View Full Version : Some ventage.

08-28-2003, 11:49 PM
Okay this is really just a vent so well bare with me k? On Sunday my 80 year old aunt got taken to the hospital because she couldn't keep anything down was extremely dehydrated and weakness in her right side. plus she fell on Friday night and hit her head...she didn't bother telling us this until Sunday..it turns out she had a stoke. No biggie it wasn't as bad as my dad's so we know we can deal with the emotional stuff from that, and we all are.

What's getting to us is that well, my aunt is one of those old ladies that you hear about who don't toss anything and go out for grocerys when they don't need them. Part of it is because she's going senile and has the begining of dementia. Also she lived through the great depression, but still that doesn't excuse the way that her house looks and smells. Let's put it to you this way if we called the social services they would condem the place.

We won't let that happen, so my family has undertaken the task of cleaning up the house. It's not easy but we're still doing it. What's getting me and really starting to piss me off is the lack of help that we're getting from the rest of the family.

My aunt has no children, she never married. So she treated us like we were her children, she spoils us like you wouldn't believe and when my dad had his stroke last year she really helped us out both emotionally and financially (my dad is 24 years younger then her) She's always been there not only for my family but for my cousins as well. So you would think that they'd all be willing to help us out, to help Auntie Ethel out. But no out of five cousins and they're families only one and his wife have come out to help, well two if you count the cousin that's working in Boston and can't come home to help due to his visa, so instead he sent us money.

Not only that but none of them have really been to visit her either, it's a joke a complete and udder joke. Yes I know my family isn't very tight with the three cousins that aren't helping but you think they would come out for Auntie. For that matter you think my sister who has been bailed out by my aunt a few times when she's been in trouble financially would be willing to help out more but noooooooo she's going camping and also has hurt her eyes so she can't even lift simple garbage bags.

This women has done everything for us, everything that she possible can. She has always treated us well and been there for us when we needed her, and now when she needs us people are turning their backs on her and it sucks.

08-29-2003, 12:08 AM
Tracy, you are right to be upset. But I know your Aunt Ethel would appreciate the effort that you and your parents are making on her behalf. Isn't it a shame that people won't do what they could/should do when they are most needed? I call it lazy and ungrateful and I'm sorry you're having to deal with it, but thanks for being there and appreciating your aunt's contributions to your family.


08-29-2003, 02:14 AM
I am so sorry to hear about your aunt.:( My prayers are with her. I know that if anyone in my family was in the hospital, and someone needed help for something like this, I would be there in an instant. I am glad that you were there to help, that's great.

08-30-2003, 01:19 AM
I sorta know what u r going through. I volunteer and an old age home to help feed patients with alzheimers disease. and it breaks my heart when some resident's family members never visit. i think a lot of the reason is they r probably scared. my best friend was diagnosed with leukemia 11 months ago (shes now in remission tho yay) and none of our friends came to see her because "they were scared". i understand it is scary, but it makes me so angry that these people dont realize how scared the person who is sick feels. my best friend took this as no one cared about her and it made her feel so upset. please i urge anyone reading this to not break off touch if a family member or friend becomes seriously ill, it is scary but u can be courage for someone.

crikit, im so glad that u and ur parents r helping, u guys r angels. i know u feel frustrated with ur other family members and dont feel guilty about being mad. i hope u have tried to explain ur feelings to them, maybe they just need to hear it from someone.

08-30-2003, 10:01 PM
How horrible! After all she's done for them, they cannot lift a finger to help out in return? I would be mad, too, if your aunt was one of my relatives!:mad:

08-31-2003, 12:55 PM
Years ago, after high school, a friend of mine married and had a baby. She was driving on the freeway and a Jaguar in the opposite lane lost its steering column, swerved into her lane and hit her head on.

Her baby was killed, she and her sister were seriously injured and her younger brother suffered injuries as well. Shortly after that her husband left her - she was still in the hospital. (he showed up later after there was a large CASH settlement).

Not one of my high school friends would go visit her because they DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! I was always stunned by that.

There are people who will be right there if there is something to "receive" - but ask them to give and they are nowhere to be found.

I am so sorry that your dear Aunt is going through such a terrible time right now.

But what strikes me most of all is that you must be a very special person. God love you for remembering all of the wonderful things your Aunt has done for you. Now, that she cannot take care of herself and even under unpleasant circumstances - you have not forgotten that she is still a wonderful Aunt.

09-01-2003, 06:29 PM
Better get used to it, dear. That's the way a LOT of families, are, sadly. And sometimes you never know it until the chips are down and you assume everyone will buck up, pull together and come through for each other. And sometimes you are sadly mistaken. It seems there are always 10% of the people doing 90% of the work. Such is life. Maybe there will be good karma to burn in our next lives, eh? ;)

09-02-2003, 04:41 PM
Some people are just socially dense when it comes to knowing what to do. I know because I can be that way. I can be just utterly clueless. Whenever there is a group of people involved its easier for us clueless ones to think that we aren't needed or that the situation is under control.

The best thing you could do is force the issue. Don't wait for them to offer help, say "I need YOU to come and help - show up on this day at this time".

Who knows, it just might work.

09-02-2003, 05:37 PM
my dad had gangrene in his toes and between my mom and myself we undertook the job of cleaning and re wrapping his foot....

it was not the most pleasant thing on the planet...

it hurts THAT MUCH MORE when it's a loved one you are looking after...

i have a sister, who is a nurse - she showed up once in the two years to help us out with the bandaging, washing etc....

I thank God for my other two brothers and my mom...between us all we were able to make his last years very comfortable..

do i have any animosity towards my sister??
no, not really......

but what made me think about her was the fact that she called up mom to tell her that her husband was ill and would not go see the doctor...

My sister also said to my mom, "Now I know what you went thru with dad....."

Maybe......but i know it was the fact that she was scared....there are times that people are more scared than apathetic...that is their problem...

they just cannot handle the reality of age, illness and death.

Do the best job you can do and remember that the satisfaction you feel doing a good job will far outweigh the guilt had you not done a thing for a family member.

prayers and best wishes to you!

09-02-2003, 07:48 PM
I agree, you do have a right to be upset and
yes say something.
Whether anything will change?
But I am proud of you and YOUR family for
doing the right thing.

It's very sad what happens to our elderly
in this country.
They have given us so much,
and have a wealth of wisdom to share.
Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.