The frustrations of needy, clingy men!!

[jennielynn1970]

Ok, so what do you do when you meet a guy on line, and he seems like a nice, NORMAL guy, and then slowly but surely, he becomes practically a stalker?? Seriously.

I start talking to this guy, he seems nice. I know he has health problems (he fell off a platform at work and was partially paralyzed, but now can walk better; he also just had surgery for perforated ulcer), and because of the health problems he hasn't been to work for 5 years. So, he's at home, recovering, learning to walk again, and doing all that stuff and living with his mom again. I have NO issue with that. I mean, how could I??? He's lucky he survived and that he's doing so well.

What I have an issue with is him calling me all the time, or constantly checking for me on my messenger screen name (I'm now invisible.. and I haven't done that for years!!!). He is just so clingy and so needy, it's driving me nuts. He leaves all these mushy messages on my Facebook profile, and it just makes me want to vomit. I'm not kidding!!! Maybe other women would like this, but he's giving me the creeps.

I'm supposed to meet him today for the first time. First off, I see BIG RED FLAGS all over the place about this. Secondly, I've been sick for 4 days now and I still don't feel good and don't want to be running to the bathroom while I'm there every 15 minutes. Third, I don't want to get them sick. Oh yeah, and his nieces will be there because they want to meet me. Umm... pressure much???

I'm freaking out at this point. It's 9:30 and I am supposed to go there at noon today, but I just don't see it happening. I want to just stay home and hide from him!

Any thoughts??

[moosmom]

Go with your gut instincts. If you don't feel good about it, and you're obviously seeing red flags, DON'T GO!!!!

Better to be safe than sorry.

[pomtzu]

Ditto on Donna's post. And tell him you're still sick and don't want to give him or his nieces anything contagious - especially in his weakened state of health!

And then maybe gradually ease out of your association with him if he makes you uncomfortable.

He might be harmless, but you never know. Go with your instincts!

[Catty1]

The saying on one of my internet dating profiles is: "When on a pedestal, watch for pigeons!" ;)

This guy needs a social life - and it has to include more than one person.

If you are feeling sick, tell him. Cancel. And I hope you have call display so you don't answer all his calls. (If you don't you can pick up a cheap one at a dollar or electronics store).

Also - and this is drastic - you may want to report his behaviour to whatever Facebook moderator there is. He may just need a sharp reminder that his behavior is harrassment verging on stalking.

Delete him from your Facebook account. Block and delete everything you can. If you want to first send him a message about how uncomfy you are because he calls too much or whatever, do that.

Ask your work assistant what to say. She'll have something good! :rolleyes::D

[jennielynn1970]

I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??

[Karen]

Glad you cancelled for today. I would go with your gut, but maybe he's just anxious to meet you which is why he's been so clingy? At least wait until you feel better, then go from there. Have you mentioned his clinginess to him? Maybe he thinks that's what women want?

[jennielynn1970]

I've mentioned it to him now a few times. He doesn't see it, which is a bit disconcerting. He sees himself as being caring and romantic. :eek::rolleyes:

[kokopup]

Being caring and romantic is one thing but if his clinging is from insecurity then that is quite another. Insecure men tend to be abusive and demanding as time goes on.

If you decide to meet him having his nieces there is a good thing. Make
your initial meeting the type that would be of a short duration such as
coffee at Starbucks. If all is ok on this initial meeting then you can plan a
meeting of a longer duration.

You should tread carefully, It is one thing to date someone with a handicap that they handle well and another to becoming a crutch that they need to have around.

[Nomilynn]

I met a guy online once and we went out for dinner. That was it. After that one night, I knew that he was WAAAYYY more into it than me. Anyway, he didn't take the hint. He contstantly texted me, emailed, etc. and I finally said "Look I just didn't feel a connection with you. You are a nice guy but not my type." Well.. you would have thought we were engaged. He said "I really felt something that night and I really thought we had a future together." :eek: A FUTURE!?? I met him ONE TIME and I gave him a hug goodnight to thank him for driving, that was all. He was a real weirdo.

Anyhoo - the moral of my story is, if you have these instincts now, they are probably right!! And it is SO WRONG on a first meeting for him to think that you should have to meet his family! Who does that?? :p

[Flatcoatluver]

I think it was best that you didn't go today, but what was his reactions? Did he seem really dissapointed?

