Anorexia/Bulimia...

[Desert Arabian]

I think my friend is either bulimic or anorexic and I don't know if I should help her out, and if I should, I don't know EXACTLY what to do!? She's not an extremely close friend, she's a classmate of mine and we talk to each other a lot in school and online.

She is 5 feet 6 inches tall and weighs 96 pounds. Let me repeat that: 5'6" 96 pounds Now, if you ask me, that is insane.

She is in my gym class, oh my lord, seeing her in a swimsuit is startling. She's all bones and skin with some muscle tone. If I were to hug her, I could reach around her and touch my shoulder blades. If I remember correctly she's in a size 0 and they are even a little loose on her sometimes.

The only thing I have seen her eat are doritos, popcorn, and bagles. I have seen her drink apple juice, soda, and chocolate milk. That's it.

What should I do? Anyone have any advise? Try to get her help, or leave her alone?

(I think I have a full-body picture of her somewhere, let me dig around and see if I can find one...)

[guster girl]

Get her some help. That is way underweight. Do you think she would talk to you? I've never been in that situation, but, I know it's not good to let it go. I bet you could look on line for a hotline or something. Or even talk to your counselor.

[sirrahbed]

:( Hubby and I are teachers as well. I agree with guster girl - you are being a good friend. If I were you - I would seek out a counselor or trusted teacher at school and let them sort it out.

[Karen]

I agree - talk to her, ask her about it, and if she denies having any problem, talk to a trusted teacher, counselor, or even her parents.

[Kfamr]

I WOULDN'T talk to a teacher/counselor. Those are the last people a teenager with problems wants to talk to.

I'd talk to her, very seriously... ask her about herself.
If she doesn't open up to you, i'd go to one of her close friends or siblings (if any that are close) and ask them about her, and if they'd be willing to help you help her.

[CathyBogart]

HOLY COW! I'm 5'6", 120lbs, and have thought I needed to gain some weight! O.O

Talk to her, and if that doesn't work, to her parents. Seriously...she may be angry tht you did, but she'll understand in the end. Believe me, I've been there. :( :( :(

[Soledad]

I had this same dilemma when I was in 8th grade. A friend of mine was a hardcore bulemic. She used to tell me about it often and I was too afraid of making her angry by telling anyone that I just kept it to myself. Then one day she told me she was starting to vomit blood. It was at that point that I could no longer stay silent. I told a teacher that we both had that I trusted. She talked to my friend and later contacted my friend's mother. It took a while, and my friend was mad at me, but she got the help she needed and stopped hurting herself.

Sometimes, it's not easy being a good friend and you have to make choices that may end up hurting someone or ending the friendship, but better that than not taking any action.

Eating disorders KILL. Remember that.

[popcornbird]

5' 6" and 96 pounds?!?!?! :eek: My goodness! That IS insane!!!

I have a friend who is 5' 3'', and weighs 87 pounds. She THINKS she is at a proper weight. She ISN'T!!! Its so scary giving her a hug because I feel like I'm hugging a skeleton.........seriously. It feels like she's going to break! :p EVERYONE tells her she needs to gain weight.............EVERYONE. She doesn't understand. She keeps saying she doesn't want to EVER hit 100 pounds. She was once at my house along with several other friends, and we were trying to get her to understand that she NEEDS to eat well, and that what she is doing isn't good for her. All she did was insist she likes being thin and will try her best never to hit 100 pounds. *sigh* We all told her that was illogical. We are a pretty close group of friends, so we can tell her practically anything, without hesitating, and without her getting upset. Unfortunately, it DOESN'T work. I don't know how to advise you, but I must say 96 pounds at that height, doesn't sound healthy at all.

[Dogz]

I really do not think that your friend would want to talk to a conselor. Talk to her yourself. If she doesn't want to listen to you, talk to her parents, siblings, or close friends. She needs to understand that she could get seriously ill.

[G.P.girl]

well i'm about 5"6 and 136 lbs:o (even though i'm trying to loose alot now.) it's alot of muscule (sp?) wieght though
but that's waaay underwieght i think. you should talk to her, maybe bring it up casually.

[PayItForward]

I do think it is a good idea to speak to your friend yourself.

But you are under 18, you also need to alert an responsible adult to the situation.

Maybe your mum can talk to her parents or her doctor.

Good Luck.

[Cataholic]

Soledad tagged it right- eating disorders kill. While talking to her might make YOU feel better, it isn't, in all liklihood, make a difference in her. This is as much of a physological disorder as it is a physical disorder. You should talk to any trusted adult, and let them get/lead/force her into getting some help.:(

[DoggiesAreTheBest]

This will be a very touchy subject to your friend if she does indeed have an eating disorder. I battled with anorexia for 7 years. It wasn't pretty and I lost alot of friends who tried to help me. Things got really bad for my parents. I was in and out of the hospital for 7 years. Not only is my immune system still suffering from it, but the disease has left many other "scars." The worst of them is my obsession with my weight. I will never get over it.

Talking to your friend may not be the right approach since she will probably turn you away. (People with eating disorders do not want to be helped. They are in denial.) It makes me wonder where her parents are. I would probably be dead today if it weren't for my parents. They battled the disease with me! You say she eats chips and drinks. Then she is most likely Bulimic.

I am not sure if you can trust the councelor at school to keep your concern confidential. Perhaps voicing your worries to them would make them contact her parents and hopefully get that poor girl some help!

Best of luck to you.

