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jonza
03-30-2003, 11:53 AM
I'm not sure if this should be under "slightly controversial" subjects, or on the joke thread

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." - Donald Rumsfeld. (Actually this was a Ross Perot quote during the first Gulf war.)

If you want to get France involved in a war with Iraq, you must first convince them that Saddam is hiding fields of truffles. - Comedian on the Tonight Show

Q: What do you call a group of 100,000 Frenchman with their hands in the air?
A: The French army, of course."

Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows. No French man has ever tried.

Q: How do you stop a French tank?
A: By shooting the soldier pushing it.

Q: Why does the new French Navy have glass-bottom boats?
A: So they can see the old French Navy.

Q: How can you recognize a French veteran?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q: Did you hear about the old French rifles for sale on Ebay?
A: Never been fired, dropped only once.

Q: The French have just ordered a new national flag.
A: It's a white cross on a white background

Q: Where do you find 60million French jokes?
A: In France.

Q: Whats the difference between a Wonderbra and the French World Cup squad?
A: A Wonderbra has decent support and a cup.

Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: It gives them speedier reactions.

Q: How many gears in a French tank?
A: Six: five reverse and one forward, in case they are attacked from behind.

Jay Leno says it's no surprise the French won't help us get Saddam Hussein out of Iraq. They didn't help us get Germany out of France, either. Still, it's essential for them to join us in the war against Iraq. They can teach the Iraqis how to surrender.

In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: Ask him about the cemeteries Dean!
So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldier buried in France from World War I and World War II. DeGaulle never answered.

Something to ponder:
You are the President of the United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever.

France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As the President, you must decide: Do you stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live, or tape it and watch it in the morning?

Come on now. Give the French a break. After all they did win the French Revolutionary War ... but then again they were fighting the French.

Anybody got any good stories about Danes or Brits perhaps? (We must try to be impartial!)

john

Edwina's Secretary
03-30-2003, 12:06 PM
You know the world is upside down when...
The best golfer is a black man,

the top rapper is a white man...

and Germany does not want to go to war.

tatsxxx11
03-30-2003, 01:09 PM
ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really is a bit of Alice throught the looking glass!!:D Hey, John, do you get the Tonight Show in Coppenhagen?? The other night he was talking about one of the HUGE anti-war protests held over the weekend in Paris, at the Arc de Triumph. Thousands of people were holding signs proclaiming "down with America," encouraging the boycotting of American goods, setting our flag on fire. After it was over, the protesters put down their signs and walked off to the nearest MacDonald's, a few blocks away, for a Big Mac, some "freedom frie"s and a bit more anti war banter!. So much for conviction!!:D

Ann
03-30-2003, 01:12 PM
LOL, good ones! I especially liked the ones about the truffles!

The one that Edwina's Secretary posted I've read before, but it was longer: You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.

Paul
03-30-2003, 01:35 PM
   Please do not post such jokes. Pet Talk should be a kinder place.

      Paul

Ann
03-30-2003, 01:44 PM
Oh come on!

It's just jokes, done in good humor! Sides, none were about Americans so no one will get offended ;)

But seriously... I could understand if it was harsh jokes but they weren't. There was nothing un-kind about them really. Why must everything be so uptight and immaculate?

I gotta admit it, I don't dig the idea of a seperate forum for "controversial" or "disgusting" topics. But it might be ok if you could atleast joke around or speak freely!

RICHARD
03-30-2003, 01:59 PM
it was reported yesterday that saddam had 'fired' his marshall of air forces.

the marshall told saddam that he was trying to get inside the
minds of his counterparts in the coalition, so he challenged them
to a game of bingo over the internet.

the marshall reportedly told saddam that the generals on the other side were not playing fairly....


when saddam inquired as to what their tactics were the marshall replied,

'the first numbers such as B1 and B2 were on my card, but i could not find B52, F14, F15, A10, F16.............'

Karen
03-31-2003, 10:02 AM
Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
You know the world is upside down when...
The best golfer is a black man,

the top rapper is a white man...

and Germany does not want to go to war.


Originally posted by Ann
You know the world is going crazy when the best
rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, The Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the US of arrogance, and Germany doesn't want to go to war.

I will know that the world is right-side up when no one cares about the skin color of anyone, athlete or musician. I will know the world is sane at last when no one - no matter what their national boundaries - wants to go to war. When no one care whether a country is land-locked as long as their boat floats. When derisive jokes about any particular nationality just don't make sense.

That is when the world will be right-side up.

In My Humble Opinion.

