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View Full Version : So stressed - can't pay rent *Update* A Little Good News About Health Issues*



Anikaca77
03-23-2010, 09:36 AM
My husband just found out that his check at the end of this month is only going to be $308. My check at the end of the month is only ~$200 and we have to pay $580.00 in rent.

I'm so depressed stressed and I want to eat bad bad food but I can't do that because that will make me sick.

I don't know how we are going to live till April 15th.

Would anyone like to buy some of my stuff? I have wizard of oz globes? I know we can be late on rent but the only thing is I can't really come up with his half on top of my half and I have a huge vet bill at our vets it's ~$1,220 left over from last year and some from this year. The worst part is his check is so small this time because he has CVS (cyclic vomiting syndrome) which means that he has an FMLA through work but they won't pay him for those days off and he's been sick a lot and they can't do anything really for him.

If I list stuff up on ebay like cat books or something like that would anyone be interested in purchasing some?

I just don't know what we are going to do or eat for that matter but as long as our cats have food that's what really matters.

Melissa

pomtzu
03-23-2010, 09:47 AM
Do either of you have parents/relatives, that could help you out? You mentioned April 15th - are you getting a tax refund?? Perhaps you could borrow some bucks and then pay back if you're getting a refund. Maybe get some temporary assistance thru a church in your area??

My LAST option would be to sell things. You get next to nothing for the items, and then you just can never get them back.

Hoping things turn around soon for you. I've been in your shoes - it's no fun. Pardon this old saying, but "it's darkest before the dawn".

Anikaca77
03-23-2010, 10:06 AM
My husband's mom is no longer living and his dad and him broke ties off a long time ago so there is no one on his side to contact, my parents are very poor, they live paycheck to paycheck and my mom isn't work so she only gets a little bit of $$ and I can't take her $$.

The reason why I said April 15th was because that's when we will both get paid again and hopefully his check will be higher but I'll only have $100 out of my check due to my car payment.

I do have a brother and 1 sister but my brother just recently got a job and right now he's broke until he starts getting in a paycheck and my sister can't really afford to give me an extra cash because she is having surgery next month and she has to pay $500 for the operation and then she will have to cover her expenses for being off work for 2 weeks.

I have jewerly that I can sell as well.

Melissa


I'm checking into some assistance places
Do either of you have parents/relatives, that could help you out? You mentioned April 15th - are you getting a tax refund?? Perhaps you could borrow some bucks and then pay back if you're getting a refund. Maybe get some temporary assistance thru a church in your area??

My LAST option would be to sell things. You get next to nothing for the items, and then you just can never get them back.

Hoping things turn around soon for you. I've been in your shoes - it's no fun. Pardon this old saying, but "it's darkest before the dawn".

Karen
03-23-2010, 10:32 AM
Sell unnecessary things, and look into a food pantry for food for you humans in the meantime. Food expenses matter, and this is what the pantries are there for, times like this. If you have any free time, maybe you can make some extra money doing chores - spring cleaning or yard work for others - it might not be a lot of money, but ask around ... some is better than nothin'!

Pawsitive Thinking
03-23-2010, 10:48 AM
What is your landlord like? can you sort out something arrangement with them? Sometimes if you call the people you owe money to and explain the situation they will take less for the short term until you can get the payments back up.

Catty1
03-23-2010, 10:49 AM
Definitely look into assistance things. A friend of mine has a full time job in a national grocery chain, has $950 in rent - and has to use the food bank every 3 weeks, plus do some cleaning on weekends. She has to pay $100 child support (down from over $500).

Rents are expensive and the economy is tough. There are lots of 'working poor' - I have been one of them for a lot of my working life. Apply for all the assistance you can!

You might - MIGHT - think about which of your cats you might rehome...and ask your vet to keep an eye out for a good home. Heartbreaking - but they cost, too!:love::love:

MoonandBean
03-23-2010, 10:56 AM
You might - MIGHT - think about which of your cats you might rehome...and ask your vet to keep an eye out for a good home. Heartbreaking - but they cost, too!:love::love:


I doubt if this is an option for you. Your cats are better off with you than anywhere else (in my opinion). You will get by!

krazyaboutkatz
03-23-2010, 11:46 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this.:( I don't have any other suggestions but I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Things will get better.

Randi
03-23-2010, 12:12 PM
I don't know how it is over there, but I saw a programme on TV about young students who had formed a little group and went to several huge supermarkets after closing time, to see what they had thrown out in the back. It was amazing what they found... unopened groceries and greens and fruit that was just past last selling date. A lot of it looked fine. They even showed some dishes that was made from it. I know some find it gross, but just an idea. Hey, you'd have to be able to climb a fence probably. ;)

One other thing... I buy Fister's food from my vet because it's quality, and he offers that people can come back with a bag of dry food if the cat doesn't like it and get their money back. so he has lots of various food out in the back, he gives to unemployed people. I have got quite a few of those for free. Ask your vet if he does the same.

emily_the_spoiled
03-23-2010, 12:36 PM
I know this will not help right now, but now that the Health Insurance Bill was signed into law your husband will be able to get insurance now and they will be able to treat his medical problem. Because of the subsidies that are available you will likely be able to get very low premiums.

Once he is better, then he will not have to take FMLA time...

Anikaca77
03-23-2010, 12:52 PM
I know this will not help right now, but now that the Health Insurance Bill was signed into law your husband will be able to get insurance now and they will be able to treat his medical problem. Because of the subsidies that are available you will likely be able to get very low premiums.

Once he is better, then he will not have to take FMLA time...

Hi-

Yes I saw that the bill was signed into law and my husband actually does have insurance and we are very lucky there. We went to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic last month but sadly he said there isn't too much to do. We don't know when it's going to hit or what.

Here is some information on it incase anyone was curious. As some of you know my husband and I have been having a really rough time and I don't know if we are going to stay together or not, I hope so and we are trying to make it work but it's been a rather tough couple of months or so.



What Is It?

CVS is an unexplained disorder of children and adults that was first described by Dr. S. Gee in 1882. The condition is characterized by recurrent, prolonged attacks of severe nausea, vomiting, prostration with no apparent cause. In some there is severe abdominal pain. Vomiting occurs at frequent intervals for hours or days (1-4 most commonly). The episodes tend to be similar
to each other in symptoms and duration and are self-limited with return of normal health between episodes.

