thoughts on premarital sex....

[tikeyas_mom]

I know that this is a very controversial topic but I was curious about everyones views on premarital sex...

In the United States and Canada, the media have finally come to recognize that unwed pregnancy is a major source of social chaos in our time and culture. Although youth have been more careful about using protection in Canada and European nations. Still the US rates tend to be higher.


Where and when do you think that human sexuality should be taught to children or youth? when they are young? older? in school? at home? be a parent? by friends??


Do you think condoms samples should be givin out in sexual ed classes at school?

Whether information about sexual orientation (particularly about homosexuality and bisexuality) should be taught in class?



Most people agree that human sexuality is a healthy part of life, and that under certin cercomstances sex can be an enjoyful and positive experience for two people. A woman who engages in intercourse without a condom with a various partners has a higher chance of getting cervical cancer. Supposibly the risk is higher for girls who become sexual active eary in life.

"In excess of 95% of heterosexual young people become sexually active before marriage. "

Most couples live together before marrige... what are your thoughts on that? do you think that couples should get married before moving in with oneanother??

[dukedogsmom]

I think it should be taught at home and school. Just because condoms are handed out at school doesn't mean that all the kids are going to go out and have sex. If they're going to have it, it will occur with or without the condoms being available. I don't know why people get in an uproar about Planned Parenthood, either. Thank goodness they were there for me when I was young. I think the adults get way too bent out of shape about this topic. I'm sure we'll hear all about it here. There's no need sticking your head in the sand and acting like it's not going to happen. It's time that people started dealing with it and getting the teen pregnancy rates down. I also believe the education should start pretty young because the kids are getting active earlier. I never even had much to do with it until I was 16 but they are starting much younger now. I guess the education should start about 5th grade or sooner?
I don't disagree with premarital sex. I think it should depend on the individual person and if they're ready or not.

[Lexi_Lover]

Where and when do you think that human sexuality should be taught to children or youth? when they are young? older? in school? at home? be a parent? by friends??

I have been taught about it since grade 4. We are learning about it in Religion class as it is a part of God's gift and human reproduction. It is taught by of course, our teachers.



Do you think condoms samples should be givin out in sexual ed classes at school?

We are actually *squinches eyes* going to be doing this, this year, well at least the guys in our class are.



Whether information about sexual orientation (particularly about homosexuality and bisexuality) should be taught in class?

We are not taught about this as the church was intended to marry a male and female in love, yet we still ahve debates and such in the classroom.



I guess I have lived with this most of my life so its fine with me, I ahven't learnt about it any other way...:p:rolleyes:

[IRescue452]

I think everything should be taught in school. In our town the Catholic school combines with the public school after 8th grade. The private school kids are always more curious and ready to try everything they aren't taught about. They see it as being popular to do these forbidden things, while for the public school kids are taught about sex and drugs and don't see it as a popular "rite of passage to do these things". I think that sexual orientation should be taught as soon as regular sex ed because it is something that people need to understand. Condom samples, usually end up a balloons anyway, are ok because there are a million places for minors to get them if they really want.
I personally don't see anything inately wrong with premarital sex, it is the person's choice whether or not they plan to stay together anyway. What if they get married for the weekend just to have sex and then divorced, they still had sex regardless of whether or not they were married, nothing changes in the way of how many partners they had. If somebody wants to risk disease or pregnancy go ahead, I don't care I'm not sleeping with them. I prefer to leave responsibility and consequences up to the person, me and my boyfriend have both been tested for std's. Anyway, I think waiting till you are married is getting outdated and I don't see an arguement for it or against it. I don't think premarital sex is the cause of unwanted pregnancy anyway, its a personal thing, there are plenty of people who have premarital sex and use protection responsibly.

[cocker_luva]

i dont think its wrong. but in some cases, its not the best idea.

[ramanth]

I think I was in 6th grade when my parents had a meeting with other parents and teachers about how to talk to your kids about sex. They were given a book to give to us and talk about with us.

I still have the book and my parents were very honest with me.

We were taught sex ed in the 6th grade as well as during gym while in High School.

I didn't want to be a Teen Mom so I didn't have sex when I was in school. I had sex for the first time when I was oh... 22 years old.

Andy wants to wait until we're married and I respect his decision.

I have no qualms about living together before marriage. Andy and I will be getting a place together soon.

[Pit Chick]

Originally posted by tikeyas_mom
Where and when do you think that human sexuality should be taught to children or youth? when they are young? older? in school? at home? be a parent? by friends??

Do you think condoms samples should be givin out in sexual ed classes at school?

Most couples live together before marrige... what are your thoughts on that? do you think that couples should get married before moving in with oneanother??

