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View Full Version : Life can be so overwhelming at times......



luckies4me
10-07-2003, 05:04 PM
I never thought that at 24 I would be thinking of having to take care of my disabled father. However, I love him so much and will always be there for him no matter what. It looks like I will be going to California earlier than I had thought. I might actually leave this weekend. Tonight I am going to pick up my dad a tub support, which helps him go from the toilet to the tub after he loses both of his legs, and I will keep it here for when he comes to visit so that he won't have to have anyone help him. At 24 I never imagined I would have to go through this so soon.


Today I was talking to Denny on AIM and he told me that my older brother misses me. I started to cry because I miss my family so much. And to hear that my brother misses me, when we don't get along too great makes me so happy. I miss talking to him so much.

I then found out that my mother took her DMV written test and passed! She only missed one question! I am so very proud of her as she has not driven in over 20 years. In a couple weeks she will have her eyes examined and if she passes will be able to take the driving test. Now, that leaves me as the only one in the family yet to have a license. :o


~~~~~~~~~
And this is news that was really UNEXPECTED!

For years and years I have never known anything about my real grandmother, my moms mother. It has been years since my mom has talked to her own mom. I do not know the full story but I think she just vanished when my mom was a child. So I have never known much of her and neither did my mom.

It turns out that my mom found her real aunt and uncle! And get this, my grandma is ALIVE! My mom has yet to speak to her but she did talk to her aunt and uncle and my grandmother is living somewhere in Texas. This is really exciting because we may actually be able to meet our real grandmother now! I can imagine what is racing through my moms head, having not seen her mum for over 30 years. It must be scary and exciting all at the same time. She hasn't worked up the courage to call her yet, but when she does I will let you know what happens. I just can't believe it. I can't believe my mom found her.

bluekat
10-07-2003, 05:31 PM
Wow, that's amazing!!! It must be so nice to find out that someone you have not seen or talked to in years is really still alive and that you're meeting them. I can't imagine what your mom must be feeling right now, since they haven't talked in so long.

lizbud
10-07-2003, 07:53 PM
Wow.....

moosmom
10-07-2003, 08:23 PM
Luckies4me,

No adult child expects to be the caretaker of their parent or parents. But it's a fact of life that's happening more and more.

I was 44 when I began caring for my elderly, alcoholic father. He was 68 at the time and a retired photographer. Before then I didn't have to worry about him because I had my stepmother to watch out for him. She passed away and his health and whole outlook on life went down hill from then on.

To say it was the worst 2 1/2 years of my entire life is putting it mildly. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, because he was my Dad and I loved him with all my heart. I was the only one in my family who hadn't abandoned him. I have an older brother that didn't help me out at all. He hadn't talked to him in over 15 years and didn't want to hear anything about him, how he was doing, etc.

My father was found dead in his apartment 2 months before his 70th birthday. I was all alone in paying off all his bills (he didn't have insurance) as well as cleaning out his apartment. It's something I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Stay close to your siblings. Ask for their help if it gets to be too much for you. You won't be good for anyone if you don't take care of yourself. I came THIS close to winding up in a hospital from depression and exhaustion after the whole ordeal. Fortunately I had a great doctor and wonderful friends who got me through the worst of it (not to mention my dear sweet Divine Miss "M", Mollie Rose, my cat).

Hang in there. And above all, take care of yourself, okay???

dukedogsmom
10-07-2003, 08:24 PM
You are having to grow up at a very early age. It's probably going to be hard taking care of your dad but I know how you feel. And tell your mom not to wait until it's too late. I know she won't regret it.

luckies4me
10-07-2003, 08:46 PM
Donna, thanks so much for your reply. I am sorry to hear about your father.

I do not mind so much having to take care of him, I just didn't expect it. But I love my dad and would do absolutely anything for him! My father too was an alcoholic, but he has been sober for 8 years now! :) He also smoked very heavily so I know that has contributed to his health problems as well. And the sad thing is that he still cannot put down his cigarette, and is scares me so much, especially since he has to periodicaly be put on oxygen. When will he learn? Now instead of beer, he drinks 7 Up, and you will always find it in his fridge. I try to congratulate him on his "soberness" every chance I get and he reminds me every time his anniversary come around. He has never been mean or an angry drunk, he just drank. I have no idea why, but I am glad he doesn't do it anymore.

I just adore him. He is such a sweet man. He's always there for me for anything, just to lend an open ear. He too just lost his wife, so now it's even harder for him to do things on his own. That is one reason I cannot wait until he has his surgery because then he won't be in anymore pain (I hope anyway) and will be able to walk again.

