Do you think this is cruel?

[Tonya]

My friend has 2 1/2 year old twins that are pretty bad. I've nicely mentioned before that maybe she should consider disciplining her kids. She said that nothing worked and she doesn't believe in spanking.

Well, I was talking to her today when one of her kids did something bad, so she stopped to discipline her. Her new method? Putting a jalapeno in her mouth. I heard the little girl crying and screaming because she'd put it in her mouth.

I told her that was a little wierd, and she said it's the only thing that works. She said that she thinks that spanking is much more abusive then that.

I don't know. Maybe it's just because I'm used to the good old fashioned spanking or timeout...but it seems like using jalapenos for discipline would be more traumatic.

What do you think?

[Denyce]

I feel that is abusive. The physical pain of a spanking with a bare hand only lasts for a short time. The pain from a hot jalapeno can last a very long time. If the pepper is too hot it can cause all sorts of other side effects including being unable to breath for a period of time. My gut feeling says this is just wrong.

Denyce

[Mandy1]

I think it is abusive. There are many people that are capable of bringing up their children with out phyiscal Abuse.

Denyce, I wouldn't say that spanking only hurts for a short time. It depends, however it will probaly leave bruises ect.

[Cincy'sMom]

I'm not sure that I think the jalapenos are cruel...I'm just not sure how effective method of punishment they are. But I guess we tried it as a method to stop the dogs from digging...too bad they liked it :) Maybe it is the new "washing the mouth out with soap?"

I don't think spanking is wrong. Physcial abuse, yes, but there is a huge difference between a swat on the butt and and a beating. I just don't think you can reason with a two year old and you need to get their attention, espically in cases where their actions could be dangerous...running into the street, touching a hot stove, etc.

[christa]

OMG!!! That is horrible! Definitely cruel & unusual punishment! That's torture! Not discipline!

I'm all for spanking . . . I was spanked as a child and I turned out perfectly normal.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
I'm not sure that I think the jalapenos are cruel...I'm just not sure how effective method of punishment they are. But I guess we tried it as a method to stop the dogs from digging...too bad they liked it :) Maybe it is the new "washing the mouth out with soap?"

I don't think spanking is wrong. Physcial abuse, yes, but there is a huge difference between a swat on the butt and and a beating. I just don't think you can reason with a two year old and you need to get their attention, espically in cases where their actions could be dangerous...running into the street, touching a hot stove, etc.

Yeah, my son's prime time for spankings was when he was 2-3. His toys, tv, time, etc... was not valuable enough to use for punishment. The only thing that would get his attention was spankings. Now that he's older, it's devastating if I take his TV or computer away. (I think he thinks that is abuse in itself.) I can't remember the last time I spanked him

I think the jalapeno thing is disturbing but I forgot a part that my friend said..."That's because you're a gringo." Haha, yeah, I'm a white girl who's mouth catches fire with Taco Bell's mild sauce. So, I guess since they're Mexican, they're a little more used to the whole jalapeno concept. But it just seems horrible to me!

My mom washed my mouth out with soap when I used bad language and put hot sauce on my thumb when I sucked it. I never thought of it as cruel punishment. But it seems cruel to have jalapenos as the only form of punishment. I am still undecided I guess.

[caseysmom]

I have 2 kids that are night and day...one you just raise your voice a little and thats all it takes...the other needed spankings...and some brivery! It doesn't sound like it would be effective in the long run but I don't know.

[star of light]

well if it's the only thing that works then i say it's okay O_o i guess?

actually i would choose that instead of a beatting omg it hurts when daddy spanks!!!
i actually eat jalapenos plain they arent that bad!!

[NoahsMommy]

Its not only cruel, but this person is uneducated. Can she not ask a doctor, school counselor, teacher, the INTERNET for advice on how to teach a child obedience and respect?

Shoving a hot object into a childs mouth is abusive!

[Tonya]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Its not only cruel, but this person is uneducated. Can she not ask a doctor, school counselor, teacher, the INTERNET for advice on how to teach a child obedience and respect?

Shoving a hot object into a childs mouth is abusive! ]

That's what I'm thinking. I didn't really give her much of an opinion at the moment because I wanted to think about it. I didn't want to jump the gun. It amazes me how some people have such a hard time properly disciplining their children. I think I'm going to have a talk with her. Although I'm undecided, if it is disturbing me this much, it must not be right. I haven't stopped thinking about it since I got off the phone with her.

[caseysmom]

Tonya...maybe a parenting book would be a good christmas gift for her with a lovely letter in a loving tone telling her these suggestions may work better.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by caseysmom
Tonya...maybe a parenting book would be a good christmas gift for her with a lovely letter in a loving tone telling her these suggestions may work better.

OMG! Thank you! I bought two expensive books on disciplining strong willed children a few years ago. I got Jaden under control right about the time I'd bought them, so I didn't need them. I've never been able to let them go because I paid so much for them, yet I never read them. They're brand new still. That's her Christmas gift! Thank you!

[star of light]

Originally posted by star of light
well if it's the only thing that works then i say it's okay O_o i guess?

actually i would choose that instead of a beatting omg it hurts when daddy spanks!!!
i actually eat jalapenos plain they arent that bad!!

well like i said it's not that bad!!
Hey if it's the only thing that works, then they will learn to be good.
i have learned to be a good girl because i dreed whipens

[Samantha Puppy]

Did anyone ever think that maybe this is her culture's version of our mothers rinsing our mouths out with soap? For God's sake, kids my mom went to school with had their mouths rinsed out with COMET! Back then, I'm sure they didn't realize that it could poison their children but it was enough of a deterrent that the kid stopped whatever bad behavior had been going on.

I personally wouldn't use a jalapeno on my own child but if this is the *only* way the mother can get her to settle down and behave, who are we to judge?

Oh and just for the record, I will be spanking my kids when they do something that requires discipline. There is a big difference between spanking and abuse. I was spanked and I turned out to have a good head on my shoulders and stayed out of trouble. Worked for me, it'll work for them.

[moosmom]

I had other methods when I raised my daughter (she's 28 now). It consisted of making her stand in as corner with her nose touching the wall. Everytime her nose lost contact with the wall, I added another minute. I also made her write 100 times "I will not (whatever she did for that particular punishment) ever again. Believe me, it worked.

As far as the jalapeno pepper, I say whatever works. These days even slapping a kid on the hand could wind up with accusations of child abuse.

Now child abuse when I was growing up was never even heard of. It was called disciplining. THAT was abuse. Beatings with belts, having a slice of Ivory soap shoved up your butt. I could go on, but I think you get the idea.

[ramanth]

I'd take a jalapeno over dish soap any day.

[Tina]

I think that is just crazy.

I usually give my oldest daughter times out, take something away, or just raise my voice. But sometimes I do have to give her a spanking. Really I hate giving spankings but sometimes it is the only thing works.

[aly]

The jalapeno is cruel, but I do think spanking is just as cruel, if not worse..... much much worse actually. I can't imagine laying my hand on an innocent child. I've babysat for people who told me to spank their kids if they did something wrong and I outright refused to do that.

[gini]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Its not only cruel, but this person is uneducated. Can she not ask a doctor, school counselor, teacher, the INTERNET for advice on how to teach a child obedience and respect?

Shoving a hot object into a childs mouth is abusive!

Kelly, you took the words right out of my mouth and posted them.

My very first reaction is that this is abusive and the person must be very ignorant.

You don't understand because you are a Gringo? HA! Let her tell that to the judge!

[RICHARD]

Originally posted by christa


I'm all for spanking . . . I was spanked as a child and I turned out perfectly normal.

Sure.....You voted republican, didn't you???;)

-------------------------------------


It not cruelty, it's being friggin lazy.

I remember my mom washing my brother's mouth out with soap.

Of course,

It just primes the kid order at a Mexican restaurant with no fear at all.....


Again,

My mom pummelled my arse, because I deserved it, and except for drinking, smoking, looking at women lustily, cheating at Jeopardy!, speeding, setting off illegal fireworks and some other things that I've forgotten since....I turned out pretty maladjusted...:confused:


My mom had the Vulcan Nerve Pinch-

If you acted STUPID, she'd come up by your side, lean over and lovingly whisper into your ear, "YOU HAD BETTER BEHAVE YOURSELF..." While pinching the skin on the inside part of your arm....if you squirmed, she'd remind you that you'd HAVE TO END UP WITH HER, ALONE, later on.....


---------------------------------------------------

On second thought....Jalapenos without the nachos IS CRUEL!!!!!;)

[star of light]

Originally posted by ramanth
I'd take a jalapeno over dish soap any day.

you said it i think it's better than spankins or dish soap
and i sometimes get into trouble

[Kfamr]

I agree with everything Aly said.

I can't remember the last time i've done something to be spanked.
I think i'm too scared to do anything wrong because i've seen all of the crap my brother and sister got into while growing up! :eek:

The parenting book is a perfect idea.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by RICHARD
My mom had the Vulcan Nerve Pinch-

If you acted STUPID, she'd come up by your side, lean over and lovingly whisper into your ear, "YOU HAD BETTER BEHAVE YOURSELF..." While pinching the skin on the inside part of your arm....if you squirmed, she'd remind you that you'd HAVE TO END UP WITH HER, ALONE, later on.....



Hehe, I've got that pinch down pat too. Jaden always get me busted by blurting out OUCH!

[cocker_luva]

my mom used tabasco sauce on the tips of our tongues when we said something innappropriate. hey it worked, it only happened to me once for it to get the message across.

[cookieluver7]

Uhhh... yea that is a little weird. :confused: and I have never heard of that one before.:confused: hmmm....

[swimma253]

Originally posted by Samantha Puppy
Did anyone ever think that maybe this is her culture's version of our mothers rinsing our mouths out with soap? For God's sake, kids my mom went to school with had their mouths rinsed out with COMET! Back then, I'm sure they didn't realize that it could poison their children but it was enough of a deterrent that the kid stopped whatever bad behavior had been going on.

I personally wouldn't use a jalapeno on my own child but if this is the *only* way the mother can get her to settle down and behave, who are we to judge?


I totally agree. When I was younger I was spanked for misbehaving and it really upset me when people referred to getting spanked as "abuse." They are two completely different things.

As for the peppers... I dont think its going to harm the children.... but I must admit its a little strange. But if its the only thing that works.. then I guess its ok. I Hardly think this is abuse... :confused: Thats just my two cents...

Carly

[Cataholic]

It seems a little 'off' to me. Just like soap seems a little 'off' to most people today. And, comet? I hadn't ever heard that one before.

This makes me wonder what she does when no one is around, that she DOESN'T admit to...if this is what comes up in casual conversation.


The thing where spanking went wrong, IMO, is when it stopped being an attention grabber (a swat on the behind, a tap on the hand) and became a form of physical punishment- a beating, a whipping, etc. There isn't any reason for spanking to truly involve 'pain'. It isn't for that purpose, IMO. 'Spanking' a two year old for repeatedly throwing the dog's food across the floor isn't done to physically cause pain. It is done to show that mommy means business, and she is displeased. That is gotten across without any force- it shouldn't be 'felt' physically as much as it is felt emotionally (like a harsh "NO", or "Stop".)

[lizbud]

Originally posted by Cataholic
It seems a little 'off' to me. Just like soap seems a little 'off' to most people today. And, comet? I hadn't ever heard that one before.

This makes me wonder what she does when no one is around, that she DOESN'T admit to...if this is what comes up in casual conversation.


The thing where spanking went wrong, IMO, is when it stopped being an attention grabber (a swat on the behind, a tap on the hand) and became a form of physical punishment- a beating, a whipping, etc. There isn't any reason for spanking to truly involve 'pain'. It isn't for that purpose, IMO. 'Spanking' a two year old for repeatedly throwing the dog's food across the floor isn't done to physically cause pain. It is done to show that mommy means business, and she is displeased. That is gotten across without any force- it shouldn't be 'felt' physically as much as it is felt emotionally (like a harsh "NO", or "Stop".)

I agree completely.:)

[lizzielou742]

I think it could be worse. Once when I got in really bad trouble as a kid, my dad made me go into his woodshop and pick out a 2x4. He made me sit there and watch while he drew the paddle pattern, cut it out with his table saw thing, and sanded it. Took about 1/2 an hour. Then he whooped me in the behind with it. That's messing with your kid's head!! But it really didn't hurt much. ;)

[popcornbird]

That is weird, but I must tell you, its not an uncommon 'child punishment' in some cultures, and I can't exactly say its cruel. I know a lot of people of Arab origin who use the 'jalapeno technique' on their children. For ME, jalapeno is nothing I would call 'cruel'. I can eat it with no problem. I love hot foods. For my little cousins in Pakistan, jalapeno is candy. They LOVE it. If their parents were to punish them with jalapeno, they would say "Bring it on!" LOL!

