are gonna give me some of that, aren't ya?"

I'm well aware that the day will come when I will probably have to make the decision w/Puddy and maybe all of my cats, 3 of which are older now and I'm enjoying every moment w/them. But I'll do what I have to for my cats. Period.

Blessings,
Mary

Ingrid's dad
09-29-2005, 09:00 AM
Wow! Those kids were mean. *THAT* is unthinkable.

I could understand if after that, that cat never trusted anyone at all.

Some animals are better than people.

Medusa
09-29-2005, 09:06 AM
You know it! It was touch and go w/Peeka for a while. Dr. LeBeau was nervous that, if he cut the tail off too close to a nerve, that she wouldn't be able to use the litterbox. As it was, he was pretty sure it would affect her ability to jump because her balance would be off. Nope. She was 100%, minus a tail, of course. When I look at pix of her before she was my cat and when she had a tail, she looked odd. I was so used to seeing her w/out it.

It's scary what people do to animals, especially cats. Peeka went through all of that for 5 days w/infection raging through her body in -18 degree weather for 5 days before she came to me. She belonged to my neighbor and I called her and told her that Peeka was at my house and that she needed medical attention immediately. Her response: "Hey, she's an outdoor cat. Those things happen." So I asked her if I could have Peeka and she said I could if I took her brother, Boo. And the rest is history.

Blessings,
M

felinefuture
10-02-2005, 11:23 AM
Good morning all!

Just a note about renal failure, but first, I have to say that this is such a great group of cat-lovers :) I'm very impressed with all the concern and support!

In future, for the health of your cats, renal failure is avoidable IF you feed correctly, and this means NO KIBBLE - a dry diet is normally the cause of renal failure (unless it is age-related). The problem is that the diet does not include enough fluid, and the cat is chronically de-hydrated. The kidneys can't function for years on end when the body is not getting enough water to keep it healthy. You can never get enough water into a cat when it eats a dry diet, as cats are not natural water-drinkers. I never see our cats at the water bowl (which is out mainly for our four dogs). They are fed a raw meat diet, and everyone I am in touch with - which is thousands of customers across the country - do not run into this problem because they feed a biologically correct diet.

Renal failure is diet-related, and it is caused by feeding a dry diet. If you want to keep your cats in the prime of health, and not run into this problem any longer, feed raw, fresh, human grade meat!

Gayle

QueenScoopalot
10-04-2005, 08:19 PM
I order many items from this company, and many are shipped free. Lactated Ringers Solution is heavy shipping weight, but ordered by the case (12 bags) it actually is very cheap compared to what the vets charge per bag! Here's the link...http://www.kvvet.com/KVVet/product_family.asp?family%5Fid=1239&gift=False&mscssid=192C9209F47E464892EF80549F4DEC5E I have my vet write up scrips for supplies that I like to keep on hand here. So many rescues in and out the ever revolving door. :eek:
Sounds like you're getting to be a pro at administering 'juice' to your girl now! :) ;)

Medusa
10-05-2005, 08:17 AM
See, this is what I love about PT. I learn so much! Thanx for this link. I'll be sure to look into it. When Tubby and Peanuts Mom wrote that SQ fluids kept her Tubby w/her for another 3 1/2 years, I was encouraged and I also realized that it was probably going to be an investment on my part, so I had better look into other options. And here it is! :) I'm not sure if I'm a pro at administering the juice now or if Puddy is. But either way, it's over in about 90 seconds, as long as I can catch her quickly beforehand. That takes 30 minutes sometimes! :p

Blessings,
M

Beauty17
10-13-2005, 09:24 AM
To the person who is caring for sick Puddy: you are to be congratulated, with a warm heart, for going to such lengths to care for your lovely friend. I tried to do that with my beloved Myrtille when she was sick, but she insisted that she wanted to go her own way - and she did - without treatment, which meant that she could not take fluids at all, but that was her choice, which we honored. We held her and loved her and helped her through all of her daily routines to the end, when she walked across to the other side of Being while in my husband's arms. So I know how complex it can be to try to give care to a little one, and I think you deserve nothing but praise for your efforts. No one is perfect, and a tiny bit of blood in the fluid is probably nothing to worry about - just, as others have suggested, you happened to hit a capillary or something. I used to use insulin, and occasionally that happens even with a sub-q injection of insulin. (We gave insulin to one of our cats, too - and she seemed to understand that it helped her, because we never had to call her when it was time - she just appeared in the kitchen. And it wasn't because we gave her a treat, either, because we didn't. I think she was just sensitive enough to know that her shots made her feel better.) I am rambling. Sorry. I just wanted to say I think you are doing a wonderful job.

Medusa
10-13-2005, 09:31 AM
Wow! Thanx for that! Puddy was doing so well that she was getting the juice every 5 days but in the last day or so, she backslid a little, so now she's on every other day again. She lost some weight and was looking scruffy, so I knew something was up. But I think I caught it in time. If not, off to Dr. Lee we go! But I just gave her the SQ fluids a few min. ago and she was as quiet as a church mouse and as still as can be. She already seems to have more energy. She just now jumped up onto my chair as I'm typing this and now she's walking around on my desk, surveying, making sure I'm caught up on all my work. :p

Thanx again for your kind words. It means so much to Pud and me.

Blessings,
Mary

Ingrid's dad
10-13-2005, 12:32 PM
As long as they are willing to tolerate it, whatever a cat needs is what they get. I don't think anybody likes needles, but if the cat says okay and it helps them feel better, that's the way to go.

just me
10-13-2005, 01:45 PM
Just want to HIGH FIVE, Medusa. ;)
Your baby is very lucky to have you.
Its a learning experience, I wish I knew of Pet Talk back when I had to
do this for my Patience, I got a 5 minuet show from our vet and was sent
home to basically learn by myself. Pet Talk would have helped so much.
Long story short We did it together. We were able to share 32 precious days
together at home before she passed. She never complained even when I had to jab her more then once.
Best wishes to you, and your baby. :)

Ingrid's dad
10-13-2005, 01:58 PM
Hey, Just Me--

Yeah, I'm afraid Ingrid & I didn't have to cooperate on the juices that long, but it made her last couple of days at home much easier for her, and she amazed me by purring as the stuff flowed in. She was really, really good.

If she had had any reasonable expectation of any real quality of life later, we would have done the juices as long as she needed, no matter how long. But the pancreatic cancer explained why she was neither eating nor drinking on her own, and that sealed it.

Medusa
10-13-2005, 02:00 PM
I know what you mean. I think I left my body when Dr. Lee showed me how to do it. :eek: I kept thinking "Yeah, but this is Puddy!" And you all know my first couple of tries were fiascos. But after reading the posts on PT and getting the encouragement and helpful tips that I needed, now I can do it. I just love my Puddy girl so much. I'll do anything to help her.

Thanx for all the kindness you've shown me and Puddy and all my furkids. We couldn't have done it w/out ya! :)

Blessings,
Mary

Medusa
10-13-2005, 02:04 PM
We do what we have to. I would've done the same for my Peeka back in April but her renal failure took her fast. When she became jaundiced, I knew that her liver was shutting down and that everything else would start to go. I wasn't about to keep her around for my own selfish reasons. She was so weak and wasn't eating. And she, too, purred like a little motor boat right up until the end, bless her. I'm starting to get sad, so I'll stop here.

Thanx again, friends....

Blessings,
Mary

just me
10-13-2005, 02:15 PM
Hey, Just Me--

Yeah, I'm afraid Ingrid & I didn't have to cooperate on the juices that long, but it made her last couple of days at home much easier for her, and she amazed me by purring as the stuff flowed in. She was really, really good.

If she had had any reasonable expectation of any real quality of life later, we would have done the juices as long as she needed, no matter how long. But the pancreatic cancer explained why she was neither eating nor drinking on her own, and that sealed it.


I totally agree with you.
Our girl had kidney cancer, she was 15. The saddest thing we ever went through. But we would have done it for however long, as long as she could stay with us. She was a fighter, but as her parents we knew it was the end,
We couldnt let her suffer anymore. It really sucked. :(

Ingrid's dad
10-13-2005, 04:04 PM
Damned straight.

We handle it as best we can. Doesn't mean we have to like it.

This is kind of a strange time for me because I'm welcoming a new cat (Matilda) into my life while I'm still letting go of Ingrid. I'm trying to do both of those as well as I can.

The saddest sight these eyes of mine have ever seen was Ingrid laid out in her pet carrier, knowing that she would never open her eyes or look up at me or lift her head again. Remembering that hits me with a real power. But at the same time, it is an image almost majestic--one that humbles me to my core--because that little black cat had conducted herself with such grace and dignity that I feel awe. Moreover, she was at peace. She wasn't going to have to put up with her creaky old joints or her marginal kidneys or her anemia or a visit to the vet's office or anything else again. She was beyond that. She had gone on before me.

I recall her eyes as bright, shining and lively. They were deep. Her irises were a lovely jade green with flecks of emerald. That memory is very important to me. Afterward, I'm so glad that her eyes were closed, because I never had to see them without the light and the curiosity and the keen intelligence of her life in them.

I had one last thing to do for her, and of course that was to lay her to rest in a fitting manner.

Even now as I re-consider Ingrid's last days, I keep coming up with the same answer: that it was just her time. We would have done anything and everything we could have to help her, as long as she was okay with it. And it's funny: As much as I hate needles, she didn't mind. She trusted me and it made her feel better, so it went all right. She was a champion. As long as she could be herself and keep her head up, we would have gone on with that routine. And as it turned out, that was not very long, because you don't beat pancreatic cancer. But if it had been years, as long as she had not suffered, then we would have kept it up for years.

Colby's Little Angel
10-26-2005, 07:21 PM
Don't cal yourself an incompetent boob! Denial never works, just like staring a homework never worked for me. :rolleyes: I mean, you misundersttod it, it probably was just a little normal bleeding from an IV. It happened to me a long time ago. I was in the hospital with a sub-aortic obtrucstion ( :confused: ), and when they took out the IV, my hand was bleeding all over my new pajamas! :p

Medusa
10-26-2005, 07:23 PM
Double yikes! :eek: :eek: My little Puddy has to go in for more tests tomorrow. She backslid and she vomited today and is so lethargic that I'm bringing her in bed w/me tonight so that I can keep an eye on her. The fluids don't seem to be helping, so hopefully, Dr. Lee will be able to straighten things out.

Blessings,
M