[Medusa]

If you're having feelings like this now, Jenn, there's nowhere to go from here. It's only going to get worse. Delete him from your Facebook account, keep yourself invisible when online, check caller ID to be sure that you don't pick up when he calls. Just make yourself unavailable. You've talked to him about it and he's not seeing it the way you see it, so it isn't being cruel to disappear; it's being safe. Don't waste any more time w/him, especially if you're serious about finding someone with whom you can truly be comfortable. I became nervous and edgy just reading your post. Do you really want to be w/someone who's needy and clingy? He's that way already and you haven't even met. No. Run.

[Daisy and Delilah]

If you're having feelings like this now, Jenn, there's nowhere to go from here. It's only going to get worse. Delete him from your Facebook account, keep yourself invisible when online, check caller ID to be sure that you don't pick up when he calls. Just make yourself unavailable. You've talked to him about it and he's not seeing it the way you see it, so it isn't being cruel to disappear; it's being safe. Don't waste any more time w/him, especially if you're serious about finding someone with whom you can truly be comfortable. I became nervous and edgy just reading your post. Do you really want to be w/someone who's needy and clingy? He's that way already and you haven't even met. No. Run.

Ditto. He sounds like he might have issues. It's probably best to leave him alone all together.

[jennielynn1970]

He contstantly texted me, emailed, etc. and I finally said "Look I just didn't feel a connection with you. You are a nice guy but not my type." Well.. you would have thought we were engaged. He said "I really felt something that night and I really thought we had a future together." :eek: A FUTURE!?? I met him ONE TIME

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE. :eek::eek:

[Nomilynn]

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE. :eek::eek:


Oh no!!! Yeah.. run for the hills, knock stuff down as you go behind you, and don't look back!!! :D:cool:

[jennielynn1970]

I think it was best that you didn't go today, but what was his reactions? Did he seem really dissapointed?

He totally freaked out. I'm also sick as heck with a stomach bug, so that is a legit excuse, but omg, you would have thought that I was just doing the worst thing ever. He said how the kids were going to be upset, and how he was going to send them home early because he didn't want them to see him being so upset and all kinds of things. It got to be really dramatic. I tried to answer him and being very calm about it all, and said I didn't feel comfortable meeting him, and that I was still sick, and how I was sorry. I'm not the one who invited 3 little girls over to meet me my first time meeting him. Between that and meeting his mom and possibly a sister, it was just too much. Add in all the other stuff on top of that, and you've got one very uncomfortable date!

[blue]

Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5Snehl2bAk).

[Karen]

You should see the one poem he wrote me (yeah... a poem), it has something in it about thinking of how I would be as his WIFE. :eek::eek:

Aww, that reminds me of my friend Phillip - I had to convince him giving a woman a poem proclaiming undying love after one date was NOT appropriate. He did it anyway, and that relationship ended - no surprise!

By the way, Phillip did eventually learn, and got married for the first time about 6 months ago to a lovely woman.

[jennielynn1970]

Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5Snehl2bAk).

LOL! Thank you!!! I needed that one!

[Marigold2]

This guy sounds like a stalker. Scary. Also are you sure that everything he told you is the truth?:confused: Maybe he hasn't been 100% honest with you.
I would run from him and yes report his actions to facebook pronto.
What ever happened to meeting a hot guy in a bar? I miss those days. The music, the dancing, eye contact, that first smile, the way they smelled and the way it felt when they held me close to them while dancing. Can't get that on-line. Ah memories like the corners of my mind, sing it Babs.

[Catlady711]

Being the suspicious person I am, I would never, every give anyone my real email addy, full name, phone number or address to anyone I met online and have not talked to for less than one year. After one year if I think they are ok I may give them my real regular email addy instead of the freebie (so far only 4 people have ever gotten that).

As for meeting people from online, only after talking with them for at least a year with no red flags, and meeting during the daytime in a very public place (I've done that a couple times). Even then they don't get my last name, address or phone number until I've met with them many times in person in public places (so far none have gotten that info).

I'm probably overly cautious about it, but there are alot of sick people out there and for all I know the story they give about themselves could be made up, and the pix could be of someone else entirely. Granted stuff like that is not overly common, but the fact it, it does happen, and I'd rather miss out on meeting people that I may like, than be stalked by a wakko.

If this guy is giving you red flags, and reacting that badly over calling off sick, I'd say ditch the guy, change your phone number, change your email/IM addy, and find someone else more cautiously.

