Pet Sitter sounding board: am I over reacting?

[AmberLee]

I am puzzled about whether I'm over-reacting (or under reacting) to my pet sitter's comments or not. Would you please give me your take on something that is distressing me.

First off, I like the woman and I'm super impressed with her disaster plan in case their is a major storm, fire, or earthquake when she is responsible for my cats.

When she first began sitting for the kids, I was very pleased with a mini-diary she'd leave describing their activities, play-time, etc. However it's gotten to be something I dread nowadays. After Sassy died, and Livvy came to live with us, the messages seemed to change. It feels like she dislikes Livvy. Roughly 80% of her comments are that Livvy is unfriendly or aggressive to Cassy which is warping him.

Here's what she left for me most recently.
"Day 1: Liv is really being aggressive with Cassy. Cassy doesn't want to come out of hiding at all. :(
Day 2. Same as yesterday. I did see Cassy long enough to give him a treat."

When I'm home with the kids they ignore one another ~70% of the time, they play together about 25% of the time, and they yowl, swat, and/or chase each other the rest. About half the time Cassy's the aggressor, the rest Livvy is. Cassy is much less playful than he was as a kitten. I think the sitter is blaming Livvy for his change in temperment. I do believe this change is more due to his maturing and the sudden loss of his littermate brother rather than the introduction of Livvy, though.

Not all her diary entries are Livvy related. Sometimes she complains about my housecleaning. Once she complained about a mess Cassy left in the litter pan (? which is where he is supposed to leave messes??). I've become very reluctant to use her because I dread her complaints. Am I being too sensitive? Does it seem like she is too hard on Livvy? Can you spot something that I'm too involved in the situation to see? Could I be in denial about how the kids interact????

[Fuzzy317]

I would sit down with the pet sitter and just talk about this. A few short little notes, written or emailed, may not express what she actually meant.

Her notes may or may not have been meant to show Livvy in a bad light. Talking to her will give you the tone of her assessment.

[Uabassoon]

I also think that you should just have a talk with her.

[sasvermont]

I would ask her to limit the notes to medical topics. I have never engaged a sitter so that I could hear the day to day antics of my furry friends. I would like to know if they are sick, limping etc.

Sounds like the pet sitter is going over board and maybe previously worked in a day care center where they are required to report each and every thing.

I would talk to her - and if she doesn't stop, then, well, find a new sitter - or have her list the events on one side and medical emergencies on the other and then read only the OTHER!

Good luck.

One good thing is that you have a very, very concerned and caring sitter. Could be the other way around!
:)

[Barbara]

I have a similar problem with my sitter: She loves Tigris (sh's like Granny for him) who comes to her and purrs and does not like Filou so much because he is much more reluctant with strangers (there are visitors where he just retires under the bed or in his hammock in the upper bathroom -there are others where he jumps on shoulders -I cannot tell why).
I know that she takes care very perfectly, is very reliable and loves the cats over all very much. So I accept it -as long as I can trust her that she does the right things I think it is the same situation as with a teacher: she will always have more personal sympathies for some of her pupils and be professional enough not to let the others feel.

Hi Amberlee!!! I think a good long talk with your petsitter is needed !! I would want an explanation why she dislikes your Livvy so much !! If you decide to keep her as a pet sitter , then I would surely ask her not to use your book as a "complainbook" , but as a possibility to leave you an urgent medical matter or so .

Take care , and let us know how it goes , okay !!

[Logan]

Pauline, I have to tell you that I would bristle just as much as you do with comments like that.
My petsitter has to write a mini-novel when she comes because I have so many pets for her to check on! She is so loving with all of them, even Butter, and always has something cute or funny to say about them all. She never comments on my housekeeping, just sticks to the animals, who came in and who came out, whether they ate, whether the birds sang to her, etc.
If you get to the point where you think you might like to try someone else, I found mine through www.petsit.com . You can put in your zip code and find the registered petsitters in your area.
Good luck.
Logan

[Edwina's Secretary]

Ouch! Your housecleaning! It does sound like she once was in day care or home care nursing with the diary thing.

Perhaps I am not as careful as I should be. I like cat sitters who live in my house while I'm gone (Edwina does not like to sleep alone... :rolleyes: ;) ) I have used the woman who cleans my house (diary would be a problem as we don't have a common language) and local college kids. The report I get usually consists of ...."She pooped in the dining room...twice!"

I did house sitting when I was in college and it was fun. Got me out of the dorm and I got to "play house."

Seriously though... I would simply explain to the house sitter that I expect my pets to act out a bit when I'm gone and rather than a diary perhaps it would be easier for her if she let the cats keep their little secrets! You know how they hate a tattle tail! Haha! It is wonderful of her to do ...but so unnecessary!

[Cataholic]

YIPES! I haven't heard of someone like this before...and let me first be nosy...does she only sit for them while you are away? Or do you have dogs, too, that she lets out duing the day?

I pet/house/child sit for people, and I don't think I would ever have the nerve to say something about the house keeping...why would I? People can live however they want, though I might pick up a diaster or something horribly wrong.

I do think it is fun to leave notes, always amusing, about what the pets did while the humans were away. It always makes me smile to know what mine did when I leave...and my mom sometimes will write pages!

I guess the fact that she 'over' cares more than she 'under' cares is a good sign, but you should be perfectly happy with someone that you entrust your pets too, and I presume, pay to assist you...

[krazyaboutkatz]

AmberLee, I'd have a long talk with her and tell her that some of her comments are bothering you. I'd also tell her to comment only on your pets not your house keeping. I'm sure that there are a lot of great pet sitters out there so you shouldn't feel too upset if you lose her. Good luck. :)

[NoahsMommy]

She sound like a good sitter, besides her comments regarding your house cleaning. That goes a little too far.

One thing to keep in mind is Livvy may be sad that you are gone and may change her bahavior. I know Noah sure does....my cat sitter said that Noah did a lot of hissing the first day and then was better...but never warmed up to her. I know that when we are gone and when a "stranger" (she's my best friend) is in the house, he get's unnerved. It may just be that.

Have you seen your petsitter with Livvy and Cassy while you are there? Is she nice to both of them? If so, I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe she's just not used to seeing that behavior...although, I don't know why...they ARE cats. :)

Let us know what you decide. Kiss the kitties for me, I've missed hearing about them.

[Pam]

The only pet sitter I have used in the past was my mom. She would keep a little daily diary and it was cute. She wrote about the things she did with the dogs, what time she fed them, how they sat on the floor and drooled at her while she had a bowl of ice cream, etc. :D I have saved these diaries and shall always treasure them. I think that had your pet sitter's diary been a little different you too might have wanted to save them. Unfortunately she may have gone a little too far with some of her comments. I think I would just sit down with her and as politely as possible just go over some of her notes. If you don't get a good feeling during this discussion then I'd say it's time to find someone else. Go with your instincts. ;)

[wolflady]

I agree. I think a talking to would be in order. I do remember meeting your pet sitter at the cat show recently and you both seemed to have a good repoir. However, I do think it's a little far to comment on house cleaning (which is irrelevant) and the (aggressive) behaviors. The only things I would want to know about were any medical problems or anything that seemed really out of the ordinary. Maybe something funny that happened would be a nice interlude. What was the comment on a mess in the litterbox all about? That's where they're supposed to be, isn't it?? I would much prefer it there as opposed to on the floor or on my bed, you know?? LOL
Plus, I'm sure the cats do react differently when someone else is in the house and while we're away.

Since she knew Sassy and Cassy, she does seem to be making these comments based on how she knew Cassy then. That was a major loss for Cassy(and you), and yes...it could have changed his personality a bit, along with the fact that he is a little older now too.
While growing up, we had Socks(who is still with my parents) and Winston and they were like brothers. They got along great, played all the time and even slept together. When Winston died suddenly, Socks was never the same, and he never played the same with any other cat. That's just how it is. No other cat could replace Winston. Cassy and Livvy may just not have that same bond as Cassy and Sassy had. Who knows. It's really none of the cat sitter's business. She needs to give Livvy more of a chance. After all, they co-habitate just fine with you in the house, and they might just be a little more agitated when you're gone and a sitter is present.
Maybe have her come to your home so you could have your talk, but also have her interact with Livvy a bit. When I met Cassy and Livvy, I don't see how anyone could dislike either of them! Good luck and go with your instincts. Do let us know what happens and hugs to you and your kids! :D

[gini]

Pauline, I think Karen is on to something. Have the petsitter come to your house when you talk to her.......and see how she interacts with Livvy. It just might be that Livvy doesn't LIKE the petsitter!

I had the world's best petsitter for years, and then she bought a home and moved too far away from me. She really spoiled me and the cats.

I interviewed after that and I will never forget one woman who came over, never went near my cats and finally asked if she could use my bathroom. She was in there FOREVER! When she came out I could see that she had curled her hair - put on all fresh makeup. Needless to say I was not happy with her and never hired her.

I have settled on a petsitter who is a vet technician at my vets.
The only problem is that he never tells me anything! Everything is always just fine!

Discussing your housekeeping is totally out of line..........and it is important that you feel secure with her when leaving your cats.

Since this is upsetting you, you might start looking around for another sitter while you have the leisure to call others for references etc. I am sure you are like I am, I want to leave and feel Rascal will be well taken care of........and not worry!

No, you aren't overreacting!!

[AmberLee]

We've spoken on the phone. She will be over here in about three hours to talk face to face.

She said she has often seen that cats behave differently when their owners aren't home than when they are and that she'll show me that Livvy 'rules the roost' over Cassy. ???

I'll touch base when this is over.

[gini]

Pauline, good luck. Funny that she is coming over to show YOU how your cats interact! Don't you live with them everyday and see their actions? Oh, I thought so!

When I had Patches and Magic - there was no question that Patches (the female) ruled the roost! But finally Magic would just have enough and let her have it! Nothing ever serious!

[Cataholic]

Quick, set up the video cam...we will all watch the interaction between your two cats and the two humans...:D

[AmberLee]

Originally posted by Cataholic
Quick, set up the video cam...we will all watch the interaction between your two cats and the two humans...:D

Hee, hee, hee. That would've been interesting if I had a webcam.

Actually it went pretty well. Both cats came up and greeted her, allowed her to fondle and play with them. I could tell that she likes both cats and both cats are moderately fond of her. (I started to type 'like her' but that seems a little strong. They definately do NOT dislike her though and that's a good sign.)

She seemed shocked that I would interpret her comments as negative about Livvy. We agreed that future diary entries would be focused on the kids health and safety issues.

I brought her up to date re my worries about Cassy's health and she'll keep an eye on his tummy/body for cysts, just in case.

While she was playing with Livvy and chatting with me, a balloon left over from my birthday celebration floated within reach of the cat tree Livvy was standing on. Livvy started playing with the hanging ribbon and towing it: it was ADORABLE. The pet sitter urged me to dig out my camera and I got a couple shots of Livvy with the balloon. Now I just hope they turn out. I got a little of the pet sitter in the shot, but not her whole body.

She was VERY nice about my worries and concerns and we had a wonderful chat. I will be using her again, and feel a little silly over my reactions to her notes... Thank you for your encouragement to talk to her. I might have gone on stewing over something she hadn't meant for a lot longer. It was very good to get this nipped in the bud. Thanks you all. {{{hugs}}}

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm so glad that everything worked out. :) I hope that the pics turn out too. :)

[gini]

Great news! Now you can relax! I sure hope the balloon pictures turn out too, so we can see them.

[Pam]

That's good news Pauline. ;) I will also be looking for the balloon picture. :)

[NoahsMommy]

That's good you had a talk with her and also saw some good interaction. That is so important. :)

[shais_mom]

I don't know the housekeeping comment probably would have sent me over the edge!!!
If she thinks your housekeeping is poor (not that it is) I would hate for her to see mine!!! sheesh!
I am glad you talked with her, I hope this has resolved for your sake and the kids sake!!!

[wolflady]

I'm so glad that you got this out of the way. It's good that you had a chat and she was able to see the kids while you were home and even got to interact with them both. Can't wait to see the balloon picture too!
**hugs**
Karen