-I think sex ed and human sexuality should be taught at home, in school, and in church (for those with religous beliefs). This way kids learn about it from different POVs that are the most influential in their lives at a young age.

-They're gonna have sex anyway, so might as well encourage them to be safe.

-I believe that you don't truly know someone until you've lived with them. If it is against your religious beliefs to have premarital sex, you can still live with someone as long as you both have self control. There are a lot marriages that could have been saved or the disastrous ones that could have been prevented if only the couple had lived together and truly gotten to see what the other is like in a comfortable, non-dating situation before taking that next big step.

[LKPike]

Originally posted by tikeyas_mom
Whether information about sexual orientation (particularly about homosexuality and bisexuality) should be taught in class?



I think younger people are still a bit too immature to be taught or talked to about gay or lesbian people. I wish school counselers were more educated on how to understand, handle, and comfort those who are gay in school and having problems.


end note: it doesn't matter to me whos married, whos not, and what or what not their doing. I'm currently sexually active and not married... though I am engaged.

[wolfsoul]

I think children should be taught at an early age. I didn't know what sex even was until I was 13 because they never taught us in school until grade 7. I would have preferred to know back in grade 4. Maybe then I wouldn't have been so dissapointed. :rolleyes: I think if parents are too uncomfortable talking about sex with their children, then they should get a counselor or someone else to do it. I thank God my mother never talked to me about sex. It makes me cringe just thinking about her expaining it to me. I can't even talk to her about what's for dinner.

I think that it would be great if they handed out condoms at school. People think that that will just "give them the opportunity" but I don't believe that. If someone is so desperate to do it, they will do it whether or not they have protection. Might as well give them protection.

And yes, I feel that sexual orientation should be taught. My nine-year old cousin told me the other day that she saw a gay guy. She was convinced that gay people were guys that dressed in women's clothing. When my aunt explained that it was a boy that wanted to marry a boy, or girl marry a girl, my cousin was so grossed out, because she had never been taught to respect a person's sexuality. I told her that I have gay friends and none of them dress like girls, and she said "They are your friends!? Ew!" I feel it is important for people to have tolerance towards different sexualities.

I also don't think that sex before marriage is a big deal. If you know the person well, I feel that is enough. But I do believe people should live together before marriage. It really helps put a perspective on what you will live with for the rest of your life. A guy can be great outside the house, but in his own comfort zone he might be a total ass.

[wolflady]

I'm probably the most conservative person anyone on this board will ever meet, so I'm sure many will not agree with my opinion, but that's ok. No need to flame me for my opinion, because I already know that most people don't think like I do....given the state of the world these days... :rolleyes:
I do believe that young people need sex education, and I started getting mine in the 4th grade. I remember the boys went into one room and the girls went into another room and they showed us "the video" about what happens to young girls as they mature and things that would be happening to our bodies etc (who knows what video the boys watched! :eek: LOL).
Other than that, we really never dealt with sex education, and somehow I came out just fine. I'm not sure exactly what they're doing in school these days, but when I was in school, we didn't talk about people having sex and STDs and condoms and all of that stuff. It was more like what will be happening to our bodies as we grow. My parents were always open and willing to talk to us about it, but I guess just because of the way I was raised, I never really had any curiosity or interest in sex. *GASP* I was too busy being a kid and thinking about kid things like nailpolish and studies.
I honestly don't understand why young people today are so sexually active. It's so sad IMO. :( Kids need innocence and a time to be kids, because there's plenty of time to be adults, and personally I don't think kids are responsible enough to be having sex in high school (or younger).
I really don't know what changed or how, but it's easy to see that things in the world aren't getting any better. :( Kids are having kids instead of playing with their legos or dolls. The media practically promotes teen sex and it's just sad. What people do with their lives and their bodies is their business, but it's sad that more people don't have morals and respect for themselves and their bodies to respect the responsibility of what sex is and what it means (or rather, what it should mean).
I don't think I'll ever understand how people can get so close to someone they aren't in love with. For me, that's giving ultimate love, trust and understanding to another person and it's so sad that people are so careless with it and don't associate passionate feeling to it. I guess a lot of people these days don't associate meaning with the "act", which makes it just that...an act, not an intimate expression of your love for someone else. That's sad:(
I would never be able to just screw around with someone I didn't know or deeply care about, but that's just me.
Sorry for the tangeant, but it's just a pet peeve with me. As far as pre-marital sex, it happens and it always will. Even I (your princess of purity) had pre-marital sex, but only after I really got to know the person and felt deeply in love with that person. I don't open up easily to people, and especially in such an intimate way. Plus, the first time I ever did it was in college. :rolleyes:

As far as living together...I say to each his own. I don't have a problem with it. It works for some people and not for others. I personally didn't move in with my husband until after I was married, but I've seen several couples live together prior to marriage. Since they were getting married, I saw absolutely no problem with it. I think it's just a personal preference and how a person was raised. I was raised to never live with a guy until marriage so that's what I did. :)

[RICHARD]

I don't like sax....I prefer a guitar.:confused:

[Uabassoon]

I think younger people are still a bit too immature to be taught or talked to about gay or lesbian people.

I really don't think so. I mean I don't think you need to sit down with a child and talk details or anything. But I see nothing wrong with letting a child know that sometimes two women can fall in love or two men.

This past weekend my cousin went with me to gay pride and brought her daughter along. Her daughter is 5, she doesn't fully understand everything. But she is aware that a couple isn't always just a man and a woman.

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by Uabassoon
I really don't think so. I mean I don't think you need to sit down with a child and talk details or anything. But I see nothing wrong with letting a child know that sometimes two women can fall in love or two men.

This past weekend my cousin went with me to gay pride and brought her daughter along. Her daughter is 5, she doesn't fully understand everything. But she is aware that a couple isn't always just a man and a woman.

I agree.
I also think that if children do learn about different sexualities it'll teach them to be more open-minded when they grow old.

[Pit Chick]

Originally posted by RICHARD
I don't like sax....I prefer a guitar.:confused:

So do you play with yourself.....or in a band?:p


BTW, well said wolflady. Maybe the reason kids are more concerned with sex then older generations is the same reason 7,8,9 year olds are developed like 20 year olds, the hormones in foods? :confused: Don't know how true that is, but it sounds good.

[Orca]

Originally posted by Uabassoon
I really don't think so. I mean I don't think you need to sit down with a child and talk details or anything. But I see nothing wrong with letting a child know that sometimes two women can fall in love or two men.
I totally agree. If homosexuality is brought up and discussed, it will be understood and not feared.

As far as premarital sex, I guess it depends on what the two people involved are comfortable with. I don't think its wrong at all, the two just should know how to do it safely.

[mruffruff]

Growing up in the 50's, I was taught that you didn't 'sleep with' a guy until you were married.



I got married three times before I figured out that wasn't necessarily so.

I was in my thirties before I had even heard of some of the things teens are doing now. If they're doing everthing at this early age, what's left to discover when they're older?

My 9 year old granddaughter is very aware of what gay people do and that they are really not much different than everyone else. Her mother felt it necessary to explain what a dildo is. I'm not sure I agree that she had a need-to-know at 9.

I definitely believe in living together. Whether there is sex or not is entirely up to the people involved. It just isn't my business.

On the other hand, why GIVE condoms to kids? ALLOW them to buy them---they sure find enough money for CDs and other toys. Giving them to kids doesn't teach responsibility.

Just an old fuddy duddy's opinion.

Mary

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by Pit Chick
So do you play with yourself.....or in a band?:p




No, I play the radio!!;)

[Twisterdog]

I think that the more factual information kids are given, the more informed decisions they can make. The more facts they know, the less nonsense they believe. If someone isn't telling kids the facts about pregnancy, then kids are going to be believing the myths ... remember those? "If you have sex standing up, in swimming pool, etc., you won't get pregnant. If you pee right after you have sex, you won't get pregnant." Etc., etc. And guess what? It is the myths, not the facts, that WILL get kids pregnant.

Sex is a normal part of life. EVERYONE has sex during their lifetime. (Ok ... not nuns and monks, but ALMOST everyone. ;)) I think it's a terrible shame to treat sex a shameful, dirty, wrong thing. This is NOT going to stop kids from having sex. It's just going to make them secretive about it. Didn't stop any of us when we were that age, did it now?

Teach it at school, teach it at home, teach it anywhere as far as I'm concerned. But TEACH it. Teach it well, so our kids are not parents at age fourteen or dying from AIDS.

As for premarital sex, I'm personally all for it. It's a great favorite of mine. ;) I would NEVER make a lifetime to someone without knowing if we are sexually compatible. Yikes. Scary.