Occurrence

CVS begins at any age. It can persist for months, years or decades. Episodes may recur several times a month or several times a year. Females are affected slightly more than males. The person may be prone to motion sickness, and there is often a family history of migraine. There is a high likelihood that children’s episodes will be replaced by migraine headaches during adolescence.

Symptoms

Episodes may begin at any time, but often start during the early morning hours. There is relentless nausea with repeated bouts of vomiting or retching. The person is pale, listless and resists talking. They often drool or spit and have an extreme thirst. They may experience intense abdominal pain and less often headache, low-grade fever and diarrhea. Prolonged vomiting may
cause mild bleeding from irritation of the esophagus. One mother aptly described her child’s state during the episode as a “conscious coma”. The symptoms are frightening to the person and family and can be life-threatening if delayed treatment leads to dehydration.

Diagnosis

CVS has been difficult to diagnose because it is infrequently recognized and is often misdiagnosed as stomach flu or food poisoning. There are as yet no blood tests, x-rays or other specific procedures used to diagnose the disorder. The diagnosis is made by careful review of the patient’s history, physical examination and lab studies to rule out other diseases that may cause vomiting similar to CVS.

Triggers

Although some patients know of nothing that triggers attacks, many identify specific circumstances that seem to bring on their episodes. Colds, flus and other infections, intense excitement (birthdays, holidays, vacations), emotional stress and menstrual periods are the most frequently reported triggers. Specific foods or anesthetics may also play a role.

Treatment

Treatment is generally supportive with much importance placed on early intervention. A dark quiet environment is critical for sleep. Hospitalizations and IV fluid replacement may be necessary. Medication trials sometimes succeed in finding something to prevent, shorten or abort episodes. It is important to work with a physician who does his/her best to understand CVS and is supportive.

Long-Term Treatment

The foundation of long-term management involves a responsive collaborative doctor-patient-family relationship, sensitive to stresses caused by the illness and to triggers such as feelings and attitudes that may pre-dispose to attacks. Consistent, accessible physician care by a care coordinator who understands and communicates the nature of CVS,regardless of specialty, is vital to the family’s well-being. Connections with the Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome Association, a family and professional network, does a great deal toward healing a family that has been in doubt and despair for years.

Daisy and Delilah
03-23-2010, 01:24 PM
I have been there before and I know what it's like. It's a desperate feeling. I agree with Ellie that selling things is not a great idea. You sell them for nothing and they are gone, never to get back again. Unless, you can temporarily pawn something. Not alot of money but might get a few bucks. If you have books, etc. that you don[t want, you may be able to get money on Ebay after all. I hear quilting books are a premium there so maybe your books are too. I wouldn't part with anything you value alot.

What Karen said, try for some government help until you get on your feet. I think you can get food stamps if you qualify under certain conditions and don't have more than $6000 in assets. I think that's right. Talk to your local churches, Salvation Army. Are there soup kitchens in the area that you could get meals from?

More than anything, try to negotiate with your landlord, like someone said. I used to pay my rent in halves and the landlord was good to let me stay.

I wish you and your husband the best of luck.

Daisy and Delilah
03-23-2010, 01:29 PM
I don't know how it is over there, but I saw a programme on TV about young students who had formed a little group and went to several huge supermarkets after closing time, to see what they had thrown out in the back. It was amazing what they found... unopened groceries and greens and fruit that was just past last selling date. A lot of it looked fine. They even showed some dishes that was made from it. I know some find it gross, but just an idea. Hey, you'd have to be able to climb a fence probably. ;)

One other thing... I buy Fister's food from my vet because it's quality, and he offers that people can come back with a bag of dry food if the cat doesn't like it and get their money back. so he has lots of various food out in the back, he gives to unemployed people. I have got quite a few of those for free. Ask your vet if he does the same.

I think this is the program I saw on Dumpster Diving. It's done in large areas by people that are not necessarily in dire straits. Some of the people were fairly well off. It's supposedly a big thing in big cities. Some restaurants will throw out a dozen eggs if one of them is cracked due to health regulations. Some of the people were getting all they needed by doing this. The food they get is perfectly fine and no one reported getting sick at all. Not for everybody but it's a thought.

Randi
03-23-2010, 02:21 PM
Dumpster Diving.... yes, that's probably what it's called. I'm too old and lazy for it, but young kids can really get a "good deal". The supermarket I like to shop in has a "last date" one day before other supermarkets, and some of the things they throw out are better than what certain ethnic green grocers sell - like bananas that are turning brown, or potatoes going soft etc.

Medusa
03-23-2010, 02:23 PM
Melissa, if you can, take the advice and look into food pantries. Many churches, if not all, provide them. If there are none available to you, try www.angelfoodministries.com. You can purchase a lot of food for a very small amount of money. I concur w/the others; selling your valuables isn't worth it. I've done it and I regret it. Plus I didn't make that much money anyhow. I do know that you have a problem w/back pain but if you can, cleaning houses for a living, even part time, will bring money in that day. At the end of the day, you have money in your hand and even though it may only be $50 or so, it makes you feel good to know that you can at least buy groceries and some cat food. You aren't waiting for payday to come around b/c every day that you clean a house is payday. If you can clean a couple of houses a week and on weekends, you can make a fairly decent living. I cleaned three houses a day, five days a week in the beginning to get as much money as I possibly could. You're much younger than I, so I know you can do it if you can control your pain. Good luck, Melissa. I know all too well how rough it is. :love:

DJFyrewolf36
03-23-2010, 03:07 PM
Prayers on the way...Ive been there!

happylabs
03-23-2010, 03:28 PM
Prayers on the way...Ive been there!

Me too! When my ex left 8 years ago I wasn't sure how I was going to survive. I prayed a lot. You will make it through.

carole
03-23-2010, 04:44 PM
I am extremely concerned for you both, it is so stressful when money are your worries, i wish i was able to help you, and would if it were possible, i can only say all fingers and paws crossed here for things to take a positive turn, i hope with all my heart that you will make it through now and in the future,I like the others here know you will, take care and know we are here for support any time.:love::love:

Husky_mom
03-23-2010, 07:28 PM
sorry to hear that..

do you mind if I ask for a paypal.. if you got one.. I´d like to pitch in a bit

Freedom
03-23-2010, 08:00 PM
Food pantries, church, what about food stamps? (I think they renamed that program)

We also have 2 "food pantries" for pets which started up in the past year due to the economy, to help out. See if any of that is available.