[IRescue452]

I don't know if your state has open court records, but in wisconsin you can look up a criminal record of anybody in the state. It gives you everything from traffic tickets to felony crimes.

[K9karen]

ACK! ICK! YUK!

He sounds like a poor lonely soul, who unfortunately velcroed himself to sweet, loveable, funny you. (compliment)

The scary part is his reaction to your cancellation! My first impression was that he was putting the guilt on you, which is a sign of a great manipulator.

Let's have a contest how many excuses we can think up. I can send you my leg cast when it comes off. My bad. That's mean.

If you decide to change your email or IM addresses. let me know.

[jennielynn1970]

My email and my AIM are staying. As is my phone number. I did check with Vonage, and they don't have a number block, but he hasn't called since I gave him an earfull this afternoon. Whew.

[wolf_Q]

I have the opposite problem...men don't want anything to do with me. :rolleyes: That is umm yeah...creepy...I'd stop talking to him if I were you.

[ramanth]

Glad you cancelled the "date" and I hope you feel better soon.

You might get a kick out of this...

Psychotic Letters From Men (http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=12)
:D

[jennielynn1970]

Glad you cancelled the "date" and I hope you feel better soon.

You might get a kick out of this...

Psychotic Letters From Men (http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=12)
:D


OMG... that site is a riot!!!!

[Catty1]

I went and read the 4 page contract that the psycho husband wrote up for his wife (she never signed it). :eek:


Glad you got away from that creep, Jenn. Does he know where you live? :(

[ramanth]

OMG... that site is a riot!!!!
Thought you might like that. :D

Needy and Clingy? Yikes! :eek:

[kitten645]

To quote Monty Python...RUN AWAY..RUN AWAY FASTER!. Nothing is worth this aggrevation. He has issues/baggage. You don't need anything like this in your life. Stay strong sista..there are normal/nice guys out there. Never second guess your instinct. It gets alot of women in trouble or worse:eek:
Claudia

[lvpets2002]

:) Good Girl for Canceling.. This is why my door stays closed more than open (if you know what I mean).. I am so with what Donna said.. Go by your gutt feeling & if its not right then Dump the Dude & dont look back..
I did cancel for today. Part of me sees an ex-boyfriend's behavior in him. If he's like this and we haven't even met, what would he be like if we dated??? Possessive?? Abusive?? I don't want to ever be in that situation again.

Ugh. He seemed normal. For a while. I know he needs to get out. He needs to do more things and be more social. I know he hasn't been able to the past few months because of the surgery he had and the open wound he has healing from the ulcer. He just got so clingy so fast! He's a big guy too, 6'3" and muscular, so strength is on his side as well. It just scares me when I see this kind of emotional reaction from a guy like that.

As for my assistant, she said she thinks he's a good guy! She says "Awe Jenn, he really likes you." Um... what, for dinner??

[RICHARD]

Don't ever date anyone you meet on the internet.

That 'cute' guy that sent you a pic, his 'resume' and all the other good shiat is way too good to be true.

They are not going to tell you they snore, have a piercing laugh that makes dogs bark in a 30 block radius, they will pick their high school weight, picture and grade school head 'o' hair and mention that in any email.

They won't tell you about the arrest for public intoxication or the 'help' they gave a kid at the restroom in the park. They all have money, nice cars and houses they own.

They don't smoke-ciggies, do drink socially-every time they go out in public, love horses (racing) and like to read-Hustler, Juggs and the other periodicals that have scantily clad women on the cover. They love the theater, movies! Callie Does Cah Lee Fuh Nee Ah and burlesque.

They toss out old 'football' injuries to get a sympathetic massage.

Men have bankrupted the country, started wars, cheated on SO, killed, stolen and broken pretty much any law you can think of.


But, hey, they always need a second chance and have changed.

------------------------

I have met tons of wonderful people on the net and on PT. I refuse to date or get involved with any one of them-not becuase they are not interesting-I just don't want anyone to get stuck with the jerk that I am.

There is the old idea of not wanting to buy a car without driving it first.

MY last GF I courted for almost 9 months before we became an item. I wanted to make sure she knew that I was interested in her. Before her I met a gal who was rarin' to get things started -before we even went on a real date.
I made the right choice then.


Take you time and find out who is really on the other end of the wire.
If you have top google them or do a background check on them, you are wasting your time.

[ramanth]

My sister met her future husband online. It can work. :)

[davidpizzica]

My sister met her future husband online. It can work. :)

I agree it can work. I met Moosmom through PT and she is the most beautiful person I've ever met.

[Taz_Zoee]

Sorry Richard, I met my boyfriend online and we've been together almost 6 years. I also know several other people (including my sister) who have found love online.

[kitten645]

There are wack jobs everywhere...the point is to recognize them and turn heels in the opposite direction. This guy is clearly a whack job.
Who needs the agrevation? I often do the old..."Do I get dressed, drive 20miles and end up with a dud?" or do I stay home with a good movie and the company of kitties I LOVE? It's rarely a choice I have to think much about.
On the flip side, I did read a funny book recently and the author says that at least every date you go on gives you a story. Good, bad, funny...it's still a story.
But back to the point..you don't want to have a stalker story!:eek:
Claudia

[lvpets2002]

:o Thank You Claudia & well put.. Thats for sure my thoughts.. Thats why my door stays closed more than open..
There are wack jobs everywhere...the point is to recognize them and turn heels in the opposite direction. This guy is clearly a whack job.
Who needs the agrevation? I often do the old..."Do I get dressed, drive 20miles and end up with a dud?" or do I stay home with a good movie and the company of kitties I LOVE? It's rarely a choice I have to think much about.
On the flip side, I did read a funny book recently and the author says that at least every date you go on gives you a story. Good, bad, funny...it's still a story.
But back to the point..you don't want to have a stalker story!:eek:
Claudia

[pomtzu]

There are a lot of good and honest people on the internet looking for an honest relationship, but I don't know that I would ever go that route. A few people that I know have, and ended up with a gem.
A bittersweet story is of the former h.r. manager where I worked. After a lousy marriage and divorce, she met a guy on line and they eventually married and had several wonderful years together before she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. He was her angel all the way to the end - being her nurse, cook, housekeeper, etc. - all while he had a full time job outside the home. She lived for 18 months after her diagnosis, but probably wouldn't have made it that long without his support. She was only in her mid 50's when she passed.

[RICHARD]

On the flip side, I did read a funny book recently and the author says that at least every date you go on gives you a story. Good, bad, funny...it's still a story.



And the best sellers are the Ann Rule murder/mystery tomes!:eek::confused:


People are on their best behavior when they want or need. It's when think you really know them that you get into trouble-It even can happen when you see a person every fricking day.

Boy, Am I glad there aren't any FEMALE stalkers.:o:eek:

[Daisy and Delilah]

I have a good friend that met her husband online. They are a match made in heaven, so to speak. They are so perfect for each other, it's almost scary. So far, they've been together for 7 years and their lives are perfect.:)

I have to look at all the people that meet via PT. Some of the nicest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

However, if somebody is that pushy, he's got problems, no matter where you meet him.:confused:

My daughter met a guy through her work that fell in love with her the day he met her. After a short time, she agreed to have dinner with him. The date was like a marriage proposal. Flowers, candles, champagne, the works. She was immediately put off by the hoopla and told him it was too much. He was devastated and completely heartbroken. He couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. For a long time, I was worried that he would stalk her. Fortunately, he didn't. I don't think he talks to her anymore at all though. Some people just set themselves up for a fall and it makes no sense.:confused:

[jennielynn1970]

Well, I did put the guy in his place and told him that he freaked me out. He was sooo apologetic. He just said he was excited to meet me and that the fact that I canceled made him sad (or something to that effect).

I just said I can talk to him, we can get to know eachother, but I have no idea when we'll meet, if we'll meet. I just want to feel comfortable getting to know him better, and that him being needy and clingy is totally not cool and just not what I'm looking for. He's been not too bad, but I did mention it again today, because again he made a comment about if we'll meet or whatever, and I was just like, I don't know and I won't be made to feel guilty to meet someone. He DIDN'T make me feel that way, but I did put it out there, like, don't use any guilt trips, cause they aren't going to work.

SO, I am giving it a chance, I know he is a little much to handle with his emotions, but I think if he calms down and just treats me like a regular person instead of saying how wonderful and sweet I am, I might just not throw up. :p;)

[Catty1]

RICHARD - here is a list from a Google search.

I guess stalking is an equal-opportunity employer! :rolleyes:
http://www.google.ca/search?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&channel=s&hl=en&q=female+stalkers&meta=&btnG=Google+Search

Interestingly, though, females tend to pursue doctors and therapists!

