"AGING" BY KAREN TO BEA

[Iditarodfan]

OH HOW HARD IT IS, HOW PAINFUL TO WATCH
AS THE DIGNITY IS STRIPPED AWAY
AS CONFIDENCE DRAINS WITH EVERY PAINED MOVEMENT,
AND FEAR TAKES ITS PLACE.
HOW SCARY IT IS, WHEN THOSE WHOM WE LOVE
WHOM WE SPENT CHILDHOOD LITERALLY LOOKING UP TO
NOW LEAN ON US, EVEN AS THEY FIGHT US
A CHILD WOULD SAY "NO! I DO IT!" EVEN AS THE ELDER THINKS
"I COULD DO THAT YESTERDAY, I KNOW I COULD.
WHY HAS MY BODY BETRAYED ME? WHY CAN'T I NOW? WHY?
AND COLLAPSES IN FRUSTRATION, FEAR AND FURY,
AT THE BODY, AND AT HERSELF.
OH, MOTHER, HOW I MISS THOSE DAYS
AND HOW I WISH THAT I KNEW IF, WHEN I HOLD YOU
YOU FEEL AS SAFE AS I DID AS A CHILD, IF FOR THAT MOMENT
I GIVE SOME COMFORT, SOME CONFIDENCE BACK.
I'M TRYING YOU KNOW, I REALLY AM,
BUT AS I TRY SO HARD TO BE THE ADULT, TO BE RESPONSIBLE
TO BE, IN EFFECT, THE PARENT,
THERE IS STILL, DEEP INSIDE ME,
A CHILD WHO WANTS HER MOMMY BACK
THE ONE WHO COULD MEND ANY HURT WITH A KISS,
AND WAS SO STRONG THAT NO ONE COULD HURT HER.
AND SO WE CRY TOGETHER AND ALONE, WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING.

[Pam]

This is absolutely beautiful. I am so touched by the words that I could cry. I, too, am dealing with an aging mother. She lives alone and I visit once a week (she is 50 mi. away). I write her checks, balance her checkbook, clean, take her to the doctors, etc. Our roles are reversed now. This is a very hard time to go through, particularly with grown children that still sort of need me too. Oh to be able to turn back the hands of time, but unfortunately we can't. Everyone take time to enjoy your mom now in her younger years, while she is robust and full of health. She is a gift!! Bea, God bless you as you care for yours. I'm thinking of you.

[Sudilar]

That really made me cry. Sometimes life is just so unfair. You both have my best wishes.
Sue

[jackiesdaisy1935]

That poem does hit close to home, my husband is 72 and I'm getting up there and we find our Son and our daughter-in-law becoming Mom and Dad. We love our independence, but at times we do need help. This summer our Grandson cut our grass and painted our porch.
Our daughter-in-law is always asking what she can do, Our son does all the handyjobs we need done around the house. During vacations they want us to go and we say no, you all go the three of you and our Grandson will say Nanna it's no fun unless you and Poppa go (and he is 17) The five of us go out to dinner every Friday night. They have been a Godsend to us and our best friends.
On the other hand we are still Mom and Dad, when a big decision comes up they always come over and discuss it with us, what do we think? When our Grandson has a problem he will always talk to us about it before he tells his Mom and Dad. And maybe the last but not least there is always Mom's cooking
even if your wife is a Gourmet cook, your Mom's cooking is always the best, at least that's what our son says. Our roles are reversed to a certain degree, but in the process not only do we know how much we love each other, but we found new best friends.
No matter how old your mother or father is there is nothing like a hug from them to make you feel like a kid again.
Pam it is hard I know, I took care of my father until he passed away, frustrating at times, but worth it in the end.
Bea, just greet each morning with a smile and be glad that you can give your Mom a hug and tell her you love her.
Jackie

[ July 26, 2001: Message edited by: jackiesdaisy1935 ]

[Daisy's Mom]

Oh that poem made me cry too. Dealing with a sick parent is rough... I know. At least she was healthy for your childhood, Bea. I was not able to have that. My father is sick too. My family has to do everything for him. I am 16. But you know what? No matter how sick they get, they always love you, and vice versa. And for all the love they poured out for you while they raised you, this is only a small token of appreciation. Bea, I hope your mother gets well soon. Same to you, Pam. Keep your chins up, everyone! How can you not, with our adorable doggies? :)

[K9karen]

I've learned that so many of us on Pet Talk have similar experiences. Thank you, my wonderful friends for ALWAYS being there for me. We all agree that our pets give us solace. But to be able to also personalize our relationships too, is very comforting to me. I sincerely love you all very much. You are the best people in the world! Lots of hugs!

[ July 26, 2001: Message edited by: K9karen ]

[Logan]

Your poem was just lovely, Karen. I admire every single one of you who are dealing with sick or aging parents. My day will probably come, but hopefully not for a long, long time.

Logan

[bugmom]

The poem is wonderful! My grandmother is 99 and is sliding fast. My mother is 73 and is having her own crisis with the situation. Both my father and grandfather passed in 1999. You get good at switching on the immune to the pain switch and being the nurse caretaker, but in the moments of quiet - well, i just want my family back. I am thankful for every good moment, every fun summer vacation, every dinner at grandma & pa's house, every visit with my father. and now i am thankful that i can be the rock for these people who have done so much for me. It is the best gift i can give them...... tissue please!

[AdoreMyDogs]

Oh my gosh does that poem make me cry. It is so beautiful, yet sad because it will become a reality to everone who is close to their parents. What an honor to have your mother still with you well into her mid ninty's. I only hope I am that blessed, even if I have to be my mother's mother. She is my very best friend and I love her with all of my heart and soul.

What an incredible poem. *snif*

[Iditarodfan]

:) TO WAKE IN THE MORNING TO THIS...DOTD FANS OUR THE MOST UNDERSTANDING, CONPASSIONATE, LOVING PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET!
BUGMOM-,"HELLO,AGAIN" SAY THANKS FOR 55 YEARS OF FAMILY BLESSINGS! DAISY'S MOM- HOW DID YOU GET TO BE SO WISE AT 16? HUG DAD FOR ME! K9-SENDING PRAYERS YOUR WAY, EVERY DAY! PAM-SO VERY GLAD TO MEET A SOUL SISTER. OUR GROWN KIDS NEED US & WE NEED OUR MOMMY'S. HUG MOM FOR ME! JACKIESDAISY-MY MOM & DAD CAMPED WITH US & OUR KIDS AS THEY WERE GROWING UP. YOU & POPPA ARE THE TREASURES IN YOUR GRANDSON'S LIFE. THANKS, ALL OF YOU FOR ADDING TO THIS TOPIC & GIVING KAREN THE MUCH DESERVED RECOGNITION FOR A TOO TRUE AND BEAUTIFUL POEM. NOW GO PLAY WITH YOUR DOGS, ALL OF YOU! :) :) :)