Unhappy Calico

[MommaCat]

Dear Friends,
This is my first post on this forum. I am at my wits end and hope I can get some good loving advice.
We have two cats. One is 13 1/2 years old Calico. Shadow... The other we just adopted. He is 6 years old, male named Clayton.Before we adopted Clayton, we had another male, big orange baby named Pumpkin. Pumpkin crosed over last April with Liver cancer. He and Shadow were raised together. He was the diminat one and she always being a Calico retreated to the background. After Pumpkin died, she came out of her shell. She became the Princess. Never allowing us to pick her up, she let us pet her and she became more relaxed, relaxing in my study and sleeping with us at night.
In January we adopted a male 6 year old from our local awesome SPCA, where Pumpkin and Shadow were adopted from. It was love at first sight and CLayton came home with us. We did what everyone said to do. We kept them separated and tried to initiate them slowly.
When they finally saw each other up close and p[ersonal, Shadow hissed and growled and chased him away. She is NOT Happy that he is here. She still hisses and growls if he walks in the same room. The tables seem to have turned and he now will chase her.
She is now retreated back into herself. She stays in the podwer room bath room or hides behind a sofa oe my husband's desk. She no longer comes in my study or sleeps with us. My heart is breaking. I love my little girl so much. I don't know what to do. I love them both.
Calicos are "special" unto themselves, as we all know. What do I do? I try an dpet her and kiss her.. she is still upset with me. What do I do?
Our vet said leave them be. THey will work it out. But every day I see her retreat more and more into herself. I had to get a litter box an dput it in the powder room becasue she won't go downstairs any more.
PLEASE other lovers of cats help me help my Princess.

BLessings,
MommaCat

[jenluckenbach]

Most importantly, how long have you had Clayton? TIME is your best friend. (and sometimes you need a LOT of it)

[MommaCat]

Clayton came to us in January.. and they have been up close and personal for the past month.

MommaCat

[jenluckenbach]

Too soon to panic then. Has there been ANY sign of improvement. Or has the situation just gotten worse and worse?

[MommaCat]

That's hard to say. Last week Clayton came tearing down the stairs after Shadow an dthey both knocked over a plant. :p
Since then... I dunno.. what they do during the day when we are away is unknown. CLayton I think stays in the basement, looking out the window or up in his "fort" which is behind the basement steps on boxes covered with soft blankets. Shadow probably stays in the bathroom.
No hissing or growling lately. I am just so worried about her.. or is she playing me like a violin? She knows what buttons to push... She knows her Momma loves her to pieces and I am worried about her.
My husband says that Clayton is just happy to be someplace where he is loved and safe. He is very laid back. Any more so and that boy would be in a coma.

Blessings,
Momma Cat

[jenluckenbach]

He is very laid back. Any more so and that boy would be in a coma.
LOL :D:D

She probably does have some feelings of betrayal about you right now. I would probably start with giving her a lot of attention in the room of her choosing. But then, force her to come out to you to get that attention (even if that means sitting right outside the bathroom door until she comes to you). Then move a little further away and entice her to come to you. Use her favorite toy, activity or treat to lure her to you and then pet and praise her in a way that you know that she likes.

[MommaCat]

THat's a good idea..... except she HATES any treats. Pumpkin was my 20 pound I'll eat anything boy. Clayton was abused and loves to eat. He has gained over 1/2 pund since January! That boy loves to eat!
Shadow is my Princess....eats ONLY cat food... NEVER any treats....she is also stubborn......LOrd knows where she gets that from... must be from my husband!:D

I cannot tell how refreshing this is to be able to talk with people that love cats.

I am a Reiki Practitioner an dhave also tried that on Shadow. She is not very accepting of that, but I try.
I love her, and just hope that she will come back to me. I miss her and I tell her that all the time. I tell her how much I love her, and ask her to come keep me company. She paces when she is out of the bathroom.. Paces paces.

Sh eis giving me gray hair!
Blessings,
Momma Cat

[jenluckenbach]

She is giving me gray hair
Most kids do :p

[slick]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles MommaCat, and I see one of our "experts" Jen is helping you along. I've never been in this situation so all I can do is offer up my heartfelt support and prayers.