He lives right next door to my grandpa in a trailor park since he cannot work etc. Come to think of it, my grandfather has always lived in his motorhome. He was always too stubborn to get up and move elsewhere. :p When I was younger we would take that motorhome everywhere. One of the places we always went to was Red Rock Canyon. I don't know if anyone has been there before but it's the coolest desert.

He too just recently lost his wife, and is down about that. But I try to chear him up as much as possible sending him pics of Dylan and what not.

As far as my older brother, he can be really stubborn at times and I know there is more he can do, especially since he is closer than I. I will be ok, promise. ;) Dan is great, and well, Dylan is like my little soother, one look at him can make me smile in an instant. Most of the time anyway. :p

Thanks again!

Twisterdog
10-07-2003, 11:28 PM
I understand what you are going through. Although I'm a bit older, I also feel that I am too young to be doing this. My parents were in their 40's when I was born, so they are in their late 70's now ... and I am 35. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and my mom just had open heart surgery. It is indeed SO hard. Hang in there.

Kater
10-07-2003, 11:37 PM
I'm going to be in the same boat as Twister in a few years. My mom had me when she was 40 and my parents are in their early 60s now. I'm just 19.

My dad has cancer (more specifically, leukemia) and it overwhelms me at times. But in the end, although it may be based on some unrealistic and naive worldview, I look forward to the day when I will care for my aging parents. What an honor to give back to the people who made your own life possible and beautiful!

But I totally understand what you are saying about it feeling all too soon. :( Too soon for them and too soon for us. :( :(

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 12:30 AM
Originally posted by Twisterdog
I understand what you are going through. Although I'm a bit older, I also feel that I am too young to be doing this. My parents were in their 40's when I was born, so they are in their late 70's now ... and I am 35. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer, and my mom just had open heart surgery. It is indeed SO hard. Hang in there.


I am sorry to hear about your parents. I will for sure keep them in my prayers tonight!

It seems that everyday something else goes wrong with my dad. Bad genes? Bad choices? I'll never know why he has all the problems he does. I really do not know how he deals with it all. He has had around 20 surgeries this year alone. Most of those on his back, legs and heart. His most recent one was to put stints in his legs and heart to increase blood flow.


A few years ago when he had a stroke it was awful seeing him in the hospital. That was also the first time I saw the open sore on his leg. That was almost three years ago and the sore is still there! Granted it is not as big but still. Thankfully he has a nurse that comes and changes his bandages every day. I really do not know how he does it. He is so strong.

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 12:34 AM
Originally posted by Kater
But in the end, although it may be based on some unrealistic and naive worldview, I look forward to the day when I will care for my aging parents. What an honor to give back to the people who made your own life possible and beautiful!



I totally agree! However, there are people like my mom who are so stubborn that she always says "When I get old just stick me in an old folks home". I have to dissagree with her there. I don't know how a child could ever do that to their own parents. I hope that when I am old my children will have the decency to take care of me as well.

Kater
10-08-2003, 12:41 AM
Originally posted by luckies4me
I totally agree! However, there are people like my mom who are so stubborn that she always says "When I get old just stick me in an old folks home". I have to dissagree with her there. I don't know how a child could ever do that to their own parents. I hope that when I am old my children will have the decency to take care of me as well.

Oh my! I've NEVER heard that out of anyone! I would guess she is just trying to be polite and is probably stubborn like you say. She must think she would just be a burden to you. But, um, you were her burden for YEARS! :) Well...you know what I mean. ;)

Tonya
10-08-2003, 08:08 AM
Luckies4me, you are a strong person for taking care of your father. I commend you for that, not everyone would do that. I know that it must be overwhelming. Good luck and congratulations on finding your grandma.

LadyDove
10-08-2003, 09:48 AM
Hello Luckies4me, and everyone else. Newbie here but just had to post . I came as a guest, and it was your sons pics with the pumpkins that made me decide I wanted to be a member here. and All the folks love for their pets. About caring for your father I have some who can't understand this concept. But why I am posting, is I am so amazed that a lady so young would have this outlook when it comes to taking care of your dad. You are simply amazing. I have been in the business for over 25 years taking care of elderly and have seen both sides of the fence. Just take one day at a time, try not to mother your dad. and most of all have a positive attitude around him. Its great you and your dad are buddies. My dad was my best friend as my mother passed almost 21 years ago. Dads gone to be with her now, which I know made him happy. Its wonderful he will see your little one. Are you so far away now that a weekend trip isn't feasable? Mabye when your dads surgerys are over, and he is back to feeling better he can come and visit for a time. Prayers are on their way to you and your dad.