Anikaca77
03-24-2010, 07:34 AM
Hi Everyone-

First off I want to thank you all for being there for us and I have checked into churchs, I had one reply back but I'm waiting to hear from them now. I did check into some other services as well. My husband might be able to get some money through a separate work program, I'm not sure of any details just yet but he has a meeting on March 31st so we'll see what happens then.

I know some of you probably are thinking why don't we re-home some of our cats since we are in debt a bit with our vet, but we love our cats so much and they are part of us and we are caring for them. The only reason why we weren't able to pay off our vets last year was because my husband fell outside our apartment complex and ruptured the middle cord of his right plantar aponeurosis. This caused him to be off work for 2 months, he was willing to go back to work but where he works he is not allowed to have opened toed shoes and he had to wear a cam walker so he couldn’t return to work. He didn't have any vacation or medical time left due to his CVS stuff so my bonus that I got at the end of the year went for us and the cats to live and pay bills and rent of course.

I will look into the house cleaning stuff as well but with my back issues and I'm due for another injection this Friday. I did find some plus size jeans that I have that I hardly wore and there were a few new ones that I purchased but never wore and now they are too big for me which is great so I might try to sell them, I was going to give them to goodwill but they are in great condition so that would work out well.

I hope no one was thinking I was looking for you guys to give us money, I really just appreciate the support we are given in the way of prays. Right now is a tough time for everyone it seems and I just needed to vent and your prays have helped.

I just want to thank everyone again for the prays and support.

Melissa

Cataholic
03-24-2010, 08:01 AM
I would go- today- to your landlord and explain your situation. Do NOT wait until your rent is late. Do not let them wonder what is going on. I represent landlords often...and keeping them in the loop is nearly always a way to keep things working out for both parties.

I would immediately disconnect all non-essential services. Cable, internet, phone (land line), newspapers, magizines, etc. I would reduce my car insurance to the state minimum. I would never, ever give up my pets.

I would look into any type of job right now...temporary, seasonal, etc., to bring in quick cash.

I would know in the back of my mind this is a VERY temporary situation, and pray for patience while it passes.

Pinot's Mom
03-24-2010, 09:14 AM
I would go- today- to your landlord and explain your situation. Do NOT wait until your rent is late. Do not let them wonder what is going on. I represent landlords often...and keeping them in the loop is nearly always a way to keep things working out for both parties.

I would immediately disconnect all non-essential services. Cable, internet, phone (land line), newspapers, magizines, etc. I would reduce my car insurance to the state minimum. I would never, ever give up my pets.

I would look into any type of job right now...temporary, seasonal, etc., to bring in quick cash.

I would know in the back of my mind this is a VERY temporary situation, and pray for patience while it passes.


VERY sound advice!

"I hope no one was thinking I was looking for you guys to give us money, I really just appreciate the support we are given in the way of prays."

I know I can only speak for myself, but I think I can say with confidence that any help offered came from the heart and not due to you looking for money. We all care about each other and want to help in any way we can.:love:

Anikaca77
03-24-2010, 10:09 AM
I just got an anonymous tip from someone. They asked me not to reveal their name so I won't and I won't reveal the amount because I don't want to upset them either or anything but word's can't express my gratitude towards that individual.

Our landlord is very nice and will let us pay late the only thing is we ran into a jam last month (my car needed repair work) and didn't pay that rent till March 15th so I don't want to be late again if I can help it but she will allow us to pay rent late the only problem with doing that is that we will have other bills coming in on the 15th of April that we normally have and will need to pay. Right now though I don't think we will need to worry so much which is a huge relief.

We don't do magazines or anything that we don't need. I've tried to reduce my car payment but the company who I have my loan through they won't do that, (I had really bad credit so I had to go with a high interest on my car). I will look into the car insurance as well thank you for the other great tips! I will show this to my husband as well and see if he can think of anything we could disconnect for a temp. time that might help.

Don't worry I won't give up any of my pets either, I love them too much and we can afford them it's just we got ourselves in a pickle but our vet is very understanding and we were honest with them from the time my husband fell so they were aware and we are trying to do monthly payments so at least we are doing something for our bill.

Thanks again,
Melissa

Lilith Cherry
03-24-2010, 10:29 AM
I really hope things will work out for you both... money troubles are so hard on everyone. You have all my sympathy and lots of loving thoughts and prayers, Melissa:love:

jenn_librarian
03-24-2010, 10:52 AM
I feel for you... I have been going through foreclosure with my house and it's a scary thing. It's not in foreclosure now, but that is due to me talking to my parents (finally), and them helping me out IMMENSELY (to the tune of almost $12,000.00). I don't know what I would have done without them. I also have health issues, and when I take a day off, it's also without pay. I know the whole FMLA routine, although this year at work, they wouldn't offer it to me as "intermittent", only if I took off the whole 2nd semester!! I can't imagine going 5months without any pay at all... so I just said fine, I'll do without the FMLA. I don't know if they can legally tell me to do without it, but it was either the full FMLA or none. :(

I'm glad you have some relief for now. Definitely look into the food banks, and also getting some financial aid if possible. You would almost certainly qualify for food stamps at this point (my ex's wife does, and she makes more than you put down). Try that, try getting some kind of assistance from the state. It all helps.

moosmom
03-24-2010, 11:01 AM
Melissa,

Call your town hall and ask if there are any food pantries around at churches, etc. Explain your circumstances. That's what I did. I'm on a fixed income and there are times when I don't have food (my cats ALWAYS eat before me) so that's what I do. There are times when I live on pasta and butter, PB&J sandwiches, eggs. Sometimes they give you chicken legs or sausages. You'd be surprized the meals you can come up with.

Barder with your landlord. Again, explain the circumstances. If you've been a good tenant, there's no way they can't work with you.

