Would you be angry if your child chose/s a different belief?

[Kfamr]

Just curious.

I plan to let my children decide for themselves, as long as they are not hurting themselves, someone else, or forcing their beliefs onto someone else.

Why? Because my future-children may "be a part of me", but they are (in the future) different people than I am, thus they have their own minds and can decide who/what they want to be.

[Logan]

How can you "make" your child do anything? They could even fake it, it they wanted, just due to your "rules". I would hope that the way I live my life would encourage my child to follow my beliefs. So far, so good, but one can never know for sure until their children are adults. "Making" one do something is rarely the right path, at least as far as religion is concerned, I think.

My two cents.

Logan

PS. I did not vote.

[Kfamr]

Originally posted by Logan
How can you "make" your child do anything? They could even fake it, it they wanted, just due to your "rules". I would hope that the way I live my life would encourage my child to follow my beliefs. So far, so good, but one can never know for sure until their children are adults. "Making" one do something is rarely the right path, at least as far as religion is concerned, I think.

My two cents.

Logan

PS. I did not vote.

I don't believe you can make anyone do anything, but I know some people who are forced to go to religious private schools and believe in what their parents do, which they would rather go to a normal public school and rather not believe in their parents beliefs..

The question is though, would you be upset if your child did not believe in what you did?

[Tonya]

I would let Jaden decide for himself. I would not be angry, but I would be very disappointed if his beliefs were drastically different then mine though. I want him to believe in and love God. All the minor details of religion wouldn't bother me much though.

He's his own individual person though. I can only try my best to lead him. The choices that me makes in life are up to him.

[Logan]

I can only hope, KayAnn, that the way I live and what I believe will make an inpact on my children's lives. I have one blood related daughter, Helen, and two step children. Scott and I try very hard to live right and have the children live up to our expectations.

Would I be disappointed if they ventured away from our beliefs? Yes, you'd better believe it, I would. If they were to choose another religion, another lifestyle,etc, it would be disappointing. But would I love them less? Absolutely not!!! We all do what we can as far as loving and letting our children know what we believe and hope that some of that will "stick", but we have no assurances. The best thing we can do is live by example, and that is what my husband and I try to do, as well as my ex-husband and his wife (how good is that?? :) ) How many parents out there have lived right, tried to teach the right values, and had children that went the other way? Tons of them, for sure. We just do what we can and hope for the best. I hope this is enough.

[G.P.girl]

since i grew up with no religion i want my children (if i have any) to grow up with no religion then they can decide for themsleves when they are old enough.

[catnapper]

All you can do with children is raise them with the beliefs you follow and then send them out into the world with all of the information they've learned throughout the years. If they decide to follow another religion, then its up to them to do so.

I had a friend who was absolutely appaled that her Catholic daughter converted to Judiasm. It wasn't the daughter converted... it was the fact that the the daughter had no problem putting aside the emotional attachment and feelings of Mary, Jesus... the whole New Testament. She couldn't understand why the daughter embraced the new religion without feeling tossed around logically.

Think about it: many of us define our lives through our religion whether or not we are consciously aware of it. I love Hydrengas (sp?) because they remind me of 2nd grade when we had the May procession and the beautiful wreath of flowers around Mary's head... how can I tie that memory and the tenderness and reverence I felt/feel for Mary when I'm changing religions to the belief that she did not exist? Thats a bit hard... and thats what the mother was upset and concerned about. I'd never be able to switch because of that emotional attachment. Did I make myself clear? I hope so.:D

[GoldenRetrLuver]

My mom and I were talking about this a few days ago.
My family isn't very 'religious', so to speak, but we consider ourselves Catholic. My mom was brought up to believe in God; she went to chuch every single Sunday, was baptized, read the Bible, etc. but now that she has my sister and I, she isn't strict at all concerning things like that. We still go to church a couple times a year, but basically only for holidays. She would not be disappointed, betrayed, or anything like that if we chose to follow a different religion, and the same goes with my father. IMO, a child should be allowed to follow whatever religion they choose, as long as they aren't hurting themselves, other people, or forcing their beliefs on other people like you said.