[lvpets2002]

Interestingly, though, females tend to pursue doctors and therapists!

:rolleyes: That is until you have to work with them being A*%@#Holes in Aviation && then you want nothing to do with doctors & therapists or lawyers..

[RICHARD]

RICHARD - here is a list from a Google search.

I guess stalking is an equal-opportunity employer! :rolleyes:
http://www.google.ca/search?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&channel=s&hl=en&q=female+stalkers&meta=&btnG=Google+Search

Interestingly, though, females tend to pursue doctors and therapists!

NO thanks.

I try to meet my stalkers in person, not over the internet.:D;)

I where I worked, as soon as a new doctor showed up, you could smell the pheromones in the air. It was rather sad to see them act that way. Most of them ended up being real whack jobs.

THere was a woman who I worked with that found out where my mom worked and went to 'visit' her there, because I didn't come out of my office for two days-I was working on a project-She wanted to find out why I was so busy...

Effing weird.

[Catty1]

RICHARD, it isn't a list of stalkers, it's a list of search results ABOUT female stalkers (and there are some males in the mix, as many of the results are from studies).

[RICHARD]

RICHARD, it isn't a list of stalkers, it's a list of search results ABOUT female stalkers (and there are some males in the mix, as many of the results are from studies).

I know.....I was just making a joke.:eek:

[Catty1]

My bad...I must have left my brain in the car!:rolleyes::D

[jennielynn1970]

Ugh... ok, so I can't even be "just" friendly. I tried. The overly needy and clingy just gets worse. Should have just removed myself from the get go. He's a nice guy, he just needs to get more self assured.

[Karen]

Here is a direct link to the study to which Catty1 is referring
http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/37/3/22

[kitten645]

I am a firm believer in first impressions. If he creeped you out in this early stage, it will only get worse. No matter WHAT he says. It reminds me of that 'Oh honey I love you so much. Please change!" joke. That's who he is. Get away from him. :eek:
Claudia

[sumbirdy]

He seems like he has a big self-esteem problem, and because of that he's probably controlling. Does he want to know where you are all the time? If not, I can see that one coming next. I'd steer WAY clear of him. I met a guy online once that sounds like this. He all but proposed to me after a week, and we had never actually met, there wasn't even a date set to do that! :eek: It scared the heck out of me. I say run for the hills! Don't ever look back, this guy sounds creepy.

[jennielynn1970]

Not just steering clear, but gone!!

I tried to be nice. That's just me. Nice just didn't work. It just made it worse. He was "in love" with me!! Ummm... you don't know me!!! Seriously, wft?! That and he "didn't like" my guy friends. Did you know them?? Did you ever meet them?? NO... so back off buddy. SCARY DUDE!!!!

So much for trying to be nice and be friendly. It's not worth it in this case. He is now blocked and removed from accounts as friends, etc...

[Medusa]

Not just steering clear, but gone!! He is now blocked and removed from accounts as friends, etc...

Good! You're too good for all that nonsense, girlfriend. :)

[Catlady711]

Not just steering clear, but gone!!

I tried to be nice. That's just me. Nice just didn't work. It just made it worse. He was "in love" with me!! Ummm... you don't know me!!! Seriously, wft?! That and he "didn't like" my guy friends. Did you know them?? Did you ever meet them?? NO... so back off buddy. SCARY DUDE!!!!

So much for trying to be nice and be friendly. It's not worth it in this case. He is now blocked and removed from accounts as friends, etc...


You gave him your phone number right? Does he also have your address and know where you work/shop? It definately sounds like stalking behaviour starting. That is very scary. If anything out of the ordinary starts going on, please do not hesitate for a minute to contact the police. If you have any copies of emails, phone messages, or things like that keep them for evidence. Hopefully you'll never need them and this guy will just go away without any more problems.

http://www.wiredsafety.org/cyberstalking_harassment/cyberstalkingstudy.html


http://www.bullyonline.org/related/stalking.htm
Warning signs
These are the signs to be alert to:

expects you to spend all of your time with him/her or inform him/her of your whereabouts

refuses to accept "no" for an answer

isolates you from your friends and/or family

puts you down in front of your family or friends

sends frequent unsolicited or unwelcome gifts

makes offers of unsolicited help

excessive niceness in the early stages

use of guilt to manipulate your feelings or to force you into courses of action you feel unhappy with

extreme jealousy

frequent loss of temper

abuse of alcohol and/or drugs

following you wherever you go

threats

physical or verbal abuse

damage or destruction to your property

talks about violence or is fascinated with themes of violence

makes your family or friends feel scared or uneasy

[jennielynn1970]

Thank you, Catlady711. I don't think he'll get to that point. He hasn't called me, and I don't think he'll try to follow me as he's still disabled from a fall that he had a few years ago (he uses a walker at times), although I'm sure if he wanted to he could find ways to find me. I just don't see it happening. If I do, he'll be reported to the police ASAP.

