Where I'm at now...something positive

[Queen of Poop]

Will try that tonight Karen. I am hoping for a good sleep, I went out today and replaced the pillow I left behind with a brand new one, same of course. I've been test driving it this afternoon and it is amazing the level of comfort a pillow can give.

[rosethecopycat]

Okay, Gayle - time to take charge of the nightmares - try to do that. In your dream, turn the situation around, like find yourself a way out of the burning building, etc. Try it, maybe it'll work!

Or go to sleep imagining Mikey curled beside you, ready to chase away any bad guys!

I agree, but write your nightmare out and change the ending.

Has anyone ever tried to become lucid in their dream/nightmare?
I've done this, but it's only when I've fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on.
There is an extremely heightened perception, and a feeling like you can control things, like the outcome you need, if it is nightmarish.
My experience, last year, was hearing music SO vividly that I could write out the entire score instantly. I knew I was dreaming, but as soon as I woke, the music was gone.

Gayle, here's a couple articles on lucid dreaming. I think it's a good way to take control over the situation.

http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/escaping-from-nightmares.html

http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_stop_nightmares

With as little sleep as you're getting, it really could get worse.:(
You don't need to dread going to sleep.

I hope it helps you.

[Karen]

I've always been able to influence the course of my dreams. Maybe it is my inborn optimism, but I have never had a nightmare. If I crisis happens, I solve it! Generally, when I awake, Paul will ask me who I was rescuing before I woke. Funny enough when it is kittens, I can snuggle them in my dreams with no allergic reaction at all!

[Medusa]

I, like Karen, rarely have nightmares. I usually can control my dreams but sometimes I just let go and see where the dream world takes me.

For anyone who can't fall asleep, I learned a technique years ago that may be of some help to you: After taking several deep breaths w/your eyes closed, visualize a chalk board and write the number 100 on it. Draw a circle around it and draw a slanted line through it. Then erase the whole thing. Then write the number 99 on the chalk board, draw a circle around it and draw a slanted line through it and erase it all again. Then write the number 98 on the chalk board and repeat the process. I rarely make it to the number 90 before I'm fast asleep. It tires the mind and allows it to give in and relax. Sleep has never been my friend. I can't "go to sleep"; I have to wait for it to come to me and this works. Give it a whirl. :)

[Queen of Poop]

Hi Mikey, came to look at your picture. I hope you don't mind Mikey (and Alyssa) but I printed off your picture and put it by my bed so when I wake up and when I wake up after a nightmare I can look at you napping and feel better.

A friend of mine has a couple of dream catchers in her bedroom and has had them since her hubby committed suicide last year. She says they took away her nightmares. She was going to get and send me one.

Doing ok. For whatever reason, now that winter has arrived with snow and cold temps I feel a little better. Maybe just coincidence. I accomplished a bunch more stuff towards being done with him today so that makes me feel better too.

Rose, how you doing?

[Daisy and Delilah]

More positive thoughts and hugs going out to both of you. I hope you both have a great day today!!:)

[rosethecopycat]

I am planning my trip to Virginia. To the Siamese Dedication of Lights.
http://va.siameserescue.org/DOL2009.php

I will light a light for dear old Malfi, who I lost in February.
I just can't wrap my head around the caring husband I knew, who cared for this old cat so much. Malfi needed SO much care, and after his 'cleaning ordeal' he would just slip into bed, under the covers with my 'husband' and all was forgiven. My 'husband' never rejected him, and this lasted for years.
When Malfi left for the Bridge, it was my 'husband' that didn't think it was his time. The night he left, on the bed where he lived, was a card and a rose from Malfi to Thank his 'daddy'.
There is a total disconnect between the man who did this and the selfish man I know now, who called the cats a burden, and prefers to live like a 'college student' somewhere just to be away from this life and me. :(

Dec 12 will be my Christmas. I just don't have any 'spirit' in me for doing the traditional things like, decorating, baking, even listening to Christmas music. It hurts to see any of that, but it is somewhat unavoidable when you see it around you. It just doesn't mean anything.
Nevertheless, Christmas will come and it will go. I will try to do something constructive with it. And maybe next year will be better.

[pomtzu]

I am planning my trip to Virginia. To the Siamese Dedication of Lights.
http://va.siameserescue.org/DOL2009.php

I will light a light for dear old Malfi, who I lost in February.
I just can't wrap my head around the caring husband I knew, who cared for this old cat so much. Malfi needed SO much care, and after his 'cleaning ordeal' he would just slip into bed, under the covers with my 'husband' and all was forgiven. My 'husband' never rejected him, and this lasted for years.
When Malfi left for the Bridge, it was my 'husband' that didn't think it was his time. The night he left, on the bed where he lived, was a card and a rose from Malfi to Thank his 'daddy'.
There is a total disconnect between the man who did this and the selfish man I know now, who called the cats a burden, and prefers to live like a 'college student' somewhere just to be away from this life and me. :(
Hang in there - better days are ahead!