[tortuga55]

Sex ed is tought at my school once a year to the grade 10's. I think it is helpful but also to late. Most grade 10's have already had sex, done drugs, and everything that goes on in that lifestyle. Absinence should be tought more, now they barely mention absinence because people otomatically tie it to religion. Its not a always a religious thing, its common sense. Why should grade 6 and 7 be having sex!
And giving out condoms thats stupid, most get opened at school and flung at each other or rubbed on stuff. Kids who are determined to have sex dont need one condom to be given to them at school, what about all the other times they are going to have sex, the school might as well give them a whole case. They go out and buy them themselfs or get them from friends. They dont need the school wasting money and buying them. Do you have any idea how many times condoms have been thrown at me, or how many times the class has gone crazy when someone starts throwing a condom around in class, tons of times so many times I can't count anymore.
I think the parents should have a reality check. The majority of teenagers today go to parties on the weekend and get drunk, high, and laid. They even do it in the washrooms at school. I have spent years listening to classmates talk about the things they do on the weekend. If your son or daughter dresses and acts like a "typical teenager" then they are going to parties getting drunk, having sex and doing drugs. Because that is typical. It is a trend I personally have noticed. I think it is sad that parents dont believe it could be their child, most likely it is your child, after all it is most every child.

[wolfsoul]

Originally posted by Twisterdog
"If you have sex standing up, in swimming pool, etc., you won't get pregnant. If you pee right after you have sex, you won't get pregnant."

The best one I've heard so far is "If you wash your underwear and a boy's underwear in the washing machine together, you can get pregnant." And I was in grade 9 when people were saying this. That's 14-15 year olds that obviously know nothing.

[CathyBogart]

Sed ed is DEFINITELY something that needs to be taught more thoroughly.

Also, many cultures in the world allow adolescents to be curious about sexuality, and talk about it openly. This whole "No sex before marriage" thing is a very Western/New World idea that is not embraced by the rest of the world. It was originally adopted to protect land rights in feudal Europe: If a man knew that his wife had never been with anyone else, then he knew that his land would be inherited by HIS child, not anyone else's.

Personally, I think it's time to drop the insistence that "abstinence until marriage" is the only acceptable answer and give our teens the information they need ot keep themselves safe.

I think that the reason kids in industrialized areas are becoming interested in sex earlier is that we are mocing away from "dependence training", where a child learns to see themselves as part of a unit, and into "independence training", where a lot of emphasis is placed on the individual.

In a dependence training environment, kids grow up with the focus being on their family, taking care of their elders and younger siblings, and having tasks to do to contribute to their living environment.

In an independence training environment, the child is not given any such things to focus on; they are expected to learn to be independent quickly, but not really given any tasks to contribute to their family or environment until their late teens (generally). So they find other areas of interest. It makes semse to me that a lot of them find sex, it IS a pretty interesting thing.

Also, the age at which sexual relations are "inappropriate' is culturally defined, keep that in mind before passing judgement on today's youth.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by WolfChan
This whole "No sex before marriage" thing is a very Western/New World idea that is not embraced by the rest of the world.

That is so far from the truth. Sex out of marriage is looked down upon in the East FAR MORE than it is in the West. Having been to the eastern part of the world MANY times, I know that for a fact. People in the East, in general, are MUCH more conservative than people in the West, and sex out of marriage is not accepted by a great majority of the general public there. Its not a Western/New World idea...Its an action most religions prohibit out of marriage, as it is an intimate action and considered to be something you do ONLY with your spouse, in privacy. The rules of God, and modesty, and the sanctity of the husband/wife relationship are the reasons people are against it, and this applies to people in both the East and the West. Not a Western idea at all...

[tikeyas_mom]

most religions state that sexual intercorse is a sin before marrige... but people dont abide by this rule... i wonder how crowded hell is compared to heaven....




"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit." (1 Corinthians 6:15-17)



"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." (Ephesians 5:3)

"Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
"We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did--and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died." (1 Corinthians 10:8)

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4)

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-- their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." (Revelation 21:8)

"I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him." (2 Corinthians 11:2)

Acording to all the above quotes, I don't see how we can escape the conclusion that premarital sex is a sin.

Sexual immortality(sp?) of any kind is harshly condemed in the New Testament.

[Suki Wingy]

I am inferring that you belive everything this book says?

[CathyBogart]

Perhaps I should amend that statement to say that the idea of sex outside of marriage is predominant in industrialized/Xtian parts of the world. In many, if not most, non-industrialized areas, infidelity, particularly by men, is accepted. I will dig out my anthro books and post some examples later.

[nibblets]

I feel parents have the bulk of responsibility in teaching our kids about sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, respect, tolerance, diversity...etc. The schools can reinforce and add to what they learn by helping to educate them to the facts as well. I have always been very open and honest (age appropriate) with my son and I am very proud of the values he has chosen for himself (He is 16 yrs old now). I presented the information to him and let him know I was available anytime he had questions. I didn't TELL him what to do or what not to do...I just gave him plenty of information to make good choices...
and
So far he has made very choices. *knock on wood*