View Full Version : I need your advice

10-30-2002, 09:55 AM
I've been writing on this forum for about two or three days now, but you guys have all been so kind to me and I want to ask your advice on something.
Like I said on the post "Egyptian Mau" - I said that my parents fight a lot. Well, I'm 19 and I'm ready to leave Florida and my parents behind. My mother refuses to let me leave. She told me that I "promised" I'd move to the west coast of Florida with her (when I know I never did...I hate Florida). When we got Maui two years ago, my mother allowed me to pick him out, she told me that it was an early birthday present. Now that I want to move out, she's telling me that I can't take Maui with me - when my Aunt told me I could bring Maui. That cat is my life. He's my best friend. When I was suicidal about a year and a half ago, I didn't go through with it because I was worried who would take care of Maui and who would tell him that I wasn't okay...so that cat saved my life!
My Father refuses to take care of the cat - not feed him, not change the litter or clean up any accidents that he has. Mom is also an alcoholic and when she is drunk, the rest of us can go to he**. She doesn't feed herself or take care of anything else. So why would she worry about the cat? I think that it's in everybodies best interest to let me have the cat. I owe it to him to be there for him, don't you think?

I'm already giving up my bedroom set for my mother (we think Dad is going to get a divorce and she won't get any furniture). The only things I get are my stereo, posters, books, clothes and my collectors items. I want the cat - and I can't figure out a way to make her understand that he's mine.
Also, how do I break it to my father that I'm leaving? Please, any advice you can give me will help bunches!

10-30-2002, 10:47 AM
It is obviou that the cat has to go with you. I would take him before you move and try to put him , either at a vets boarding facility or if possible a close friends. Perhaps if you have no money your vet will allow you to work for Mauis board. I helped a young friend in a similar situation and Lester stayed here while she moved out. Since he was agift you are the legal owner of Maui you have to ma=ke sure he ia all right. As to your parents , i wish you all the best as they sound like possessive controlling people. I will pray that you and Maui can make a clean break and start a life of your own.

10-30-2002, 11:29 AM
I know that you definitely should take Maui with you, otherwise you may feel guilt all your life. I think Catmandu has some good advise about how to do it.
I left a cat behind once, and I never forgot him and forgave myself for leaving such loving friend... Don't leave him, please... You can always replace a bedroom set, but never a living creature.
Good luck with everything ;)

Edwina's Secretary
10-30-2002, 11:41 AM
It sounds to me like you have a awfully lot of things going on...so much to handle. Is there someone there with whom you can sit down and sort things out? You have so many decisions to make about where to go, how to get there and how to take Maui along with you.

Did you go to high school there? Is there a school counselor perhaps you can revisit? Perhaps Alanon could help?

You need to make sure you have plans in place to ensure this isn't too bumpy a road you nad Maui head down!

10-30-2002, 11:42 AM
Make sure your cat is somewhere safe, and then just plain flat out leave. You owe yourself the best environment possible. I would not argue about the cat..I would not tell your mom/dad you are planning on taking the cat..I would just do it.

10-30-2002, 02:03 PM
Originally posted by Cataholic
Make sure your cat is somewhere safe, and then just plain flat out leave. You owe yourself the best environment possible. I would not argue about the cat..I would not tell your mom/dad you are planning on taking the cat..I would just do it.


It's your cat. You are legally and adult. You can't change your parents (and you can't reason with an unreasonable person, so don't even try) but you can make the best possible life for yourself and your precious cat.

Take care and best of luck.

10-30-2002, 02:23 PM
:mad: What a horrible situation for your parents to put you in. :(

Anyway...take your cat with you. Regardless of what your parents say, do it. They aren't concerned with the cat, only with what it represents to you. Please take sweet Maui with you and and leave. You both deserve better.

Take care and please let us know how it goes, OK?

10-30-2002, 02:29 PM
I agree.

Your life won't always be in turmoil. You will look back upon this too. Hopefully with your Maui. Follow the above advice.

10-30-2002, 02:32 PM
Oh my. I moved out when I was 19 also...hardest and best thing I've ever done for myself and my mother(although she vehemently disagreed at the time). My situation was not as extreme as yours and I didn't have any pets to consider. The others have given good advice. I knew with my mother that once her mind was set arguing or reasoning is useless...so my temporary move to my Grandmother's became permanent when I told her (after being there for a month) that I wasn't coming back. It was hard and it took a good year for us to get our relationship back. This may not be the best advice in the world and by all means don't listen to me...but when you move just take kitty with you..when she isn't looking or move kitty before you actually move. Basically if you know that your kitty's well being will not be taken care of, do whatever you have to to ensure she will be with you when you move.
(hugs) and Good Luck.

10-30-2002, 02:34 PM
Seems like you are going through a lot at this young age. :( Sorry to hear about it. As for the cat, I think it should definitely go with you wherever you go. If it will not be provided with love and care at home, then it has to go with you. Good luck.

10-30-2002, 03:23 PM
Since you are an adult, moving out is your choice. Do it and make no excuses. It's hard!!! Take the cat. I don't feel that you need to apologize or explain either. Your Mom is just using the cat as leverage, and you're letting her, by worrying. If you can make it on your own by all means do so and start repairing your life from people that only want to control you. I wish you all the best.

10-30-2002, 04:47 PM

My parents use to fight allot. I am an adult, married and on my own, but I understand how you feel. Like everyone said, you are an adult, moving out is your choice. Do it and make no excuses. It is hard, but it will be better in the long run!

Your mom is not the healthiest of people and she is being selfish using someone you love to manipulate you...don't let her. First move the cat to a safe place
(and maybe not even use your real name when you board it in case she tries to remove it...or give SPECIFIC orders that nobody but you can remove the cat)
and by all means take it with you when you leave. Don't let her guilt trip you into apologizing for your actions...this is your cat and your an adult who needs help.

Like I said, I understand because my babies have been known to help me through the rough times. I wish you all the best.

10-30-2002, 08:03 PM
Thank you all for all of your advice. I was thinking about it the entire time I was at work. I decided that I am going to leave - whether or not my parents agree with it. It's my life - and they moved me down here when I was 12 and didn't ask me if I liked it - and everyone said don't go - but they were dead set on leaving, so why should I have to think of them when I know what I want?

I'm buying a cat crate for Maui at petsmart this friday and taking him to the vet next friday (to get him his distemper, feline lukemia and rabies shots...so I can prove to the NJ health department that he's fine...he needs to wear a collar and tag in the town that I'm moving to...even if he's an indoor cat) and when I go to move out, I'm just going to put Maui in the crate and walk out. I'll leave Mom and Dad the 100.00 they paid for him on the counter...

I owe so much to that cat, and I wouldn't dare leave him in a boarding facility...he had been locked in a crate most of his life, and I promised him he'd never go back to one. I think that this will be the best choice for me, Maui and Alex (my cockatiel).

You guys are really awesome!

Felicia's Mom
10-30-2002, 09:52 PM
The best of luck to you. Be sure to let us know what happens.

10-30-2002, 11:28 PM
I'm glad that you have decided to take the cat with you. :) I wish you all the best. Please keep us posted on how the move goes. Good luck. :)

10-31-2002, 12:34 AM
WONDERFUL!!!! I'm so glad you are doing this....

Take care,
Kelly :)

10-31-2002, 09:12 AM
I have to say this...be sure to keep yourself safe....your mom doesn't sound like the most rational person all the time. Your cat is important and special, but so are you.
Be sure to keep us informed and best of luck to you, Maui and Alex.

10-31-2002, 10:26 AM
I echo Kittymom's comments. Be strong, but more importantly, BE SAFE. Do what you need to do to get out, but do not get into some argument about it....I wish you lived closer, as I could help you out....:(

10-31-2002, 12:17 PM
I would hide the cat carrier, in case your mom gets paranoid when she's drunk and takes that as a sign you're moving out and gets angry and destructive.

I am glad for you that you are leaving, and so glad you are taking Maui, I know this is the right decision for you and for him. Be extremely careful around your parents, how soon will you be able to leave?

11-05-2002, 10:56 AM
We at the lost cat hotel are croosing our fingers and praying that you and Maui the Magnificent can make it to your new home all right. i only suggested the vets to board as she would be safe there until you made arrangements fo her. great idea getting ths shots as this will prove your commitment to Maui , should your parents contest ownership. God Bless You And Maui and please keep in touch.

11-05-2002, 11:50 AM
I also moved out with 19 and my dad said if I go I should never come back. Well our relationship now (more than 20 years later) is very good. You must take Maui with you. It doesn't look as if any of your parents really could take the responsibility for him/her. I wish you and Maui a good start. You are an adult now and you will see that you can find a happy life if you make the first step.
Keep us posted.