Can someone correct this

[Jods]

Hi I have to do this paragraph for tomorrow can someone correct it and critisize it for me... Spelling, grammer, punctuation....
Thank you... Its cited APA style

Not consuming the proper foods and vitamins through pregnancy can cause short term and long term effects to an unborn child. While pregnant eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition. (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002) For example, not eating the proper amount of calories a day can lead to low birth weight and even premature birth. (Colonero 1998)
Moreover, long term effects such as neural tube defects can also occur if the proper diet is not followed. For instance, taking a prenatal vitamin with 0.4 mg of folic acid can prevent this birth defect. Also eating food with a high source of folic acid such as brussel sprouts is beneficial to the unborn child and the mother.( Folic Acid Alliance Ontario, Brochure) When pregnant nutrition may be the last thing on your mind, what many people do not realize is some effects can be prevented by something as simple as following a proper diet.

[aly]

At first glance, the periods should be moved to the outside of the parenthesis. I also saw a few missing commas.. let me read again.

[RedHedd]

I believe the word you want is "affect" rather than "effect."

Affect
1. af•fect (transitive verb) [Middle English, from affectus, past participle of afficere]

to produce an effect upon, as a: to produce a material influence upon or alteration in <paralysis affected his limbs> b: to act upon (as a person or a person's mind or feelings) so as to bring about a response; influence

Effect
1. ef•fect (noun) [Middle English, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French, from Latin effectus, from efficere to bring about, from ex- out (of) + facere to make, do]

1a: purport; intent <the effect of their statement was to incite anger> b: basic meaning; essence <her argument had the effect of a plea for justice>
2: something that inevitably follows an antecedent (as a cause or agent) <environmental devastation is one effect of unchecked industrial expansion>
3: an outward sign; appearance <the makeup created the effect of old age on their faces>
4: accomplishment; fulfillment <the effect of years of hard work>
5: power to bring about a result; influence <the content itself of television is therefore less important than its effect>
6 plural: movable property; goods <personal effects>
7a: a distinctive impression <the color gives the effect of being warm> b: the creation of a desired impression <her tears were purely for effect> c (1): something designed to produce a distinctive or desired impression, usually used in plural (2) plural: special effects
8: the quality or state of being operative; operation <the law goes into effect next week>
in effect: in substance; virtually <the committee agreed to what was in effect a reduction in the hourly wage>
to the effect: with the meaning <issued a statement to the effect that he would resign>


Also first paragraph you need a comma (,) after "while pregnant" and again in the last paragraph: When pregnant, nutrition ... and perhaps a semicolon (; ) after "your mind" (or even a period and start a new sentence with "What many people ...."

edit: If the citation is within parentheses, then the punctuation stays inside the parentheses too.

HTH

[Karen]

Put my corrections in parentheses:

Not consuming the proper foods and vitamins through(during would be a better word ) pregnancy can cause short(add hyphen)term and long(add hyphen)term effects(perhaps "problems" would be better) to an unborn child. While pregnant(add comma) eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition. (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002) For example,(move for example to after "day") not eating the proper amount of calories a day can lead to low birth weight and even premature birth. (Colonero 1998)

Moreover, long(add hyphen)term (put moreover here) effects(again, perhaps problems would be a better word choice) such as neural tube defects can also occur if the proper diet is not followed. For instance, taking a prenatal vitamin with 0.4 mg of folic acid can prevent this(these - there are different neural tube defects possible) birth defect(s). Also(delete "also") eating food with a high source of folic acid such as brussel sprouts is beneficial to the unborn child and the mother.( Folic Acid Alliance Ontario, Brochure) When pregnant (add comma) nutrition may be the last thing on your mind,(end sentance, start a new one) what many people do not realize is some effects(birth defects, not effects) can be prevented by something as simple as following a proper diet.

[Jods]

Okay how about this. LOL I think I fixed it all this time... For the affect word I want to keep it since the proff uses it all the time...

Not consuming the proper foods and vitamins during pregnancy can cause
short-term and long-term affects to an unborn child. While pregnant, eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002). For example, not eating the proper amount of calories a day can lead to low birth weight and even premature birth (Colonero 1998).
Moreover, long term effects such as neural tube defects can also occur if the proper diet is not followed. For instance, taking a prenatal vitamin with 0.4 mg of folic acid can prevent these birth defects ( Folic Acid Alliance Ontario. [Brochure]). According to Folic Acid Alliance Ontario eating food with a high source of folic acid such as brussel sprouts can be beneficial to the unborn child and the mother (www.folicacid.ca). When pregnant, nutrition may be the last thing on your mind; what many people do not realize is some birth defects can be prevented by something as simple as following a proper diet.

[aly]

You still need to move the periods to the outsides of the parenthesis.

For example... this sentence:

While pregnant eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition. (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002)

Should look like this:

While pregnant, eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002).

(I added a comma after "While pregnant" and a period after the end parenthesis)

[RedHedd]

Better, however I think Karen is right about hyphenating long-term and short-term.

[RedHedd]

Originally posted by aly
You still need to move the periods to the outsides of the parenthesis.

For example... this sentence:

While pregnant eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition. (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002)

Should look like this:

While pregnant, eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the babies growth can cause fetal malnutrition. (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002.)
(I added a comma after "While pregnant" and a period after the end parenthesis)

I type citations for a living in the legal world. If you're going to separate the citations within parentheses, then they should stand alone, with the punctuation inside the parentheses and a period at the end of the preceding sentence.

[Jods]

parenthesis

Okay I fixed it now I didn't know what you meant by that word we call them brackets yeah canada is wierd....

[aly]

Originally posted by Jods
parenthesis

Okay I fixed it now I didn't know what you meant by that word we call them brackets yeah canada is wierd....

Opps :o Sorry, I didn't realize they were called something else in Canada :O

We call these brackets ------> [ ] hehe :)

[Karen]

I would make one more change I suggested - move "moreover" to the middle of the sentence. It is always bad form to start a sentence with "Moreover" or "however" and even worse to start a paragraph with them. You can, however, do whatever you'd like. ;)

[Lilith Cherry]

How is this version?


Not consuming the proper foods and vitamins during pregnancy may be the cause of both short and long-term effects in an unborn child. While pregnant, eating an unhealthy diet or not consuming proper vitamins essential for the baby's growth can cause fetal malnutrition (Craig, Kermis, Digdon 2002). Not eating the proper amount of calories a day, for example, can lead to low birth weight and even premature birth (Colonero 1998).

Long term effects such as neural tube defects can also occur if a proper diet is not followed. Taking a prenatal vitamin with 0.4 mg of folic acid can, however, prevent these birth defects ( Folic Acid Alliance Ontario. [Brochure]). According to Folic Acid Alliance Ontario, eating food with a high source of folic acid such as brussel sprouts can be beneficial to both the unborn child and the mother (www.folicacid.ca). When pregnant, nutrition may be the last thing on your mind; what many people do not realize, however, is that some birth defects can be prevented by simply following a proper diet.

[Jods]

Thanks everyone... I really appriciate it.. I'll let you know how I do... She'll probably butcher it anyways shes brutal!!! This paragraph is worth 30% of our mark!!! :eek: :eek:

Karen:I think the moreover at the begining sounds stupid as well but I was leaving it for HER benefit every example she gave us she said to use moreover, therefore.... at the start or our sentences.

Thanks again everyone else... I printed out what I had last night lets hope I at least get a 60% (pass)

Jods :)