I also want to welcome you to Pet Talk. Yes, we talk and talk and talk about pets and how much we love them. You will find that you can never brag too much about your furbabies. :D When you settle down I'd love to see some pictures of Shadow and Clayton.

[MommaCat]

Dear Slick and Jen,
THANK you so very very much for your warm welcome and helpful hints.
Shadow is in the bathroom sink. JIm took a picture of her hiding just above the rim of the sink. She is adorable... pecuiliar, but adorable.
We both spend time with her in the powder room......she is regressing and I am feeling like it is all my fault. I have so much rrom in my heart for so many babies... and when I saw Clayton it was love at first sight. He, his Momma and his sister were badly abused and dumped on the doorstep of our local SPCA.WHen we adopted Shadow she had also been abused. The acrs of abuse last a lifetime.
I have a dear friend that is also a reiki Practitioner as I am, she is also an animal communicator and has told me what these angels have been thru. She also goes with me to the SPCA and "talks" to the babies that have serious behavioral problems. Dear Lord.... what these precious ones have been thru is truly a crime.
Beaten, thrown, yelled at, startved. hiding in fear. So help me God if it's the last thing I do I WILL change this. No more Shadows, and CLaytons thathave to live in fear.
When our daughter graduates from college next year, I hope to leave my job with Hospice and start my own Hospice/sanctuary for animals.

This is so wonderful to have new freinds to talk with about our fuzzies.
Blessings be yours,
Momma Cat

[MommaCat]

ok....
I just went to check on Shadow.. she is still sitting in the bathroom sink.. an dthere sitting by the door that goes to the garage which is right by that bathroom was Clayton... Just sitting there.. behaving.. but nevertheless sitting outside the bathroom.
Is he tormenting her or does he want to make nice?

I am getting older by the minute.
Momma Cat:p

[Lilith Cherry]

Hi there!

I'm sure he justs wants to be friendly! With all the love they must feel in your home I am convinced that things will turn out fine although it may a while to happen.

Good luck and the furry gang here and I will keep you in our thoughts!

[catnapper]

Welcome to PT Mommacat.

We all love our cats very much here. I know what you mean about a cat regressing into themselves, because our Allen (a 20 pound orangie) was best buds with aour small dog who died two years ago. He started to become very quiet and withdrawn. Our other dog tolerates Allen but won't play with him the way Sammie did. Quite by accident we adopted Pouncer; Allen woke up from his sleep. He's now outgoing and the loving charismatic cat he once was.

How can you get you sweetie back to herself? As Jen said, a month is not that long of a time for the two to get to know each other. Sounds like Clayton wants to become friends with Shadow. Its hopefully a matter of time before she makes nice with him. She's probably still upset that her home is invaded by a newcomer and resentful that you are sharing your affections with him. My Nicki (the big dog) is still jealous of Pouncer - and he's been ruling the house since July!:D Sometimes I wish we could just talk to our pets and ask them what's wrong... and get and answer it return!

[Denyce]

It sounds like things might be calming down just a tad. I know how heartbreaking these things can be. I have been there. I have found that once they stop trying to chase or tear one another apart that one way of easing tensions is to play with the both of them. Take a toy like a feather on a stick or something and get them to start playing with it. It has worked with mine a few times since they start to focus on something other than each other.

Denyce

[PayItForward]

It might be worth seperating them again.

Give your girl a lot of loving and very very slowly repeat the introduction.

You sound experienced with introductions so you probually won't need to read my link, but just in case....
http://www.piftails.com/Solo_IntroducingNewCat.html

[MommaCat]

Dear new friends,
Thank you all for your warmth and caring regarding my flaky fuzzy. She has been out of the bathroom sink and pacing around the house. I cannot thank you all enough for your kindness and caring. It means so much to me.
If I Knew how to post pictures, I would post one of her peeking over the rim of the sink from last night. Clayton is in the basement.. looking out of the window, It's dark outside but that boy is still looking.
With all of your prayers, encouragement and support I know that Shadow will come around.....maybe before I die.. bit I know she'll come around:D
Clayton insists on playing with Momma in the middle of the night. He loves to sleep beween my legs. Jim said he must feel safe that way. He also likes to sleep on my stomach and chest. I am little so he keeps falling off!:D Does he bother his "daddy"?Noooooo he knows MOmma will put up with him. He has been so starved for love I don't have the heart to push him away. I pet him while I am asleep....our daughter slept thru the night better then he does! I have forgotten what it's like! Elizabeth is 21, so it's been a long time between being up in the middle of the night!

