Went to a funeral today

[wolf_Q]

I hate funerals. :( My grandpa passed away last Wednesday. I had a hard time accepting it...that's just the way I am, I just kind of bottle things up inside. Well, with a funeral, there's no real way around accepting the truth, even if it is hard.

Some people did not make it any easier for me. My aunt and cousin took cameras to both the viewing and the funeral. Would this bother anyone else??? They were taking snap shots of both my Grandpa and people standing there...everything...I don't know, but it really made me mad. I never want a viewing. What would you DO with those photographs anyway? :confused:

Also my uncle came up to me and basically told me at the viewing that I HAD to go over there, and it was better for me, blah blah, and he'd hold my hand and blah blah. I'm not a child!! :mad: I just did not feel comfortable at the time, especially with the cameras around. I did go over later, when it was only my parents there.

And at the actual funeral, my uncle gave this horrible talk. He actually started it out with "Well, the church handbook said..." and basically gave a church lecture that had nothing to do with my Grandpa. It was dry and heartless. I'm glad my dad and others were able to give some beautiful and meaningful speeches/performances....even if they did make me cry. :(

My Grandpa was a great man, and I'm really going to miss him. He was always the big funny guy who always had a grin and a hug ready. I'll never forget his homemade jerky and all those great camping trips we had together. He even liked the dogs, even if he did catch Smokey with a velveeta cheese fishhook (accident), call Reggie "Griff" (another schnauzer we had), and pull Nebo's big fluffy tail. :)

Anyway...sorry I'm rambling on here....I just need to "talk" to someone...thanks Pet Talk.

p.s. attached is an old pic of me with my Grandpa and Smokey camping.

[Nomilynn]

I'm very sorry about your loss. When my great aunt died, someone brought a camera "because it's the only place we can all get together!" :mad: I wasn't at that service, because it was very sudden, but in all the pictures the people looked horrid. My grandma said after that, "I sure hope no one takes pictures at mine!" and she ended up dying around four years later. I remembered her words and we were able to respect her wishes. Some of her family was ill and couldn't fly out, so we agreed that JUST the speeches by the minister could be videotaped, but even that was a hard compromise for me. We didn't have a viewing, and I'm glad. It was hard enough having to be the one to find her in her bed, where she died, I dind't want to see her at the funeral. She didn't want that either.

Again, I'm very sorry for your loss. Know that we PTers are always here to listen

(((((((HUGS)))))))

[popcornbird]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. :(:(:( I was wondering why you weren't on PT much lately, but now I understand. It is never easy to lose such a grandparent, and from the picture, it seems that you were very close. Remember the good times you had together. I have already lost all 4 of my grandparents. :(:( I know how you feel. May the rest of your family, friends, and pups bring you comfort through this difficult and sad time. :(

Ps. If you don't mind me asking, was it your maternal grandpa or paternal?

[Fuzzy317]

I am sorry for your loss. I am lucky to still have one grandparent, my grandfather (on mom's side) will be 88 y/o in July.

I don't recall video recorders or cameras at the funerals I have gone to. They may have been there, I just don't recall seeing any :confused:

For me, pictures are for events I want to remember, or be reminded of, a funeral is not what I want to remember. I want to see memories of good times.

I have told my family many times, that I want to be cremated (sp?), and my ashes sprinkled a place I frequent. I will have to add no cameras.

[Ann]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I also lost my grandpa recently so I know how much it really hurts.

[Miss Meow]

I'm sorry about your grandpa, Amy.

It's upsetting that your uncle tried to force you to see your grandpa at the viewing. It's such a highly personal and emotive thing and only you will know if you're strong enough for that. :(

I went to a friend's grandma's funeral last Friday and the service was gorgeous. The minister told the stories with emotion and enthusiasm, and spoke with honesty about her failing body and mind and escaping the horrors of dementia. All of us cried our eyes out. I'm glad your family were able to speak as well to make up for your uncle.

At my gran's funeral the chapel had a big screen at the front with the details broadcast on a Powerpoint presentation. I was furious, it was so tacky.

Look after yourself.