This economy sucks. I'm really sorry you're going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & hugs,

Donna and fur crew

Anikaca77
03-24-2010, 02:06 PM
Jenn-

I had no idea, I'm so sorry. I'm so glad your parent were there for you, my mom always tell's us that if we need anything just ask, but the sad reality is that yeah I'm sure she'd sell what she could to help out but she can't afford it.

I know she means well and I appreciate her thoughts but I know her times are tough too especially with just have surgery and going for PT once a week and that costs her $25 each time.

I don't know about the food stamps or not because I read into that before when my husband wasn't working and I found out that they based it off of our last year income which was more of course.

I know where my husband works, they can either approve the FMLA or decline it regardless if a Dr. filled it out or not which is usually the case.

It sucks that you can't get paid for those days because you have an illness it's not far.

Take care and I hope all goes well for you.
Melissa


I feel for you... I have been going through foreclosure with my house and it's a scary thing. It's not in foreclosure now, but that is due to me talking to my parents (finally), and them helping me out IMMENSELY (to the tune of almost $12,000.00). I don't know what I would have done without them. I also have health issues, and when I take a day off, it's also without pay. I know the whole FMLA routine, although this year at work, they wouldn't offer it to me as "intermittent", only if I took off the whole 2nd semester!! I can't imagine going 5months without any pay at all... so I just said fine, I'll do without the FMLA. I don't know if they can legally tell me to do without it, but it was either the full FMLA or none. :(

I'm glad you have some relief for now. Definitely look into the food banks, and also getting some financial aid if possible. You would almost certainly qualify for food stamps at this point (my ex's wife does, and she makes more than you put down). Try that, try getting some kind of assistance from the state. It all helps.

Anikaca77
03-24-2010, 02:07 PM
Melissa,

Call your town hall and ask if there are any food pantries around at churches, etc. Explain your circumstances. That's what I did. I'm on a fixed income and there are times when I don't have food (my cats ALWAYS eat before me) so that's what I do. There are times when I live on pasta and butter, PB&J sandwiches, eggs. Sometimes they give you chicken legs or sausages. You'd be surprized the meals you can come up with.

Barder with your landlord. Again, explain the circumstances. If you've been a good tenant, there's no way they can't work with you.

This economy sucks. I'm really sorry you're going through this. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & hugs,

Donna and fur crew

Thank you, I will check. We have food right now to last for a while so I'm not too worried about that, and like I said I had someone donate and with my husband looking out we maybe ok and get over this financial hump.

Thank you,
Melissa

carole
03-24-2010, 04:12 PM
Oh Melissa i am so happy someone has been able to help you out, god bless that wonderful person, there truly are some generous,caring individuals out there who will give you the shirt off their back in times of need.

I continue to hope all will pick up soon and you will be back on your feet again in no time, I am so sorry you are having these difficulties and your husband's illness sounds awful ,poor guy, i really feel for him too.

I don't think anyone here on PT would expect you to part with your pets, i know i certainly would not, i would do without food myself to feed them, we all can only pray and hope for a positive outcome for you, take care and HUGS.:love::love:

Anikaca77
03-25-2010, 07:36 AM
i would do without food myself to feed them, we all can only pray and hope for a positive outcome for you, take care and HUGS.:love::love:

We feel the same way. We would make sure they have the food before us. I'm going to look into a few other resources and hopefully we can find some more help to get us through this rough time. I've looked into renting someplace where it would be cheaper but I even make too much which doesn't seem fair at times because of my car payment, car insurace, our food, vet bills, etc. but I guess they don't expect people to have cars or pets so maybe that's what they are basing it off of.

I'm just having such a stressful morning and I have to go to a company meeting at 9 a.m. and I just feel like crying so much right now. Between my lupron injection putting me through menapause like state and my back hurting I'm just going to cry at the moment. I'm worried still about money but we'll make due it's just going to be really tight and I really just can't wait till I get paid next Wed. even though it won't be much.

Just needed to vent and hope I don't cry today at work.

Melissa

Medusa
03-25-2010, 07:38 AM
It would probably cost you more in the long run to move anyhow, Melissa, by the time you paid deposits, etc. Moving is expensive even if you don't move that far away. Besides, that's more stress that you just don't need.

pomtzu
03-25-2010, 07:54 AM
It would probably cost you more in the long run to move anyhow, Melissa, by the time you paid deposits, etc. Moving is expensive even if you don't move that far away. Besides, that's more stress that you just don't need.

Absolutely true!!!

And you're right Melissa - there's a lot that isn't fair.

I get p.o.'ed at these folks in the grocery store that pay with food stamps. Way too many of them are very well dressed and wearing nice jewelry (not the cheap stuff), and then they go out to the parking lot and load those groceries into a new or nearly new car. This is fair???:rolleyes::confused::mad:

Anikaca77
03-25-2010, 09:09 AM
Absolutely true!!!

And you're right Melissa - there's a lot that isn't fair.

I get p.o.'ed at these folks in the grocery store that pay with food stamps. Way too many of them are very well dressed and wearing nice jewelry (not the cheap stuff), and then they go out to the parking lot and load those groceries into a new or nearly new car. This is fair???:rolleyes::confused::mad:

Yep I hear you. I know life isn't supposed to be fair but it's like I'm working 8-5 everyday Monday through Friday and I try to pay my bills on time and yet when I look for a little bit of help I make too much but yet what I have left isn't enough.

I'm going to pull my jeans tonight and list them on Craigslist and hope I can make some quick cash that way as I sorta forgot about paying for the gas in my car and getting around.

I'm going to look into a few other resources and see what happens but I haven't had any return calls from most of the churches I called and some replied back but said they didn't have funds.

I'll keep trying.
Melissa

Logan
03-25-2010, 10:22 AM
Perhaps looking for a second job for a while would help you get ahead.

Marigold2
03-25-2010, 11:59 AM
Wishing you the best of luck. I truly am sorry that you have found yourself on such tough times. I understand you are working but perhaps a second job even for a few hours a week would bring some extra cash in.
There are times in many people lives when we have to work two jobs until things change. My sister had to work for four years 7 days a week to support herself and her kids. She worked on one horse farm during the week and mucked out stalls on the weekend at another for extra money.
She used to be so tired she could hardly move, but as she liked to say she was thin and in shape. That is called looking on the bright side. :p
There were times when she was almost in tears from the hard work but she made it and raised her three kids without a man and now is in a better place. You will be as well. Don't give up, just put your head up, work hard and it will be ok, maybe not today or next week but you WILL get there. Again best of luck.

Anikaca77
03-25-2010, 01:20 PM
I would look for another job but with my back issues I don't think I could stand that right now. My back hasn't been feeling very well lately, I'm guessing stress is just making the pain feel worse or something.

I go for my second injection tomorrow and I'm going to make some more phone calls to see if I can get us some more help so we are not too far behind next month. Hopefully something will work I'm just afraid they will say that we make too much but I'm going to try anyway and give it a shot.

I'm feeling so blue today and all I want to do is cry but that won't get me anywhere but I feel it would.

Yet to boot, I have to go get tested tomorrow to see if I have ADD/ADHD or if this is just PTSD or maybe it's just Adult Children of Alcoholics.

I've felt like I wanted to cry here all day but hopefully it will get better.

Talk with ya later,
Melissa

pomtzu
03-25-2010, 01:39 PM
Melissa - a part time job isn't always the answer anyway, so maybe it's just as well that you can't do it. It's a quick temporary fix for the present, but hardly a long time cure, and you would find that out next year when you filed your taxes. My ex always insisted we needed the extra money (we didn't), and he always worked a part time job in addition to his full time one. And every year it screwed us up and we got much less back on Federal, and ended up paying State. Unless you can find a job that would pay you "under the table", then you could be in the same position you are now.

carole
03-25-2010, 02:36 PM
Melissa i think you have enough on your plate right now, with your health issues and working full time, i hear what people are saying,and yes a second job would help get you through, but will your health survive it, try your best to get by as you are for now.
I imagine jobs are not that easy to come by right now anyhow, i really feel for you so much, i only wish i could help you, i have little means myself but i honestly would help if i could.
Just know we are here for you anytime, feel free to pm me, and cry if you need to, sometimes it is a great stress reliever if nothing else.
And honey if you are going through early menopause because of the medication i really empathise with you, it is no picnic,take care and giant HUGS.:love::love:

Anikaca77
03-25-2010, 03:08 PM
Melissa i think you have enough on your plate right now, with your health issues and working full time, i hear what people are saying,and yes a second job would help get you through, but will your health survive it, try your best to get by as you are for now.
I imagine jobs are not that easy to come by right now anyhow, i really feel for you so much, i only wish i could help you, i have little means myself but i honestly would help if i could.
Just know we are here for you anytime, feel free to pm me, and cry if you need to, sometimes it is a great stress reliever if nothing else.
And honey if you are going through early menopause because of the medication i really empathise with you, it is no picnic,take care and giant HUGS.:love::love:

exactly, I don't think I could of said it any better. I know everyone one here is giving great advice and I'm so thankful I have you all here and I really appreciate everything you all have said so thank you very much.

I've been so stressed right now and it's been just so rough. I'm stressing right now due to the test that I'm going for tomorrow and then after that test for ADD/ADHD or if this is just PTSD or maybe it's just Adult Children of Alcoholic I have to go get another back injection because I had one a few weeks ago and it didn't work.

I'm going to try again tomorrow and right now I'm so stressed at work between my back pain and what not. I don't want people to think I'm asking for money but if anyone would like to help out with gas so I'm not stressing out like a crazy girl which if you can't I completely understand believe me, times are so rough right now for everyone and I feel horrible for even posting my paypal address but I'm going to call a few places tomorrow while resting after my injection since that's all I'm supposed to do after the injection, my paypal address is [email protected]

Again, I want to thank you all for your support and advice, I will look into some cleaning jobs but I don't know how much emotionally and pain wise I can take because my tail bone is killing me right now.

I don't think I've mentioned my back problems here much just when I reply to some people but here is a quick rundown on what it up with my back:



Here are the results from my MRI in Jan. 08:

There is a grade 2 spondylolisthesis of L5 on S1. Estimated anterolisthesis is 7 mm. There is associated degenerative intervertebral disc change on L5-S1.

Sagittal images suggests a broad-based bulging disc at L4-L5 and L-3-L4.

There are findings of a mild broad-based disc bulge at L3-L4. This creates only minimal impact with the thecal sac with the neural foramina considered patent bilaterally. The L4-L5 level demonstrates a right central disc herniation. There may be a very small, extruded disc fragment posterior to the L5 vertebral body. This appears to be in contact with the right L5 nerve root. There is very mild narrowing of the right and to a lesser extent left neural foramina.

The L5-S1 levels shows again a grade 2 spondylolisthesis of the L5 on S1. This appears to be associated with a posterior spondylosis. This is combined with a broad-based disc herniation and creates a moderate impact upon the anterior aspect of the subarachnoid space. Impact upon the thecal sac is minimal. The exception is at the level of the neural foramen where there is considerable right and to a lesser extent left foraminal stenosis.

Grade 2 spondylolisthesis of L5 on S1 associated with a posterior
spondylosis.

There is estimated 7 mm anterolisthesis with significant to severe
right and to a lesser extent left foraminal stenosis at L5-S1.

Mild right central disc herniation of L4-L5 with a small, extruded
fragment creating a moderate localized impact upon the right L5 nerve
root.

Minimal broad-based disc bulge at L3-L4 of doubtful clinical
significance.


I had a CT Scan done on 2/6/09 and this is what they said: There is a mild change of Degenerative Disc Disease with small vertebral body osteophytes. There is disc space narrowing at L4-L5. There is evidence of bilateral spondylolsis of L5 with Grade 1 to 2 Spondylolisthesis of L5 on S1. No vertebral compression deformities are identified. The sacrobiliac joints appear intact. Slight spurring is seen along the supermedial margins of both iliac bones.

That's it for now.
I just need a good cry maybe that would help. It's so crazy when you get these spells like you just want to cry.

Melissa

carole
03-25-2010, 03:20 PM
Firstly i want to re-assure you, don't feel bad for posting your paypal address, when in need ,one has to ask, if people can and want to they will help,sometimes you just have to ask.

Also you sure don't have to justify to me anyhow or anyone IMO, why you are unable to take on any more work, i think you are doing great considering your health issues, back pain is the pitts, and i do know a fellow sufferer here too.

And sweetheart just have that good cry, bawl your eyes out if you need to, it will release some of the tension you are feeling right now.

Good luck with your tests, i hope they have a good outcome,and that they don't add to your troubles right now.

I had a thought, and wondered if any PTer's here might want to contribute to a food parcel for you and your pets, maybe if everyone who could ,donated one item of food and sent it to you, I don't know if it would work, or anyone wants to do that,but it is just a thought.

Again here for you . HUGS:love:.

Anikaca77
03-25-2010, 03:53 PM
Firstly i want to re-assure you, don't feel bad for posting your paypal address, when in need ,one has to ask, if people can and want to they will help,sometimes you just have to ask.

Also you sure don't have to justify to me anyhow or anyone IMO, why you are unable to take on any more work, i think you are doing great considering your health issues, back pain is the pitts, and i do know a fellow sufferer here too.

And sweetheart just have that good cry, bawl your eyes out if you need to, it will release some of the tension you are feeling right now.

Good luck with your tests, i hope they have a good outcome,and that they don't add to your troubles right now.

I had a thought, and wondered if any PTer's here might want to contribute to a food parcel for you and your pets, maybe if everyone who could ,donated one item of food and sent it to you, I don't know if it would work, or anyone wants to do that,but it is just a thought.

Again here for you . HUGS:love:.

You are just too kind seriously. I can't wait till I get out of work, I'm not feeling so much like crying at the moment I just exhausted.

I want to be hard worker believe me and I don't want my back stopping me but more and more even though I lost 65 lbs. so far since last March (the doctors told me even if I lose more weight it's not going to help my structure problem but overall health it will help) so I'm trying there.

Luckly, before I found out about my husband's check I got some food from the vets, so I have a full un-opened bag of the I/D Hills food for the little guy (he's the only one that eats that so that will take him a few months hopefully), then the C/D Hills, Ashley and Sebastian eat and I'm getting low on the 10-lb. bag and the rest of my guys eat the California Natural Chicken and Brown rice food, I've called them for coupons before but they told me they only do 1 coupon per household. I think that's a bit silly because Purnia will give me 3 cat litter coupons for $2 off which always helps.

I can check the local food bank for food right now I think we will be ok for a little while we def. have food in the cupboards so we can do the P&J's we of course will make sure our kitties have food no matter what and fresh water.

Thank you for your kind words,
Melissa

DJFyrewolf36
03-25-2010, 03:54 PM
Another *HUG* for you! I hate being in that loop of not having enough to get by but having too much for any type of help. My food stamps are what keeps me afloat every month and I am so glad that I qualify! To me that seems the easiest thing to qualify for, at least around here. Don't know what its like in your state tho.

*BIGHUGS* and prayers on the way!:love:

Husky_mom
03-25-2010, 05:00 PM
about coupons.. and I´ve done it.. you can ask if you can get them sent to neighbors or relatives.. then you can collect them ;)

Karen
03-25-2010, 05:14 PM
the rest of my guys eat the California Natural Chicken and Brown rice food, I've called them for coupons before but they told me they only do 1 coupon per household.

Call and pretend you are me, and when they send the coupons here, I can send them along to you! As I am terribly allergic to kitties, it is not like I'd ever need them myself! If you want, I can PM you my address, no problem, and anything else they ask!

pomtzu
03-25-2010, 05:18 PM
Call and pretend you are me, and when they send the coupons here, I can send them along to you! As I am terribly allergic to kitties, it is not like I'd ever need them myself! If you want, I can PM you my address, no problem, and anything else they ask!

Same here Melissa. If you want you can give my address and I'll send them to you. Just PM me if you want to do it.

Cataholic
03-25-2010, 05:26 PM
Melissa - a part time job isn't always the answer anyway, so maybe it's just as well that you can't do it. It's a quick temporary fix for the present, but hardly a long time cure, and you would find that out next year when you filed your taxes. My ex always insisted we needed the extra money (we didn't), and he always worked a part time job in addition to his full time one. And every year it screwed us up and we got much less back on Federal, and ended up paying State. Unless you can find a job that would pay you "under the table", then you could be in the same position you are now.

For anyone reading this thread, and feeling the pinch in their own household (and, really, who isn't), please note that working a second job(or more hours at your first job) IS the only way to bring more money into your household.

Getting more or less money back from the government is not a 'working 2 jobs' problem, it is not taking enough (or too many) deductions on the form (W-4)you fill out. I have heard that it is recommended that for for your second job, you claim 0 exemptions/dependents so that the highest amount of tax is taken out. That will cover you at the end of the year, and you will still get a refund. (Getting a refund, or a large refund, is a whole 'nother financial discussion).

Melissa- I am not encouraging YOU to get a second job...just don't want anyone that reads this to think there isn't any benefit to getting a second job to help you get out from under.

pomtzu
03-25-2010, 05:39 PM
For anyone reading this thread, and feeling the pinch in their own household (and, really, who isn't), please note that working a second job(or more hours at your first job) IS the only way to bring more money into your household.

Getting more or less money back from the government is not a 'working 2 jobs' problem, it is not taking enough (or too many) deductions on the form (W-4)you fill out. I have heard that it is recommended that for for your second job, you claim 0 exemptions/dependents so that the highest amount of tax is taken out. That will cover you at the end of the year, and you will still get a refund. (Getting a refund, or a large refund, is a whole 'nother financial discussion).

Melissa- I am not encouraging YOU to get a second job...just don't want anyone that reads this to think there isn't any benefit to getting a second job to help you get out from under.

I never meant to imply to anyone that there was no benefit to working a second job, but you need to be careful how you go about it. The income can throw you into a higher tax bracket, and in some instances, employers won't have state tax deducted unless you work a specific number of hours, and therefore you end up paying what is owed at tax time. Been there - done that - it's not something I'm making up for the sake of conversation! :(

Asiel
03-25-2010, 06:29 PM
I've looked at the resuls for your back and I would suggest forgetting about cleaning jobs. My friend cleans houses , paid under the table and it does help but she has no back issues and she still comes home ready to pass out. But if you could get offices to clean those are a lot easier. No heavy work, no floors or windows to wash. Mostly dusting, placing things, and emptying the garbages in the bins. Could you do some baby sitting on your days off? Or dog sitting...we have a lot of people looking for someone to type resumes and such out here, maybe you could try doing that from home? Money under the table is always better than a second job to throw you in a higher tax bracket.

Marigold2
03-25-2010, 06:43 PM
Adult Children of Alcoholic is something I have never heard of. Could you explain please. My dad is an Alcoholic, I made sure I did not marry one.

Catty1
03-25-2010, 10:12 PM
Here's a link, Marigold: http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/adult/a/aa073097.htm

Anikaca77
03-26-2010, 07:00 AM
Call and pretend you are me, and when they send the coupons here, I can send them along to you! As I am terribly allergic to kitties, it is not like I'd ever need them myself! If you want, I can PM you my address, no problem, and anything else they ask!

Thank you, I didn't know that you were allergic to kitties. Thank you, I will keep that in mind. I did max out my mom's address and so I'll try my sisters, thanks!

Melissa

Pawsitive Thinking
03-26-2010, 07:07 AM
Wow! I would just like to give everyone who has responded on this thread a HUGE group hug!!! Your warmth, generosity with advice and genuine concern for the original poster is really what makes PT the best in the world.

Thank you for restoring my faith in human nature :love:

Anikaca77
03-26-2010, 07:09 AM
Adult Children of Alcoholic is something I have never heard of. Could you explain please. My dad is an Alcoholic, I made sure I did not marry one.

Thanks Catty for posting the other link :)

I found out about this from my shrink that I see. I've been having so many issues with my husband and just started to see a new lady in the beginning of Feb. and about 2 sessions ago she brought me an information packet just 2 page (pm me and I can send you the PDF, it's on my work computer but I can send it to you on Monday)

Anyway when I read the 2 pages she gave me it made me cry so bad. I felt that I had every single one.

I read a little more online about this and I did find the website that Catty posted.

here was another article I went to and I took the quiz yesterday. I scored 90% 18 out of 20 questions were and yes and they said I did seem like I was affected by his drinking. It's always been hard to talk about because he would hit my sister and brother but I learned to keep my mouth shut so I wouldn't have to get hit but I feel terribly guilty now for not being able to stop him and protect my brother and sister, yet I'm the youngest and I'm trying to realize that I was just a child and that I couldn't of done anything to prevent that but still it does hurt some.

Anyway here are the other 2 articles.

http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/adult/a/aa110597.htm

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/adult/a/quiz_adult.htm

Anikaca77
03-26-2010, 07:12 AM
For anyone reading this thread, and feeling the pinch in their own household (and, really, who isn't), please note that working a second job(or more hours at your first job) IS the only way to bring more money into your household.

Getting more or less money back from the government is not a 'working 2 jobs' problem, it is not taking enough (or too many) deductions on the form (W-4)you fill out. I have heard that it is recommended that for for your second job, you claim 0 exemptions/dependents so that the highest amount of tax is taken out. That will cover you at the end of the year, and you will still get a refund. (Getting a refund, or a large refund, is a whole 'nother financial discussion).

Melissa- I am not encouraging YOU to get a second job...just don't want anyone that reads this to think there isn't any benefit to getting a second job to help you get out from under.

I know you weren't encouraging me to get another job, I've worked 2 jobs in the past just not recently due to the back pain and I just felt like I needed to explain what was going on with my back because anyone and I'm sure a lot of people have back pain and abuse the "government system" because of pain and what not but I guess I just wanted people to know I'm not like that and I'm a hard worker and if need be I will find another job but right now with my back I'm going to look into some other assistance.

Thank you though for your posts and I hope I didn't upset you or anything.
Melissa

Anikaca77
03-26-2010, 07:13 AM
I've looked at the resuls for your back and I would suggest forgetting about cleaning jobs. My friend cleans houses , paid under the table and it does help but she has no back issues and she still comes home ready to pass out. But if you could get offices to clean those are a lot easier. No heavy work, no floors or windows to wash. Mostly dusting, placing things, and emptying the garbages in the bins. Could you do some baby sitting on your days off? Or dog sitting...we have a lot of people looking for someone to type resumes and such out here, maybe you could try doing that from home? Money under the table is always better than a second job to throw you in a higher tax bracket.

Thanks for the tip, I will look into that. Thanks so much again for your suggestion.

Melissa

moosmom
03-26-2010, 10:44 AM
ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) is a wonderful group of people who don't have a drinking problem, but live with people who do.

I attended MANY ACOA meetings in my day, along with AA meetings for myself. If you can't afford a therapist, this is one way to help. My Dad was a 24/7 drunk (mellow not abusive). I was his primary care giver after my stepmonster died of alcoholic complications. It took it's toll on me. Especially since I was in recovery myself, it was difficult to see him drink himself to death every day of the week.

Call information and ask for the toll free number of AA. They can refer you to meetings in your area.

Good luck and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Anikaca77
03-27-2010, 01:01 PM
Thank you Donna for posting that.

Yesterday at 9 a.m. I arrived for my test and I was stressed a little about it first and I did tell the guy that was going to be testing me that I was a little stressed but he just told me to try to relax and I'm not going to get a grade on this or anything like this.

So we went through several tests some I seemed to do really well on and others not so well.

We started the testing around 9:15 a.m. or earlier and then he had me do a math test and that just sucked because I've always struggled in math and that made me feel semi-crapy that I didn't know some of the math things but I tried my best. Finally it was 11:15 a.m. or so and I was at the last part of my testing which is sitting in front of a computer with a black screen and a letter would pop up at you. The only things is, is when an "X" comes on the screen you are not supposed to hit the space bar, well when you are siting there watching all these numbers fly up and BAM an X shows up and you hit it, man I was so frustrated. I asked if I could redo the test of course not. I wish they would of let me take that test first but maybe there is a reason why they wait till the very end to do that. Needless to say they said that the computer test shows whether or not you have ADD or not. I'm just thinking I was paying attention and I was reading out each letter but yet my silly finger hit the space bar and I was just terribly frustrated by the end of the test.

Luckily I had about 30-45 mins. before I was supposed to get my injection so I came home and hugged some of my kitties trying to calm down after that exhausting morning.