Lilith Cherry, what are you doing in China? Have you been there long and do you lik eit? We lived on Okinawa for 4 years and loved it.

BLessings Light an dlove to all of you!
MommaCat

[MommaCat]

Evening all,
Well Shadow came out of the bathroom sink for awhile.She followed us around. Then Clayton came upstairs from his "fort". He was a good boy. He laid under the kitchen table, then hopped on the family room sofa. Shadow was nowhere to be found. He got bored and has disappeared again. I looked and she is hiding behind the sofa.
No sounds from them...but she is the one that is now hiding, and she was the one that started this by growling and hissing at him.I think he'd like to be friends.
I am seriously thinking of drinking that RESCUE REMEDY myself!:D
KIDS! 2 or 4 legged! Our daughter never gave us the gray hairs like these two fuzzies are!
Gotta love 'em. Lord But I adore them all. If I could.. I'd have a houseful....
Mommacat

[jenluckenbach]

I am seriously thinking of drinking that RESCUE REMEDY myself
YES, A few of us have taken that route :p :D

It does sound like he WANTS to be friends. She'll melt in time.:)

[MommaCat]

Can I get the large economy size of RESCUE REMEDY for myself???


BLessings,
Momma Cat.

[Sweetie's Mom]

Hi Mommacat --

I had a similar situation with my alpha male cat when I brought 2 new cats into the house, the second one about 4 weeks after the first one. They were both rescue cats, one having lived outside for a while and had 4 babies that she finally showed to me. Anyway, I found homes for the babies and kept the mom and the alpha male cat didn't like that at all. It took MONTHS for them to learn to tolerate each other. When I brought the next cat into the house (who was about 5 weeks old at the time), about 4 weeks after the mom, my alpha male cat loved her. To see them together you would have thought my alpha male was its mother. Go figure.

Now, about 10 months later, the mom cat has made it clear that yes, she will stay in the same room with the alpha male cat but she clearly thinks he's a total drip. He will chase her sometimes and she will run - to a point. I have found the mom cat standing over the alpha male, just reading him the riot act a few times, very loudly and very angrily. And he lays on the floor, avoids looking at her, and just takes it. So I feel confident that if he really gets on her nerves, she'll let him know that she's not happy. Personally, I think he now just wants to play with her and she's letting him know that he is not forgiven for the way he treated her when she first started to live there.

Hang in there, MommaCat. Letting them work it out is 75% of what it takes - the other 25% is lots of love and attention from you..

[MommaCat]

Hi Sweetie's Mom!
THank you so much for your encouraging words! Do you REALLY think she will calm down an dlearn to at least tolerate Clayton?

Yesterday, my husband came home.... SHadow (Calico) had thrown up... she does this alot... he said that's it.. and took the litter box that had been in the powder room for her and threw it out.
WHOA... I said I hope she is brave enough enough to go in the basement where Clayton hangs out....I am still spraying FELIWAY everywhere. She is still hiding behind my husband's desk in his study. Clayton.. the little devil.. will sit just outside my husband's study door. he KNOWS that Shedow is behind "Dad's desk.. he doesn't cross over the threshold.. he just sits there. I told my husband, I htink he wants to play. Jim is not too sure. He thinks CLayton likes to tormnet her by psyching her out.
She follows JIm all over the place in the morning while he is getting ready for work.. like Daddy will protect her.

