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iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 12:02 PM
Making time for furkids with the new baby here, tips? As far as my Terrier What am I doing wrong?



Okay since I've had the baby I have have less time to devote to my precious dogs. I love them both dearly but they went from having me and my undivided attention 24/7 to having me maybe an hour or two a day on and off during the day. So very little time.

In the evening maybe an hour or two before bed I finally get to spend some time with them, usually when my husband is feeding and holding the baby I will get down on the floor and just love on them. Play with them. Work on obedience skills.

They get 2 walks a day with my husband and I know they enjoy that, soon we will all go for walks together, though I took my Terrier the other day just her and I.

Anyway my Terrier seems to be having an attitude issue with me, she tends to run off when I come in the room. I go to pet her and she allows it for a second but then jerks away really fast. She normally is a lap dog, loves to sit in my lap, a real snuggle bug. But she really wants nothing to do with me. So I don't ask for her attention I just go on, but I feel thats almost making matters worse. Its like she doesnt trust me anymore and I've never done anything to cause that, that I am aware of. She is still just as loving as ever to my husband, just as friendly as ever to guests, and she is good with the baby. But for some reason she wants nothing to do with me. And my husband said to give her time and space and she will come around.

Biggest problem I have is during the day I have to keep her confined in another area, because I can't watch 2 dogs that do get a little to rough with each other and a baby all at the same time. I would confine my poodle but he will then scream until he wakes the baby, where my terrier will just lay there or play with her toys, she finds ways to amuse herself and is very quiet. But lately she has been confined a lot and I feel that is part of the issue. \

I feel bad because its almost like I am punishing the good dog and I am rewarding the bad dog. (Both dogs are good overall but the poodle we have to keep on a shorter leash). And I think she sees it that way. Our poodle is loose because he barks and she is put up.

The big issue with our poodle other than he barks is, he has a heart murmer and severe separation anxiety which we have been working on for over a year...but the vet says not to do anything that will get his anxiety going because that causes way too much stress on his heart and he gets really anxious when he is confined.

What do I do? I feel like i'm doing serious damage to my Terrier and I know my poodle needs to be put him his place.

How do I tackle this? We never had any real issues like this before now, we had our poodles anxiety worked out and our Terrier never had to be confined for any reason.

I need to mend the relationship with my Terrier and let her know that she is still important, and my poodle needs to learn its okay to be behind a gate or in a crate, even though we are at home;. (They are only ever confined when we leave and they don't have an issue with that its when we are home, or that is how it used to be before the baby)


Thanks so much,

An overwhelmed mom



____________________

One more thing: please don't say I'm a bad owner or I needed to train them before the baby came. Because they are both trained and I worked hard preparing them for this (a baby) their whole lives. Both are overall well trained, both graduated top of their obedience class. neither one is babied. In our home they are dogs, not babies....but they are also an important part of the family.

iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 12:04 PM
Again I wanted to say: I have been working hard to prepare them for a baby their whole lives, and they are both super good with her. But some things need to be fixed and nipped in the bud and I am willing to do what it takes (with in reason) to fix the problem.

(Financially a trainer or behaviorist is out of the question at the moment)

Pawsitive Thinking
03-17-2010, 12:16 PM
An overwhelmed mom

This little sentence sums it up right now. It is a massive period of adjustment for all of you, with or without fur and it will take time for everyone to get used to the new routine. Your dogs both know they are loved and it is obvious that they are well cared for. You still spend time with them as does your husband so they are not being neglected in any way.


And I think she sees it that way

Dogs don't analyse things like we do so she won't be thinking anything of the sort. You say she happily plays with her toys - any dog who does that is clearly quite content with her own company. I don't think you are doing your terrier any harm at all, it seems to me she has adjusted quite well.


But for some reason she wants nothing to do with me

You are judging this by human behaviour - it could just be that your doggy is sensing you are occupied with the baby right now and is just giving you a bit of space.

and......I am putting my head above the parapet on this one......dogs are animals not little people in fur coats so they don't have the kind of hang ups we do unless we project them onto them. If you are over anxious your dogs will sense it but not have a clue why - try to be a bit more relaxed around them.

iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 12:25 PM
My biggest concern is she growled at me last night when I got down to play with her, she doesn't do that with anyone and has never growled at me, it broke my heart and then she went to my husband and was happy to play with him after the baby was asleep. And she is my dog.

And if I have been that neglectful of her that she now doesnt even view me as her master, I have failed her, I have let her down

Pawsitive Thinking
03-17-2010, 12:30 PM
My biggest concern is she growled at me last night when I got down to play with her, she doesn't do that with anyone and has never growled at me

Would advise you to take her lead on this one - if she does growl then leave her be. Talk to her like you normally would and give her space until she is ready to come to you or instead of getting down on the floor with her do something else like throw a toy for a game of fetch. If she wants to play she will - there is just a change in the dynamics of your relationship with your terrier

Karen
03-17-2010, 12:45 PM
Relax! Relax, things will work out. Everyone is still adjusting, and you getting tense is something she's likely picking up on. Relax, take a deep breath, and just do you best.

