Is there such a thing as TRUE HAPPY marriage?

[Palomino21]

Hello Pet Talkers. I was just curious about how many of you are really completely satisfied with your marriages? How long have you been married? What type of problems do all marriages face? I have been married for 5 years it will be November and it just seems like it is so hard to be married, not to mention, I know no one that is happily married. You can PM if you want. Is there such a thing as a truely happy marriage? How long does it take?

Annie

[dukedogsmom]

To me, happily married is an oxymoron.

[Corinna]

I have been married to Tim for 26 plus years. We have ups and downs. We dated for 3 years and waited for 3 years to have kids. I was 17 when we got married, I guess we just have learned to talk about things that bug us about each other. Some times the kids think we were fighting as our discussions did get loud. After the cancer scare 12 years ago we relized just how much we need each other we do complete each other.We have streaths and weaknesses but we are strong in the others weaknesses. I guess to that Tim is an artist and thinks more to the female side of his brain helps. I grew up with 12 boys and being the only girl a tom boy I identified with the male way of thinking .
Hope this helps, and you do know some one happily married. :D

[moosmom]

Val,


To me, happily married is an oxymoron

I got a chuckle outta that one!!!

Palomino21,

Marriage is like a job. You've got to work at it. Unfortunately, I was so very young when I got married (20) and didn't have the opportunity to enjoy life before I did. I've been divorced 28 years. If I knew then what I know now, I would've waited till I was AT LEAST 30 years of age to get married, and another 5 years to have a kid.

Live and learn.

Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. Then again, there's Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn who have been together forever (not married). To each his own!

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
To me, happily married is an oxymoron.
Heck yay!! ha ha

This...from me, someone going through a divorce...ha ha

No, marriage can be happy. It takes A LOT more than love, though.

:)

[moosmom]

Kelly,

$$$$$$ doesn't hurt! :p I've waited all my life for Mr. Right. I'm now waiting for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich!!! :p

[4 Dog Mother]

Carl and I have been married 33 years and I feel we have a happy marriage. It hasn't been all happy but I doubt there is any relationship that is perfect - mother/daughter, friends, spouses.

I think the one thing that few people realize is that marriage takes work. Each day you are changing and your spouse is changing. Also having worked marriage enounter weekends etc. we have learned there is a honeymoon stage of marriage and a disillusionment stage of marriage. Mostly because we want to believe in happily ever after. But you have things that will rub your spouse the wrong way and he will have things that will rub you the wrong way. But what really matters is the love that you share.

One of the priests who we worked with shared a song that was "Love isn't a feeling, it's an act of your will." Sometimes you don't feel like loving anymore but if you hang in there, and work on your relationship, those feelings will come back. Marriage is a commitment, one that our society today uses in the same way they use anything else. If it isn't good anymore, throw it away. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. If you change partners, you only change the problems you have with him for others with the new person.

Our marriage has had its share of problems. Carl lost both parents and both of his maternal grandparents while he was in the Army and we were living in Arizona in the first 18 months of our marriage. It took me a long time to realize the impact that had on our marriage.

I have had a lot of health problems especially when our children were younger. Carl was going to school and working two jobs so there was a lot of stress in our marriage during that time.

And about 3 years ago we both lost our jobs and spent a year without work. Then he took a job in Florida and we lived separately for 18 months until he was laid off again (he was fairly certain he would be which is why we didn't relocate.)

I have to say that I think going to the Marriage Encounter weekend, becoming involved at Church and realizing that we did need to work on the marriage is what saved our marriage.

PM me if you want.

[dukedogsmom]

Originally posted by moosmom
Kelly,

$$$$$$ doesn't hurt! :p I've waited all my life for Mr. Right. I'm now waiting for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich!!! :p
Me, too, Donna! If I find him first, I'll share him with you.

