Canada Jokes - for blue ;-)

[Catty1]

We Canadians take an inordinate amount of pride in being humble and self-deprecating ;):D . Having read a post by blue in which he will keep making fun of Cananada, I thought I'd give him a start. :D


You know you're from Canada when ...

You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

The mosquitoes have landing lights.

You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.

You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.

Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above ground.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".

[Catty1]

http://www.jokesaboutcanadians.com/canadian_joke_731.html

Blessed Canada

On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said:

"Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."

God continued, "I shall make the land rich in resources so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."

"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"

"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the winters I am going to give them."

[phesina]

Candace, some time back, you recommended a book to me entitled "How To Be a Canadian."

I wound up ordering it from Amazon.com, which suggested I might also like a few others, including "So You Want To Be Canadian: All About the Most Fascinating People in the World and the Magical Place They Call Home."

Well, with a title like that, how could I resist? I ordered both, and I found them very informative and instructive. (Not to mention hilarious!)

I just dug up my copy of How To Be a Canadian (couldn't find the other one just now). I'm hoping to go to a cat show in Windsor next month, and I thought I should study up so I'll be best prepared to relate to the natives. :)

[Catty1]

Pat - Eh? :D

[Marigold2]

It all sounds lovely except for the lack of spices, the hunting and the beer, the snow I love.

[Queen of Poop]

No joke here, but the Christmas leftovers get packaged up and go out on the deck inside the BBQ. They stay cold and often freeze out there and are then brought in for use the next day after they thaw. This way they don't take up room in the fridge! :rolleyes:

[phesina]

Pat - Eh? :D

Yes, I think I'd better have that down before I even start to cross the bridge!

[blue]

My step dad made us watch Strange Brew over and over before we went to visit his family so we wouldnt laugh at them.

[Catty1]

blue - so they were hosers, eh? ;)

[blue]

Thats right, eh.

http://austinbrew.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/strange-brew.jpg

[smokey the elder]

These could also apply to Yoopers, or people from northern WI or MN!:D (Of course, you'd have to throw in all the Lutheran references.:))

[Bonny]

Blonde? Blind? The other day at the museum there was a lady from South Carolina & she asked me if Mary Ingalls was blonde. I said yes she was & so was her little sister Grace. The lady then says was she the only one that was blonde. I said no her sister Grace was blonde. I stood & looked at her a minute & my brain said BLIND. I said do you mean BLIND. She says yes Blonde. I said yes Mary was the only one that was BLIND. There was another northener in there & she cracked up, pretty soon were all laughing. :D

[dab_20]

Sounds A LOT like Minnesotans too :):p

[Grace]

These could also apply to Yoopers, or people from northern WI or MN!:D (Of course, you'd have to throw in all the Lutheran references.:))

Plenty of Yoopers in Michigan's Upper Peninsula :)

[Puckstop31]

I get the salt, pepper and ketchup thing. My wife was an good example. She puts ketchup on almost everything. LOL


Also, deer firearms opener is, quite literally, a holiday around here. Almost every school district closes for the first two days of gun season.

[Bonny]

I don't know if it is a Canadian thing or not but they offered us gravy with our fries & the stuff was good. :) This up in Alberta or BC can't remember which Providence for sure.

[Catty1]

Bonny - it's "province"

It was an act of Providence that got you gravy with your fries in that province! :D

Seriously, about every restaurant I know of offers gravy with fries if you want them - even KFC. :)

[Bonny]

Province sounds good. :D Those were the best fries & gravy I ever had. When they offered the gravy, I went really you have gravy with your fries. So I tried some & I can still taste it to this day, heavenly :).

[mruffruff]

The only "Yoopers" are from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It's a slang form of upper. I'm a former "Yooper" !

Most of these things sound like the U.P.!!! The cold, the snow, the kitchen butcher shop........

And the beautiful country.

[emily_the_spoiled]

If you like the gravy with fries, next time you should try something called Poutine

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poutine

If you have a good serving it will make you think you died and went to heaven :D

[Bonny]

That Poutine looks so good. Thanks for sharing that. If I ever travel back up into Canada that will be on my must eat list. :D

[jennielynn1970]

Ok, now I'm hungry for Homefries with cheese and gravy. You guys are evil!