Pawsitive Thinking
03-17-2010, 12:50 PM
My biggest concern is she growled at me last night when I got down to play with her, she doesn't do that with anyone and has never growled at me, it broke my heart and then she went to my husband and was happy to play with him after the baby was asleep. And she is my dog.

And if I have been that neglectful of her that she now doesnt even view me as her master, I have failed her, I have let her down

She isn't "your dog" - she is part of a pack (family) and seems very happy with all the members. Would you rather she clung to you all the time and was possessive - surely its better that she is happy to play with other people. As Karen said "relax" - be happy that your little dog isn't displaying any traits of jealousy towards the baby.

I think you have done a great job in raising a rather well adjusted little dog and you should be proud of her (and yourself)

Cataholic
03-17-2010, 01:44 PM
I feel I can weigh in here, though my forte is cats, not dogs. 5.5 years ago, I brought home my first and only skinkid. At the time, I had 7 or 9 cats, LOL, I can't remember and don't want to spend the time figuring it out. To top it off, I was and remain, a single parent. Throw in a full time job, and well, nothing was like it was before. :)

Remove your 2 dogs, and my many cats, and it was/is still a tremendous transition. In the most intact of homes, with a live in nanny, things are VERY different when a baby comes along. Throw in the sleep deprivation and hormones....and life can be tense and stressful.

Fast forward (and boy was it fast) 5.5 years and we totally are united in our household. I am at 8 cats, having lost some and gained some, and a beautiful son that is about 2% helpful (LOL, he tries!) with the cats. We foster dogs on a regular basis, and all is good.

The inbetween times required time, patience, relaxation, a new way of thinking, and 100%-in your heart- commitment to both your child AND your pets. I had more than one person tell me I had to/would need to/how couldn't I get rid of my pets. In my life- this was non-negotiable. I knew it would all work out, and it did. But, I needed to adjust to the situation.

I am not sure why you can't have your two dogs 'under foot' with a child in your house. I grew up with many, many, many dogs (up to 5 large breeds) as a child. Our cats have snuggled with us, even when J was a little baby, slept in his room, scratched him, hissed at him, etc. Life happens, even with cats, and J can usually see his part in things when it goes as he doesn't expect. He has worked super hard to build a relationship with my two of my males, Dakky and Gus- somewhat of a timid boy and an ultra timid boy, and is proud of it. From day 1, J knew his place in the herd. I tolerated no negative behaviour on his part, and worked with the cats on some of theirs.

I wouldn't keep the dogs separate from the baby. I mean, if the baby is playing on the floor, I might not let the dogs trample him, LOL, but short of that? I see a disservice and a compounding of the problems, by separating them.

Truly, the first 6 months to a year can be super stressful. You could be suffering from a little PPD, simply hormonal, over anxious, etc. I would relax and let the dogs be dogs and the baby be a baby. Life will unfold.

iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 02:09 PM
i guess I'm just dissapointed because I waited so long to be able to snuggle with my Terrier again, you know just let her sit on my lap and pet her and brush her.. I waited so long to take her on our special walks again. I waited so long to just be able to get down and play with her again.

I was put on bedrest 16 weeks into the pregnancy and then at 20 weeks I was moved to limited activity and I wasn't able to really do much with the dogs and so my husband had to take over. Feeding, walking, playing, grooming. All of it.

Now I've started taking back over...today is honestly the first day both dogs have been loose at the same time while I've been home just me, the baby, and them. I've started feeding them again. Right now though the only time I walk them is on the weekends...still too cold for baby to be outside. So my husband still walks them during the week.

Its one thing when my husband is home, there is two of us. It helps to have an extra set of hands. And he isn't as scatterbrained as i am. honestly up until a few days ago it was just too much stress having both dogs loose. (Our poodle likes to pick fights with our Terrier and its just so hard to take care of a crying baby and keep two dogs from killing each other...though its only escalated to a real fight once)

And I have always seen her as my dog, we always had a good bond. My husband got her as a gift for me (though I picked her out and told him she is what I want for my birthday) we hit it off the moment we met.

And now its like we are two strangers

I guess is mostly dissappointment....then again we haven't had a whole lot of interaction in a long time...other than just laying in bed or watching tv together

Cataholic
03-17-2010, 02:40 PM
^^ I didn't recognize who you were, so I searched your posts. I can tell from your other posts, you are totally in a different place now then you will be in 6 months. The majority of your posts are about the stressors of a new baby/pets in the mix. Take it from someone that has been there- this will CHANGE! You are in such a transition right now. Today is not tomorrow is not next month. Don't make today a forever situation. It isn't.

And, unless you live in the artic, it is not too cold to take an appropriately clad infant outside for 30 minutes. My son and I were taking walks in 2 feet of snow when he was 3 months old. We would have done it sooner had I not broken a bone in my pelvis at birth.

Trust me, trust the other posters....this is a temporary situation. Temporary, and really, it sounds a teeny, tiny, weenie, itsy bitsy, overly dramatic for what it really is. This is just more indication it is a hormonal, new mommy, overly anxious, loss of control, not sleeping, my baby is colicky situation.

Totally normal...but you need to ride it out. In 3 months, I bet you will pull up these posts and laugh. I know I did when I was going through what I went through.

iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 02:58 PM
^^ And, unless you live in the artic, it is not too cold to take an appropriately clad infant outside for 30 minutes. My son and I were taking walks in 2 feet of snow when he was 3 months old. We would have done it sooner had I not broken a bone in my pelvis at birth.

Trust me, trust the other posters....this is a temporary situation. Temporary, and really, it sounds a teeny, tiny, weenie, itsy bitsy, overly dramatic for what it really is. This is just more indication it is a hormonal, new mommy, overly anxious, loss of control, not sleeping, my baby is colicky situation.
.

I don't really appreciate this...I mean you are treating a very serious situation as if its just homones...I'm just the crazy lady recovering from having a new baby. These dogs have been my life for nearly 3 years, so excuse me for being concerned. Its not the hormones...oh and nice slipping in there things like ppd

"You could be suffering from a little PPD, simply hormonal, over anxious, etc"

I'm very well adjusted in my life, all i wanted was to be a mom. Our poodle (husbands dog) has adjusted to this just great and i am amazed.

The only issue here is my dog wants nothing to do with me and I would like to figure out why.

Cataholic
03-17-2010, 03:19 PM
How unfortunate that not only I, but others, too, write to RELIEVE your anxieties, and all you take away from it is that I mentioned PPD? A very real, very common condition?

If you prefer, stress away. Stress to the point where your baby is stressed. Stress to the point where you give up your two dogs. Stress to the point where you cry all day long. Stress about allergies, stress about your neighbor's dogs barking....go on a pure stress fess!

If you prefer, I will tell you that what you post is so rare and uncommon, that I have never heard of it, and you should go- at once- to the doctor. Something is so seriously wrong.

As I mentioned, you will look at these posts and laugh in 3 months time. Truly, it is a better way to look at it. But, please, stress away. It makes no never mind to me.

iluvterriers
03-17-2010, 03:37 PM
I just don't know how anyone could be so rude, well I'm done with this , I only really came on here to find out what my dogs breed was anyway.

And why the hell would I give up my dogs? Seriously.

and yes PPD is a very real very serious condition, my friend had it and it went untreated for many months and it was a very terrible thing. So I don't know you but I don't think you are really qualified to bring that up unless you are a shrink.

And I don't have it, no trouble bonding with my child.....the bonding problem is with the dog.

Plus even if it is nothing atleast I got to vent and complain about it.

I'm kind of insulted though, I didn't come here to get analyzed. Just because I had a baby doesn't mean squat in the scenario other than things have changed. I was just bored so I came on here to see what people would say, you know thinking I would get some helpful advice on how to fix the problem with the dog (you know training tools, things to reference)

Husky_mom
03-17-2010, 06:37 PM
WOW... take a chill mom..

I too am a mom.. and what was suggested/adviced, etc.. is nothing to get upset for..

your reaction shows nothing but stress build up.. IT´s NORMAL... just take a deep breath and try relax.. nothing said was rude at all.. just stuff we´ve all been trough already.. some more than others but still.. we UNDERSTAND.. and wht we try is to give a heads up so you can relate and relax as what you´re going through is plain normal..

Pawsitive Thinking
03-18-2010, 05:42 AM
Sweetheart you have been given some sound advice from people who have been there and can recognise what you are going through.

I remember being totally lost when I had my Katie and it took a while for things to settle down. I hate to say it but your hormones will be all over the place (that's how it happens and its not a judgement on you as a person or a mother) - any woman who has had a baby will tell you. Its not a criticism to say you seem overwhelmed - its a natural reaction but if the stress gets too much then maybe you should talk to your doctor. Again, this is not a criticism of you - every new mum feels how you do, very few sail through it.

You really don't have a bonding problem with your dog - things just aren't the way they used to be - out of the two of you its her that has adjusted to the new situation during the time you had to rest and from then on.

Your reaction to the other posts clearly shows the amount of stress you are under - we only wanted to help :love: