Dilemma

[stacwase]

OK - here's my dilemma.

There's a lady I know whos health is declining, and she has to find a home for her German Shepherd.

The dog is 1 1/2 years old, obedience trained and very well-behaved, spayed, and female. I don't know her name so I'll just call her "Lady".

I would really like to take "Lady". Max would love to have a big energetic dog who would play with him. I love Max to pieces, and we're very excited about the prospect of getting her. We camp and hike and spend a lot of time outdoors, and we'd like another dog who'd enjoy it as much as Max does.

We really couldn't have 3 dogs, though. It's just not a very good idea for our family right now.

Jake and Max don't get along very well - they're always spatting over dominance issues. But I'm sure Max would get along great with "Lady".

I know a few people who might be very happy to give Jake a new home - and I really don't think Jake would mind. Max is sort of overbearing for him, and Jake would probably be happier in a home with either no other dogs or just a small dog.

Do you think it would be bad, or immoral, for us to offer Jake to somebody else and take "Lady"? Jake is 7 years old, and we've had him since he was a puppy.

Opinions - please!

[cloverfdx]

:eek:

JMHO

as jake was the first dog, he should stay, you could work on the dominance issues with max and jake. i think it would be unfair to re-home poor jake at this point in his life. as he has been with you for 7 years and know you as his only family.

also you could help to rehome "lady" into a suitable home where she will be well cared for, or even try fostering her for a while to see how things go.

:(

[Samantha Puppy]

I'm, by no means, an animal expert, but I agree with clover here... Jake should stay since you are his only family... and maybe you could foster "Lady" and see if maybe 3 dogs wouldn't be so bad for your family.

[Linda York]

I too agree. You have had Jake since he was a baby and after 7 years he knows you as his family. Maybe, as suggested, you could find a solution to the "brotherly" rivalry. :) Jake is a beautiful dog. I wish it possible for you to take "Lady" and complete your family. I have three BUT they are very little. :D Your babies are a lot bigger. My "opinion" (gets us in trouble sometimes) is to keep your Jake, take the other one if you can, but not if you would have to give up Jake. :(

[Kater]

I think it will be easier to find a home for a 1.5 years old, obedience trained, very well-behaved & spayed female GSD than Jake an "older" dog. Have you looked into GSD rescues in your area? I think this girl would be "snatched up" quite quickly.

There will be time for more *big doggies* in your life but right now you have Jake who is undoubtedly very attached to you and his current living situation.

I would suggest helping your friend re-home "Lady" but don't make that home yours! :)

[delidog]

I agree with everyone else...
Jake is First Dog....he has known nothing and nobody else...personally,I am not sure how you could even consider this...

Give Ladys' owner the num. to a german shepherd rescue group in michigan...they will help her

[stacwase]

I think it sounds worse than it is.

Jake has always known my stepdaughter and her children, and loves her children (ages 2 and 5). My stepdaughter has been asking us to please let him come and live with her since her oldest son was 1 year old. Jake and Shane get along very well. When Shane was a toddler, Jake would pace back and forth in front of the stairs to prevent Shane from falling. Whenever Shane would fall, Jake would try to pick him up by pulling him up by the diaper. Shane slept in Jake's crate with him!

Melissa is excellent with dogs and has had her female, Monroe, for about 5 years.

Both of the dogs I've adopted from the shelter adjusted almost immediately to their new surroundings and were extremely happy. Why should Jake do differently?

Of course - Jake is 7 years old. That's why I wanted your opinion. I don't know if his age would make the adjustment more difficult for him.

If it would be difficult for Jake, I won't do it. However if the transition would go smoothly I think everybody involved would benefit. Jake would have a good home with great people and a more gentle, older dog. I don't think there would be the constant dominance battles, since Monroe is female. Max would have a younger, more enthusiastic playmate - also female, so the dominance battle would be reduced. "Lady" would come to a loving home.

Please don't think I'm a bad person - I'm just feeling the situation out. :( :)

[stacwase]

I just asked Melissa how old Monroe is - and she said that she's almost 8. Gosh - it seems like she just got her.

[lizbud]

I don't think you're a bad person. I just think you do not
have a deep attachment to Jake. You would be doing him a
favor if the transition went smoothly. Jake clearly needs some
person to love him as much as he would love them.If the house
and situation you plan for him is as you say it is, Jake would
be in heaven. Good luck to both of you.

[stacwase]

You kind of summed it up, lizbud - thank you. Although we've had Jake for almost 7 years, there actually isn't a deep attachment. Don't get me wrong - we have taken good care of him. He gets good food and good vet care and I brush him at least every 2 days, and take him for walks. But he certainly doesn't run to meet anybody when we come home. He's sweet and sometimes playful, and I play fetch with him in the house. He's a very nice dog. There's just never been a time when our hearts were filled to almost bursting with love for eachother - like it is with Max.

On the other hand, Max is just way too much for Melissa and the kids. His exhuberance (sp?) makes them nervous. Melissa loves Jake's gentle quietness, and the kids feel comfortable with him. The only question is whether or not her husband will agree - he's really good with Monroe, so I'm sure he'd be good with Jake.

I guess it's a personality thing - I'm a high-drive, adventurous type of person (like Max) and Melissa is a quiet, reserved, shy person (like Jake).

Still it sounds bad when you say it out loud, you know? "I'm giving my 7-year-old dog to my stepdaughter and getting a new dog". Kind of like trading up to a better model.

[Cincy'sMom]

At first I agreed with everyone else...Jake was your first dog and should get priority in your home. We have said as we added Cincy and Spot, if there was a problem with Sadie, she was here first. Thankfully we have not had to face that, she loves her brother and sisters immensely.

Hearing more about where Jake would be going (with family), it may be the right choice. If you are truely doing this for him, becuase he would be happier, than maybe it is the right answer. I don't agree with with rehooming Jake in order to bring a new dog in, however if he would be happier AND you can bring another dog in, I can understand that.

Only you know the whole situation and you have to do what you know is best for all the dogs involved.

[carole]

I too at first agreed with everyone else, that you should keep Jake.

Honestly if you can live with that decision and know Jake will be happy there or maybe even happier, then I guess you have your answer.

I just hope you don't regret your decision , if you go ahead and give him to Melissa, and that all works out amicably, I wish you well and good luck.

[Kater]

Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
Hearing more about where Jake would be going (with family), it may be the right choice. If you are truely doing this for him, becuase he would be happier, than maybe it is the right answer. I don't agree with with rehooming Jake in order to bring a new dog in, however if he would be happier AND you can bring another dog in, I can understand that.

Only you know the whole situation and you have to do what you know is best for all the dogs involved.

I agree. Very well said. It does sound like you already know what would be best for the dogs involved. Just make sure Melissa communicates with her husband about this before you guys do anything drastic! LOL! :p


Originally posted by stacwase
"I'm giving my 7-year-old dog to my stepdaughter and getting a new dog". Kind of like trading up to a better model.
Actually that is sort of what it sounded like in your first post, but you've clarified and given more details since and now everything makes a lot more sense. :D

[sabies]

Why don't you see how things go with Jake at your stepdaughter's? You should make sure he has a good home and is truly happier there and then consider taking in Lady.

[Kfamr]

Poor Jake. :( :( :(
After being in your family for 7 years, he should remain that way.
Seven years, and you're not attached to him!? How is that possible?? :( :( :( :(

If you have a LOVING home, with people he knows and has known his whole life, you should give them to him. He deserves love. :(
I don't think you should give him to just any person who's looking for a dog, even if they are responsible enough. He should be with someone he knows.

Maybe you should have looked around before bringing Jake, since he obviously doesn't "fit" you. :(

Make sure this next dog does, so the same thing doesn't happen 7 years or so down the road. :(

I can't even imagine getting rid of Simba or Nala for another dog. I've only had Nala for a few months, and i'm more than attachted She may be annoying and goofy, but I love her. I mean, To me, it's sort of like giving your child away because he/she doesn't have the personality or attitude you want out of them.

Having her also takes the quiet, lazy dog out of Simba. He plays with her and she gets him going to play.

He's been more playful and active since we've got her. Most of the time when I'm playing with Nala, Simba gets up and joins in. They love when I hold the middle of the snake tug toy that sandra got us. We all pull different directions, and have fun together -- although our personalities are different.

[Kfamr]

You know, it sort of reminds me of Blink, A dog that looked exactly like Simba that I fell in love with at the shelter.