[jenluckenbach]

first I'd like to express my deep sympathies in your loss. But second I'd just like to state that people grieve differently. If a picture of the deceased will bring comfort to someone (even if it is only 1 person) try not to begrudge them that.

[neko1]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. On march 12, it will be a year ago that my grandmother died. We were very close, so I know how you feel.
As far as the photos are concerned, that's kinda gross to me. I used to work at a photo store printing pictures all day and no offense or anything but photo store people really dont' wanna see that kinda thing. It's really disturbing to see.

[anna_66]

I know how it is, I've lost both my grandparents, on both sides & has Mark.
As for the camera thing, my family is like that too, so I guess I'm just used to it. I do have some pictures like that, but I never look at them, kinda stupid to have them hu? But I just can't seem to throw them away.

[lynnestankard]

{{{{{Oh Amy}}}}}

I'm so sorry for you - losing grandparents is a difficult time for any grandchild - I'm just pleased that your grandpa was so special to you and loved you so much - you've got such happy memories to look back on - your so lucky. I'm not being heartless, but in years to come those lovely memories will still be with you.
I've never known anyone take a camera or video to a funeral - to my way of thinking it's bad taste. I'm sorry you found it hard, that's the way of funerals - even though I'm an old lady(!) - I find funerals terribley hard to cope with.
Remember to mourn and grieve your much loved Grandpa as much as you want - no two people grieve the same way - do what-ever you feel right doing. Your in my thoughts sweetheart - hugs coming across the miles {{{{{}}}}}.

Lynne

[moosmom]

Amy,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandpa. Whoever brought in the camera was tacky. I don't know of anyone who'd want their picture taken after they're gone.

I know that when my Dad died, I made it a celebration of his life. I asked everyone to feel free to come up and talk about him, or remember a particular time that means the most to them. Everyone got up and said something particularly meaningful to them. Everyone except my brother. But that is a whole different story.

Please take care of yourself and know that we are all here for you.

(((((((hugs)))))))))))

[Tina]

Amy
I'm so sorry hear about the loss of your grandpa I know it has to be really hard. I know I'd be upset myself if someone brought a camera to my grandpa's funeral.

Before one of my neighbors died he had a picture from his son's funeral I thought it was awful. It was just plain sick.

((Hugs To You)) And always remember that we will always be here to talk to.

[Dixieland Dancer]

I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa, Amy. I am sure those with cameras had the right intentions but it is a little unethical in my mind too. It would of made me upset the same way it did you. There is a time for everything and this wasn't the time for cameras.

I like to remember people in happy times not sad ones. I am glad your grandpa got a eulogy from you dad that was fitting. Talking just to use up time is another upsetting thing at a funeral. I want people to talk about the person and what they meant and what a difference they made by being alive. Not just meaningless words that could be used to speak of anyone.

I am glad you thought enough of your Pet Talk family to share your sorrows with us. I personally want to offer you a cyber hug.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Sudilar]

{{{HUG}}}
Amy, I'm so sorry about your Grandpa. He sounds like he was one remarkable man!!! You were lucky to have him and remember the good times you had.

Sometimes people think they are helping, when, in fact, they are not. I'm sure your relatives had good intentions. Please forgive them.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

Oh, Amy, I'm sooo sorry, to hear about your dear Grandpa!:( :( I didn't even get to meet my dad's mom. I'm so sorry.

[Corinna]

So sorry for your loss. I just finished an reading an article about a photographer in Mexico that got his start taking childrens photos that had died from the flu in the 1890's . They were very tastfully done, being held by the parents. It was the only photo ever taken of these kids. In some cultures it is the only time an image is done. I'm not saying I agree but it is just the way some are.
My mom has told us she wants a jazz funeral, lots of music and celebration and stories of her and freinds. Some in my family will be shocked,but it is her wishes.She has even picked out her faviorte pieces of music so there can be no agurements on what she wants.

[Logan]

Amy, I am so very sorry about the loss of your grandfather. You know, each person grieves in his/her own way. I prefer to remember my loved ones the way they were, not the way they are after they die. I have refused funeral home visits many, many times when my relatives have passed away and my family just understands that it is better for me that way.

I'm happy that you had some redeeming eulogies done for your grandfather. It is an awkward time and some people just aren't good at public speaking. Sounds like your uncle is one of those.

You take care, and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you told us so that we can support you during this difficult time.

Logan

[lovemyshiba]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now. My grandfather passed away in 1994, right before Thanksgiving, and not a year passes by when I don't wish he was there at the table with us.
I have never ever heard of pictures being taken at a funeral. My uncle owns a funeral home, and I have never heard of or seen this. But to each his or her own, I suppose.
That picture is so cute, of you with your grandpa, cherish it, and the times you had together always.

[slleipnir]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa :[ I only really knew one of my grandparents, and I know how hard that was for me when she passed on :'[

[Aspen and Misty]

I so sorry to hear about this Amy ::hugs:: My thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Ash

[primabella]

((hugs))

i am sorry for your loss. feel better and take care :)

[zippy-kat]

{{I'm so sorry, Amy.}}
I can understand a bit of what you are going through. When I was little (in first grade), my mom's mom passed away. We went to her funeral--first I'd ever been too--and up until 2 years ago, it was the last I had attended. It was awful--I'd much rather remember her living--her laughter, movements, voice....

My mom lost her brother the next year and I was a bit relieved when mom said I didn't have to go. That's not to say I didn't grieve in my own way--I missed him, still do.

It's hard. VERY hard.
{{I'm here for ya if you need anything at all!}}

[lizbud]

Wolf_Q,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa :(

Hugs from Liz & Moki

[Cookiebaker]

Dear Amy, I'm so sorry about the loss of your Grandpa. I will be keeping you & your family in my thoughts...:( Take Care....Anna

[ChrisH]

Amy, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your Grandpa. I can understand how you feel, because I have to face up to having a lot of my family, the ones I knew, on my Mothers side, die over the years. Aunts, Uncles, Grandad, My Mum, and also the death of my husband, Fred. I still miss them all, especially my Fred, who never got to see his grandchildren.
Even though faith helped me through the grief I have to say not one of the funeral services did and I vowed after Fred died never to go to one again. I had to break that vow some years later when my nephew died, by his own hand, I went because I was needed, not to go would have hurt my brother and his wife so much. But I hope that I never again have to break that vow.
Amy, your Grandpa sounds like such a lovely man, I really do feel that he, like all of our lost ones, live on, in our hearts and memories. Keep him close in your heart, and one day you will be telling your children and grandchilden about the camping trips and jerky and all the other things, big and little, that will make a real person out of the man in the pictures.
I still cry sometimes but I just as often smile too, thinking of some event, words or funny thing that was shared. I hope that soon for you too, smiles will replace many of the tears. God bless and take care.

Love and big hugs
Chris

[ramanth]

((((AMY))))

Amy, I understand. I was at a funeral yesterday for my Great Aunt Francis. The family was sad to see her go, but she was 90, and while her mind was intact, her body had given up and she wanted to die. I'm happy she's no longer in pain.

The service was nice.

I lost my grandpa who I was really close too last April and I still grieve. I miss him so much. It's just not fair. :(

I'd be SOO pissed if someone brought a camera to a wake and funeral.

Actually, when my second cousin's wife passed away suddenly a few years ago(she was in her 40's), someone brought a camera to the luncheon after the funeral and wanted to get group family pictures because, "It's the only time this year the whole family will be together." ohhh I wanted so bad to say something but mom and I both refrained.

And then they have the nerve to get upset because "No one is smiling!" arrgghhh!!!!!

Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. Time does heal the pain, but it still sucks. :(

[wolf_Q]

Thanks everyone...I really appreciate all of your kind words so much.

I never knew my Grandma on my mom's side, and my Grandpa died a few years ago...that was hard too, but I did not know him as well as this Grandpa. I feel so bad for my Grandma now, all alone...she was very dependent on him... :(

My Grandpa had Parkinson's for several years, and the past few weeks he was very sick in the hospital. He died very peacefully at home.

p.s. My uncle is one of those really religious/preachy/RUDE people who think they are perfect and judge everyone around them....I'd like to tell him that people like him are the reason I don't go to church.