View Full Version : A story i have begun to write..

11-15-2003, 05:58 PM
I started to write this story, and i know alot of other people have been doing it too but i decided to share mine..


I have been dying to get a dog for more than a year now, mom has just decided the time is right for us to own a dog. We are on our way to the breeders house now. Supposedly there is a Rott/Pit mix there just waiting for a loving home.. The drive wasn't too long, but of course Im eager to see my new companion. "Mom! How much longer?" I said. "Soon enough. Sit back and read a book, do something, or I will turn this car around." I knew when I made mom angry when she says ‘I will turn this car around' it sounds so childish, maybe I was just mad at her for not going a little bit faster. She was only going 40. You would think she would be excited too! "Sorry..."I said..it took us about another good 15 minutes until at last we arrived.. 1782 SW Piccolo drive..The house was surrounded by cages upon cages. It looked awfully filthy for a good quality breeder or so it said in the newspaper. Mom looked back at me wondering if this was the right place. I shook my head and she turned around to look at the house. Was it a house? We didn't know. We just kept watching. Their had to be more that 100 cages in this little barn. "Mom where's the house?" "Im looking, im looking!". That wasn't a house, it couldn't have been. A barn and cages, a few trucks and more cages. Then their was a little shack on the side of the barn. I hopped out of the car and headed towards the shack.. Just as I approached, a man popped his head out, closed the door tightly and walked towards me.. "Yes, may I help you little girl?" I turned around thinking their may have been a ‘little' girl behind me. There wasn't. "Well, first I wouldn't consider myself a ‘little girl' and second yes you can. Im here to see the rottwiler/Pitbull mix..and I was wondering where he would..." he interrupted me. "Ah! You must be Jamie." he said.. "Yes I am" "Come this way then.." I stopped and look back at my mom still sitting in the car, and gestured her to come over here with me.. She opened the car door and walked towards me. "What was he saying?" she asked. "He just asked me if I was Jamie, and I told him yes, now im supposed to be following him.. Come on" I think I may have sounded a bit pushy because she gave me this look that said ‘its my choice to leave and its not your choice to stay'.. She followed anyway. "Right over here" he said. When I caught up to him I saw upon the numerous cages was a sign that said ‘John marsh breeding facility.' "John marsh..." I thought aloud, "Yes..?" "Oh.. No, the sign, I was just reading the sign" I said.He looked up nervously at my mom.. I knew that name.. I heard him in the news a few times.. But what for? Criminal acts? No, I don't think that could have been it. I kept thinking but was interrupted by a loud bark. It sounded like something was hurt, or worse. I looked up at the breeder, he stared into the open, in which was another barn far far out in the distance. I wondered why hadn't noticed it before, it was even worse looking than this one. He began to walk over to the barn, filled with more cages.. His walk soon turned to a run when more barks followed.I ran and tried to keep up, where my mom was still by the cage of the puppy we came to see.. He ran faster as the yelps increased, and I still kept up with him.When he finally got over their he kicked open the door and stopped dead in his tracks. So did i. If he didn't want to see it, I didn't want to either. He turned towards me and then turned back towards the barn.

11-15-2003, 06:02 PM
Excellent job, Amber!:) Your Mom's very proud of you!!;)

11-15-2003, 06:05 PM
Amber that is really good so far! What happened?!? more plz!

11-15-2003, 06:12 PM
It's really good so far! Keep it coming!:D

11-15-2003, 06:17 PM
Really Good!! MORE!! :p

11-15-2003, 07:54 PM
it's great! i want more!!:D

11-15-2003, 08:02 PM
Great job Amber!

If I may make one small suggestion .. if you split it up into paragraphs, it makes it a much easier read :)

11-15-2003, 08:04 PM
Originally posted by aly
Great job Amber!

If I may make one small suggestion .. if you split it up into paragraphs, it makes it a much easier read :)

:) Got it.. Thanks! Open for any more suggestions, anyone!

Working on the update now..

11-15-2003, 08:25 PM
Then ran and closed the big red door.. He began to step back, stumbling.. “Well what is it, What made that horrible noise” I asked peering over at the door.. “Nothing.. It was nothing at all..” he said.. He wouldnt look me in the eye.. Just kept his eyes on the barn where my mom was still.. What was in that barn he didnt want me to see, and what happened to the dog that yelped? Who else was in there? All these quesitons raced through my mind.. “Mr.Marsh, what happened.. What did you see?” I asked curiously.. “I said nothing! A child should respect its elders and their decision to tell or not to tell a CHILD something, please do not ask me again!” he yelled..

He made me jump, as he told me, he emphasized on child like it was a huge word making it drag on for awhile.. He walked back towards the barn where my mom was.. I just stood standing, watching, wondering what was going on inside that barn that he didnt want me to see.. I walked back towards my mom after about 5 minutes, listening for anymore noises.. I looked at the dog we came to see for about 15 more minutes.. It looked so sick.. “Can I see his mom and dad?”I asked “Why! We need to get going! Do you want this dog or not.” mom asked.. “I just want to know how his parents look” “Unfortunetly they are busy right now, love is in the air if you get what I mean..” said mr. marsh.. "Uh...Right.. Lets just go mom.. Lets take him home with us" i said.. We got him out of the crate..

He looked so tiny, and so skinny too.. Their was fecies all in his crate, i must have not noticed it before.. No water no food.. "Enjoy your dog! Heres my number in case you want to bring this little fella back for breeding, you get 100 dollars for contributing to this world.. Call me!" he said handing us a card.. "I dont think so.." i said.. We got into the car and headed home.. I watched as the barns got smaller and smaller in the distance, still wondering what happend in that barn..

11-15-2003, 10:01 PM
I was going to say what aly said, but I didn't want to sound rude. :x

This is a great story! What is going to happen next?:D

11-15-2003, 10:54 PM
it's great!!!! whats in the barn???:)

11-16-2003, 09:09 AM
:) thanks! Im updating now....