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View Full Version : Surrogate mothers, etc.



Pam
06-14-2003, 07:38 PM
I heard on TV yesterday that Joan Lunden has just had twin babies, at the age of 52. This was accomplished through a surrogate mother. My first thought was sadness for the poor kids. My own mother was 37 when I was born and all of my friends had much younger mothers. These poor children will have a senior citizen for a mom when they are still in elementary school. I really am conflicted about this whole surrogate mother thing. I can understand an infertile couple's desparation to go this route to have a child but I have to wonder if it is really not playing God a little. I have an even bigger problem with sperm banks, etc. What do you all think? I'd love to hear some thoughts. (Gee I can't believe I am starting a topic in the Dog House! ) :eek: :eek:

Uabassoon
06-14-2003, 09:10 PM
I personally see no problem with a sperm bank or egg donations. Sometimes a female will want a child and her husband is infertile or vice versa. I have a friend who is going to be a suggogate mom soon. She will be having a child for her two best friends they are unable to carry the child so she is going to have it for them.

lizbud
06-14-2003, 09:33 PM
Pam,

Well, in Joan's case, I am sure she will have help in the care
of the children. But, I'll tell you I could never have raised my
children myself if I were that age. The tremendous amount of
energy involved is mind boggling when reflected back upon.I
was lucky enough to #1, be able to bear my own children and
#2, be in my twenties when they were born.:) As to being a
surrogate mom, I personally could not do it (bear a child for
nine months, give birth) & then give it to someone else to raise.:(
I think it's a great option for some people, so I'm not against
it, per se, but not for me. If I couldn't have had kids, I hope I
would have adopted children.

Edwina's Secretary
06-17-2003, 11:46 AM
I believe our technology is getting ahead of thoughtful establishment of "rules." What happens if the surrogate mother changes her mind, what is the child is born with birth defects, etc, etc, etc.

I don't think being a mother (or father!) at 57 is fair to the child. Logic tells you the child will, most likely, be orphaned young.

I think overpopulation of our planet is a greater threat than all the terrorist and WMD there are. In fact, I believe overpopulation is the ROOT CAUSE of much of the terrorism and problems in the world.

Because we no longer accept being denied what we want...regardless of biology or good sense... science has developed for those who can pay for it.

Logan
06-17-2003, 11:58 AM
This is a very good topic, Pam, that ought to give us a lot of opportunity for thoughtful discussion. As you know, I'm 40, almost 41, and Scott and I have made the very serious decision that we will not consider having a child together, as nice as it would be to have one of our own. I have only had the pleasure of giving birth to one on my own, and always wanted more, even considering adoption as a single mother, during that 10 year period that I was not married. In the end, I decided it was not in Helen's best interest to bring a baby into our home. I cannot imagine the fear I would have being pregnant at this age, fear that something would go wrong, fear that I would not be able to properly care for an infant and the other three children. I know LOTS of women do this at my age, but I just don't think I'm up to it, as much as I would love having a new life in this happy home, and I know the children would too. My mother had a baby (surprise baby) at 42. My dad was 44. He was perfect, thank goodness, but at a time when all of their friends were experiencing the "empty nest", my parents still had a child in high school! :o My sister and I were 17 and 13, respectively, when he was born. We thought he was wonderful, and still do, but it was tough, and continues to be tough for my parents.

As for invitro fertilization, I think I'm for it, as I have a dear friend who now has a wonderful six month old son as a result. She would never have been able to have a child otherwise. I see benefits for those families, so how could I be against it? But for a 52 year old woman to have a baby is very scary to me! I think you are all right. This child will lose his/her parents at a very young age. Is that fair?

It is confusing and I can understand the conflicting emotions that surround it, wanting to share new life with a new partner, and hopefully being able to support it, not only financially, but physically and mentally as well. :confused: Can you tell I'm confused about the whole issue????

Uabassoon
06-17-2003, 02:01 PM
Sometimes I think there are certain situations where a surrogate is a good idea. I'll bring up the situation with my friends, I didn't want to eariler because I thought it would make the topic even more confusing.

My two friends have been together for 11 years, they are very much in love have a nice house, nice jobs, nice cars. And most importantly they have lots of love to give to a child. However they are gay making it impossible for them to create a child of course. Trying to adopt a child it very difficult when you are gay even if you will make great parents.
So a good friend of theirs offered to help them carry a child. When she told me this I found it strange and her response was "what I find strange is that two people who love each other so much can't have a family."
In a few months she will carring their child, the egg will come from a donor and the sperm from one of the two boys.

carole
06-18-2003, 12:10 AM
It just depends on the situation i think, every case is different, i dont think 37 is that old to be having a baby, a lot of women are choosing to have children older now, i myself had my daughter at 34 and a half, sometimes i do feel a little old, and im a little less tolerant than when i was young, but due to a health problems i tire easily, but i dont regret having my girl for one moment, besides you are as young as you feel.
I guess we should draw the line somewhere, but whoes to say where if you know what i mean.

gini
06-19-2003, 11:51 AM
What always amazes me is that a teenager can get pregnant so easily - and there are so many young single mothers.

But a couple that might want a child so badly cannot conceive.

There is a young woman that I care about a great deal. She is married and has three children (and many many animals). She wanted a house so badly but was finding it difficult financially.

She was a surrogate mother for a couple that she knew very well. They were very involved in her pregnancy and the resulting early birth of twins.

The couple now have two beautiful children and my sweet friend has her house and plenty of land for all of her horses, pigs, dogs, cats and so on.

This story has had such a happy ending.......and I decided that I couldn't judge, but just accept everyone's happiness.

emily_the_spoiled
06-19-2003, 02:58 PM
When I was 29yo I was told I had cancer and could not have children after the treatment. At that time my sister offered to be a surrogate for me if I ever decided that I wanted to have children (and not adopt). Although I have decided not to have biological children I will never forget the generosity of her offer.

As the song says ... "There is a time and a place for all things"

iceyshiver21
06-20-2003, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by emily_the_spoiled
As the song says ... "There is a time and a place for all things"
To bad all things dont feel like that....

tikeyas_mom
06-20-2003, 11:17 PM
52!!!! yikes!!! My mom had me when she was 21. lol I am her oldest kid to. :p

Christiansmommy
06-20-2003, 11:43 PM
I know that I could never be a surrogate. It is a very generous thing for a person to do, but i would become too attached with the growing baby. I think jeolousy could result on both parts, the surrogate and the woman who is unable to conceive. Thankfully, i have my own biological son, whom was conceived naturally...but if my husband and I werent able to have childeren, i think i would look into adoption. Too many children need homes.

As far as the sperm donating goes...i think it is one thing to have the woman inceminated with her husbands sperm (if God doesnt want them to get pregnant, it isnt going to happen reguardless), but if the husband is unable to have children, and the woman gets inceminated with a donor, other than her husband, then in my opinion, adoption is a better option. B/c I wouldnt want my husband to have to live with the fact that he took no part in creating the child...i would want it to come from both of us, or not at all. One joy of having a baby is to see who it looks like or what traits it has. If only the woman is genetically connected t it, then it just doesnt seem like a good option. Adoption would make more sense to me, anyway.

As far as being a new mother at 52....forget it!! I am 26 and my son runs me ragged some days. But as someone else posted, i am sure Joan Lundon will have plently of help. Which is a whole other topic altogether...having a child for it to be raised primarily by someone else.

Anyway, just my honest 2 cents worth :)

moosmom
06-24-2003, 05:02 PM
You couldn't pay me enough money to be a surrogate. I read about the surrogate for Joan Lunden in People Magazine and thought "good for her". I guess to each his own. Besides, Joan Lunden has enough money to hire nannies, maids, etc. so I wouldn't worry about her having a problem handling twins.

CathyBogart
06-26-2003, 03:18 AM
I have a co-worker who is 52 and has four daughters, one newborn, and is talking about haveing a fifth child. His wife is younger than he, but not by a lot. In my opinion, he is a wonderful parent whose children are all growing up beautifully, so why not?

I would consider being a surrogate mother for someone I really cared for. I never intend to have my own children, but if I can help someone else have theirs....I have a friend who does it pretty regularly, and she's really happy. ^_^

Edit: Just how much does it pay OOC?

Tonya
07-07-2003, 01:26 AM
I just saw something about sperm banks. They were talking about how it is going to become a disaster. Think about it, a man can father hundreds of children through just one or two donations. Some men donate multiple times. More then likely all of these children will grow up living in the general area of the sperm bank. Sperm bank donations are generally anonymous. Odds are much higher that brothers will unknowingly marry sisters and whatnot. I'd never thought of that until I saw that on TV, but it is so true! :eek:

CathyBogart
07-07-2003, 02:05 AM
That's a...wierd thought. Really wierd.

Christiansmommy
07-07-2003, 08:48 AM
Originally posted by Tonya
I just saw something about sperm banks. They were talking about how it is going to become a disaster. Think about it, a man can father hundreds of children through just one or two donations. Some men donate multiple times. More then likely all of these children will grow up living in the general area of the sperm bank. Sperm bank donations are generally anonymous. Odds are much higher that brothers will unknowingly marry sisters and whatnot. I'd never thought of that until I saw that on TV, but it is so true! :eek:

Wow, i never thought of it that way either!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

All Creatures Great And Small
07-07-2003, 02:08 PM
There was a news story a few years back, about a fertility specialist (an older man) who had been "arranging" in vitro fertilizations for women, allegedly with donated sperm, but it turned out he had been using his OWN sperm - he fathered somewhere in the neighborhood of 75 children, if I remember correctly. I'd have to look up the story somewhere. How depressing would THAT be? To not only find out that this old fool fathered your child, instead of the intended sperm donor, and that your child had about 74 siblings you don't know?

I think I could be a surrogate mom, as long as none of my genetic material was used in the making of the baby. If it was donated eggs and sperm, I could rent out womb space for 9 months. I'm not very "into" babies, especially if they are not genetically mine, so I wouldn't get overly attached, and I already have all the stretch marks and figure damage, so what's one more? Plus I'd have a built in excuse to eat for 2! - :o ;)

lizbud
07-07-2003, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by All Creatures Great And Small


I think I could be a surrogate mom, as long as none of my genetic material was used in the making of the baby. If it was donated eggs and sperm, I could rent out womb space for 9 months. I'm not very "into" babies, especially if they are not genetically mine, so I wouldn't get overly attached, and I already have all the stretch marks and figure damage, so what's one more? Plus I'd have a built in excuse to eat for 2! - :o ;)

ACGS,

But wouldn't you be sharing the same blood supply as the
baby you carry? Wouldn't it be your heart beat that it heard
and responded to? You're a stronger women than I.:)

About the old dude who spread his sperm around so freely,
I seem to remember that. Didn't they make a made for TV movie
out of the story? I think the guy was a medical doctor.:rolleyes:

Airedalekisses
07-21-2003, 11:07 PM
Whew, with all of the birth defects that affect children born to older than age 50 mothers-even egg donors older than 50 - I wouldn't risk it-I hope that if someone does decide to have a child after the age of 45-she has genetic counseling. The incidence of Down's Syndrome goes up significantly if the mother/donor is older.

allanimalswelcome
07-22-2003, 12:32 PM
Whew, with all of the birth defects that affect children born to older than age 50 mothers-even egg donors older than 50 - I wouldn't risk it-I hope that if someone does decide to have a child after the age of 45-she has genetic counseling. The incidence of Down's Syndrome goes up significantly if the mother/donor is older.

I was just going to say that:p

~Rachel

puppygrrl4eva7
07-23-2003, 05:25 PM
I know this isn't exactly the topic, but what really makes me mad is when you see those 18 yr olds on the Maury show trying to find their babies father. First of all an 18 year old shouldn't be having babies, second of all if they are having babies they should be responsible enough to know who the fathers are, and if they are on the show they obiously aren't that responsible, and if they can't handle knowing that information they aren't responsible to be making any of those choices in the first place. Yes I feel sorry for them but its their fault if they didn't want anything to happen they could have prevented it.

Airedalekisses
07-24-2003, 07:15 PM
I think sometimes people should be spayed and neutered!

AvaJoy
08-01-2003, 11:21 PM
Originally posted by Airedalekisses
I think sometimes people should be spayed and neutered!

I agree, and that would be ideal, but unfortunately we are much too freedom oriented in this country, and our lawmakers fail to see the effects of overpopulation. Isn't there a law in China that couples are only allowed 2 children? The rest of the planet should take heed.

If they could cast aside their egos, infertile couples hell-bent upon being parents should adopt rather than spend thousands of dollars on in-virtro, sperm banks, surrogates, etc. It is simply ego gratification to excess, especially when scores of unwanted children await . . . in need of a family that will love them.

Aspen and Misty
08-02-2003, 07:59 PM
Avajoy- I think it's only one child now. I think any one who can't have kids and wants kids should adopt, those poor kids who need homes, they don't ever get a hug an kiss goodnight from there mommy or dady. IMagine being able to change a life like that!

Ash

pitc9
08-05-2003, 08:57 PM
I am 27 and have had no children, two of my sisters had there first children in 2001. My one sister got pregnant RIGHT away, and the other took over two years. Pretty soon I will be thinking about having children, and I wonder how easy or hard it will be for me. I have a condition that will make getting pregnant harder the older I get (my first doctor was trying to tell me to have a baby when I was 19 and was not even married yet...I don't go to the Dr anymore!!:mad: )

So.....I may one day soon have to look into some of those methods for having children. Rick and I both are looking forward to having kids someday..... we just don't yet know how hard it's going to be!

2kitties
08-06-2003, 04:16 PM
I"m all for it.
Have a baby any way you can if you:
want a baby, can afford a baby, have love to give and have a loving stable home.
If it takes me until I'm 50 to get to those points, then so be it. For me, I'd probably adopt at that age, but I would consider surrogacy if it were an option to me.
And if my husband were enable to conceive, I'd have no problem turning to medicing and donors.

My problem is not with those who use medical methods to procreate, or those of us who decide not to pop out babies at the ripe old age of 20. My problem is with those who behave with a blatant disregard for proper parenting. Bringing children into terribly destructive family situations.