Need dating advice! Bad singer!

[Scooby4]

I need some help on a dating situation. I befriended this guy at a bar I go to. He's a really nice guy and we have lots in common. He told me he was a songwriter and had made a couple of CD's. I knew the guy that had helped him record the CDs but I had NEVER listened to it. Knowing the guy involved in recording, I assumed the guy was a good. However, I had actually NEVER heard him perform.
He invited me to go hear him do a karoake performance of his songs. I agreed and was excited to finally hear what he had talked about. I had even agreed to help him out if I could to find places for him to perform. Use some of my old contacts.
Here's the problem. He told me he wasn't a good singer but did more songwriting. This is somewhat typical in the industry that songwriters don't always sing well. I was alright with that and understood. However, I was NOT quite prepared that he was also a BAD songwriter.:eek: :rolleyes:
He gave me a copy of his CD to listen to. I put it in my CD player in my vehicle. It was soooo bad that I wanted to crash the car to make it stop!!!:eek: :rolleyes: Tears were streaming down my face from the intense pain. I physically wanted to throw my body against a brick wall. It was THAT bad!!! You couldn't sell this CD to blind deaf mutes in Siberia!!!:eek: :rolleyes:
How do I address this issue with him? It is his dream to be a songwriter and has gone this far to spend money on it. Some of the material may be salvageable if rewritten and the music composition changed. I can see a fix but need his cooperation. Do I make some suggestions? His CD producer and I had a huge fight and no longer speak to eachother. But I need the producer help to fix the issues.
I don't want to date this guy. It isn't about the music but it has an effect. We went out the other night and he had his CD playing in the car full blast. I just kept telling him it was too loud and please turn it down. It got to the point where I told him to turn it down soo low I could hear him breath!!!:rolleyes: I just couldn't take the music!
Has anyone ever been in this situation of having to tell a friend they aren't good at something? Please let me hear how to best break the news to him. I am pretty much a pull the band-aid off fast and direct kind of person. I tried to address the issue by telling him his back up music was no good. He didn't take the hint. Thanks for the help!!!

[lady_zana]

If I were you, I would make suggestions on how to improve his work. I'm trying to be a professional writer and I've had several things published. Unfortunatly, this makes many people I know want me to read their work - and much of it isn't very good.

1) Go ahead and make suggestions. If he can't take suggestions from you, he certainly won't be able to take them from a producer. I've had editors that have rejected me nicely but I've also had ones who said everything but 'why did you waste my time by sending me this?" Anyone who cannot accept constructive critism will not make it far in any business, much less the arts.

2) Don't be brutal about it. Just tell him you see some places he could make changes and tell him you want to talk them over with him. If he refuses, flat out say that these are not ready to be produced and you will not use your contacts if he is not willing to work at it.

3) I hate to say it, but a lot of people have dreams that simply cannot be reached. I have a friend who wants to be writer; it's not going to happen. She doesn't know the first thing about being a writer and I finally had to stop trying to help her because she didn't seriously want my advice. She only wanted me to tell her how good she was. Now, she has a book published under a vanity press. Anyone can do, pay to have their work published. The real show of talent is when they pay you for your work! The same can be said for the music industry. For enough money, anyone can make a CD as well; they don't have to have talent.

4) As for the loud music, I can't stand it blasting either. Did he listen to your requests or only turn it down that last time? As for your relationship with him, not knowing either of you, I can't say for sure and I might be totally off base but he may end the relationship if you don't tell him over and over what a wonderful song writer he is. Even if he doesn't break it off, he will probably be resentful and the two of you won't discuss his music. That's a big part of his life, despite talent or lack of, and may leave a big hole in your relationship. The best thing to do is be direct with him. Meet him face to face and simply tell him this relationship is not working out. You may want to tell him you'll still help him with his music if he's open to suggestions but if he is not, you will not use your contacts. If he starts acting bitter, claiming you won't help him get a record deal because you simply don't like him, take the high road and say something like, "Well, it's your right to believe what you want, true or not." Then walk out of his life forever. From there, any snide remarks or uncomfortable situations he creates can be dealt with through the police or the bouncers at the bar.

All you can do is offer your suggestions. Either he will take them or he won't. Dreams don't always come true and those that do are created from sweat. If he won't take your advice or at least calmly listen to your suggestions, there is no way he will be able to work with big-time producers and will not be able to become the songwriter he wants to be.

[finn's mom]

I'd be direct and tactful. I'd either just end the dating, or I'd end the dating and tell him tactfully that he's going to have a lot to work on musically. Good luck, and, be careful.

[RICHARD]

you don't have to say anything to him.....

When he sees the pencils in your ears and the blood dripping from them, he'll know something is wrong.:eek:

[Cincy'sMom]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to help you. Your description of how bad the music was, however, gave me a good laugh! I'm sure you weren't laughing...but thanks for letting us!!

[Scooby4]

Thanks Lady Zana for your advice and the others. I think it is too late for the not talking about his music angle.:( Unfornately, the guy won a contest last year to sing his song at a festival and his song played on the radio. However, it was because the song was about a radio show "character" that was popular at the time. The radio station sponsored the festival. It was free advertising for them.:rolleyes: This year he didn't win because he submitted an "original" piece of music.
I feel his producer friend is partly at fault. His friend provides all the music and back up vocals. He is a good musician and knows what needs to be done. However, what he's given the songwriter is cookie-cutter crap. Basically, using music 101 melodies and putting the words to them. So you can imagine what that must sound like!:eek: :o
However, I am unable to talk to his producer friend. I know he would understand my point and maybe make some changes. Unfornately, I had a one night stand with the producer. It ended badly. So he intentionally avoids me as I do him. He's also convinced I am using the songwriter as a way to get to him. :mad: I met the songwriter AFTER the producer and later learned their connection. I admitted the past relationship to the songwriter. He's okay with it. The producer isn't.
My gut feeling is to walk away from the whole situation. However, I really like the bar we all go to. I've lost my job recently and many people I could network with are there. I still want to be able to friends with the songwriter. But I also feel to be a friend, I need to give him some correct guidance. So do you think I can dump him but still be friends? And can I convince the producer guy that I only want to be friends and not boil his rabbit?:p

[finn's mom]

Good luck. I'd personally walk away, but, if you choose to stick around, I have no idea what advice to give you! Except, be careful. :)

[RICHARD]

I was thinking this over and came up with this idea....

Make HIM a tape......

Sing something old and classy like-

"I only have eyes for you......Because you jacked up my ears with your singing....":confused:

[PJ's Mom]

Richard, you're bad. :D

Lady Zana seems to have the right idea about what to do. :)