Since I don't plan to have any kids in my life, I don't think I can answer this. :p

[Pam]

Logan has done a beautiful job in answering this question for me. I almost felt I didn't need to reply. :) Would I be upset if they chose a different faith? - most definitely. Would I love them less. Absolutely not!!! The Bible says "train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." My husband is quick to point out to me the words "when he is old." In other words most children and people in general go through phases and changes in their lives. He feel that what this is saying that they may have the inclination to depart from what they were taught as children, but the seed has taken root and will not die but rather take hold and bear fruit as they mature. Fortunately for me I really don't have to worry as my children are grown and have embraced our faith and believe it for themselves wholeheartedly. I couldn't vote because I wouldn't be mad, but I sure would have been sad.

[Logan]

I didn't vote either, Pam. I just couldn't. All we can do is live our lives, speak out when we have the opportunity, and hope for the best. If any of your ever have questions about our Christianity, all you have to do is ask. There are many of us hoping and ready to answer. :)

Love you all, regardless of your beliefs.

Logan

[carole]

My children will be making their own decision here, it often seems that children who have religion drummed into them day and night, rebell and go the other way, I think a nice happy medium is probably best.,but is that ever achievable.?

I Have to ask myself though, because I offer my kids no beliefs, does that mean they will also choose not to have religion in their lives, so far it seems to be the case, my son certainly has not chosen to, and I don't think my daughter will either.

I Just wonder if I am doing them an injustice, although my daughter has had the opportunity to be amongst several different religions and race due to her choice of friends, which I think can only be a good thing.,I do often wonder if I am doing the right thing, but I Cannot pretend to have a belief I don't have just to give my children these choices.

Does anyone understand where I am coming from on this one?just curious?

P.S if either my children choose a particular religion , I would support their choice.

[Kfamr]

I think you're doing absolutely fine, Carole.
No matter how sheltered (not saying your children are) or how out there someone is, we're ALWAYS going to run into different and many religions. It's up to that person, in my opinion, to follow what they want. If they chose not to have religion in their lives, then that's completely their choice. If they chose to, that's their choice as well. Only their choice.

[Miss Meow]

I'm not religious and don't plan to have children, but IF I did, I hope I'd be open minded enough to give the child a broad religious education and allow him/her to make a decision.

If I've been entrusted to raise a child, the least I could do is provide an open mind and develop the same in my offspring.

(as long as the little bugger doesn't become a zealous Amway seller ;))

[Twisterdog]

I would be upset if my child turned out to be a drug-addict, an alcoholic or a criminal.

I would be thrilled if my child found a belief - ANY belief - that led him to live a good life, and be a good person.

To truly love a child is to let go of that child, and watch them live their own lives. The best we can hope for is that they are happy, productive, healthy people. What religion - if any - they choose sometimes should be the very least of a parents worries.

[popcornbird]

I could not vote either.

I believe that God has given mankind the freedom of choice. No one can force something upon anyone else. I will definitely raise my children with faith, teaching them about our religion, about God, about the Prophets, about Heaven and Hell, about what we believe in, etc. I will give them a clear picture of their faith, who they are, etc. while they are young. Of course, when kids grow up, every individual chooses what they want themselves. I cannot say I would be *angry* if my kids decided to choose a different faith. I would be heartbroken.............I would be sad, BUT, I will raise my kids with faith, and hopefully they will choose what they see as right, just as I did. I wish to teach my children the values I grew up with. My parents never forced me with anything..........just taught me, and when I grew up, I chose to stay on my faith on my own, because I see it as light, as guidance, as something that keeps me from going astray, as something that gives me a vision for my life, for my future, and it is something that makes so much sense to me. I can only pray that my kids will grow up to see God's teachings as light and guidance too, and I can hope and pray that they would never stray from God's teachings. I will try my best to raise them in a way that faith would be something deeply embedded in their hearts and souls. I *would* be disappointed if they left their faith. I would not love them any less, but I would be sad.

[CathyBogart]

Well as an adamently childfree person this doesn't directly apply to me, but I can answer a firm "no". IF the circumstances should ever arise where I was the primary caretaker of any child (Goddess forbid) I would not try to bias them in any way. Everyone should be able to choose.

It upsets me that my parents had me baptised catholic as a baby. I had no choice in the matter, and with the knowledge I have now I would not choose it. :(

[carole]

PCB really does have it all together IMO, she intends to teach her children the faith and hope they will continue in it, but regardless she is a true christian because she will continue to love her children despite their personal choices, she is a very young wise old owl lol, and any children she has in the future will indeed be very lucky to have such a wonderful mother..:)

[popcornbird]

Originally posted by carole
PCB really does have it all together IMO, she intends to teach her children the faith and hope they will continue in it, but regardless she is a true christian because she will continue to love her children despite their personal choices, she is a very young wise old owl lol, and any children she has in the future will indeed be very lucky to have such a wonderful mother..:)

I'm not a Christian though. I'm am Muslim. :p

I would, honestly, be very very upset and disappointed if my kids left their faith. What I meant by my post is that every person has a mind of their own. You cannot force them, but as a parent, I would put right and wrong before them, and teach them my faith by showing them a very clear picture, and comparing between other faiths. Hopefully I will raise them in a way in which their faith will be embedded in their hearts, and they would never leave it. I *would* be upset if they left their faith. VERY upset. I would feel like an utmost failure, and I would worry about what would happen to them in the hereafter. Nonetheless, I couldn't vote, because angry really, isn't the word I would use. Disappointment, is what I would define as a better term.

[carole]

PCB sorry I am well aware you are a muslim, I mean't no offence, I was paying you a compliment girl, I donot have a faith, but to me a christian is anyone who believes in god and is kind, loving and caring and a law-abiding citizen, that is my belief.:) and from what I know of you, I consider you to be all of the above ok.;)

[IttyBittyKitty]

I would teach my child from a young age about the ubiquitous concept of "God" ... but as they got older, I will teach them about different religions and beliefs, and let them make the choice that fits them best.

[2kitties]

I pray my children will be happy. I'll do my best to teach them right from wrong and help them understand why their parents think the way they do. And hopefully, I'll have happy children who grow up to become happy adults. I hope to teach them love and tolerance for people different then themselves. And that's pretty much the best I can hope for:)!

[lat192004]

As long as it was not Satanic or something just to be contrary to what I believe. There is nothing as wild as a preacher's son, I have known a few. To force someting down a kids throat will always turn out bad. Usually a child will follow what the parents believe. That's usually what you do when you are a child, follow your parents example. How many children are mature enough to make that kind of decision?

[Dogz]

Originally posted by GoldenRetrLuver

Since I don't plan to have any kids in my life, I don't think I can answer this. :p

Ditto. My pets can decide on their own. ;)

But for kids, IMO, they can decide for themselves. They are their own person. Hopefully I would raise them well enough to follow in my footprints, whatever that may be, but if they do not, no, I would not be mad. It is their own decision, and if they are old enough to make a decision like that, I cannot 'make' them change their mind.

[LoudLou]

Let me start by saying... I am sorry it's long.

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness. Growing up I had NO choice but to follow the beliefs of my parents. Exploring other religions or beliefs was totally out of the question. Even questioning the Jehovah’s Witness belief was punishable.

It took me years in therapy to learn that there is a difference in teaching children the morals and values that you, as a parent/guardian want to instill in them so that they might lead a happy, healthy life and forcing them to believe as you do without giving them an opportunity and encouraging them to develop their own.

The relationship that one has with God (If they choose to believe in one, many or none at all.) is a very personal one. Sharing your belief and leading by example while encouraging them to develop their own, is (IMO) much more beneficial to all.

My sister (we weren’t raised together, found each other 2 years ago) was raised in a family that was both Baptist and 7th Day Adventist, however at home one could not openly discuss either. As a result my sister spent years and much confusion looking for what she believed in or to find some sense of faith. Last year she went from being Pagan/Wiccan to becoming a full on Christian. While my viewpoints don’t necessarily jive with hers they are hers and not mine. It has taken a few months to sort this out, but I think we are getting there. We are finally starting to have an open dialogue without her trying to “save me and set me free.” I love her to pieces and am very proud of the zeal and growth she has shown in who she has become.