People kept bringing him back because he didn't do things they wanted. He didn't like to swim, he didn't like to run alot. He wouldn't put up with the annoying children pulling on his ears -- when their parents should have taught them not to. So many STUPID reasons to bring him back, because he didn't "fit" them.

He was the sweetest dog in the world. He needed a bit of training, but that's what adopting a dog is all about. I would have def. adopted him, if my parents allowed me to. I fell in love with him within a week of almost visiting the shelter EVERY day. A week, and I was attatched to him. He didn't even have to live in my home.

[stacwase]

Kfamr - it's not as if we don't love Jake. He really is an awesome dog. And like I said - he gets loads of attention. But still - we don't have a strong bond, and I think he will be just as happy or happier with Melissa and her kids. Jake's not bonded to anybody in our house, really - like I said, he certainly doesn't run to meet us at the door. He doesn't sleep by our bed or outside of our door, or follow me around. But when Melissa brings the kids he doesn't leave their sides for a second the entire time they're here. In fact, sometimes we have to make him leave them alone. So obviously there could be a very strong bond there.

I certainly agree that those people were aweful to bring Blink back to the shelter just because he didn't fit their personality styles. But that's an entirely different situation. Jake's going with a family member, where we'll be able to make sure he's well-cared-for. If it doesn't work out then we'll take him back.

As for looking around before bringing him into our home 7 years ago - perhaps you're right. However he was just a puppy and I knew very little about dogs. At least I didn't do what so many people do - bring him to the pound when he was in his difficult trouble-making stage and wasn't a cute puppy any more. I kept him for 7 years and cared for him very well. And I'll continue to care for him - as I told Melissa, we'll continue pay for his vet care, and bring him back if it doesn't work out.

I think it will work out very well, though - if her husband agrees.

[pitc9]

I can understand!!! Because if I found the perfect person for Buddy, I'd think about it giving him up! See, Buddy spends about 50% of his days happy, and not a care in the world. But when my hubby is around, he's nervous and acting like he's scared for his life! And stress like that can cause health problems and dramaticly shorten a dogs life! So, I understand where your comming from, it's a little different because I just rescued Buddy 9 months ago, but still..... same church different pew!

It's sad that some people only look quickly at your situation, and base there opinions to quick. I think some people wouldn't understand unless it was happening to them! We as pet owners need to do what's best for our pets .... not what's best or easier for us!!

[stacwase]

Thank you to pitc9 and to everybody else who has given me words of reassurance. I guess I was just asking for the blessing of all my pals on Pet Talk.

Of course, now I'm having second thoughts. I'll see what Melissa's husband has to say and then let her try it out for a few days, but I won't bring "Lady" home until I'm sure Jake is happy. If he seems to miss us I'll bring him home.

[Linda York]

"It's sad that some people only look quickly at your situation, and base there opinions to quick".

Of course everyone's situations are differant and one must do what is best for their pets and families, But if you post with a problem or throw something out to be discussed, then you have to expect to get back all kinds of answers, replies and points of views. You asked. You may not like all the replies you get. But you asked. As I said before that is what makes PT great. All our different thoughts and opinions. People aren't to quick to judge, they are just stating THEIR thoughts and views. How THEY feel about a situation....... and it may not agree with any ones else's. But since they were asked... they have the right to give THEIR opinion of a situation. That's a forum. We don't always have to agree. It's okay to disagree. :)

[cloverfdx]

Linda York Ditto :)

i would never dream about giving up one of my dogs, even though theodore is Hyperactive and has to be fetching a ball every waking hour, penny is somehwhat agressive at times and my dearest clover is not perfect either.
i bonded with them the moment they came home :) and they depend on me to care for them.

[ParNone]

No judgements from me on your decision. You know the
situation and dogs the best, but I wanted to share my
experience with Murph.

When I got Murph, I knew being a terrier he'd have a lot
of energy, but I guess I expected when he wasn't playing
he'd be all cuddly. Well that just wasn't Murph. He had
things to do and places to explore and only wanted to be
in my lap for very short periods. He was quite a ball of
energy and quite a handful as a pup. I loved him, but we
really didn't have a strong bond. I was however determined
to stick with him and we went to obedience and I really
worked with him, but you really can't change personality with
obedience, only some behaviors.

