Hooters

[Tonya]

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.


So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.


After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."


"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."


She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!


My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.


Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!


"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.


"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.


It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.


Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.


If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"


This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his b@!!s in there,
And see how THEY come out!

[Kfamr]

Maybe it's just me but I don't think this is exactly something you'd post on a family site.

However, amusing.

[Tonya]

Thanks, Officer Kay.

[dogs_4_me]

Originally posted by Tonya

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!



LOL:D

[lizzielou742]

LOL, I'm not looking forward to having that done!!! :eek:

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by Tonya
Thanks, Officer Kay.



:rolleyes:
Do not be a snob. I was just saying, I don't think many people would want their children to read something that refers to the human anatomy in such a way.

[swimma253]

lol i find it pretty amusing. :p Nothing to look forward to though! ;)

[swimma253]

Originally posted by Kfamr
:rolleyes:
Do not be a snob. I was just saying, I don't think many people would want their children to read something that refers to the human anatomy in such a way.

She DID put it in the dog house...

[dogs_4_me]

Originally posted by Kfamr
:rolleyes:
Do not be a snob. I was just saying, I don't think many people would want their children to read something that refers to the human anatomy in such a way.


It's in the dog house! It would be different of this was posted in general...

[Kfamr]

I wasn't going to reply again but since two people have quoted me....


The dog house is STILL a part of Pet Talk and accessible to everyone.

Same rules apply here as they would in General, Pet General, etc..
But I guess that's just my opinion or something...

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by dogs_4_me
the thread was just a joke! Calm down

I'm not the slighest bit un-calm. Like I said in my original post, I found it amusing, just not something that I think would be considered "family friendly".

[aly]

Originally posted by Kfamr

The dog house is STILL a part of Pet Talk and accessible to everyone.

Same rules apply here as they would in General, Pet General, etc..
But I guess that's just my opinion or something...

I totally agree.

The Dog House is for controversial topics that may cause arguments, but there is still a line that shouldn't be crossed.

I personally am all about gross humor, but just not on a public family forum :)

[dukedogsmom]

I haven't had the joy of doing this yet. However, I wonder how they're going to find enough to flatten :D

[lizzielou742]

Originally posted by dukedogsmom
I haven't had the joy of doing this yet. However, I wonder how they're going to find enough to flatten :D

LOL!!! bahahahahaha!!! Good one - had me literally laughing out loud!! :D :D :D

As for the controversy - let's let Karen and Paul decide, and avoid an unnecessary fight. :) :) :)

[Amber]

Lets not creat an argument, PT hasn't had any arguments in awhile, lets keep it that way.

Though, i found it was funny! :p lmao!

[micki76]

Originally posted by Kfamr
I wasn't going to reply again but since two people have quoted me....


The dog house is STILL a part of Pet Talk and accessible to everyone.

Same rules apply here as they would in General, Pet General, etc..
But I guess that's just my opinion or something...

I completely agree.

The Dog House is not a free for all. There are many "crude" jokes and stuff that I email to the people that I know enjoy that type of humor, but I never post it on PT.

[moosmom]

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

Why? I just had one done yesterday and it is SOOOOOOOO true.

It HURTS!

Lizzielou,


[As for the controversy - let's let Karen and Paul decide, and avoid an unnecessary fight.

AMEN to that!

[Tonya]

There is one word in there that I don't care for, I just edited it out. But I have seen far worse go on around here. Negativity and petty fighting would concern me more then a few silly words. This wasn't sexual in any nature, so I don't think it was to bad of a post. I'll erase the thread when Karen or Paul asks me to, not when some catty person complains about it. I am sure this would have slid by if it was one of your buddies that posted it. You chose to say something because we don't get along.

[Kfamr]

Yeah Tonya.. it's just because YOU posted it. NOT.
Catty? Yes.. let's call eachother names now. :rolleyes:
Grow up!
I would have said somthing no matter who posted it. I do not think it's something for a family site, and that's that. Please don't not assume it's because you posted it.

There's many times i've disagreed with something you've said but have not said anything about it.

Evidently i'm not the only person who disagrees with the content of that "poem"

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by dogs_4_me
I't not up to you whether not this should be at Pet talk. You have no control over it, just let Karen decide!!! I know we have all seen worse then this!