lovemyshiba
10-08-2003, 10:24 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your father, but he has a wonderful daughter to take care of him. I'm sure it is hard, but it sounds like you certainly have the strength to do it!!
I'm sure little Dylan is the best medicine for your dad!!!!

I'll be keeping you in my prayers, to stay strong!

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 11:33 AM
Originally posted by LadyDove
Hello Luckies4me, and everyone else. Newbie here but just had to post . I came as a guest, and it was your sons pics with the pumpkins that made me decide I wanted to be a member here. and All the folks love for their pets. About caring for your father I have some who can't understand this concept. But why I am posting, is I am so amazed that a lady so young would have this outlook when it comes to taking care of your dad. You are simply amazing. I have been in the business for over 25 years taking care of elderly and have seen both sides of the fence. Just take one day at a time, try not to mother your dad. and most of all have a positive attitude around him. Its great you and your dad are buddies. My dad was my best friend as my mother passed almost 21 years ago. Dads gone to be with her now, which I know made him happy. Its wonderful he will see your little one. Are you so far away now that a weekend trip isn't feasable? Mabye when your dads surgerys are over, and he is back to feeling better he can come and visit for a time. Prayers are on their way to you and your dad.

Thank you so much. I adore my son so! I have always been a big family person, even though my childhood wasn't great. I share a close bond with my father, mother and especially my sister. My older brother and younger brother seem to be more withdrawn but that's ok, I love them for the way they are.

As far as the distance I am now in Oregon and he lives in Lake Elsinore California. It's hard for me to get away with Dan's work and my occasional day of work, as well as all of my pets and trying to find a time when it is convenient to stay with my mother. Since my dad lives in a trailor there is no room for a guest and he barely has enough room for himself. So I am very happy I will be going to California to visit, and this way I can help my dad go through paperwork and such before his surgery and I can get all his laundry done and house cleaned before than. We will also be returning for Christmas which really makes me smile. :)

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 12:05 PM
Originally posted by lovemyshiba
I'm sorry to hear about your father, but he has a wonderful daughter to take care of him. I'm sure it is hard, but it sounds like you certainly have the strength to do it!!
I'm sure little Dylan is the best medicine for your dad!!!!

I'll be keeping you in my prayers, to stay strong!


Thank you so much Emily.

Here is a picture of my father, Dylan and I that was taken when Dylan was four months old. I just adore this picture and have it on my computer desk. You can see how small his house is, but he makes do. And yes he has fake teeth lol. :p

Samantha Puppy
10-08-2003, 12:10 PM
He is a lucky man to have you for a daughter. :) I'm sorry times are so stressful now, but God never gives more than we can handle. It'll test your strength, courage, and patience, but in the end you'll have a place in Heaven reserved for you (not that you already don't!). :)

Good luck and if anyone here could be of any help, don't hesitate to let us know.

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 12:13 PM
tee hee, here's another! :D This one is cute!

How do you fix red eye in Photoshop? :confused: I'm clicking on the thinga majigger but it's not working....

luckies4me
10-08-2003, 12:19 PM
Here is another of my father holding Dylan, my son. :)

moosmom
10-14-2003, 09:02 AM
Luckies4me,

Those pictures are wonderful and something that should be framed!

When my Dad died, I found an awesome picture of him (keep in mind, there were VERY few pix of my Dad since, being a photographer, he was always the one behind the camera). It showed his softer side. I took it to a guy in the mall who did a charcoal portrait from it and framed it. I am so glad I did it. The portrait is phenomenal!! It shows every little detail down to his tattoos and Libra sign necklace. I never regret spending the money to have it done.

My Dad too was a happy drunk. He was never abusive, he just treated his own depression through Dr. Smirnoff (vodka). He came from the old schooling that depression is something that is swept under the rug and never discussed. You just pulled yourself up by your bootstraps and dealt with it.

I commend you for being so strong. Cherish the time you have with both your Dad and your son. I do hope your Mom comes around too. Life is way too short. My brother, who hadn't spoken to my Dad in over 15 years, found out the hard way the day he got the phone call from me telling me his father was dead. He's had to live with that ever since. Too bad, but that was HIS choice, just as my Dad's drinking was his.

Hang in there. If you ever feel like talking, I'll PM you my phone number. You can never had too many shoulders.

((((((hugs))))))))