View Full Version : Is this inappropriate or odd?

09-30-2004, 10:49 AM
I have this internet friend. He is a retired phone company lineman back east, so we hit it off since we do the same job. He is 62 years old and I am 27. We've been buddies for about 4 years now. He's married, I'm married, and we both talk all the time about our spouses. So it isn't like there's anything hanky panky going on (gag!). Anyways, he's got 3 daughters, and he says he feels like I'm one of his own daughters. He does sometimes say things like "Mike is one lucky guy." or "You are one hell of a woman." But I don't feel like he's hitting on me.

Well, him and his wife got into a very bad motorcycle crash a few months ago. Ever since then, he has a different perspective on life I guess. Well, now he always ends our conversations with "I love you. Bye." I always just reply back "Love ya too" or something...I really do care about the guy in a grandfatherly way...but is there something wrong or off about some old guy that I met on the internet telling me he loves me? Our friendship does not bother my husband, by the way.

I am asking you because I tend to be very naive.

PJ's Mom
09-30-2004, 10:50 AM
Sounds like he's saying "I love you" in a fatherly way. Perhaps being in the accident has reminded him of what he has and not to take it for granted.

Samantha Puppy
09-30-2004, 11:04 AM
No, I don't think it's inappropriate. Things like bad accidents can totally change your perspective on life - and it sounds like he's using his to change his life for the better. I am a firm believer in always letting those you love KNOW it because you never know what day is your last.

I have friends in Scotland I met through the internet. I've met them twice, once when I went over there to visit them, and then when they came over here in May to be here for my wedding. We rarely ever sign off our chats without saying "I love you!" So don't feel weird, unless he starts saying things like "I wish my wife were more like you" or "Would you ever be with an older man" or something spooky like that.

09-30-2004, 11:22 AM
When your world gets rocked and you look over the edge
after everything is over you start to look at life a little differently.

You think about everything you have done and look at what you are going to do in the future.

It the same with saying things you may regret not saying.

09-30-2004, 11:37 AM
No, I don't think it's inappropriate or odd. But, I would always ask about his wife, wish his wife well, etc. I'd would also make sure to constantly mention how happy you and your husband are. And if you guys start sending cards (birthday, Christmas, etc.), I suggest you address them to Mr. and Mrs X. That way his wife doesn't start to feel that something is "off". He's your friend and the last thing you want is to cause problems in his marriage (or yours). Also don't complain about your husband to him and if he wants to criticise his wife, ask him to stop because you don't want to hear about it.

When I was 18, I started working with a man who was 32 years older than myself. We became good friends. He was married (he said they were very happy). He was always trying to fix me up with a nice guy (his son and his son's friends). He was always there to let me cry on his shoulder when it didn't work out. When I bought a car, he co-signed for me. This was a MAJOR problem for his wife. She felt that he was too emotionally involved with me. They eventually separated and divorced. 11 years after we met, we married and have been very happy for 15 years. So, all I'm saying, is just be careful to not get too emotionally dependent on each other. There's nothing wrong with that unless it causes problems with his wife or your husband.

09-30-2004, 01:55 PM
No Tonya - I don't think it's inappropriate behaviour.

You are a very good friend to this guy and after the crash I think he's acknowledging people he cares for. I think it's rather a compliment to you. You say your hubby knows about it - there's nothing to worry about.

Carry on with this caring friendship.


09-30-2004, 02:18 PM
No, I think he's just realized through the accident to cherish the good fortune he's had in life to make great friends. I think you both are lucky to have formed such a friendship.

Miss Meow
09-30-2004, 06:52 PM
I think he's gained a new perspective on life after what's happened.

Shane is like that now with his family, too, after he nearly lost his youngest brother in a car accident. He says "I love you" to all his family now, even though none of them have built up the courage to say it back.

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - I think your radar will go off if anything wrong was happening.

09-30-2004, 08:31 PM
Tonya I have to agree with the others, I too have a very close friend online in America, we have been friends for over 3 years now,his situation is different from me, he is single, and only a few years older than myself, my husband is also ok with our friendship, infact I am always trying to find a special lady for him, as he is very lonely, infact right now he is in hospital in Mass having a double by-pass, I am anxious waiting to hear if he is ok.

We often say love ya, and send each other hugs etc, but it is platonic and pure friendship.

I would say just be careful and aware, if he starts complaining in a negative way about his spouse or you feel uncomfortable with anything he says, then you would have to question his honesty and whether he is after just friendship , but so far is sounds like that is exactly is agenda.