When he was 6 months old I went and got Maddie and she
fit my personality like a glove. In reality, she's not very
terrier-like. She's calm and will sit in your lap as long as
you want to pet her. Whereas with Murph the world around
him and exploring everything in it was where his focus lied,
with Maddie *I* was her focus. Everything for her, revolved
around me. So we had a very strong bond right from the
beginning. I use to say, Murph was my "Test from God"
and Maddie was my "Gift from God".

I would get a very similar reaction from all my friends and
family about the two also. They all fell in love with Maddie
right away, but Murph, friendly to the nth degree though
he may be, he was just too much of a live wire for everybody.
So they'd tell me, well if anything happens to you, we'll
take Maddie, but we don't want Murph. That just made
me more determined to love the lil' guy that much more.
I was going to accept him for how he was and enjoy the
things he loved to do with him, like hiking and not expect
him to be like Maddie.

Well I don't know when or where it happened over the last
13 years, but somewhere along the way, Murph and I bonded.
I just looked up one day and realized he was being every
bit as devoted and affectionate as Maddie and he was in my heart
every bit as much as Maddie. I don't know, maybe he really
was a Test from God and once I decided to just accept him for
him, the bond was able to form as God was just teaching me
the lesson of acceptance. And as irony would have it, of my
three dogs, he has turned out to be the best behaved and most
congenial. All those people years ago that said they didn't want
Murph, have now done a 180. They say they'll take Murph, but
don't want Maddie, because she has so many health problems.
Personally I wouldn't trade one moment with either Murph or
Maddie. They've both given me 13 of the best years of my life
and have both taught me some very valuable life lessons.

Par...

[Dawn]

After being in your family for 7 years, he should remain that way.

I don't agree, I can totally understand where you are coming from about not feeling the mutual love between you & jake. Dogs are kinda like people in that each is an individual and has his/her own personality. Sometimes we "meet" the right one and we bond. Sometimes that bond never happens. It doesn't mean we don't love them. It's really hard to tell as puppies because they haven't even developed their own personalities yet.
With my Tyr we instantly bonded, and though I've loved and owned a couple of other dogs in the past-I've never felt that strong bond like this before.
Ginger on the other hand was a rescue and even though I got her when she was only 13 weeks, the situation in which I took her in was a matter of leaving her to die or take her in-she was never a foster, so she is basically mine now. But I would never have "chosen" her. I love her now- but I have to admit - if family or a good freind really wanted her and she seemed to really like them - and I knew in going to that home she would be well cared for and loved - I would have to consider it. Of course Ginger is only 13 months old now, so it is a little different.
I say give it a try and if everyone seems happy- Yeah!

[stacwase]

Now I'm really starting to have second thoughts. Jake might not be the cuddly love bug that Max is, but I do love him. My 16-year-old stepdaughter surprised me today. When I told her I was thinking of sending Jake to live with her sister, she actually got upset. I didn't know she cared! I don't know when she had the turnaround of feelings for him, because she used to do nothing but gripe about him.

Melissa said her husband "put his foot down" and said "absolutely not". She says she'll work on him and have him talked into it by Thanksgiving, but I told her not to push it. I'm sure Pat will find a loving home for "Lady", and eventually I'll be able to get another big affectionate dog. In the meantime, I'll continue to take good care of Jake.

I feel bad for even thinking about it.

[stacwase]

Read the post "We had a breakin". Jake is our hero! He's not going anywhere! He must love us if he did such a good job of alerting us to an intruder!

[Cincy'sMom]

I guess you have your answer!! Jake, you hero!!!

[cloverfdx]

*happy tears* WooHoo way to go jake man :D and i am hoping that "lady" will find a loving home , good luck "lady"

[Linda York]

:D :D JAKE THE HERO!!!! :D :D
I was posting to say that I loved Parnone's reply (which I do!!) then I read about Jake and the intruder. He knows his place and knew his job...
So very glad everything worked out for all of you. Way to go, Jake! :D you da dog!!!!

[stacwase]

He certainly blew my socks off! I didn't think he had it in him. If it weren't for him there's no telling where in the house that drunk would have wound up - he might have accidentally crawled into bed with one of my kids or something!

Now my husband and kids have been singing "Jake's a hero, Max is a zero". Hmph. Max did a good job, too! It just took him a while to wake up. hehe