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View Full Version : Giving up on having female friends. *WARNING: rant within*



CathyBogart
08-18-2003, 04:12 AM
I give up. I have a total of -ONE- female friend who has not at some point gone PSYCHOTIC and decided to throw away our friendship over some trivial BULL!

Backing up: Last night I went to a going away party for my then-friend. Her parents had left for the night to let her party all night, an she had purchased a goodly amount of alcohol for the occasion. Neither Brian or I drink, but we wanted to see her and our other friends there so we went anyways.

A lot of wierd things happened, and people ended up kissing who shouldn't have. Feelings got hurt, tempers flew, and I left early so as not go get involved.

Today my best friend (MALE) came by to see me and asked why I was so tired. I gave him a brief summary of the events of last night. No harm, right? He is the girl's ex, but that's in the past so I didn't think anything of it.

When I got home this evening, I came online to a nasty IM along the lines of "Thanks for filling Dan in on what happened last night. I know it was bad, but next time tell him to keep it to himself." I was a bit confused, and tried to talk to her, but got no response.

Then she posted on her Livejournal that she's not coming back here after college after all, basically so that she never has to see "any of US" again. The rest of her post basically said that I had made her out to be a promiscuous person. (Which I would not, and she is not!)

I'm sick of this. It's happened twice before that I can think of. None of my guy friends have ever done anything so retarded. I'm sick to death of females and their drama. Last time, I lost my best friend of seven years because she disapproved of the guy I was dating. Excuse me?

I have decided that trying to maintain a relationship with a female is too much stress, so I'm not going to deal with it anymore. I've got one female friend in vegas, and lots online who I'm not close enough to for them to be psycho, and I'll keep it that way. I'm sorry for even having tried, I swore off after last time. :mad:

primabella
08-18-2003, 09:25 AM
Half of my group of friends are boys. The girl friends I have are not crazy or anything but they do tend to take some things seriously. I like to tease my friend a lot and he never says anything back. I was teasing my girl friend and she took it so badly. Girls are just more sensitive.

I'm sorry you had a rough time. If you are fed up with this girl, then I guess you should stop being friends if fights are likely to happen again. I used to be friends with these girls and we used to have so many fights over dumb things, feelings got hurt, mean things were said, backstabbing, lies, everything. It was not even worth it. Im glad that the friendship ended because I'm happier now. :)

lbaker
08-18-2003, 09:26 AM
20 is a tough age for lots of people, men & women. Don't totally give up yet. Although I must say, I have one nearby "girl friend" who happens to be my daughter-in-law. I've had some unfortunate experiences myself and have "weeded my garden" of several "friends". That's why I love my furkids. I feel very fortunate in having met some REAL friends through PetTalk.

micki76
08-18-2003, 10:38 AM
My best friend is male and all my life the majority of my really good friends have been male. I don't get along well with women for the reasons you've stated. I too, have several online female friends, but in "real life" all my close friends are men. Some are gay men, some are straight men, but all are men. :)

GoldenRetrLuver
08-18-2003, 12:40 PM
More then half of my friends are guys. It just seems like I can relate to the girlfiends that I have more though. Of course I also have Molly and Daisy, and PET TALK! :D

gini
08-18-2003, 01:41 PM
I completely agree with Laurie. 20 is a rough time for men and women.

As life goes on you will make many new girlfriends...and you will maintain that friendship with a few and as Laurie said, weed out the rest.

Women can relate to each other in ways that men cannot. As the years go by, you will discover the joys of these friendships.
Don't let this bad experience get you down. A good girlfriend would have telephoned you to discuss any problems......a bit chicken of her to do it via the internet.

Don't waste your valuable time on women who like to indulge in dramoramas!

Find those women that you can laugh with, cry with, shop with, and exchange and share your ideas about life with. It is far more rewarding.

wolfsoul
08-18-2003, 03:25 PM
I wish I had some more male friends. I have about 5, and one of them is gay lol. Yet a huge amount of my friends are girls.

I think having a female friend does have it's advantages. Men have no clue about anything we go through. I remember my girl friend showing my guy friend the package that her pad was in. He said he thought it was a package with a wagon wheel snack inside. :rolleyes: But then guy friends are fun because you can tell them everything we go through and then laugh at the looks on their faces.

Don't worry too much. I'm sure it's just a short term squabble. Email her and tell her what happened.

Tonya
08-18-2003, 03:36 PM
I hear you, Wolf. MOST girls get upset over the stupidest stuff, and then rather then confronting, they generally go behind your back. On the other hand, I can say whatever is on my mind to my guy friends and not worry about them disowning me. I feel like I can have my own opinions and be myself around the guys. If I get into a spat with my guy friends, we are buddies the very next day. Unlike a chick, that will drag it out into a year long drama.

popcornbird
08-18-2003, 04:49 PM
Originally posted by wolfsoul
I wish I had some more male friends. I have about 5, and one of them is gay lol. Yet a huge amount of my friends are girls.

I think having a female friend does have it's advantages. Men have no clue about anything we go through. I remember my girl friend showing my guy friend the package that her pad was in. He said he thought it was a package with a wagon wheel snack inside. :rolleyes: But then guy friends are fun because you can tell them everything we go through and then laugh at the looks on their faces.

Don't worry too much. I'm sure it's just a short term squabble. Email her and tell her what happened.

LOL! I would never tell a guy that stuff. I'd be to ashamed to. :rolleyes: They don't need to know. :p That's one of the reasons its so easy to talk about things on PT. Because almost everyone here is a girl, and the few guys thankfully don't post in *those* threads. :p

I have almost all girl friends and I really can't relate to you, because whenever we get in a quarrel, we are friends again the next day. I think girls can relate to each other more, and I personally believe its easier to vent to a girl about things boys would never understand. Its fun talking to girls about practically anything, and having a good laugh over it. Anyway, I love having girls around, and I prefer having them as friends over boys anyday. I guess everyone's just different. :p

Chinadoll
08-18-2003, 07:18 PM
I know exactly where you're coming from. I have only one real close girlfriend. Have many more guy friends. I was never into the rah rah sisterhood cr@p and never wanted to deal with all the time consuming complications that female friends seem to come with.

Yet, with Joey gone, I started to spend more time with one of my really good guy friend and his girlfriend. We started getting together with a couple of the other girlfriends/wives from their Marine Corp unit. I never realized how much fun having a group of girlfriends could be. Never realized how much I missed girltalk and doing typical girly things.

Give it time. For years, I only really had male friends. Maybe one day, you'll meet some girls that you click with. It took me 6 years since high school to fiind another group of girls I could get along with.

Uabassoon
08-18-2003, 07:24 PM
I have very few close female friends. I have a lot of friends that are girls, but I'm not very close to them and I don't have much trust in them. Most of my close friends are guys, I know I can trust them with anything. But I've learned the best guys to hang around with are guys who had a lot of sisters because they can relate a lot more. I called up one of my close guy friends a few days ago because I had horrible cramps, he went to the store for me and bought me medicine and supplies. When I thanked him, he said don't worry I used to do this for my sisters all the time and I kind of miss it.

Kfamr
08-18-2003, 08:37 PM
I have three very close friends. Two males, One female. I feel I can tell Becky, the female, more than I could ever tell anyone else in the world.

Soledad
08-18-2003, 09:24 PM
I think a big mark of maturity is when you come to the realisation that you have to take people on as individuals, and not assume that because they are of a certain gender/social group/religion that they are condemned to act a certain way.

Tonya
08-18-2003, 09:57 PM
I think a big mark of maturity is when you come to the realisation that you have to take people on as individuals, and not assume that because they are of a certain gender/social group/religion that they are condemned to act a certain way.

Good point, Soledad. I give everyone an equal chance. But generally speaking, my personality gets along with men better.

Soledad
08-18-2003, 10:09 PM
I can understand that, Tonya. But seeing a pattern is different from refusing to befriend someone based on something they can't really control.

I think it's a different thing altogether to just end up having more friends of one persuasion than another, and recognizing that you tend to get along with a certain kind of person.

RubyMutt
08-18-2003, 10:26 PM
I'm sorry about that. I know exactly what you mean. I've lost so many female friends because they were such "drama queens"! :rolleyes: I have 3 female friends whom I'm very close to (and 2 of them are now living in Alaska for college :(), all the rest of my friends are males. Some females are just too much to deal with... generally males, at least the majority of the ones I know, are more laid back. And so are those 3 girl friends of mine :p That's just the type of people I get along with best :)

primabella
08-19-2003, 10:44 AM
I agree with Jordan, having girl friends does have it's advantages. I just think you need to watch out more about what you say about them. You can't joke about them being fat or stuffing their face because they'll take it badly. Or at least my friends do. When a guy does it, it's like they're competing against eachother, who can eat the most. :p

My best friend is a girl and I trust her with everything, I tell her everything and she tells me everything. But when we go out, I like going out with my best friend and then my two guy friends. I think it's good to have friends from both. One of my friends is actually gay but he has such an attitude problem...lol.

RICHARD
08-19-2003, 03:00 PM
Originally posted by primabella
You can't joke about them being fat or stuffing their face because they'll take it badly. Or at least my friends do. When a guy does it, it's like they're competing against eachother, who can eat the most. :p



what a sexist thing to say?;)

everyone knows men stuff their faces because we can!!

my best friend is a gal.
she is a gem and I'd like to steal her away from her husband - since he's an inch taller and knows Tae Kwan Do I think she's gonna have to stay where she's at.:)

pitc9
08-19-2003, 07:38 PM
I am 28 and have had one very very good girlfriend since we were 8 years old. Over the years we have had many fights, we don't talk for a day or so, then it's back to normal. To me it's very important to have female friends, I just stay away from the superficial ones and the drama queens!!!
Now as far as work goes, I work in a Automotive Body Shop (no, I don't work on the cars, I do all the paper work in the office:rolleyes: ) (can't tell you how many times I've had to say that)
anyway.....so I work with all guys, and I LOVE it! I love going out for beer after work with them, and B.S.ing with them.

My last two jobs were in small office with just girls :mad: ohhhhh I can't stand the backstabbing and griping and whining and all that goes along with girls working together 5 days a week 8 hours a day!

tikeyas_mom
08-20-2003, 03:12 AM
I have more guy friends then gurl friends.

guys: Kyle(friend since forever), Cody(friend since forever), Joey, Dein(friednt since forever, pluse first kiss ;)), Chad, Chandler, Owen, Frank(Ex boy friend).

Girls: Sarah(best gal friend), Jordan(wolfsoul), Robyn. lol thats about it :D.

Nomilynn
08-20-2003, 04:38 AM
I have two best girl friends, and Nathan who is my best guy friend :) But they all mean something to me because of who they are inside, not their gender. I can share EVERYTHING with Nathan and he will listen no matter what, even when he really doesn't get it (that's one of the many reasons I love him a lot ;)). My best friend Missy (Missypooh on PT) and I can share everything with, she and I almost ALWAYS see eye to eye and when we don't we always seem to find a happy medium. She and I have gone through a LOT of turmoil but I would have to say she's the closest thing I have to a kindred spirit. My other best friend, Lisa, I can also share with and talk for hours. The cool thing about Lisa is she pretty much knows what I'm thinking without having to ask. She and I have been friends since we were in grade 4 (9yrs old) and even though she's a little kooky sometimes I love her to death. I don't think it has anything to do with being a boy or a girl, it's just.. them.

However, I do think that generally, there are differences between men and women that make the relationships different, so I see what you are saying. I just happen to be really lucky that I have great friends :)

ILoveReptiles
08-24-2003, 11:04 AM
Hi WolfChan,

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems with your friend, and I can totally empathize with your sentiment that you're sick of the "drama"... Most of my friends are guys, and my best "girl" friend is just like me - no nonsense, no bullshit. She's CF too. I have a few other CF Friends and in my experience, they tend to be a more down-to-earth bunch. Less apt to freak over nothing.

babolaypo65
08-24-2003, 12:03 PM
My closest friends have always been male. I never consciously chose that, it just sort of worked out that way. Several of my closer male friends are gay, several are straight. I'm not sure what happens when I become close friends with a woman... I think sometimes we have different needs and expectations of friendship (does that sound as hokey as I think it does?). Dunno... I just usually have longer sustaining friendships with males.

CathyBogart
08-24-2003, 02:13 PM
Originally posted by ILoveReptiles
Most of my friends are guys, and my best "girl" friend is just like me - no nonsense, no bullshit. She's CF too. I have a few other CF Friends and in my experience, they tend to be a more down-to-earth bunch. Less apt to freak over nothing.

My last remaining close female friend is very straightforward, no BS. We've lost touch a bit since she had her baybee, but lt least she didn't go all wierd on me! (Plus she has no qualms about leaving her offspring with a babysitter so we can enjoy oerselves. ^.^)

Oh, the person this thread was originally about apologized and whatnot. I've seen her since then, but only from coincicdence. I don't need people in my life who are going to pull stuff like that.

Cataholic
08-24-2003, 09:43 PM
This has turned into a very interesting thred, now that Wolfchan has ***kind of ***patched it up with her friend.

