Can someone explain...

[catnapper]

teenagers to me???

For the past month or so hubby and I have been saying to each other that our oldest daughter is up to something... that she's been sneaky and such. Yesterday we decided that we've had enough, so when she came home from work and then all of the sudden a friend just hapened to call to go out (last minute of course :rolleyes: ), we told her that she was not allowed out, explaing that with Thanksgiving coming we needed her home today to start some major house cleaning. We said those friends can come over and stay over if they liked, so long as she was up and working by late morning.

Well, the friends came and left by 10:00. Hubby was snoozing in bed by 11:00 but he got me into a History channel show (he does that a lot - he starts watching something and falls asleep leaving me interested!) so I as up til midnight. I turned off the tv and lights, and got into bed, though I laid in bed worrying about a project I was working on. Then I heard footsteps go down the stairs.... which is odd beacuse once the kids are in bed, they never leave their rooms, not to pee, not to get a glass of water... they are in for the night.

Then two minutes later I heard the back door shut (my bed sits basically right over the back door, so I can hear it open and close). I got out of bed and ran to look out the balcony door... but didn't see anyone. Then I got up to look in her room, but I didn't want to wake her if she was really there. It took me a good ten minutes to slowly creep to her door, slowly open it, slowly peek in. Why I wasted all that time creeping, I don't know because she wasn't there!

Well, I RAN to wake hubby and said "hun, we have a problem! She slipped out!!!" :eek: It took him a minute for it to sink in... he made me check ALL the bedrooms.... I was like "I KNOW what I heard" Like two bumbling fools we searched the house for someone that was long gone :rolleyes:

We called ALL the numbers that were listed in the phone's caller ID - woke many parents up until we got the one she was with. The parents told us "Gee, thats funny, she told us that she's at your house." Needeless to say, that girl is in some big time trouble too! The parents got hold of their daughter by cell phone, and Ash was home about 45 minutes later.

Now this is what drives me nuts! We live in a not-so-nice neighborhood... gangs are moving in. There were a few abductions and rapings lately. Ash left after 12:30... by herself dressed in skin tight jeans and belly shirt. DUMB DUMB DUMB! She doesn't see how much trouble she could have found herself in. Then she WALKED to her friend's house. Then WALKED home at 2:00..... then Grant said "there are three reasons kids slip out at night... One: the get high. TWO: to get drunk Three: to have sex'" Of course she denied she was into any of the three but didn't elaborate on WHY she was out (as if I expected her too... ha ha that's laughable!)

She is so grounded. On monday I was going to take her to get her driver's permit. Now she won't get it til she's 18 (she's 16). And she also has a lot of cleaning to do. I saw her actually pull the refridgerator away from the wall and clean under it. LOL!!!

She did it to herself. I just can't understand WHY! Any of you know why? Did you do the same thing at that age? It NEVER dawned on me to try and do that, though I remember classmates telling me they did it. Those of you who are that age now, would you dare do this? WHY?

[Corinna]

Way to be on top of things Mom. I would say house cleaning wouldn't bee enough My daughter tried that once. and when caught never again as her dad delt with it. I have no idea what they talked abiout but were gone for 4 hours . and she did a lot of work around the house.
I think some toimes like little kids they want to know if you will in force the boundries for their reassuance you do love them. You did the right and best think.

[KYS]

Young men and women think they are invisable and
nothing will ever happen to them.
You did the right thing, and in the end she
will know it is out of love.

[Kfamr]

Not all teenagers are like that. :P
I've never once even dreamed of sneaking out, however my sister did it all of the time.
She did it to party, get drunk, smoke, all of that nasty stuff.

I'm glad you caught her.. maybe she'll learn? :p

[molucass]

I have never snuck out of my house.. and I'm 19 yrs. old.

I have however snuck IN when I get home really late. My mom was already in bed and she told me to come and tell her I was there when I got home, but she was asleep when I got here so I just went upstairs and didn't bother.

I never have really wanted to sneak out and it wasn't until just recently that I started going out to parties and to clubs with my friends. But my mom knows where I am at, and I usually call her as soon as I leave wherever I am so that way she will know about how long it will be before I should get to our house.

I don't go to drink and all that I just go to have fun with my friends and dance.