Cataholic
03-31-2003, 11:49 AM
Originally posted by Paul
   Please do not post such jokes. Pet Talk should be a kinder place.

      Paul


I thought this was the very reason the Dog House was established???

Tanya&Fritz
03-31-2003, 12:20 PM
I thought the joke was hilarious and not offensive at all :D

I'll have to scrape up some good ones about Canadians to keep it fair :D :D :D

Just thought of one:

A poll was conducted about what the last words were before a car accident. In the United States it was "Oh no, we're going to die" and in Canada it was "Holy crap, hold my beer!!!"

mugsy
03-31-2003, 12:26 PM
That's funny!!

As for the rest, I think it's just a difference in what people view as humorus. I think they're funny, but then I realize that a lot of times it's a natural reaction to try to turn to humor to try and make a situation less frightening and as a result some more sensitive people tend to be offended.

momoffuzzyfaces
03-31-2003, 12:50 PM
Ok, I will admit to smiling about the deer hunting without an accordian joke, and I deffinetely don't agree with France's government's attitudes toward the U.S. Still I will also admit to being a mite puzzled by those pouring out good wine just because it's from France. What's the sense in that? The wine's already been paid for. The one's dumping it out are only hurting themselves. France has their money and is grinning all the way to the bank. It's best to not buy it in the first place. What I'm saying is, don't go overboard on French Bashing. After all, if you boycott all things French, you can't plan a trip to the Statue of Liberty. She was a gift from the children of France who saved their pennies to pay for her. I will always thank them for that, if nothing else. I will now climb down from my soap box.;) :D

RICHARD
03-31-2003, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by momoffuzzyfaces
Ok, I will admit to smiling about the deer hunting without an accordian joke, and I deffinetely don't agree with France's government's attitudes toward the U.S. Still I will also admit to being a mite puzzled by those pouring out good wine just because it's from France. What's the sense in that? The wine's already been paid for. The one's dumping it out are only hurting themselves. France has their money and is grinning all the way to the bank. It's best to not buy it in the first place. What I'm saying is, don't go overboard on French Bashing. After all, if you boycott all things French, you can't plan a trip to the Statue of Liberty. She was a gift from the children of France who saved their pennies to pay for her. I will always thank them for that, if nothing else. I will now climb down from my soap box.;) :D

DOES MARCEL MARCEAU COUNT???

he hasn't said anything either way.....


;)

mugsy
03-31-2003, 01:24 PM
Richard, leave it to you to instill a little humor!!

momoffuzzyfaces
03-31-2003, 02:56 PM
Originally posted by RICHARD
DOES MARCEL MARCEAU COUNT???

he hasn't said anything either way.....


;)
Well, he doesn't really count with me. I don't know who he is.:eek: :D

mugsy
03-31-2003, 03:01 PM
MOFF....he's a mime.

momoffuzzyfaces
03-31-2003, 03:11 PM
Originally posted by mugsy
MOFF....he's a mime.
:o Thanks. Guess he wants to keep his opinions to himself then, huh?;)

mugsy
03-31-2003, 03:26 PM
Well you know those people who talk with their hands! hehe

Tanya&Fritz
03-31-2003, 03:33 PM
Originally posted by mugsy
Well you know those people who talk with their hands! hehe

Too funny! I can't stop laughing :D

Cincy'sMom
03-31-2003, 05:16 PM
I guess I'm not very PC...I thought the jokes were funny :)

RICHARD
03-31-2003, 05:30 PM
Originally posted by Cincy'sMom
I guess I'm not very PC...I thought the jokes were funny :)


of course youre not 'personal computer' ;)

mugsy
03-31-2003, 05:33 PM
I'm not personal computer either Amy. lol

momoffuzzyfaces
03-31-2003, 05:44 PM
I thought PC meant Pretty Cute, which I'm sure you all ARE!!!;) :D

RICHARD
04-02-2003, 12:15 PM
it was reported this morning that the french have still not shown up for the war. we'll keep you up to date as details become available.

mugsy
04-02-2003, 12:24 PM
Bet they will when they start losing money from tourists refusing to visit.

Dakota's Mommy
04-02-2003, 03:35 PM
I'm there with you Amy and Mugsy! I thought they were funny. In my opinion though, jokes are jokes. I guess I look at them they same as I look at blonde jokes, male jokes, etc., etc. , etc. Somebody is not going to like them, but they are funny whenever they make sense, it's just the way the world works.

Guess we gotta find some kind of humor in something, otherwise we'll all go insane constantly dealing with the truth of what's going on over there!