I didn't say it was up to me. I said I don't THINK it was suitible for such a family friendly site.. The only reason I continued was because Tonya decided to reply so snobby and immaturely.

[Miranda_Rae]

Originally posted by micki76
I completely agree.

The Dog House is not a free for all. There are many "crude" jokes and stuff that I email to the people that I know enjoy that type of humor, but I never post it on PT.



Originally quoted by Kfamr Maybe it's just me but I don't think this is exactly something you'd post on a family site.

I agree with those two comments 100%.

[moosmom]

Okay everybody, I feel some tension building here. How about we just cool it and let Paul and Karen decide and leave it at that. Remember, once words are said, they cannot be taken back.

[Miranda_Rae]

Originally posted by moosmom
Okay everybody, I feel some tension building here. How about we just cool it and let Paul and Karen decide and leave it at that. Remember, once words are said, they cannot be taken back.

I agree that once words are said they cannot be taken back. :) I just stated what I thought, and I am leaving it at that. I am NOT going to get involved in a fight.

[guster girl]

I don't think it was any better or worse than the "why women are crabby" joke. But, that's just me.

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by guster girl
I don't think it was any better or worse than the "why women are crabby" joke. But, that's just me.

I thought the "why women are crabby" joke was worse. It had a lot more...um...*adult content*.

For example.....this quote from that joke is more inappropriate for children than anything in this joke thread.


Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) was having sex
for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

[Amber]

Originally posted by popcornbird
I thought the "why women are crabby" joke was worse. It had a lot more...um...*adult content*.

For example.....this quote from that joke is more inappropriate for children than anything in this joke thread.


I completely agree with you. 100%

[guster girl]

Originally posted by popcornbird
I thought the "why women are crabby" joke was worse. It had a lot more...um...*adult content*.

For example.....this quote from that joke is more inappropriate for children than anything in this joke thread.

I agree, I just wanted to point it out, because that story was actually posted twice by two different people and no one said anything about it's content, and, it was originally posted in "general", not even in the "dog house."

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by guster girl
I agree, I just wanted to point it out, because that story was actually posted twice by two different people and no one said anything about it's content.

And one of the threads with that joke was in General.....not even in the Dog House. :p

[guster girl]

Originally posted by popcornbird
And one of the threads with that joke was in General.....not even in the Dog House. :p

Read my last post! How funny, I just edited it! ;)

[dogs_4_me]

Originally posted by guster girl
I don't think it was any better or worse than the "why women are crabby" joke. But, that's just me.

I agree:)

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by guster girl
Read my last post! How funny, I just edited it! ;)

LOL! You read my mind. :p

[guster girl]

But, just for the record, I personally like both jokes. And, also, in my opinion, reading a harmless, albeit mature, joke, is far less damaging to possibly young, impressionable readers than a lot of the nasty hateful arguments people get into on this forum.

[christa]

just deleted the "why women are crabby" thread.

you all can breathe easy now.

geez . . . :rolleyes:

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
just deleted the "why women are crabby" thread.

you all can breathe easy now.

geez . . . :rolleyes:

I never said it needed to be deleted. I was simply stating that this thread was along the same lines, and, even some of the folks that deemed this one inappropriate didn't seem to have a problem with the crabby one. I like them both, and, was not saying either of them was inappropriate. I hope you can see why I brought it up in the first place.

[dogs_4_me]

Originally posted by christa
just deleted the "why women are crabby" thread.

you all can breathe easy now.

geez . . . :rolleyes:


There was no need to delete it. It was a funny thread we were all just comparing it. We never EVER said it should be deleted.

[Kfamr]

I never saw the "Crabby" thread so I can't say whether I thought it was inappropriate or not.



I never meant to start an argument or what not, all I said was I THINK it'd be inappropriate for such a family-friendly site, no matter where it was posted, who it was posted from. Then I got such a reply from the creator which I think it was uncalled for.


I have no problem with such humor, like I said, just not on Pet Talk.

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by dogs_4_me
then maybe you shouldn't read threads in the dog house.


Why shouldn't I? I have the right to read if i'd like. And like I said, I have NO PROBLEM with such humor.. I just don't think it's something that should be posted on a family site. Do I need to repeat myself 5 thousand more times?


I like to read threads in the Dog House, but rarely reply anymore.
I like to see people's opinions on subjects like the current election and so on.

[guster girl]

I think people should just be a little nicer. There's such a thing as tact. Even if someone doesn't choose to use it to respond to you. Two wrongs don't make a right. Even if someone throws an attitude your way, it's not always mature to respond in the same way. Be the bigger man, ya know?

[christa]

Originally posted by dogs_4_me
There was no need to delete it. It was a funny thread we were all just comparing it. We never EVER said it should be deleted.

No, you never said to delete it . . . but several people on here have been in a tizzy over the jokes posted . . . I thought I knew what the DogHouse was all about . . . guess I need to be more sensitive.

DogHouse according to Karen: "...forum for any post that is in some way controversial, upsetting, or just makes us go eeeew!"

Anyway, it was my choice to delete my "crabby" thread. Sorry for offending anyone.

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
No, you never said to delete it . . . but several people on here have been in a tizzy over the jokes posted . . . I thought I knew what the DogHouse was all about . . . guess I need to be more sensitive.


were you including me in that group? the ones getting in a tizzy?

[christa]

Originally posted by guster girl
were you including me in that group? the ones getting in a tizzy?

No.

Really, it's alright, that thread was dead anyway.

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
No.

Really, it's alright, that thread was dead anyway.

Just making sure I wasn't being misunderstood. And, even popcornbird wasn't getting into a tizzy. Just quoted one part of that joke, ya know? You were the second person to post that joke, though, that's why you didn't get a lot of responses. Just in case you didn't know! :)

[christa]

Originally posted by guster girl
And, even popcornbird wasn't getting into a tizzy. . . . Just in case you didn't know! :)

Seems like a tizzy to me. But that's IMO.

No, I didn't know.

All I know is that I got on here tonight & was shocked to see this thread turn the way it did.

Like I said before, now I know to be more sensitive in the DogHouse.

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
Seems like a tizzy to me. But that's IMO.

No, I didn't know.

All I know is that I got on here tonight & was shocked to see this thread turn the way it did.

Like I said before, now I know to be more sensitive in the DogHouse.

Nothing shocks me anymore in this chat room. But, I feel like if anything you said or posted was inappropriate, Karen and/or Paul will delete it. I don't think posting the joke was insensitive, by any means.

[christa]

Originally posted by guster girl
I don't think posting the joke was insensitive, by any means.

Thanks.

I thought it was funny.

And I thought it was appropriate for the DogHouse.

I don't think that people should complain about what they read in the DogHouse, regardless of it's content.

Like it was said before, it would have been different if these "non PT" jokes were posted in General or something . . .

Ahh, I give up ;)

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
Thanks.

I thought it was funny.

And I thought it was appropriate for the DogHouse.

I don't think that people should complain about what they read in the DogHouse, regardless of it's content.

Like it was said before, it would have been different if these "non PT" jokes were posted in General or something . . .

Ahh, I give up ;)


Hey, don't give up. The dog house is for touchy subjects. I don't think you did anything wrong with posting it, and, there are many people that will agree with me. Just read the several positive responses to the original posting of the joke. And, as for people telling others what's inappropriate or not, I agree with you. It's up to Karen and Paul, and, Karen and Paul only. Or pm or something. But, that's also just my opinion.

[christa]

Originally posted by guster girl
Hey, don't give up.

Oh, I'll never give up! ;)

[guster girl]

Originally posted by christa
Oh, I'll never give up! ;)

:) I don't give up, I just choose my battles so much more wisely than I did when I was a teen. Not everyone does, though!

[micki76]

The only part than I really had an issue with has been edited.

Thank you for doing that Tonya. :)

Mammograms don't hurt too bad, FYI! :D I had to have mine done, then redone to check some cysts!

And yes, I posted that "Crabby" thread before. I read this one before it was edited. I just didn't care for the (IMO) crude rederral to the male anatomy. That was the difference to me.

Settle down, folks! It's not that big of a deal, all in all.

I did find it very funny when I received it via email last week.

[kingrattus]

I giggled through the whole thing. I'm not looking forward for the squishing boob thing, but hopfully I wont have to meet it anytime soon. I'm sensitive & I'd prob scream bloodly murder hehe

[AmberLee]

Originally posted by micki76
...Mammograms don't hurt too bad, FYI!...

Not if they're done right. On the other hand, I've been in one where the 'squeezing portions weren't locked into place correctly and they 'dropped' while I was squeezed in it. I was badly bruised, hurt, and scared that time. I hope that attendant learned something from it and no one else goes through that again. Ugh.

Also my mother is biggest breasted than I am and she finds it excruciating -- differents strokes for different folks, as they say.

[carole]

Firstly I don't think Tonya meant any harm by posting this joke, only to give us a giggle, and Yes I did find it funny.

IMO the only thing wrong with the content, is that it seems to scare people about having mammograms, and that would be the only issue i would have with it at all.

I want to re-assure people, that it is different for everyone, some people find them painful, and others donot, I am fortunate to be the latter, and it can all be down to a damn good technician.

I go to a place that advertises that its mammograms are as painless as possible, and I can vouch for them completely, as the technician pointed out, it is not necessary to squeeze your boob that much, so just look around folks, I am never scared anymore of the procedure , just the results.

I thought both jokes were funny, and I am not offended by either, but I understand what some of you are saying and Guster Girl I have to agree with a lot you are saying(suprised).

:)

[lovemyshiba]

I think it's funny!!!!!
Thanks for the laugh Tonya:D

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by christa
Seems like a tizzy to me. But that's IMO.

No, I didn't know.

All I know is that I got on here tonight & was shocked to see this thread turn the way it did.

Like I said before, now I know to be more sensitive in the DogHouse.

I think you misunderstood me. You did NOT need to delete the thread. I, personally, found it hilarious, and ever so true. Men do get it too easy. ;)

I was just saying that if jokes like that were 'ok' for the Dog House...then this thread was no different...in my opinion. Its the same *type* of joke. That is all I meant. I did not mean any offense to anyone. I thought both threads were funny.

That being said, I did not see this thread until after it was edited, so I don't know what you all were referring to as *inappropriate*.

[luckies4me]

Thanks for the laugh, I needed it! :D

[RICHARD]

Thanks Tonya...

I was ready for beer and wings....

-----------------------------------------------
wow,

All this for a diagnostic test that may save a person's life.

I have found that laughing sometimes takes the scare out of situations.

-----------------------------------------

And there are two other men's diagnostic tests that are not to harsh - one that is more more live saving than uncomfortable..


Imagine this.


Your batongawongas being held by man you just met...

He tell you to turn your head and cough....

I guess I could ask for dinner before he does that.....but I like women too much.

BTW
Men have had mammograms-Yes, men can get breast cancer, too!

[cloverfdx]

I was ready for beer and wings....
LOL me too Richard :D

[Tonya]

Originally posted by RICHARD
Thanks Tonya...

I was ready for beer and wings....

-----------------------------------------------
wow,

All this for a diagnostic test that may save a person's life.

I have found that laughing sometimes takes the scare out of situations.

-----------------------------------------

And there are two other men's diagnostic tests that are not to harsh - one that is more more live saving than uncomfortable..


Imagine this.


Your batongawongas being held by man you just met...

He tell you to turn your head and cough....

I guess I could ask for dinner before he does that.....but I like women too much.

BTW
Men have had mammograms-Yes, men can get breast cancer, too!

Haha, I know! I just put the same title that it came with in my email. I guess I could have put something better. :D

Yes, men do get breast cancer too. That is very true.

[BCBlondie]

*sighs*
This is why I like the idea of an Adult DogHouse. (so that people under 18 are not offended and fights like these do not get started) :rolleyes:

[guster girl]

Originally posted by BCBlondie
*sighs*
This is why I like the idea of an Adult DogHouse. (so that people under 18 are not offended and fights like these do not get started) :rolleyes:

I didn't think it was really a fight, and, most of the posts stating it was offensive weren't by the younger people. At least I don't think they were. It wouldn't have offended me when I was a teenager. I don't think it has much to do with age, as it does personal preference, or your own sense of humor.

[jazzcat]

Originally posted by micki76


Mammograms don't hurt too bad, FYI! :D

Sorry Micki but that is the funniest thing in this whole thread to me. I guess I need to go where you go next time because OUCH! That was the most painful experience of my life - and no, I've never given birth or it would probably only be ranked second.

Also, I found nothing in that to be offensive - even for 13 year olds but I guess I read it after it was edited or something.

[carole]

It really is a shame so many of you have experienced painful mammograms, I wish I could send you all to mine, a slight tugging sensation is all I felt, and believe me I am very sensitive to pain.

Please look around and find a place with technicians, who do it properly , as it should not be an extremely painful procedure, obviously some will feel more than others, but often it is down to a bad technician, talk to other women in your area and find out if there is one better than the others.

My mother goes elsewhere, only because she has faith in them because they diagosed her Breast Cancer, but she finds it extremley painful, almost to the point of being sick, or passing out, mind you it is not good on the Breast that had the surgery, its still tender, I just wish she would try mine to see if it makes a difference.

Where I go they have a guestbook with comments , you only have to read that to feel re-assured and everyone says how comfortable it was compared to what they were expecting, they even use a warm wheatpack to heat the stainless plate up, now that is what I call service.

[jazzcat]

Wow Carole, sounds like I seriously need to look around then. Not to be too graphic but my first and only one so far was at age 30 and they had to do my right breast 8 times before giving up and doing an ultrasound. I was sick to my stomach and was on the verge of passing out by that time. It was extremely painful. I was told to have my next one in two years but seven years later I still have not gone back. I know I should and it's bad I haven't since my mother had breast cancer but the thought of it makes me so ill. I've promised I would start going regularly at age 40, three years from now.

[Karen]

jazzcat, I was told (had my first this year), that if necessary, they could do I think an MRI instead of a mammogram, that some women preferred that. Might had been an ultrasound, not sure. It was a longer wait for that, and I just wanted to get it over with, so I had a traditional mammogram. It hurt for a few seconds all told, but nothing unbearable, and the woman doing it was nice, sympathetic and said to tell her if it hurt too badly and she'd stop.

GO get it done, sweetie, because of your mom you're a higher-risk candidate, and you're too important to us and the kitties!

[jazzcat]

Thank you Karen.:)

[Cataholic]

Really, as October is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH...I think the more we talk about this, make 'light' of it, whatever, the better we are doing to advance the importance of mammograms. It is still the frontline of defense for most of us, though, equally important is MONTHLY BREAST EXAMS.....(oh, no, touching oneself??? Is that pornographic?)

I think the humor is really extra poignant AFTER you have experienced one. You just can't truly imagine....

Jazzcat, I am the momma baby of pain, and I don't even think mine hurt. So, I would shop around for a new boob lube place.

Only in America is reference to the female anatomy seen as dirty humor. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

If nothing else, this got lots of women (and younger ones, esp. ) talking about mammograms, though indirectly.

[Kfamr]

The only thing I found offensive is how it referred to the human anatomy, such a "knockers", "balls", and "hooters".

I personally wouldn't want my children (when/if I have children) going arround referring to them as such.


I have nothing wrong with the poem itself, but like I said.. just not on Pet Talk. I feel as if i'm being slammed because I simply stated that I didn't THINK it was something for a family site, but then got a reply that was immature and uncalled for.

[carole]

I agree with Donna, at least the thread has got us all talking about it, and yes with it being Breast Cancer awareness month, this is a good oportunity.

Jazzcat please please please re-consider , keep having those mammograms, especially as you are high risk like me, in my mothers case it was caught so early and she has a very good survival chance, no breast removal or anything, it was so tiny.

Your experience is unfortunate, and would put anyone off, everyones Breasts are different, and some people do feel more pain, but I do think your technician failed you.

Karen they are strongly recommending you have a mammogram and ultrasound, neither outweigh each other, in otherwords you need to have both, the ultrasound can pick them up, sometimes better, but they donot recommend just having it, you need the squeezer as well unfortunately.

I am not sure if I can afford both, its 120 for the mammogram and probably the same for that, but I sure will consider it.

I read on the internet that mammograms as we know them now might be a thing of the past in about five years, so hang on in there girls, a better less painful (for some) method is hopefully on its way.

I understand and believe people when they say its painful, my sister also says the same, and yet here is me a person sensitive to pain, who is fine.

If you feel pain, change where you go, and talk to other women and find somewhere that has a good reputation.

Please never never stop because of your bad experience, next time might be different.

Jazzcat as you are young, an ultrasound would also be very beneficial to you, as with younger women mammograms are not as successful, that is why they are not recommended before 40 , except in high risk situations as yourself.