[DogLover9501]

Originally posted by Kfamr
Not all teenagers are like that. :P

That's exactly what I was going to say ;)

I've never did any of that stuff either and it never even crossed my mind to ever leave the house at that hour.

I hope she learns too!

[Amber]

I did it once.

It was when we lived at our old house, and I lived by Brittany ( a friend) We wanted to meet at the corner to just talk. lol, it was like 12-1am or so. I didn't get into trouble, nor did my parents found out, but when they did they weren't mad. But, i think this is WAY different than your situation. I've never done it again.



I'm not sure why she would do it, but I think you did the right thing.

[catnapper]

The porr girl is still cleaning. She hasn't stopped in nearly 5 hours. I said to my husband that I've never seen her clean like this, and he said she's never been in this much trouble! LOL

I wonder how much longer she'll be cleaning? At least my kitchen's never looked better, and now she's cleaning out the pantry. She defrosted the chest freezer too. Man she must be feeling REALLY guilty. :D

[Karen]

She probably wants to earn back the chance at a learner's permit.

Never did that, there wasn;t anywehere to go, and my friends weren't really within safe walking distance, and Dad worked rotating shifts, so someone was usually up ...

[binka_nugget]

I wouldn't dare to try something like that. Albeit, my mom would most likely let me go if I had a safe way to get there and back and told her exactly where and what we were doing.

I know if I were in her shoes, I'd be cleaning until I got that permit! It seems to mean a lot to teens. ;)

[rg_girlca]

Oh Kim, how you described your neighbourhood, that is scary. Why oh why do SOME teenagers think they are invincible.
I use to hear my sons most of the time say, "Don't worry Mom, I can take care of myself." Yeah, sure. I'm sure that 17 year boy that was attacked in the metro by 5 guys last week, told his Mom the same thing.

Obviously she has her reasons for doing this and heaven knows if you will ever find out what that reason is. I hope and pray for her own sake and for yours, that this is a one time thing and she has learnt her lesson.
You did the right thing by calling around to find her and by grounding her for it. I hope you and the hubby have a good sit down with your daughter and let her know the seriousness of this and that she will have to earn your trust again.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I can understand how worried/upset/dissappointed/scared you were when you found out. I did sneak out when I was around 17. I went to be with a few friends, nothing bad, just skinny dipping in her aunts pool :rolleyes: stupid huh?
Anyways, My parents did catch me, and when I got home, They nailed my window shut in my room, AND then got an alarm system that they set only at night, and I did not have the code. So that was the end of that. Hopefully your daughter will learn her lesson, because it really is dangerous for such a young girl to be out late at night (isnt it funny how when you are young, you dont even think twice about things like that, but when you get older you would not EVER dream of doing things like that?) And ESP abusing her parents trust. I think you did the right thing by not letting her get her Drivers permit/ that might cause more trouble than good. *HUGS* for mom; It will all work out.

[BCBlondie]

How old is your daughter?

My sister is 12, almost 13, and already acting like a teenager. :( I think her friends really influence the way she dresses and acts though. It's scary! I'm really afraid that she'll end up like a lot of other teenagers... :(

Have you tried talking to your daughter? Just, sitting her down and trying to understand her point of view, what she was thinking and stuff. She said she didn't do any of those three things, but then what WAS she doing if not those? I mean, if she just wanted to hang out with her friend, couldn't she just have waited until the next morning, instead of sneaking out in the middle of the night? :confused:
Does your daughter have a cell phone? (If not, it might be a good idea to consider getting one for her, and make sure that she always carries it with her, so that if you need to contact her, you can just call her)

I have never done anything like that. A) I never had any friends that were like that, and B) I'm just not interested. My last year of high school, I did go out with a few friends, but I had my cell phone with me and my mom knew where I was, and all we ever did was watch movies and play video games and stuff LOL! Okay, so maybe I'm a bit of a dork :rolleyes: , but at least my mom knows that she can trust me. She knows that I can take care of myself, and I'm the kind of person that is EXTREMELY stubborn. Since I'm 100% against drinking (grew up with an alcoholic stepfather, so I got to see every day (and still do) what alcohol does to people), smoking, drugs, etc etc, good luck trying to get me to do any of those 'cause I ain't gonna budge! :p I'm 18 and I have still never been to any big parties or done anything wild or anything, and I have NEVER snuck out of the house to go somewhere in the middle of the night.

Explaining teenagers may be somewhat difficult as every person is different. But, let me try. I guess it's just that some people are in a hurry to grow up. They've fallen into society's trap, so to speak. By this, I mean, society seems to want people to be a certain way. For teenagers, it means that they have to fit in, they have to be cool, they have to, I guess, be somebody. If they don't fit in and do "cool things", then they're looked down upon, sometimes as losers, geeks, and whatever else. You have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, act a certain way, in order to be accepted by your peers. I consider myself lucky to learn that that is not necessarily the case. I tried to fit in when I was younger, but it never worked, and the harder I tried, the harder I fell, so I just gave up and became my own person. I said to myself, "Screw what everyone else thinks." I decided to live my own life my way, NOT the way my peers or society wants me to live it. If my friends don't like the way I dress or if they don't respect me for who I am, then maybe they're not really my friends, and so then I'll find friends that WILL accept the way I am. Ok, maybe I'm kind of getting off the subject now.. LOL I'll stop blabbing.. :o

Like Kay said, I'm glad she got caught, and I hope she learned her lesson! Hopefully she will think twice before doing it again (and hopefully there won't be another time!).

[sirrahbed]

Stay tough and don't give in Kim. You are doing the right thing. I know it is hard and I had kids who hated me lots of the time but now I am proud of them and they even like me now (I think:rolleyes: ) But then, they are 20, 23 and 26. Hubby and I were mean and pretty unyielding once our trust had been betrayed. It had to be earned at great price again. We always prayed that if they did something very wrong that we would find out or that one of our friends would find out!! Getting caught early is a GOOD thing. I really do feel for you to have teenagers right now - so dangerous out there and they just feel invincible.
BTW, I think the driver's licence is a great idea, as is the cleaning. The discipline suits the crime and she has the incentive to correct her ways. ((((Kim))))

[carole]

Oh kim I really feel for you, I am dreading when my Melissa gets to that age, she is wanting to be oh so independant already at 12.

It really is the peers influence sometimes, one thing that is very hard to deal with, my daughter's best friend is allowed to do things that IMO are way beyond her years, her mother lets her grow up way too fast, and I am forever tightening the reins so to speak on my girl, she is NOT going to get to do everything her friend does and that is that.

I left home at 16, so avoided all the restrictions, my parents were very strict, and that is why I left, somehow we have to find a happy medium, too strict and they up and leave, not strict enough and well we all know what can happen.

I am not really looking forward to the years ahead , it was hard enough with my son, but for there are more reasons to worry when its a daughter I think.

Kim you have my empathy and I hope she has learned something from it all, and chooses to earn back her driving privileges, that may well be a good compromise.:)

[Tollers-n-Dobes]

I would never dream of doing something like that! I'm glad you caught her and that she's home safe now.

[Fox-Gal]

Ok I came back, feeling to open about what I typed before. But I'm going to leave it there for awhile, intill I see that you read it. Then I'm going to delete, if you don't mind.

I leave it there so you or you daughter can see that horrible things can happen to anyone. Hoping that maybe she will think about if even for a sec. before she tries to walk out that door again. One silly mistake can haunt her till the day she dies and will never be the same again.

Edit: Thank you for responing to me through PM so I could delete my story.

[lizzielou742]

I never "snuck out" - but I got out and did what I wanted to do any way I could. I'd lie about where I was going, I'd sneak into my house late, etc. etc. etc. (I'm 23 now). I lied, and I felt bad about it, but at the time, the most important part of my life was my social life. I was willing to lie to and deceive my parents if it meant I got to go to a party where the boy I liked was going to be, or whatever. I guess that's how it is in high school for some kids. Looking back on all that now, it was SO much fun, but I was SO lucky I didn't get in serious trouble. My parents were then and are still now very, very laid back and cool, but I definitely pushed it to the limit and beyond and got grounded several times.

I think if you really don't give in, and don't let her drive 'til she's 18, it will really hit her hard, that hey, mom's serious about this. For me, there would have honestly been no greater punishment - because you're basically taking away freedom that she's probably looked forward to for a loooong time. She probably thinks you'll give in to her and let her have her permit if she works hard at cleaning and begs and pleads, but stand your ground. And be prepared to fight. :( I know if I was her, that's what I would do - get really upset about it and fight with my parents over it when I realized they really weren't going to let me drive. :( Hopefully you don't have that problem.