I agree with Soledad...it isn't gender specific, but, people specific. To say you don't get along with other women sounds harsh on my ears....being female. I can't relate to that at all. I have wonderful friends of both genders, and know many people, men and women, that exhibit the traits that don't make them friend-friendly. When the chips are down, I know who I can count on, and it is pretty evenly spaced.

babolaypo65
08-24-2003, 09:48 PM
You're right. It is a pretty interesting thread. I always like threads that make us think and analyze ourselves, instead of just stating our opinions, which is usually what happens in the Dog House! :)

CathyBogart
08-25-2003, 01:44 AM
So I won't give up on female friends altogether, just psycho ones, ok? :P *Chuckles*

RICHARD
08-25-2003, 12:37 PM
two rules for F.O.T.O.S..


Rule one, Men want to fix things.

Rule two, Women want to talk about things.

Rule three, decide what kind of a 'thing' you have and call the appropriate friend.

robinh
08-25-2003, 12:44 PM
Intelligent response, Richard! I like it a lot. And those rules are very appropriate when you have friends of both sexes.

But my question: is that two or three rules?
;)

RICHARD
08-25-2003, 01:27 PM
Originally posted by robinh
Intelligent response, Richard! I like it a lot. And those rules are very appropriate when you have friends of both sexes.

But my question: is that two or three rules?
;)

2.5?
:o

slick
08-25-2003, 01:38 PM
As I've gotten older I've gotten wiser. I choose wisely how I spend my spare time and who I spend it with. I've been disappointed by people too many times in my life and now I don't really have any best friends that I can call up on a moment's notice. A few months ago I thought I had a best girlfriend, then she started dating. Now she's nowhere to be found. So for now I can say that I have a lot of acquaintances but my best friends have four paws and fur. And I like it that way.

RICHARD
08-25-2003, 01:54 PM
Originally posted by slick
A few months ago I thought I had a best girlfriend, then she started dating. Now she's nowhere to be found. So for now I can say that I have a lot of acquaintances but my best friends have four paws and fur. And I like it that way.

isn't that the truth?

it doesn't take but a minute to drop a note, e-mail or pick up the phone..

2kitties
08-25-2003, 01:59 PM
I'm a girlfriend girl. Gotta have my girl talk or I just go nuts. But I'm girly. I like to have someone to shop with, get manicures, talk about who JLo is marrying this week, etc. I enjoy my time with male friends as well, although now we do things like that in couple formats.

Cataholic
08-25-2003, 02:53 PM
Originally posted by 2kitties
I'm a girlfriend girl. Gotta have my girl talk or I just go nuts. But I'm girly. I like to have someone to shop with, get manicures, talk about who JLo is marrying this week, etc. I enjoy my time with male friends as well, although now we do things like that in couple formats.



How true...don't know too many guys that will sit on the phone with me and watch a reality show together!

(I know, I know...most of you girls wouldn't do that, either. But, it is fun...it is like watching tv, together, but separate)

babolaypo65
08-25-2003, 08:23 PM
A reality show? no. A Friends re-run? definitely. :D


Originally posted by Cataholic
How true...don't know too many guys that will sit on the phone with me and watch a reality show together!

(I know, I know...most of you girls wouldn't do that, either. But, it is fun...it is like watching tv, together, but separate)

RubyMutt
08-25-2003, 09:51 PM
lol... my boyfriend is *OBSESSED* with Friends. He's more upset about the show ending than any female I know! :rolleyes:

babolaypo65
08-25-2003, 10:02 PM
Sigh. Tell him I feel his pain.


Originally posted by RubyMutt
lol... my boyfriend is *OBSESSED* with Friends. He's more upset about the show ending than any female I know! :rolleyes:

kingrattus
09-01-2003, 10:27 AM
I've tried to have female friends, but like u said, they go psycho. They r too concerned about their looks & others may see them. For crying out loud, give it up, people will like u better for ur attitude then ur looks. Why do u think u keep having 1 night stands.. duh!! u look good, but ur dumber then a post. Sheesh, I'm not super smart, but I'm not stupid either, I'm also not very good looking (been hit with the ugly stick too often), but I don't care. I wear what I like (t-shirts & jeans) & I don't paint my face at all. I'm 100% natural & I ended up getting an all natural man & were very happy & I never once went through a 1 night stand (well I didn't date).

But guys r my friends, I ack more like them & I tell them female secrets so they can make their females more happy.