Dec 12 will be my Christmas. I just don't have any 'spirit' in me for doing the traditional things like, decorating, baking, even listening to Christmas music. It hurts to see any of that, but it is somewhat unavoidable when you see it around you. It just doesn't mean anything.
Nevertheless, Christmas will come and it will go. I will try to do something constructive with it. And maybe next year will be better.

Wow - this story brought tears to my eyes - especially what you related about the rose and the card.

Believe it or not, but someday you will remember your ex for the good in him, and not all the bad. Believe me - I've been there. It took me a long time to do it, but I decided if I was going to have any peace in my life, then I had to bury the negative. Oh sure - I still joke about the bad - especially around family - but I really no longer dwell on it in my mind. And it only took me 15 years to do it!!! :eek::D

[rosethecopycat]

Wow - this story brought tears to my eyes - especially what you related about the rose and the card.

Believe it or not, but someday you will remember your ex for the good in him, and not all the bad. Believe me - I've been there. It took me a long time to do it, but I decided if I was going to have any peace in my life, then I had to bury the negative. Oh sure - I still joke about the bad - especially around family - but I really no longer dwell on it in my mind. And it only took me 15 years to do it!!! :eek::D

Ellie- thanks for the thoughts. I don't think I'll ever be where you are, even in 15 years. There was no 'bad' in him, before he betrayed me. Now the best I can do for myself is to 'surgically remove' all the memories of him, leaving me with just my memories of places and things. I traveled the world with him, over 100 countries. I want to remember the experience, but I want to use the 'delete tool' and Photoshop him out of it.
Let him remember the 'good' in me, and how I was devoted to him, and loved him with all my strength. I regret ever giving him a chance, he wasted my time, for 16 years.

I will only think of Malfi at this dedication. He was a wonderful soul, so grateful and gentle. I miss that broken down old cat SO much.:(

[cassiesmom]

Thoughts, prayers and hugs today for Rose and Gayle

And a candle: http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/message.cfm?l=eng&cid=9690956

[Daisy and Delilah]

I hope you ladies are doing alot better. {{{{{GAYLE AND ROSE}}}}}:)

[Queen of Poop]

Not today. Actually not since looking at Christmas decorations in Walmart yesterday. Feeling like a shell of myself. Lots of crying. Hope tomorrow is better.

[chocolatepuppy]

Not today. Actually not since looking at Christmas decorations in Walmart yesterday. Feeling like a shell of myself. Lots of crying. Hope tomorrow is better.

Start a few new traditions, just for you and your kitties.:)

[Medusa]

Start a few new traditions, just for you and your kitties.:)

Good advice. Every time I got out my Xmas decorations, I'd cry so I ditched them, tree and all, and bought all new stuff. It was fun to go shopping for them and even though they didn't last long (I have, shall we say, "inquisitive" kitties), it didn't matter; I bought more. Start new memories and don't look back. :)

[Catty1]

Awww, Gayle. {{{hugs}}}

I plan to make it to the Farmer's Market at Currie Barracks next Sunday. PM or phone me if you'd like to go.

[Queen of Poop]

Awww, Gayle. {{{hugs}}}

I plan to make it to the Farmer's Market at Currie Barracks next Sunday. PM or phone me if you'd like to go.

Thanks. I will contact you if plans to help my friend paint fall thru. She's taking me Wednesday for my colonoscopy so as repayment I am to help her paint. Stay warm!

[Catty1]

My goodness - the same friend?

What's she painting - McMahon??? LOL

K, let me know. :-)

[Daisy and Delilah]

How are you ladies doing? Well, I hope. Is it getting any better or easier? {{{{{HUGS}}}}} :)

[Queen of Poop]

Rose is away and I hope she's doing ok.

I'm trying to stay warm. Trying to deal with the crap he's pulling with regard to the divorce. Trying to deal with the wide range of emotions I'm having. I'm still not sleeping well, but had a real treat at 3:46 this morning, Diego wanted under the covers, he laid right on me and purred while he put his paw gently on my chin. It was so touching. How did he know I was having more bad dreams? I would truly be lost without Deigo and Cali.