[popcornbird]

I hope so. ;) LOL! I'm not married yet, but I do know many married couples that have been married for decades and are happy with each other. I think that if you want to be close to ANYONE, you have to give and take. This doesn't only apply to husband and wife.....I think it applies to any family relationship....any friend relationship. When two people are together, you have to remember that they're two different individuals. No matter how much two people love each other, there will still be certain things they don't like about each other. I think there is more to marriage than just love. You'd need to be compatible with the person, and both partners would have to know how to forgive and forget, talk things over, because arguments/fights will happen with any person you spend a lot of time with. If both husband and wife sincerely love and care for each other, and are willing to put up with certain things about each other, I think marriage would be a nice thing. I think marriage could be the most wonderful thing if both husband and wife know how to live with each other. ;) Heck...God made two genders for a reason, and its only natural to have 'pairs', not only in human beings but in all species, so we have to learn to live with each other and be happy. My dad always reminds me to look at the glass and consider it 'half full' rather than 'half empty'. None of us will ever get EVERYTHING we want in a person, but if we look at their qualities and put their faults aside, I think things should work out. There isn't one person on this planet who is perfect and doesn't have faults, so personally, I think we should look at it in that way. "He" might have some bad/annoying things about him, but when you look at the good side, you might see the reason you married him all over again. :D

And again........I'm not married yet, so all of what I wrote is how I see things NOW. God knows how I will see things when I'm married, but I do hope and pray I get a good husband that I will be happy with.

In our dream lands, we can ALL have a true happy marriage. ;)

[Catsnclay]

You need to work at a marriage 24/7. You should first experience life and the world if you can, then settle down.

You should also marry your BEST friend. There are things other than sex that makes a marriage. Communication is one of the most important things.

Tim & I just past our 16 th year, and he is still my best friend. I tell him everything and vice versa. He is my rock. It took one bad marriage and several "slease-ball" romances to get this far, so don't give up hope!!

And whatever you do, DON'T get married because all your friends are!!!! That is what I did the first time and it didn't work for me, and come to think of it, none of my friends either! Live and learn.

Just my 2 cents here!!

[GraciesMommy]

I feel like I have a very happy marriage..we have been married 6 years (July 3rd) and I would say our marriage is better right now..this year then it has been all the other years combined..we had our ups n downs last year...and then just seemed to get passed it...and it does take work...and understanding. We are like 2 different breeds..men and women...and that is a fact..we think soooooo differently...most of us women expect men to just know what we are feeling and feel the same way..they just don't and they can't..

Just want to add...Brad is my best friend...and I can't imagine not having him in my life.

[Karen]

Happy marriage is not an oxymoron!

My parents were happily married for 43 1/2 years, until my mother died from ALS. Paul and I have been married for almost 19 years.

Do we have disagreements sometimes? Yes. Did my parents? Yes.
We are all human.

But we do still love each other, and that is what counts.

[Corinna]

Hey my daughter got married last year on the 3rd. How cool!
I agree with catsclay you have to be each others best freind. Not to make this contrveral but i just lost a very good older freind she and her life partner (yes they were lesbians) (life partner died last year) they were together for 54 years. I can't imagine the troubles they had in the first years with the attdues of the times. It was obivous as there was mention in one as her freind and in the latest the family told of the life partner of 54 years.
If they could indure that for 54 years why can't hetro marriages survive? Makes you wonder.

[chrangharris]

I've not been married to long - a little over 3 years- so I don't have a ton of experience to share. Each day we get closer and our marriage gets stronger. We work on it each day. There are mornings that I wake up, look at my wonderful husband and wonder what I was thinking. Those days I have to work extra hard at choosing to love him and act loving towards him. Funny thing is that at the end of the day, I remember all of the wonderful things about my husband.

I believe a couple can be happily married when both partners are willing to work on it- and it does take work. Some days it needs a lot more then others!!

[GraciesMommy]

Its so good to see so many postitive statements coming from this thread...I hope you all have many many many happy years together..
Brad and I are both 45..we both came from very unhappy and unhealthy marriages before we found each other..and our biggest reqret is that we didn't meet 25 years ago.

[Logan]

Originally posted by Karen
Happy marriage is not an oxymoron!

My parents were happily married for 43 1/2 years, until my mother died from ALS. Paul and I have been married for almost 19 years.

Do we have disagreements sometimes? Yes. Did my parents? Yes.
We are all huamn.

But we do still love each other, and that is what counts.

Thank you, Karen! My parents have been married for 48 years next month and are still very happy. They set a wonderful example for their 3 kids, too.

I have been through a divorce, but I don't look back at every moment of that marriage with regret. We had fun times, in addition to the not so fun ones, and I like to share those things with our daughter, who can't remember her father and me being together.

After 10 years of being single, I fell in love again. We will have our 3rd anniversary in Dec. I got it right this time. ;)

Yes, there are many, many happily married people!!!!!! :D

[dukedogsmom]

Guess some of us should have added that's what it is to us. You others should consider yourselves very lucky and don't ever take it for granted.

[JennaRian]

My parents just got divorced last week (well its not legal yet, like went through court) but they both split. My dad came back & my sister & i & him are moving to FL (granite when the weahter gets better) right now we are in a two -bedroom apartment since my moms name is on the house & such. arg. my parents were married for 18 years, happy as other until my mom decided she was bored with us.

[kuhio98]

I've been married for 16 years now and I was blissfully happy 10 of those years. But, marriage has it's ups and downs. Some times are great and some times just suck. Sometimes you can't imagine life without your spouse, sometimes you can't imagine staying there one more day. No one is happy all of the time. People drift a part, but it's important to try to drift back together. If you let yourself drift apart too long.....

Most people I know have been divorced at least once. (I haven't) I've heard some people say (who have gone through multiple divorces) that if they knew then what they know now, they would have tried harder on the first marriage. Sometimes, people think they will be happier with someone else. I'm sure that's true in a lot of cases. But, you are going to be pretty much the same person in the next relationship. So, if you're not happy with yourself, a new person can't make you happy.

[anna_66]

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
Guess some of us should have added that's what it is to us. You others should consider yourselves very lucky and don't ever take it for granted.
I would NEVER EVER take my marriage for granted. I have the most wonderful man in the world (well to me anyway:))! I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

On October 31st we will have been married 19 years. I've always gotten bored with things (anything actually!) and could never do them for long, but this is one thing I could and plan to do until I die!
Mark is my lover and my best friend.

So YES, there is such a thing as a TRUE HAPPY MARRIAGE:D

[Lexi_Lover]

Originally posted by anna_66
I would NEVER EVER take my marriage for granted. I have the most wonderful man in the world (well to me anyway:))! I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

On October 31st we will have been married 19 years. I've always gotten bored with things (anything actually!) and could never do them for long, but this is one thing I could and plan to do until I die!
Mark is my lover and my best friend.

So YES, there is such a thing as a TRUE HAPPY MARRIAGE:D

Oh Anna, thats so beautiful! :D Mark is a very special Man, and I'm sure he knows it too!

LOL, I am too young to be married, but if;) I ever do, I hope it can be as special as so many other people's marriages here. I think there are such things as TRUE & HAPPY marriages. :)

[cyber-sibes]

At 21, I got married (way too young) and was married for 19 years and finally left after many miserable years. I was single for 3 years and proved to myself I could take care of myself - got jobs, apartments, vehicles, cared for the kids, etc. This was incredibly important to me to know I could take care of myself. Three years later I married a man who had become my best friend. For two years we had a long-distance relationship 500 miles apart. We've been married 9 1/2 years now. It has shown me that no marriage is perfect, each has it's own share of love and grief, but it sure is good to laugh together. He often says his job in life is to make me laugh. We have our ups & downs, but we talk. We don't go to bed mad at each other. We appreciate each other. We pray together. We read and discuss ideas together. We have gone to counseling during rough patches. It helps. I'm not even sure that a "happy marriage" is a realistic way to view it. No one is happy every moment forever. But I know I'm satisfied with my marriage, it is maturing and I can honestly say that I look forward to growing old with him. We honor each other as individuals. and like the song says, "Love the one you're with!"

[prechrswife]

My husband and I have been married for 5 years next month. We do have a very happy marriage. He is my best friend. We enjoy each other's company and value each other's opinions. He really is a blessing in my life.:)

[moosmom]

I am envious of all of you who have wonderful marriages. The thing I miss the most is going to sleep with someone at night, waking up next to them in the morning and having someone other than my cats to talk to.

Then I see what my friends go through with their bf's, sig. others and husbands and am kind of glad I live alone. I don't know. I'm not ruling out marriage again. But I really don't see it happening at my age.

Val,


Me, too, Donna! If I find him first, I'll share him with you.

It's a deal!!!

[chocolatepuppy]

Hubby and I have been married 29 years. Yes it has its ups and downs, but the good far out weighs the bad. He is my best friend. :D

[Uabassoon]

I think there is such a thing as a happy marriage. My parents just had their 30th anniversary and they are very happy. I hope that someday I can have what they do. Right now I'm in an amazing relationship and I will consider myself very lucky if I'm able to spend the rest of my life with her. I think that if you are willing to wait for the right person and not just settle because you are in a hurry to be married and realize that sometimes you have to compromise then a happy marriage is possible

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by Lexi_Lover
Oh Anna, thats so beautiful! :D Mark is a very special Man, and I'm sure he knows it too!

I agree completely, Paula. Having stayed with them, I can tell the love they share and it really is quite beautiful. They're both very lucky to have eachother. :)

I think anyone could be in a happy marriage if they find the "right" person to share it with. I believe there's someone out there for everyone.

[lynnestankard]

Sorry to disagree - Happy and Marriage to go together. As long as you work hard at it and remember - we all argue but for goodness sake - make up afterwards. Don and I have been wed for 35 years - we've been through really stressful. difficult and sad times. But through it all we've had each other - he's my rock, my bestest friend and without him I'm lost.
Perhaps you have to find your soul mate - so keep on looking everyone.

Lynne

[neko1]

I PM'd you:)

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Originally posted by lynnestankard
Sorry to disagree - Happy and Marriage do go together. As long as you work hard at it and remember - we all argue but for goodness sake - make up afterwards. Don and I have been wed for 35 years - we've been through really stressful. difficult and sad times. But through it all we've had each other - he's my rock, my bestest friend and without him I'm lost.
Perhaps you have to find your soul mate - so keep on looking everyone.

Lynne

Perfectly said. This sunday will be Justin and my fifth anniversary. I certainly don't have as much experience as some of you, but I do have a truly happy marriage. Of corse there is ups and downs, but like someone stated, the good outweighs the bad (at least for us). Sure we get frustrated with each other and sometimes disagree, but we work at it and in the end everything always works out.
My in-laws just had their 29th anniversary and they are very much still happily married. My parents too have been married 29 years and although they had some very very rocky times they worked at it and pulled through and are again very happy together. My grandparents were married for over 40 years (I don't remember the exact number, 43 I think) and were two of the happiest people I knew, until my grandpa got very very ill and passed away.

So to answer your question- Is there such a thing as a truly happy marriage?- I know there is.

[moosmom]

I believe I met my soulmate back in 1980. Unfortunately, it wasn't mean to be. I loved him with all my heart and soul. He cheated on me with a co-worker and ended up marrying her!! I still think about him all the time and even dream about him. I haven't met anyone like him since. :(

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by moosmom
I believe I met my soulmate back in 1980. Unfortunately, it wasn't mean to be. I loved him with all my heart and soul. He cheated on me with a co-worker and ended up marrying her!! I still think about him all the time and even dream about him. I haven't met anyone like him since. :(

I sometimes fear that I may have already met mine, too. I've loved since, and, am in love, now. But, I do worry about that, as I've never really met anyone like him, either. But, honestly, I don't think the person I felt so strongly for ever actually existed. If that makes sense. ;) I believe that there are true and happy marriages, but, I don't know if it's in the cards for me. We'll see!

[ramanth]

Seeing as I'm engaged, I really can't give my point of view. I will say that even now, Andy and I will disagree on things, but it all comes down to communication.

I consider Andy one of my best friends and I look forward to building a life with him. It won't be easy, but I'm up for the challenge. :)

My parents have been married for 33 years (I think they married in '72). I can remember at times when they had arguments. A few times dad walked out the door and I was afraid he wouldn't come back. But he did. It was just his way of cooling down. My mom can be unreasonable at times. I know because I inherited it. Oiy. But I can tell how much they love each other and they have that bond and communication and they know how to have fun.

I only hope I can bring the same things into my marriage and when I have kids, pass that knowledge on to them. :)

[DJFyrewolf36]

My parents have been married for 25 years and I'll admit there were times that I thought they would get a divorce but they always worked things out and stuck with it. They don't hide anything from each other and I think that open communication is what has kept them together for so long. Lies lead to mistrust, and I don't think you can stick with anyone you don't trust.

I've been married for only a year and a half but have been together with John for close to three years. Our marrage was spur of the moment (we got married at one of those Nevada quick marrage places, the same one as my parents lol!). I don't think that the lack of a big huge wedding made all that much of a difference, although I'm kind of glad the whole thing wasn't a big deal (I don't like huge crowds, and I know that if me and Johns relatives got into the same room there would be a major fight. Why ruin something special?) John is my best friend. I'll admit we do fight and argue on occasion, but we both end up puddling up and crying afterwards, afraid that we hurt eachother saying something in anger that we didn't mean. I couldn't immagine life without him, and he feels the same about me. I got married at 21, and I don't regret it at all. When I met John, I somehow knew that he was the man for me and will always be with me.
We've been through so much already. The bad times make us stronger and the good times make us realize why we put up with things.
My marrage is happy, truely happy and I wouldn't change anything about it for the world!
Just because...here is one of my wedding pix. Remembering how happy we were that day puts a smile on my face. *btw the date on the photo is wrong lol. We got married on the 28th of feb, 2003*
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v252/DJFyrewolf36/100_0236.jpg

LOL and I just thought of an example of how sweet John really is to me. He woke up early this morning and made a CD with songs on it to tell me how much he loved me, and he made my lunch to boot :D. It was so great to listen to on the way to work this morning.

[Dixieland Dancer]

I have been married for 15 years. It has had it's ups and downs but all in all... we are in love and happy together. I have learned that there is no human who can meet all my needs and expectations, just as I can't fit anyone elses expections totally. I have family, friends and of course my loves (Dixie and Dusty) that all supply what I need in order to be happy. I don't put that burden on my husband. He in turn does the same. But at the end of the day, he is the one I tell about my day and the one I share my dreams with. He is the one who is there to share my joys and disappointments with. It means the world to me that I know we have each other... no matter what else comes along.

Personally, I think too many people that get engaged spend too much time planning a one day wedding ceremony and not enough time planning a life long wedding!

[DJFyrewolf36]

Originally posted by Dixieland Dancer


Personally, I think too many people that get engaged spend too much time planning a one day wedding ceremony and not enough time planning a life long wedding!

My thoughts exactly ;)

[Dakota's Mommy]

I believe that Brian and I have a true happy marriage. As many others are saying, marriage is hard work, just like any other relationship you have in life. Communications is important! Putting time into it is important! Brian and I met in high school and were high school sweethearts. We have been together for 8 1/2 years and married 4 1/2 of those. We've been through a lot together. One of they many examples of that is that Brian has had to spend a year of our marriage in Korea and a year in Iraq due to him being in the Army. We've had lots of ups and down. However, the ups definately out weigh our downs and I couldn't imagine life without him. He is such a special man who has true helped me become the woman that I've become.

[aly]

I know I can't really give my opinion since I am not even married yet, but I do believe there are many truly happy marriages. I believe there is someone out there for everyone and that fate draws people together. I am a hopeless romantic, and maybe a tad naive, but I believe with all my heart that two people can be in a wonderful marriage together forever.

[anna_66]

Originally posted by moosmom
I am envious of all of you who have wonderful marriages. The thing I miss the most is going to sleep with someone at night, waking up next to them in the morning

Donna, I truly wish everyone could be as happy together as Mark and I are.
And talking about the going to sleep with someone, right now Mark is working the night shift (5pm-6am:( ) so I don't get to go to bed with him or wake up with him anymore. I really miss that.