I went for my injection and it was pretty painful but hopefully it will help because he told me that if this doesn't help this time he is not inclined to do another one and that surgery might be it but I'm only 30 years old and I really don't want to do that. I'm just going to hope that this will help and that I will be ok for a while. My knees have been bugging me like crazy though lately and I think it's my arthritis acting up but I have an appt. this coming Wed. to make sure it is just arthritis and not something else but I'm pretty sure it's just that.

I put in a call for some local assistance and hopefully I'll hear back from them on Monday. I'm going to call the landlord and see if we can pay rent on the 9th of April that way it might give us some more time to come up with the money that we need.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions and prays, they are very much appreciated.

Melissa

emily_the_spoiled
03-27-2010, 03:04 PM
I know that you don't want to think about surgery, but they are starting to do some very innovative types of back surgery down here in Bethesda and up in Philly. You are fortunate right now, because you have time to investigate your options. Hopefully you will never have to make the decision, but at least you will know what the pros and cons are of the different types of surgery...

cassiesmom
03-28-2010, 09:14 PM
A prayer and a candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=10483305

Anikaca77
03-29-2010, 12:24 PM
A prayer and a candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=10483305

Thank you so much.

Anikaca77
03-29-2010, 12:29 PM
Well I think I've lost it officially now.

My mind is just in a big mess. I started crying at work this morning, I'm just feeling so stressed and I was super busy when I first came into work and I knew it was going to be this way but I thought in my head that I could keep things calm and cool and I didn't.

I cried. still feel like crying. Yet I'm supposed to go for my lupron shot this coming Thursday. My husband and I are not getting a long and I have no idea what's going to happen with that. Last night I was crying and again today. I really wish money was not such a big thing at times. I'm going to try not to cry for the rest of today.

Melissa

Husky_mom
03-29-2010, 12:51 PM
hang in there... this too shall pass..

I know it´s easier saying it than when you are the one going through it.. but we´ll keep you in our thoughts hoping it all gets sorted out ok.. and soon...

I sent you a lil something.. not much but I hope it helps a bit

Anikaca77
03-29-2010, 02:36 PM
hang in there... this too shall pass..

I know it´s easier saying it than when you are the one going through it.. but we´ll keep you in our thoughts hoping it all gets sorted out ok.. and soon...

I sent you a lil something.. not much but I hope it helps a bit

Thank you, I know it shall pass just it doesn't seem to be passing quick enough you know...well hopefully it will soon.

Melissa

Catty1
03-29-2010, 02:53 PM
Do you have access to counselling through your job? Does your hubby?

Please see someone, hon, even if it is through Emerg.

HUGS!

Queen of Poop
03-29-2010, 03:35 PM
Awwww sweetie, I'm so sorry. You've just got so much stress. If you can find counselling help please get some. It does wonders. If there is anything I can do to help you please let me know. :love:

Medusa
03-29-2010, 03:40 PM
It's so tough, Melissa, I know. When I was going through my dark night of the soul, I went out w/a friend and her boyfriend and right in the middle of our conversation, I broke down at the restaurant. I had no money, no job, my divorce was still fresh, I had so many outdoor cats that I was trying to rescue; it looked so bleak. Somehow I made it through. I can't say that anything cataclysmic happened to turn things around; life just kept on going and I kept on going w/it until I passed through it all. Just hold on tight until the boat stops rockin'. We're still praying for you here. :love:

Anikaca77
03-29-2010, 03:44 PM
Thank you. I'm feeling semi-better right now. My back still hurts but I've been taking my pain pills but they didn't seem to help my cramping which is why I'm taking the lupron drug in the first place but hopefully the next 2 shots will work wonders.

Thank you all for your kind words. I've been seeing a new therapist since the start of Feb. and she is wonderful and it sucks that I have to pay to see her but I really like her and they won't lower her rate or do a payment plan but I really just don't want to see anyone else at the moment. I've been trying to stay current with her.

Thank you all again for your kind words and support.
melissa

phesina
03-29-2010, 06:40 PM
I lit you a candle too, Melissa, which I hope will shed a bit more light to help you get through these dark times.

I'm so sorry you are undergoing such stress. My cats and I are all sending around loads of ~~~~~PURRS~~~~ and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} for love and easing of fears.

Lilith Cherry
03-29-2010, 07:00 PM
Lots of prayers and loving thoughts to you Melissa. You will get through it and we are all here to help and listen wherever we can. Lots of love to you:love:

Anikaca77
03-31-2010, 11:33 AM
Well I just went to a doctor's appt. because back on March 12th I started moving some of my stuff out of our apartment because I thought we (my husband and I) were going to split up and I just moved a bunch of boxes around from the closet in to the dining room area and the next day my back and left knee were killing me.

It did get better by the following Tuesday so I went to the doctor and he thought maybe I had a cyst or something like that behind my knee and he recommended that I see an orthopedic surgeon and I finally had my appt. today even though my left knee is feeling better but it still hurts from time to time and my right knee has been hurting more and more as well.

So the guy came in and we talked and I explained my back issues and what not. They took some knee x-rays right there and he came back in and said he didn't know who told me about having arthritis in my right knee but there isn't anything.

I was so pleased, he showed me the x-rays and said on the left knee there is a very very small bone spure but nothing to worry about and I asked him about my back having influence on my knees and what not and he said he thinks that this is probably where my problem is from and not in the knee.

So it's good news in a way and then the other way it's not so good because my knees have been giving out on me lately which sucks but I can deal with that and the pain hurts but I guess it's just another thing I need to get used to but I'm so pleased there isn't any damage to my knees.

Melissa

Anikaca77
03-31-2010, 03:04 PM
Well what was up is looking down but hopefully not for long I hope.

My husband contact this separate work program today and they were of no help at all.

I just want to thank you all who have contributed, it really means a lot and the prays and suggestions mean a lot as well.

Thank you,
Melissa

cassiesmom
03-31-2010, 10:34 PM
A candle
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=10504851
and prayers, again...

Hugs,
elyse

Anikaca77
04-01-2010, 01:23 PM
Elyse-

Thank you so much!

-Melissa

Anikaca77
04-01-2010, 01:49 PM
Today I contacted the community help line that I was told to contact about them helping me but they were not very eager to help out. I don't understand. I explained the situation but he's like you can make payments to them so that sounds like you guys can make it.

I'm just thinking apparently he doesn't understand some things or something but at least I tried.

Melissa