[Marigold2]

ROTF....... Oh my gosh now the tears are flowing.



Blonde? Blind? The other day at the museum there was a lady from South Carolina & she asked me if Mary Ingalls was blonde. I said yes she was & so was her little sister Grace. The lady then says was she the only one that was blonde. I said no her sister Grace was blonde. I stood & looked at her a minute & my brain said BLIND. I said do you mean BLIND. She says yes Blonde. I said yes Mary was the only one that was BLIND. There was another northener in there & she cracked up, pretty soon were all laughing. :D

[king2005]

That Poutine looks so good. Thanks for sharing that. If I ever travel back up into Canada that will be on my must eat list. :D

You can make your own. Get a can of Beef Gravy from the store & some cheese. Deepfry the french fries (put cooked fries on a plate), put a heap of shredded cheese on top, then pour some hot gravy ontop of the cheese.. MMMM

Also try Baking it, OMG YUM!!
Also try Chicken Gravy (bake it too), DROOL!!!

[Catty1]

Poutine was only invented in 1957! Here I was thinking it was a great pioneer food that would keep one going for a long time!

http://www.members.shaw.ca/kcic1/poutine.html


Poutine is a French-Canadian food that (very) slightly resembles American Gravy Cheese Fries (Uuukkkk), but is actually very, very different in many respects. Poutine is readily-available across Canada, but it only really tastes good in French Quebec or Maillardville, BC.

Warwick Quebec is the place where poutine was invented, and named, back in 1957 by restaurateur Fernand Lachance, who died recently at the ripe old age of 86, leaving not only his calorific imprint but also some serious questions about the low-carb fuss. Warwick still produces the very best cheese curds which [are] shipped all over Canada.

The best gravy also comes from Warwick, in a powder form that is mixed with water. Theirs is totally vegan and must be dark brown and just the right consistency when served.

Poutine is Acadian slang for mushy mess and is best described as a heart attack in a bowl.

HOW TO MAKE REAL POUTINE: :D


By the way, there is a proper way to pronounce poutine, and it's not 'poo-teen'. The phonetic pronunciation is 'peu-tin', which always elicits a vacant stare when one orders it using that word.

The French Fries - The potatos must be hand-cut and very fresh. Fast-food-type fries will not taste quite as good. Also, you must fry the potatoes in pure lard. Vegetable oil and other politically-correct oils spoil the unique taste.

The Gravy - French-Canadian gravy (also known as BBQ Chicken Gravy) is very different than American gravy. First of all, it is very dark and thick, like molasses. Secondly, it has a very flavourful taste which cannot be described...very much like pepper and vinegar and other 'magical' ingredients. If you can stand a spoon straight up in it, it's good! Make sure it's very, very hot!

The Cheese - The cheese is the most important part of good poutine. You must use FRESH white, cheddar cheese CURDS. These curds have a taste and texture very different than actual cheddar cheese. The cheese curds will actually squeak in your teeth as you bite them. While curds are available in most Canadian supermarkets, they are not found in many American markets (the closest thing in taste is Mozzarella String Cheese - but don't use this stuff!).

When the curds are placed on the fries and the hot gravy is poured on top, the three flavors combine to produce what can only be described as the BEST junk food taste sensation on earth.

The Bowl - While different types of bowls are used, no one knows why, but poutine seems to taste better when served in a Styrofoam bowl. Perhaps the bowl keeps the heat inside to melt the cheese. Who knows? It tastes good no matter what bowl is used.

[Catty1]

PS - another link with cute cartoons: http://www.thumper.net/tlkmag/archive/fun/poutine/

It has directions for the gravy:

"The gravy, or sauce, is the third element and can be the success or failure of your Poutine. If available, pick a pouch of 'french fries sauce' mix or 'poutine mix'. In other cases, you can pick your favorite 'hot chicken' sauce mix, or your best 'gravy mix'. Avoid all cream-based, whiteish sauces. Forget mushroom sauce too. You need 500mL of it (2 cups) for two furs. Stir often while thickening the gravy - it tends to stick in the bottom."