QueenScoopalot
12-11-2004, 11:30 AM
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN DOING RESCUE TOO LONG WHEN....
>
> You have a mental list of people you'd like to spay, neuter or euthanize.
>
> You stopped at a house with a "Free Puppies" sign in the yard to have an
> Educational "Chat," and your kids had to post your bail.
>
> Running out of paper towels is a household crisis.
>
> You not only KNOW all the characteristics of a good "stool," you discuss
> them at dinner.
>
> Your checks have messages on them like "Subtract Two Testicles For Every
> Four Feet."
>
> You have a bumper sticker that reads "My Borzoi Is Smarter Than Your
> Graduate Student."
>
> You secretly wonder about such things as how animals can manage without
> wiping.
>
> You pray they will someday manufacture Teflon furniture.
>
> You have phone calls forwarded to PetsMart.
>
> You absentmindedly pat people on the head or scratch them behind their
> ears.
>
> Given the choice of having your teeth cleaned or their teeth cleaned,
> they get their teeth cleaned.
>
> You not only allow pets on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor
> because the dog has "territorial issues."
>
> Your spouse missed the final game of the World Series because the cat
> wanted to watch his favorite video, "Birds of North America."
>
> You and your vet are on a first name basis and he genuflects when you
> enter the waiting room. His daughter at Harvard refers to you as "Auntie."
>
> You needed a prescription to recover from "Old Yeller."
>
> You've forwarded more warnings about the dangers of chocolate, onions and
> mistletoe than the National Center for Disease Control has issued about
> anthrax and smallpox.
>
> You wear white year 'round, not because you are flaunting a fashion law or
> belong to a religious sect but because it is BLEACHABLE.
>
> The world would never guess from your "critterspeak" posts to-lists that
> in reality you are chairman of the IBM corporation.
>
> By the time you investigate different flea control products, their
> advantages and potential risks,natural versus chemical methods, and study
> the life cycle of the flea, any fleas have died of old age.
>
> You tell your children to "heel!" in a grocery store.
>
> For relaxation, you went mall hopping with your girlfriends. Your eyes
> glazed over when you saw a sign in front of a pet shop, "20% Off All
> Puppies & Kittens," and you slapped three security guards before they got
> you safely contained in the manager's office.
>
> People are still talking about your spay-neuter holiday greeting from last
> year, "Deck the Halls with Balls of Collies.
>
> You have a mental list of people you'd like to spay, neuter or euthanize.
>
> You stopped at a house with a "Free Puppies" sign in the yard to have an
> Educational "Chat," and your kids had to post your bail.
>
> Running out of paper towels is a household crisis.
>
> You not only KNOW all the characteristics of a good "stool," you discuss
> them at dinner.
>
> Your checks have messages on them like "Subtract Two Testicles For Every
> Four Feet."
>
> You have a bumper sticker that reads "My Borzoi Is Smarter Than Your
> Graduate Student."
>
> You secretly wonder about such things as how animals can manage without
> wiping.
>
> You pray they will someday manufacture Teflon furniture.
>
> You have phone calls forwarded to PetsMart.
>
> You absentmindedly pat people on the head or scratch them behind their
> ears.
>
> Given the choice of having your teeth cleaned or their teeth cleaned,
> they get their teeth cleaned.
>
> You not only allow pets on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor
> because the dog has "territorial issues."
>
> Your spouse missed the final game of the World Series because the cat
> wanted to watch his favorite video, "Birds of North America."
>
> You and your vet are on a first name basis and he genuflects when you
> enter the waiting room. His daughter at Harvard refers to you as "Auntie."
>
> You needed a prescription to recover from "Old Yeller."
>
> You've forwarded more warnings about the dangers of chocolate, onions and
> mistletoe than the National Center for Disease Control has issued about
> anthrax and smallpox.
>
> You wear white year 'round, not because you are flaunting a fashion law or
> belong to a religious sect but because it is BLEACHABLE.
>
> The world would never guess from your "critterspeak" posts to-lists that
> in reality you are chairman of the IBM corporation.
>
> By the time you investigate different flea control products, their
> advantages and potential risks,natural versus chemical methods, and study
> the life cycle of the flea, any fleas have died of old age.
>
> You tell your children to "heel!" in a grocery store.
>
> For relaxation, you went mall hopping with your girlfriends. Your eyes
> glazed over when you saw a sign in front of a pet shop, "20% Off All
> Puppies & Kittens," and you slapped three security guards before they got
> you safely contained in the manager's office.
>
> People are still talking about your spay-neuter holiday greeting from last
> year, "Deck the Halls with Balls of Collies.