[catland]

She is blessed to have you as a friend since you care about what happens to her.

Talk about this to your mom or another trusted grown-up. That is what they are there for.

[lizbud]

Originally posted by catland
She is blessed to have you as a friend since you care about what happens to her.

Talk about this to your mom or another trusted grown-up. That is what they are there for.

I agree with this approach. It will probably take an involved
adult somewhere along the line to get her help, if she needs it.
If you really don't know this girl, how do you know if she has
medical problems or what they might be? She does seem very
thin to me, BUT, it could be a lot of things.

[4 Dog Mother]

Christy dealt with anorexia in high school and I know that when her friends said anything she blew them off. People dealing with eating disorders do not see themselves as they really are. They look in mirrors and still see themselves as FAT. Saying something to her won't help. You need to go to another adult so they can contact her parents or contact her parents yourself. She won't get the help on her own.

It could be that her parents are aware and are trying to get help. Finding someone even in this day and age to give her the help she needs can be a difficult process. We had Christy going to a doctor who supposedly knew how to help her. Her school counselor called me at work one day and said some of the teachers were concerned because she had lost so much weight and were we aware and doing something about it. That doctor was a flake - even came to a point where he said Carl and I needed counseling because Christy wanted to be a vegetarian and we were trying to make her eat meat! We made some phone calls, found a counselor that could help and a new doctor. Things didn't change overnight but eventually she did put on the weight she needed. Even today though she worries alot about her weight. I agree with Sourya that she will never get over her obsession with weight.

Your friend needs help. Be a friend and go to an adult, please.

[Vio&Juni]

I wouldn't rush to make a big thing out of it, until I notice something serious about it. Remember, she's 15 (right, Laura?) years old. Some girls are very thin at this age. I was this way, my sister still is very thin and it's not an eating disorder, and it wasn't in my case too. I was 22 yo and at 5'1" I was about 88 pounds. There are different reasons for this.

In our schools, we pass a mandatory test in the beginning of the year and at the end - weight, height, and other medical tests if needed. A doctor could tell more about it.

If you notice that she doesn't eat at the cafeteria (if you have one), or if she eats, but she goes to the bathroom immediately, or if she's taking laxatives or other pills (very often a person with problems will try to take them as no one notices), then talk to her, talk to her parents or a councelor at school. Keep an eye on her, anyway.

[leslie flenner]

Tell an adult who will be helpful! Just this March I learned of a friend who had died in Dec. She started her anorexa at age 17 (we were in high school) and it finally killed her. Her parents were involved in knowing but am not sure how much family counseling happened- it would've been 1975 when this started. I last saw her about 8 years ago and she looked like crap (but did not present as though she felt bad). She was very much a "winner" and had learned the Russian language and been to Russia. Being over-achievers is a trait of eating disorders. They are trying to "please" the family. (Correct me if I'm wrong those in the know with current info- that was what I last understood).
This is a FAMILY PROBLEM!! You will feel better once you know the family is aware and the right resources are being used. And by the way, there is no cut and dry "treatment". But she may need medical attention if not now, then soon, which would lead to getting help emotionally.
You are a good "not really a friend"!!!

[halliecat]

When I was in high school, I was 5' 8" and 105 pounds...I was healthy but picky eater...I had always been under a doctor's care since I was so underweight...

You should talk to your freind and see what is going on. She should be seeing someone if she is not. If she is, she should be glad someone is so concernes.

BTW I now weigh between 135 - 140 lbs depending on the time of the month!

[leslie flenner]

Any update? What's happening???

[Desert Arabian]

Well, she and I went on an art field trip together to the Milwaukee Art Museum. When we were there she ate a HUGE slice of pizza. These pizza slices were so huge they were practically the size of a whole pizza. She also had a large 64 oz. soda. And today in art class she had some bottled water. The other day I saw her eating a little bag of popcorn.

I do see her eating, but still, it worries me, even if it is not anorexia/buliema causing her to be skinny, it's still has to be dangerous- it HAS to be, I mean, omg, she's like a rail...I need to get a picture of her, you have to see her, it's scary. :(

[luckies4me]

Is it possible she could be suffering from some other sort of illness?

[slleipnir]

I knew a girl in school who was incredibly skinny. I don't know howmuch she weighed, but I thought she had anorexia. Anyway, my cousin was like best friends with her and said it was some other problem..I don't remember what it's called, but it's nothing to do with her not eating. Could it be that?

As for anorexia and bulimia, I unfortantly had a front row seat in seeing how bad it can be. My sister had and I guess is still struggling with it a little bit. She seems to pretty much be over it but it's hard. She is around 5'6 - 5'8 at one point she weight 70 pounds. So yeah, she was in the hospital with feeding tubes almost at the point where should was very close to death. If you suspect something, I wouldn't leave it. There definitally is a time when it's 'too late'. However, anorexia people tend to be very defensive if you say stuff like that to them. I'm notsure how you would go about it, but I think if that's what it is, something should be done. Does she go to the bathroom after she eats?

[CamCamPup33]

I'm not sure if you already talked to her or not, but i didn't see this thread before..

Im 5'6, and i weigh 106 pounds.. I eat and everything, i mean i eat.. :p But i just don't gain weight. Period. I'm not anorexic or bulimic, i just don't gain weight.. If you ask her you might hurt her feelings. I know if someone asked me that i would be hurt, because i am skinny, and i hate it.. So if you aren't almost positive i wouldn't ask.

That's just my two sense.