Iam now on my second bottle of Feliway... I am going to start to drink this stuff soon myself!:eek:

I think Clayton is lonely and just wants to play... my husband is not so sure. Clayton is still keeping me up half the night. he has NO ONE to play with during the day. So he waits until I am in bed... and then he wants to play. Jim plays with him with a laser light.... that only reves his little engines up! He is the most adorable child...I love both my furbabies....both have blest us and enriched our lives beyond measure.... I just wish Clayton woul dlet his Momma get some sleep!:D

THank you so much Sweetie's Mom for all you support.
Blessings,
Momma Cat... Deb

[Sweetie's Mom]

Ha! The laser light makes my cats very tired! They all settle down after playing with it for about 10-15 minutes.

MommaCat, I had the same nighttime problems with 2 of my cats. Especially the alpha male. He would want to play about 2 a.m. every morning! I just wasn't getting enough sleep. So I finally started getting up when he came in at 2 a.m. and carrying him to the bedroom door, set him outside the bedroom door, closed the door and went back to sleep. Eventually, he changed his habits to not waking me til 6 a.m. Now it's between 6 and 7 a.m. which is more acceptable. He's like my alarm clock now. I like to get up by 7:00 most days and I never set my alarm! I depend on Wooz to wake me and he never fails.

My alpha male, Wooz, also sits and stares at the mom cat whom he used to chase and be nasty to. It doesn't bother her much anymore - she's good at ignoring him now.

Good luck!

[sweet_stormy]

there must be something with cats that have calico in them that makes them all act the same (well, most of them). i have a calico mix (stormy) and she doesnt really like my kitten Mittens. she will hiss at mittens all the time and mittens will try an trip stormy. stormy has calmed down a lot since i got mittens. Stormy never hissed at Smokey (unless he was trying to do "stuff" to her that she didnt want, and they are brother and sister). Smokey and Stormy have been there for each other since day 1.
give your furrbabies some time. its harder for your calico in some ways to cope with the new kitty in the house because she is so old (not to be mean) and it sounds like she doesn't want the "little twerp" to take over her home.

[MommaCat]

Dear Mom,
You are SO RIGHT!
I have a friend that is an animal communicator and when Shdow talks to her she tells Arlene that she wants HIM GONE! Shadow says that this is "her house.. Her people".
Arlene has tried to tell her that we adopted her when she needed a loving home and Clayton wa shurt like her and wanted to comehere too. She just closes her little ears. She is NOT one share I guess.
I have heard over the years that Calicos all have issues... all I know I have a pip!:D I wouldn't trade her for the world and I adore her.... but she is really testing her Momma...typical "teenager". She'll be 14 next month.
You are so right Clayton is the twerp in her eyes. We and the vet made him 6... going on 7 in June. I gave him my great grandfather's birthday as when I adopted him the SPCA had already named him, and CLAYTON was my grandmother's maiden name....he is so loving.. he loves to climb all over me ALL NIGHT LONG... I haven't figured this out yet.. I guess he wants to be sure I am still here and won't scream at him... I just pet him in my sleep deprived state. He is smart enough tho NOT to bug Daddy.
They are still hissing at each other....our vet has three cats and told me that hers fight every day.... ohh that was encouraging!:)
I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have all of you to bounce things off of... I'd probably be bouncing off the walls!
I feel like this is my kitty support group!
THank yo so much for being here... You are an angel. PLEASE give your bbaies a hug for me.
Blessings,
Mommacat.. Deb

[catcrazylady]

For some reason I'm just finding this thread! I hang out in general to much and miss everything else that is going on!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/wink.gif

It's nice to meet you momma cat! They call me CCL for short around here. I have a tortie with an attitude! She growls and hisses at everybody! She is three now and I don't expect things to change. All of my nine have very unique personalities and with each addition I have just let them work out their own pecking order. Eventually things will settle down and they will work out the best way to share the house. There will probably always be spats here and there but we humans are no different.

I know it's stressful but I really wouldn't be too concerned. They will come to some kind of an agreement. They may never be good friends no matter how bad you want that. At least they both have a wonderful and loving home. Time, time, and more time is what you need. I have had to endure this lots of times over and it always works out in the end. Just relax and let them follow the path they need to in order to adjust. As long as no fur is flying and no stitches are required then they are doing very well together!!http://petoftheday.com/talk/images/our_smilies/biggrin.gif

Give them lots of hugs and kisses and keep us posted on the progress!!