I, personally, do NOT like to eat jalapenos by themselves...because I just find them tasteless, but my dad eats several with dinner everyday. He eats the HOTTEST ones, and LOVES them. Yesterday at dinner, he was eating several and started sweating. I asked him, "Dad...what's the point in eating something that will make you sweat like that?" He said, "It tastes good...I like it." So anyway, I decided to try one too and see how hot it was. Oh...it was hot, but it was not so hot that I would consider giving it to a child 'cruel'. Its just not something I enjoy...even though I love hot food. Maybe I just don't see it because I grew up eating and enjoying hot foods. Arabs usually cannot tolerate hot foods, so giving it to THEIR children like some people I know DO, might be cruel. I don't agree with this technique. I don't like it. I think its a stupid and ridiculous way to punish a child. Even if it ISN'T cruel, it is teaching a child to hate and despise a certain type of food. That is not good in my honest opinion.

As to spanking, I do not find spanking cruel in the least bit. There's a difference between spanking and hitting/beating. Big difference. My parents didn't spank me much when I was young, but there were times when they did. It never hurt...just warned me and gave me the message that *Mom's mad at me.* As a child, I did not like the idea of Mom being mad at me, so a little spank was enough to set me straight. When I did something wrong in front of others, I would get the 'look'. No spanks in front of people.....but that LOOK my mom would give me was enough to make me stop whatever I was doing and behave. I don't think spanking is wrong. Hitting and beating a child is TOTALLY unacceptable, but little spanks are things children need sometimes, just to 'get the message'. I know children that NEVER get spanked or scolded by their parents, and they're practically devils. No one wants to be around such children. Light spanking is called discipline...not abuse.

[Amber]

I find that to be bit strange. But I really don't see it cruel. As for spanking, I agree with PCB. Their is a huge diffrerence between spanking and hitting/abuse. My parents spanked me when I was a child, with a wooden spoon (ouch! jk :P ) it taught me to NEVER do anything wrong again. So I think spanking is a good method if its used properly. You wouldn't want to go overboard with spanking.

[Tonya]

When Jaden was little, when he would do something that could hurt him, I would spank him. Like running in the street, touching the light sockets, etc.. Because to me, that needs immediate and serious discipline. That isn't something that you work on over time. If he does something that can kill him, I need to be sure that he never does it again.

[Tonya]

BTW, on the whole spanking issue...I can see the point of view that spanking is abusive. Before I had Jaden, I was very adament that I would NOT spank my children. But I soon learned that it is easier said then done. Every child is different and they all have different learning styles. I do have a few personal rules though. I never spank when angry. I always explain why I am spanking him beforehand. I always (after he has time to think) hug him and talk to him about what he did wrong. And I *try* to never use my hands to spank him. I think that hands should be for loving. I do not ever want my son to fear my hands. I use a belt when I spank him. Like I said, he's now at the age where I can ration with him though. I cannot remember the last time that I had to spank him.

[carole]

I consider this child abuse, she needs to take some parenting classes and learn new effective methods of teaching her children to behave better.:mad:

Tonya I would never use a belt on my child, you say hands are for loving, that maybe so, but you could hit too hard with a belt, I would seriously re-consider how you spank Jaden. I am glad to hear you hardly ever have to use this method of punishment, and I know he is ADHD, and hard to handle,so i do understand where you are coming from, and yes of course I have spanked my children, but having a big ten yr gap between the two, I like to think I learn't better ways of dealing with un-acceptable behaviour.

The trouble with spanking is that there is a very fine line, and some people just loose it and do go overboard, and then it becomes abuse., that is why it is better to use your hands, because your hands cannot really do that much damage, they can hurt, but not cause serious injury. JMO.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by carole
I consider this child abuse, she needs to take some parenting classes and learn new effective methods of teaching her children to behave better.:mad:

Tonya I would never use a belt on my child, you say hands are for loving, that maybe so, but you could hit too hard with a belt, I would seriously re-consider how you spank Jaden.

I can imagine how some people would think of it as harsh punishment. But I don't crack my belt on him like a whip. I spank him on the bottom lightly and I'm never angry. Also, I'm always spanking him through his jeans. I think it'd be cruel if I was spanking his bare bottom with a belt. It's been at least a year since I've even spanked him though. I've always only used spanking as a last resort for serious offenses...for things like the time he cut the electrical cords with scissors. :eek: It's funny now, but boy did that freak me out!