Good luck - sorry if this rambling message didn't make any sense. ;)

[popcornbird]

Oh wow...I would never even imagine doing something like that. The idea of 'sneaking out' whether its at night or day has never even hit my head. My parents ALWAYS know where I'm going, and can always contact me on my cell phone. I don't even go anywhere but school on my own. Okay, maybe I do go to my best friend's house, but she lives in the neighborhood and our neighborhood is a very safe one. Sometimes we go out together, for a walk or something, but that's the most I'll ever do. My mom's a close friend of her mom, and she can always contact me on my cell phone, or my friend on her's, or even my friend's mom if she ever worries. I'm always back within an hour though. I don't go anywhere alone but to school, my friend's house for a while, or shopping whenever my mom tells me to go and buy something she needs. Other than that, I'm a 'home-girl'. Gosh...just thinking of sneaking out at night scares me. I'd probably freak out in the 'darkness' and run back inside even before I got to the end of our driveway. :o There isn't anything in the world that would get me to 'sneak out' at night. There just isn't any purpose to get out at that time unless you have some secret bad things to do in mind.

I'm glad you 'caught' your daughter. Hopefully she'll learn a good lesson from this.

[tikeyas_mom]

then Grant said "there are three reasons kids slip out at night... One: the get high. TWO: to get drunk Three: to have sex'"

um i used to sneak out and it wasnt to do drugs, have sex or drink, it was usually to run up and down streets, swing on swings at the school with my friends, goto the mountain hill and lighting "camp" fires, we would run through ppls night sprinklers in our clothing and have fun.... it was all in good fun..

the worst thing you can do to a teen is accus them of doing bad things.

[catnapper]

Originally posted by tikeyas_mom
um i used to sneak out and it wasnt to do drugs, have sex or drink, it was usually to run up and down streets, swing on swings at the school with my friends, goto the mountain hill and lighting "camp" fires, we would run through ppls night sprinklers in our clothing and have fun.... it was all in good fun..

the worst thing you can do to a teen is accus them of doing bad things.

If they could do that in our area, then we'd be fine. The problem is they can't people are quick to call the cops when they see kids in their yards or on their block (too much gang acitivity) The dealers hang out near the parks and schools - even at that time of night. We have at times called the cops on kids out after 11:00. The cops are quick to respond because they take kerfew very serously here, and ANY kids under 18 out past 11:00 pay big fines.

The sad thing on all this is that she and her friend had permission to stay here and hang out here all night as a sleep over. They both swear all they were doing was hanging out. Why couldn't they do it here? From past experience with her, we are not quite believing her - she has hung out with some doozies of kids. If her brother or sister swore they were just hanging out, we'd believe them in the same situation, but not her. Its like when I was a kid. I had a 1:00 kerfew, but my brother had to be in by 11:00... he fought that HARD, but my parents always said they trusted me. If I said I was going to a late movie or midnight bowling, that is where I was. He could have been anywhere else.

A good parent knows which kid to trust and which ones to not trust. A good parent knows when to believe their kid and when not. Like we believed her about the Halloween incident where she ended up punching a guy. We don't believe her this time, and may not for a long time to come. She will have to earn our trust back. She knows that and thats why she worked so hard today. She knows to not even begin to ask about the driver's permit for at least a year. It won't happen.

[NoahsMommy]

I began reading this thread and was going to say that I never snuck out, but after further thought, what I did was pretty much sneaking out.

I lived with my mom, who is very controlling and strict as far as what people do. I had a friend who had parents that would let her do whatever just to get her off their backs. Every weekend, I'd spend the night over there and we'd go out until whenever we wanted, doing whatever we wanted. There are some things that I know the only reason bad things didn't happen were because of God. We were stupid. While we didn't do anything bad, bad things really could have happened. :eek:

I think having a mom that make known what is excepted of me helped me not be involved in anything like drugs or sex. I would be at parties and tended to be the one to watch out for my friends when they passed out or found a guy to hang out with.

Your punishment for your daughter is just. Just be sure it stays. My brother had the same mom, but could be good for two days and not be in trouble anymore. It was a mistake, to put it politely. :(