My belief now is that there is a God and I don’t need to belong to a religion of any special kind to have God in my life. When I pray I believe God hears me. When I ask for help/ guidance I believe I get it. I believe that there is no right or wrong answer for what one believes. Free will allows us the opportunity to explore and seek out knowledge and then decide for ourselves what to believe.
:)

[carole]

My daughter's friend is being raised in the jehovah religion, she attends church regularly, her mother does not have anything to do with the faith, she tells my daughter her father pays her to read the teachings, now to me if you have to do that, there is something not quite right here,her father is a nice old guy(he is old enough to be my father) but he has tried to give my daughter books, and this I DONOT appreciate, however she has politely declined them, so no problem has arisen from it, I know he means well, but he should have asked us first don't you think?

[ramanth]

No, I would not be angry if my child decided to follow a different path, just as long as that path does not hurt anyone or themselves.

I actually plan to encourage any children I may have to study all the religions and find one that fits them best. :)

[Cataholic]

This is a really interesting topic for me, in my current state of momhood. I was raised with religious instruction. Is that the right word for growing up in a house where we went to church each Sunday, attended confirmation classes, bible school? We weren't bible thumpers, by a long shot. But, morals/values/christian behaviour was taught. I am Presbyterian, btw.

I don't regularly attend church today (or any day). But, have wondered what will I do when I have my baby. Lilycat and I have discussed this. She really supports a religous upbringing. To deprive my child of one would be 'wrong', or a shame, in her opinion. I feel to deprive him/her of one would be a parental misdeed. I don't think I want my child to grow up without some relgious foundation. If this is the same one he/she turns away from at some age..that is 'ok'. I mean I won't like the decision, but, at least he/she will be turning away from something. There isn't any guarentee that what I teach/bring my child up will be the same thing that child will take with him/her forever.

As to 'letting my child decide'...YIKES! Should I let my child decide if education is the primary way to get ahead in this world? Should I let my child decide if law abiding ways are the better route to happiness? Should I let my child decide that kindness is better than spite? No, absolutely not. My child is my child. She/he will be brought up the way I see fit. And, if that means by exposing him/her to regular religious instruction of MY BELIEFS, so be it. I could do a far cry worse. Hello early Sunday mornings...

[sirrahved]

I wouldn't be angry, per se, but I am what I am because I believe it is right. I think lots of other denominations tread dangerous water in their salvation beliefs, and other religion go without saying. I would listen to why they think what they think, and if they chose a dif. denom. I wouldn't have too much problem with it.

If they chose a different religion I would worry greatly about their salvation, and try to convince them that they were wrong, but I still wouldn't be "mad." I think that's the wrong terminology.

[carole]

Johanna I have to respectfully disagree with some of your comments, I donot think I have deprived my children by not bringing them up in any religion, just because I have chosen to let them decide if they want religion in their lives or not, does not mean I let them decide everything in their lives, this is just one particular thing that I believe is my right as their parent to do, just as it is your right to teach them a faith, your choice, its a very personal thing, certainly not a parental misdeed as you put it, of course you are entitled to your opinion, and I know you are speaking about how you wish to raise your child, I am not at all offended by your comments, but I just differ from them.

I have often asked myself that same question am I doing the right thing,? but yes I believe so, they are taught values, morals etc by us both, I am a law-abiding citizen, and just because I donot enter a church every sunday, does not make me a bad example to my children, infact i know of many who attend church regularly and lead lives that are not so high and moral, and to me they are hippocrites, I live a good decent life, and I think that is what really matters here, just MHO.

I know none of your thread was directed at me personally or anyone else, but I Just felt the need to say this, hope you don't mind.:)

[Cataholic]

Carole,
Nope, I don't mind a bit! Of course my post wasn't directed towards anyone! Not by a long shot. But, it is my internal reckoning of what I will/won't do, and how I feel about it. I just don't know what I will do...I looked in the "What to Expect When You Are Expecting" book, and just couldn't find the answer! :D

[carole]

I am sure Johanna when bubs arrives and grows older you will know what is the right thing to do, one never knows for sure if you make the right decisions where your kids are concerned , but we can only do our best, parenting is the hardest job in the world, and there is no handbook unfortunately, but I can assure you its the most rewarding, even if those rewards are little and not too often lol.:)but when they come they are worth their weight in gold.