[carole]

Tonya I am very glad to hear you donot spank him when angry, most people do resort to spanking when they have just had enough and can take no more , I still think you should throw that belt away.:(

[carole]

Whereas some of you think it is ok to stuff a hot pepper down the childs mouth, I fail to see how this kind of punishment will work, it does not teach the child anything, except when I am naughty I get this hot stuff in my mouth, which after a while they may begin to get used to it and not worry too much, just judging by what some of you say, they are not that bad., it is really the principal behind it all that matters to me, you have to teach your child the rights and wrongs in life, consquences, etc etc, this just seems a silly way to teach them anything if you ask me.

[Jods]

I agree with spanking with a hand only because with your hand you can control how much it will hurt for the most part. As for spanking being abusive there is a line the line is a spaking is a couple smacks on the behind or hand not a full out beating that is abusive. Also abuse is hurting your child out of anger. I was spanked as a child with a hand paddle etc... I turned out fine, but once my mother gave us a smack with a paddle and since I'm so much smaller then my brother it left huge marks and my mother swore never to hurt me like that again. She tried to give me a smack when I got older (teenage years) it didn't work to well cuz I smaked her back :eek: Yes I was brave then LOL. About the pepper the thing I'd be worried about would be the child choking from crying and trying to swallow it at the same time and the fact that your physically forcing your child to eat something thats sad. I once read about a parent who made their daughter eat soap cuz she swore and she choked on her saliva and vomit from it and died :(... I don't think its something to call the police over I think she just needs to be talked to shes obviously having a hard time raising her children.
Good luck

[carole]

Yep she needs to learn some parenting skills, she is acting out of anger and pure fustration I think, and Jods you raise good points I never even gave a thought, the choking issue, one good reason to stop this form of discipline immediately.

I think Tonya giving her the books will be an excellent idea, then she can learn there are indeed other ways of getting your child to behave.

I am glad you agree with me about using your hand only, a hand can not do much damage, it can sting a little but that is about all, it still can get the message across if that is your preferred way of discipling your child.

I can honestly say I spanked my son more than my daughter, I was raising him alone, my parents influenced the way I disciplined him, and I regret it, I never went overboard, but I have since learned far better ways of discipling my child.

I am also grateful I sought alternative advice and learned to discipline my son differently as well, and neither of them have turned out to be ratbags, so the old cliche I was spanked and it did me no harm, can be used well I was never spanked and it did me no harm.

If I had raising my children to do all over again, I would never spank them at all.

BTW in NZ it may become against the law to spank your child, they are trying to bring this in, I am not sure I agree 100 per cent, it seems to be taking away the rights of the parents, but we do have to consider the rights of the child, maybe making it law will save some childrens lives who knows, I have mixed feelings on this one, but as I am a law abiding citizen I would respect it, if it became law and not spank.

[animal_rescue]

I never thought of jalapenos as a punishment! Then again when I was 5 I ate them on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I loved them when I was little(kinda wished that was the punishment my parents gave me when I was bad) but I just got spanked....

[mina'smomma]

My only questions is what is she going to do when the kids become immune to their heat.

Personally I go for a spanking. That is why God padded their little tushies. Besides there is a difference between spanking a child and beating a child. When I have children it will only be if they do something that is dangerous to either themselves or someone else.

[aly]

Inside Edition today has a segment on 'Disciplining your children with hot sauce'. Its on right now in case anyone reads this and wants to turn it on. I'm sure it comes on at different times in other places, but someone else might have it on now too.

[carole]

Unfortunately Mina'smomma, some people cross the line, they spank out of pure frustration, and anger, which leads to a beating, maybe if spanking is outlawed in my country it will save those children from that fate and even worse, I really don't know, does anyone know statistics from other countries where it has been outlawed,? I think it has in some european countries.

Maybe we could have a whole new generation of children raised without ever experiencing a spanking, now that would be different.

I know my parents generation believe we are all too easy on our children today and that is what is wrong with society as a whole, but I don't agree with them, society is so different from even my day, your damned if you do spank and damned if you don't, there are so many other pressures in life, working parents,to name but one, the kids don't even have much certainty of a future, with all that is happening in our world today, hence suicide rates are high in the young , especially in my country.

I have to say my mother was abused by her foster mother, and she would say well it did me no harm, but believe me I can see all the harm it did her. She is just in denial about it all, like many. JMO.