Originally posted by Kfamr
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Lexi_Lover
Oh Anna, thats so beautiful! Mark is a very special Man, and I'm sure he knows it too!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I agree completely, Paula. Having stayed with them, I can tell the love they share and it really is quite beautiful. They're both very lucky to have eachother.
Thank you both very much!
I'm very happy to say that alot of people can tell how much we love each other when they see us together:D

All of you who think you are meant to be alone, I just can't belive that! I think you just need to find your soulmate:)

[anna_66]

Originally posted by moosmom
I believe I met my soulmate back in 1980. Unfortunately, it wasn't mean to be. I loved him with all my heart and soul. He cheated on me with a co-worker and ended up marrying her!! I still think about him all the time and even dream about him. I haven't met anyone like him since. :(
Sorry, I just seen this Donna. I think if he were your soulmate, he would have never cheated on you.

[dukedogsmom]

Donna, I had something very similar happen to me. Mine was an officer. He cheated on me with a convenience store employee and then ended up marrying a coworker. He was the one true love of my life. There's not someone for everyone. I think girls growing up shouldn't be taught that. I've come to accept that I may never have anyone again, too. Also, some of us left our marriages because of super bad situations, so it wasn't because we didn't work on it. I've got enough baggage to take a big trip.

[lisalee]

I'm not married but Will and I have been together for 16 years this Sept. We are very happy and yes we are best friends too. I never had any desire to be married (the big wedding, etc). We are just as commited to each other as anyone who is married, except we don't have the legal papers. No big deal at all to us, we couldn't be happier together. :)

[micki76]

Been married for almost 10 years and yes, there are a LOT of ups and downs. I'm in a down right now, but in no time things will be good again. (Not that they're bad, but ya just get FED UP with the same old stuff sometimes) :rolleyes:

[LeahMM]

Yes, I believe in a happy marriage. My hubby and I are both divorces. He has custody of his two children, says alot for his ex huh? I chose not to have any kids at all. We are very close, together 24/7, doesn't help the fact that we work together. Anyway, we like being with each other. We have fought, badly, all of 3 times in the last 6 years and it's usually because of his son. Defensive dad he is. But all and all, our relationship is healthy.

[anna_66]

Ok, I was talking to hubby this evening about this thread.
I've heard alot of you say it takes "work" or you have to "work hard", we don't feel like our marriage has ever been "work". Of course as normal couples we've had our ups and downs but we never had to "work" to keep it together. Not that we are perfect, we are a long way from that, but neither of us really understand how being with someone you love could be work:)

[K9karen]

My parents were married for 60 years when my dad died. They always called each other "Honey" and "Honey". When I was a kid I thought that was their names. Even when they had a disagreement, it was "OH..Hon...eeee"! They were best friends, lovers, soulmates, confidants. They were always affectionate and "I Love You" was the most common phrase in our house. After my dad died, my mother started getting sick. mostly because she put herself last while taking care of him and never sought medical attention for herself. She spoke about him every day, even the day she died. That's a true happy marriage. It was made in heaven.

[Twisterdog]

Originally posted by moosmom
I've waited all my life for Mr. Right. I'm now waiting for Mr. Filthy Stinking Rich!!! :p

I told my Grandma that once, that I wanted a rich old man. She said, "Girl, he didn't get to be rich and old by sqandering money on foolish young girls." Probably true, sadly.

I've never been married, so I don't know. My grandparents had a happy marriage, for 65 years. My parents only have a happy marriage now that my mom moved out and got her own place. :confused:

[jazzcat]

Originally posted by anna_66
Ok, I was talking to hubby this evening about this thread.
I've heard alot of you say it takes "work" or you have to "work hard", we don't feel like our marriage has ever been "work". Of course as normal couples we've had our ups and downs but we never had to "work" to keep it together. Not that we are perfect, we are a long way from that, but neither of us really understand how being with someone you love could be work:)
Anna, I totally agree with you. Our 15th anniversary is this Sept. and we have never had to "work" at it. From these posts I consider myself to be very fortunate. We don't even fight, just argue and it never lasts long. I can't even say we've really had ups and downs. It's been fairly steady ever since we started dating in high school when we were seniors over 20 years ago.

I do have a clue what some of you are talking about. My parents were married for almost 58 years unti my mom died and I honestly wondered why they ever stayed together. That wasn't a true happy marriage (it was painfully obvious at times) but they were committed to each other and I know deep down they loved each other.