[Catlady711]

If I do, he'll be reported to the police ASAP.


Good. Hopefully there will be no need, but glad to know you will if anything creepy starts going on.

[Husky_mom]

Boy, Am I glad there aren't any FEMALE stalkers.:o:eek:

LOL... or so you wanna think.. LOL


creepy guy.. glad you ditched him... hope he gets it this time... sorry for him but being like that only drew you away... if he wants friends he needs to change... big time... otherwise he´ll stay as he is...


blue: that was exactly the song I had on my mind when I started reading this... haha...

[carole]

Well look like he showed his true colours, remember also he might never have actually had that fall and be partially paralyzed, it could all be rubbish, you can be who ever you want on the internet,glad you ditched him, he sounded like a nightmare about to happen, take care and be sooo....careful, but good luck.:)

[Marigold2]

My one son was dating a stalker girl. Talk about scary. Very very low self esteem, extremely clingly. Bossy, know it all, very competative. She would show up at odd hours and just not leave. She would follow me from room to room talking, talking, never shutting up. I came down one morning and she popped up out of my sofa, she spent the night there.:eek::eek: I was like, what the hell, why didn't you go home. My son was in his room with the door closed, she was on the sofa, it was so strange. I finally told my son that she was never ever ever ever going to be welcomed in my home again and if she set foot on my property I would call the police. Did that matter to her, not in the least. At my Christmas party she parked her car outside my house and sat there for 45 minutes while guests came. She was on the phone with my son, crying begging him to let her in and how mean and horrible I was. My son was so upset. I finally said to him,"look I told you months ago she would never be welcomed here and this is our Christmas she is NOT welcome. She just refused to leave. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. It was horrible, I had 50 people in my house it was our Christmas party and this insane stalker wouldn't leave. I went into the garage and grabbed a bat, my intention was to smash her windshield with it and scare her. My husband said I would be arrested, I said I didn't care, it would be worth it. My one son went outside and told her what I was planning on doing. She left. Did that stop her NO. She showed up and my son's college graduation, it's a public place not much you can do. I finally made it clear to her that if she ever came near my home again I would hurt her. Finally she left, but only with the fear of extreme violence against her. No restraining order will stop these crazy people, they don't obey the law. The only thing she understood at that point was that I would hurt her. Your read about these people on TV stalking, breaking into houses, killing ex-lovers. The only thing they understand is how to dominate with fear, luckly I put a greater fear into her and now she married some poor fool. God help him and his famiy. It's funny how fear will make you angry and strong. There was no way I wa going to let her hurt us any more.

[Catlady711]

My one son was dating a stalker girl. Talk about scary. Very very low self esteem, extremely clingly. Bossy, know it all, very competative. She would show up at odd hours and just not leave. She would follow me from room to room talking, talking, never shutting up. I came down one morning and she popped up out of my sofa, she spent the night there.:eek::eek: I was like, what the hell, why didn't you go home. My son was in his room with the door closed, she was on the sofa, it was so strange. I finally told my son that she was never ever ever ever going to be welcomed in my home again and if she set foot on my property I would call the police. Did that matter to her, not in the least. At my Christmas party she parked her car outside my house and sat there for 45 minutes while guests came. She was on the phone with my son, crying begging him to let her in and how mean and horrible I was. My son was so upset. I finally said to him,"look I told you months ago she would never be welcomed here and this is our Christmas she is NOT welcome. She just refused to leave. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. It was horrible, I had 50 people in my house it was our Christmas party and this insane stalker wouldn't leave. I went into the garage and grabbed a bat, my intention was to smash her windshield with it and scare her. My husband said I would be arrested, I said I didn't care, it would be worth it. My one son went outside and told her what I was planning on doing. She left. Did that stop her NO. She showed up and my son's college graduation, it's a public place not much you can do. I finally made it clear to her that if she ever came near my home again I would hurt her. Finally she left, but only with the fear of extreme violence against her. No restraining order will stop these crazy people, they don't obey the law. The only thing she understood at that point was that I would hurt her. Your read about these people on TV stalking, breaking into houses, killing ex-lovers. The only thing they understand is how to dominate with fear, luckly I put a greater fear into her and now she married some poor fool. God help him and his famiy. It's funny how fear will make you angry and strong. There was no way I wa going to let her hurt us any more.

And people wonder why I'm overly cautious about what information I'll give online.

So sorry to hear something like that happened to your family. While stuff like that is fairly uncommon, it's becoming more of a problem, and I'll stand by my stance of limited info available about me online.

[Medusa]

My one son was dating a stalker girl. Talk about scary. Very very low self esteem, extremely clingly. Bossy, know it all, very competative. She would show up at odd hours and just not leave. She would follow me from room to room talking, talking, never shutting up. I came down one morning and she popped up out of my sofa, she spent the night there.:eek::eek: I was like, what the hell, why didn't you go home. My son was in his room with the door closed, she was on the sofa, it was so strange. I finally told my son that she was never ever ever ever going to be welcomed in my home again and if she set foot on my property I would call the police. Did that matter to her, not in the least. At my Christmas party she parked her car outside my house and sat there for 45 minutes while guests came. She was on the phone with my son, crying begging him to let her in and how mean and horrible I was. My son was so upset. I finally said to him,"look I told you months ago she would never be welcomed here and this is our Christmas she is NOT welcome. She just refused to leave. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore. It was horrible, I had 50 people in my house it was our Christmas party and this insane stalker wouldn't leave. I went into the garage and grabbed a bat, my intention was to smash her windshield with it and scare her. My husband said I would be arrested, I said I didn't care, it would be worth it. My one son went outside and told her what I was planning on doing. She left. Did that stop her NO. She showed up and my son's college graduation, it's a public place not much you can do. I finally made it clear to her that if she ever came near my home again I would hurt her. Finally she left, but only with the fear of extreme violence against her. No restraining order will stop these crazy people, they don't obey the law. The only thing she understood at that point was that I would hurt her. Your read about these people on TV stalking, breaking into houses, killing ex-lovers. The only thing they understand is how to dominate with fear, luckly I put a greater fear into her and now she married some poor fool. God help him and his famiy. It's funny how fear will make you angry and strong. There was no way I wa going to let her hurt us any more.

You didn't mention whether or not they met online. Did they?

[Marigold2]

They did meet on-line. This girl is highly educated and extremely talented. However her physical apprenece was not so great, very very over weight, perhaps 250 lbs and almost bald. She must be suffering from alapecia. It had a lot to do with her low self-esteem I am sure. My son didn't care that she was heavy and almost bald, he liked her a lot. I was very proud of him for that. However I am sure that she was teased by others. When she meet someone who liked her for herself and not her looks she latched onto him like a rash on a butt. Soon however it became apperent that she didn't care for him she just wanted to control him and it got ugly fast. She also has a photogragic memory. Smart and crazy. When I think back on all the manipulative things she did it makes my skin crawl. One doesn't think of a brillant person as a stalker but she was.
Later that day when I realized she had spent the night, when I got all the details, how she said good night to my son (he was going to bed) she told him " I am just going to go downstairs and hang with your mom for a bit" I then took the wash upstairs and went to bed, my husband was watching TV in our room, our daughter was in her room, she said to me " I am going to get something to drink and hang out with our son for a bit. We had all said goodnight to her, and she knew that, planned it that way, it was her intention to NOT leave my home. There we were the four of us in bed with no idea that Miss Crazy Stalker was downstairs. Oh God even now it makes me so sick to think of that. What was she doing? Going through our private paper work, snopping, planning, plotting to hurt us? So scary.
She would call my son 30 days a day, first being nice and then getting madder and madder when he didn't call back and finally just screaming. By the time the Christmas party came and she sat outside I was so done. I was afraid for my family and I was ready to take action. I wanted to make it clear 1000% percent that her presence would not be welcome not today, tomorrow or ever. I had to make her more afraid of me then I was of her that is how to get rid of a stalker.

[jennielynn1970]

Damn. That's crazy scary!!!

[jennielynn1970]

Thankfully, he hasn't tried to contact me since the day he emailed me and I told him to back the eff off or he'd be getting a visit from my brother. My brother is retired navy, and was a drill instructor and would kick his butt.