[Alysser]

I hope you ladies are doing a little better! Mikey and I wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v708/bobbernut/mikeysnow020.jpg

:love:

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks Mikey and Alyssa. Thanks for all the pictures and well wishes. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

Had a bad day yesterday. Doing better today, getting ready to head to my parents. The weather will be good for the next several days so we're going to go for an hour and a half drive north and west of Calgary to Sundre.

[rosethecopycat]

Thank you Alysser, and everyone for even taking a moment of your holiday to be thinking and posting for Gayle and myself.

I had a total meltdown this morning. I was playing a game with Bella and I grabbed her and held her.:love:
And then I had a 'heart pain' so great, like I've never felt before in my life. :(
Not even when he caused all this a couple months ago, have I felt like this.
(don't listen Richard) Then came the floodgates. It was uncontrollable.

I had to get strong to make it through this day though. Can't cry and play the horn.
I played flute/sax at 2 nursing homes. The first was truly a sad place. Most of the people had no cognition left. But while I played, the director noted that he saw more 'activity' and 'interaction' from some of the people than he'd ever seen before, even if it were just more groaning than usual. :(
He thinks I struck a 'chord' with all the residents. Some were able to sing a long a little bit. I walked around and greeted each and every one, even if it was just a touch on the arm or eye contact and a smile.

The second place was more of an assisted living facility. The people came out from dinner with their walkers and sat in the lobby to hear the music. Yes, some were dozing off but others were attentive.
After I played several made their way toward me with the walkers to thank me.

I think I might have touched some folks today.

I made my way home and gave the kittehs a couple presents. Very hard, being alone. I was used to having a house load of people on this night. It was no 'kitteh Christmas' of years past, but I didn't want them to miss out, just like you'd feel with real children. These kittehs actually 'know' what is happening with this day.

Now, I will ring the bell, in honor of my father who passed in 2001. It's the anniversary of his birth tonight, and I will have a glass of wine.

Tomorrow, 3 nursing homes to keep me busy.

Let's hope 2010 is a better year for Gayle and myself and for anyone facing challenges here on PT.
Thank you all for your support.

Rose

[Daisy and Delilah]

Gayle and Rose, I just wanted to come here and wish both of you a Merry Christmas. I know it's difficult to face the holidays. I am wishing for 2010 to be a brand new wonderful year for both of you.
{{{{{GAYLE AND ROSE}}}}}

[Catty1]

Gayle - wishing you a safe drive north! If the weather takes a turn on your way back - or even if it doesn't - feel free to give a call if you are through here.

Rose - glad you have your furbabies. I bet you will have busy and fun Christmases in the future. I know they won't be the same. But maybe they will be better?

HUGS to both of you...the new year starts SOON.:love::love::love:

[Queen of Poop]

Rose, I'm so sorry you had a melt down. Perhaps it was time and will be a good thing for helping to move forward. Sounds like your music was a big hit and I am sure that each person did truly appreciate you.

I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Seasons Greetings, etc. from Cali, Diego and myself. Thank you all for the support you've given us. We made it to our destination safely and really look forward to my moms cabbage rolls for supper tomorrow!

2010 will be a new year for Rose and I and hopefully it will be our best yet. I am looking so forward to leaving 2009 behind.

[Karen]

Thanks for checking in, and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas, and a fun Boxing Day ... we don't celebrate that down here, but as it's a Saturday, might as well!

And continued support and best wishes for the future, it's gotta get better and better!

[Pinot's Mom]

I'm sorry I haven't posted to you two in a little while, it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you!

Rose, music is a universal healer; for the player and the listener! It always helps!:) Keep playing!

Gayle, 2010 is almost here! You've made it!

Both of you - 2010 starts your new life - celebrate it!! Thinking of you!

:love:Maggie

[Trinityagain]

Just wanted to pop in and see how you guys are doing...Rose? Gayle? Hoping the new year is off to a roaring good start and that it continues in the most positive way possible!

[Queen of Poop]

I continue to have ups and downs.

I continue to be disappointed in his actions, although they are not entirely unexpected. I just want the whole thing over and him entirely GONE from my life. All in good time I guess.

Cali and Diego continue to provide so much comfort to me. And Diego is quite the chatty catty these days. They make me smile, and make me get up at 2, 3 or 4 in the morning!!

Rose and I trade emails and keep holding each other up. It's a tough road for us both and I hope one day we can get together and share a hug.

Thanks for checking in.

[Alysser]

I hope you guys are okay :) I know you BOTH will heal in time. Keep it up guys, and please update from time to time. :D Remember if you need hugs we're always here. :love: