Is this Tacky of me>??

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Ok. I have a situation and need opinions.

Since Andys' "accident", and all of my vet bills, I just don't have alot of extra money for Christmas this year. My payments on the credit cards are high, and I only have 3 months to pay them off. That leaves me WAY tighter than any normal Christmas.

We have a VERY large family, with 25+ people to buy for. I have decided only the CLOSEST family will get anything this year. That means 18 people. Usually I spend 100 on parents (6 total, Rickies parents remarried) And about 50 on brothers, and 50+ on cousins/husbands. Aunt and uncles I dont usually have a set price. Grandmas/ grandpas is about 50 too. This year, we just cant spend like that. I feel so bad, but it is not possible.

I would like to ask just not to switch presents this year, but I KNOW they will buy us stuff anyways. And then I would have a crummy Christmas, because I would be embarrassed AND annoyed.

So I was thinking, if I sent out a Christmas card, and explained about our financial situation this year, and set a price limit on switching, would that be tacky? I mean, it sounds tacky, but I dont want people to spend 100+ on us, and we get them a cookie jar and socks, ya know?

When did Christmas become so much about presents and money anyways??? I guess when I grew up and got married, and was expected to buy presents, huh? As a kid, it never even crossed my mind.

Anyways, Tacky or not?

[lvpets2002]

:) No I dont think its tacky.. Your just wanting to let all the family know that you have a tight budget this year.. They should respect your truthfullness on this matter..

[Cataholic]

Oh my goodness! I come from a large family (7 siblings, most married, with kids) and we have never exchanged gifts amongst each other regularly. I cannot imagine the money involved in buying 18 people gifts! Gifts are a non-obligation, truly. And while I can appreciate the difficulty in laying this out for the first time with your family, I can nearly guarantee that you will feel nothing but wonder afterwards.

I would not send anything around formally, but, I would make it a point to tell each sibling something along the lines of, "hey, this year is a pretty tough one for us financially, and we are not in a position to exchange gifts this year, I hope you can understand". And leave it at that. No need for details, excuses, etc. They are your FAMILY. If they can't understand, frankly...they don't deserve a gift anyhow..he he he.

Then, AFTER the holidays, I would make it a point to explain to each family member that you simply are not participating any more....too much money, everyone buys themselves something anyhow if they really want it, or, do a gift exchange, a white elephant, find a charity to bless as a family, etc.

I can't believe there aren't more of you in your family that feels this way, too.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Thanks for the input you guys.

I have tried every year to start a secret santa thing, but noone else wants to. They like the present swapping, but I find it expensive, and it takes forever to buy the presents.

Rickies family is HUGE, and they are also quite wealthy. ( Although they never have gave us a dime, no matter WHAT we needed:rolleyes:)

I usually put back money every month, and buy presents with that. This year we couldnt, because when we bought the house Last December, we used up all of our savings, and our mortgage is 3x what we used to pay for rent...

Maybe this is an out for me>? Maybe they will get the point this year. I sure hope so. ;)

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Forgot to add, I usually get a "star" on a tree for a child for Christmas. This year I cant do it, BUT, I was thinking about it last week, I wanted to do something...

I have TONS of Christmas decor, mostly brand new bought on sale after Christmas for 50-75% OFF. I am going to donate it to a couple needy families without decor for their children. I hope it makes someones Holidays brighter!

Isnt much, but it is all I can do this time around!;)

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I wouldn't feel bad- just explain that you don't have the money right now to buy a lot of gifts, but that you still want to enjoy the holidays with them by spending time together and eating lots of good holiday food.

I don't usually buy or exchange gifts with anyone but a few people, and it's mainly for the kids in my family. I think Christmas is more about getting to enjoy your family and good food anyway, and I think your family should understand. :)

[krazyaboutkatz]

In our family we used to pick names and then spend about $50 or so on that person but then we gradually stopped doing it. Now I buy something for my parents and I have 2 nephews and 3 nieces that I send checks to for Christmas so that their parents can decide what to buy for them. I would never be able to afford the amount of money that you've been spending every year for Christmas. I'm sure that if you explain your situation that they'll understand. Good luck.:)

[lvpets2002]

:) Hey what about to see if they will do Chinese Christmas.. This is where you draw names or numbers or straws to see who the one person you buy for.. And in all no-one gets left out.. That is what our family started doing..

[Taz_Zoee]

Why doesn't your family draw names and then they only buy for that person? This would exclude the children though.
I am in the same boat. And I know his family will get us TONS of stuff. They always do and we get them a gift card. One for each of them (except his nephew, we get him toys). I always feel so bad, but they know they do not have to do that. It is their choice and they do not expect the same in return. I think everyone knows how tough times are right now and they shouldn't expect too much from anyone this year, IMO.
This year I am getting gift cards for everyone. I might get specific things for the kids if I know what to get them. But they are getting older and it's getting more difficult to buy for them.

Katie, you do what you CAN do. Don't worry about what they are doing and getting for you. You can only do what is within YOUR budget. I am sure everyone would understand that. And like Cataholic said - if they don't then they don't deserve anything (that might sound harsh, but it's true).

[jazzcat]

Would anyone be willing to pick a name and only buy for that person? My family would never go for that but Richard's family agreed to it a couple of years ago. We all still buy for his parents and grandmother but among the siblings and their children we each pick a name out of a bowl (we do it on Thanksgiving Day). I love when Richard and I get a married couple because I can buy a gift card to a restaurant. I like things simple - especially for people I only see a couple of times a year.

Are you crafty or a good baker? Another option could be homeade gifts. My sister has done this a few times when they had lean years. She'd give baked goods and things like that. Her peanut butter fudge is worth it's weight in gold!

I like Cataholic's suggestion of just spreading the word and not sending out anything formal. Hopefully your family will understand and won't need details.

I've come to the realization that Richard and I can't afford to compete with my brothers in gift giving. I just give them what I can afford to do and they always seem happy. They give me unbelievable gifts but I believe it's their way of thanking me or trying to repay me for taking care of our Dad. For my birthday last month one brother gave me a Wii system and games. No way can I give him anything of that level for his birthday next week. Just remember it's suppose to be the thought that counts and no one should want you to go into debt over gifts. Of course I know that isn't always the case.:rolleyes:

[shepgirl]

No, I don't think it's tacky at all. You might not be the only one feeling this way but maybe no one else wants to admit it. Be the first, someone might follow suit.
Lots of people are feeling the pinch this year. If someone in our family didn't buy I would never feel slighted. Probably would put 2 and 2 together.

Christmas for me isn't about gifts, it's about our whole family being together and celebrating.

[RICHARD]

How's about making up some 'Gift Certificates'? I got this idea from a book of 'love coupons' -

Make up some coupons for a car wash, baby sitting, a dinner?

You couuld maybe cook a dinner for a family, deliver it?

That usually is something pretty special.

You could delay your Christmas gift giving too. a gift in February or March is fun.

I have a friend who does Christmas in June when all the kids are home and the weather is better.

YOu don't have to go by the calendar!

[moosmom]

Katie,

Absolutely NOT tacky. I've already notified the peops that I exchange with that I just do not have the money and that I have to limit how much I spend on each person. With the way the economy is and the fact that I'm on a fixed income, I don't feel I really have to explain anything to anyone. Afterall, it's the thought that counts. And yes, I have re-gifted now and then. Don't feel bad, Katie. Everyone is in dire straits this year. It's not just you, honey.

Have a great holiday and quit worrying. If they don't understand, you can just check them off your list for next year. :p

[carole]

I think you have to ask yourself what is the true meaning of xmas to you,honestly if you are struggling financially it seems crazy to go spending so much on such a large family,just because they can afford it.

I think you have to let common sense take over and be practical about it, it is about surviving ,not being able to provide a nice gift to people who probably don't even need it, by the sounds of things.

You have to put yourself and family and furbabies as your top priority, and if anyone takes offense at your idea,then they are being petty and i would not worry too much about it.

If you really feel you need to give gifts, how about making some cookies or fudge ,even that will cost you a bit, but far less than you usually spend.

My sister is well off compared to me and always spends more on my children than i can afford for hers, but she is fine with it,infact this year we are only buying xmas for the younger two, and have stopped for the older ones,because for one all the birthdays are from october on to December and it just gets way out of hand.

[Barbara]

18 people! And in all other year 100!
I cannot even think of that- I am sure not all gifts can be personal in such a situation.
I agree with all the others. I am sure there are more people in the family who would be ready to restrict the gifts. And people who do not understand that not all have the money every year do not understand the spirit of Christmas.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Thanks guys. I guess I just cant feel bad. We do what we can, right?

Barbara, mostly the gifts are what they asked for... I am a terrible gift buyer, so I rather know what they want ahead of time. If not, I just buy house stuff (nice throws, candle sets, etc)

Personal stuff, NOPE!

I would rather get nothing, or something small like a cat figurine anyday. I also regift! From my side to his side, but I never remember who gave me what, so I am scared I will get caught, LOL! That shows that the stuff is just "stuff".:rolleyes:

[Scooter's Mom]

Every year I tell the in-laws "please don't buy us anything" because I really don't have the $$ to spend on their large family for individual gifts. I would much rather have a nice day with family and no fighting or arguing than a gift. Memories last much longer than a physical object.

Each year, they give us something anyway and then I feel bad because I really meant no gifts! My hubby does NOT help me shop for anything and I don't want to single handedly pick something his family won't enjoy... although that's what usually happens.

I've started shopping for just the children. Not the grown children either, but the ones under a certain age, like under 18... or maybe if they're over 18 and don't have their own children, they may get something.

I certainly do not think it is tacky at all.

[pomtzu]

Absolutely not tacky at all. I can't imagine having even 18 people to buy for, and fortunately for me, it's just my brother, son and DIL, and 3 grandkids - and of course the poochies! :) Even so - it's more of a strain every year - retirement pay sucks and so does the economy.
Do what you have to - and please don't feel guilty about it. Christmas has become way too much of a commercial venture, and the true meaning seems to fade more every year. So sad! :(

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Not tacky at all!! I am sure that everybody will appreciate it a lot for your being so honest!!
Donating ornaments sounds super to me!!

[jennielynn1970]

I cannot imagine having to buy for that many people! Holy crow!! I have a hard enough time finding enough money for mom, dad, brother, sister in law and nephew, lol. I'm not good at budgeting, so that does hinder my efforts.

One thing I do is make things homemade, specifically baked goods. They take me a lot of time to do, and are really something that are from my heart. I try to find something that they really love, or remember from their childhood, and make them a batch of that. My brother is macaroons, my sister in law anything with peanut butter, mom and dad really don't care what it is, and nephew, I think he's the only one I bought for before he turned 18. It has been a tradition in our extended family that if the child is over 16, they get $$ instead of presents (although there were those favorite relative kids who got both...:rolleyes: ).

Do what you feel works for you. Let the family members know what is going on as far as just not wanting to swap presents, but honestly they don't have to know all the extenuating circumstances, just that you don't to swap due to finances.

Our family isn't doing anything this year, and I'm fine with it. As long as we're together, we have dinner and enjoy the company, it's all good!

[chocolatepuppy]

Katie, years ago when hubby and I married, we bought for everyone, but very inexpensive gifts. As the years went by and more of us married and then came children, forget it! My family stopped. Hubby's family continued for years and every Christmas we had to go through the humiliation of being handed gifts and not giving any.:o Finally they started drawing names, we don't go along, they spend more than we can afford.
If you can't afford it, I say like others have mentioned, let it be known and hold your head up high and simply say thank you when given a gift.;) If others want to continue, so be it. To me Christmas is about so much more than just gifts.:)

[moosmom]

I buy plain picture frames and decorate them. It's something that comes from the heart and I enjoy doing it. It's actual relaxing to me. My friend Irene sells Avon at craft fairs. She also takes along frames that I've decorated to sell. So far I've made $25 which is paying for my Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I make the frames with "themes", golfing, fishing, holiday frames, baby frames, wedding frames. You name it, I can make it.

Next time I pump out a bunch frames, I'll remember to take pictures so you can see my work.

[catnapper]

Not tacky at all. Whats tacky is what my brother did. He decided not to buy any gifts for my kids yet expects them for his kids.... and made mom be the messenger. :rolleyes: All he had to do was ask me if it was ok not ot buy my kids things since they are now in college.

Needless to say, mom is annoyed and offered to buy his kids' gifts and put my name on the packages.

[kuhio98]

I don't think it's tacky. We are in a similar situation this year and so is a lot of our family. The economy is just too iffy right now to go into debt for "stuff".

Our Christmas card this year goes something like this (haven't written it yet, so "something" like this).

.... We will not be exchanging gifts this year. We hope that you understand. Our only present to you is that we don't expect gifts either. Please don't spend your hard-earned money on "stuff" for us. Your time and love are enough for us.....

[cassiesmom]

I was thinking, if I sent out a Christmas card, and explained about our financial situation this year, and set a price limit on switching, would that be tacky?

I don't know that I would put it in writing. If I received a written explanation from a family member about their financial situation and asking for a price limit on my gift to them, that would make me really uneasy. You spend what you can afford on the people you want to give gifts to. They will spend what they want to on you. But verbally tell people you are planning to scale back. That would allow the person to talk with you about it, which a note wouldn't. My parents have had a ton of medical bills - my brother changed jobs - and my sister has had less free-lance work this year than in previous years. It's going to be a lean year. I'd rather have "gifts" of spending time with them, especially in their respective back yards, drinking iced tea, on warm summer Sunday afternoons.

About those veterinary bills. Ya need some help?

[RICHARD]

Here's another idea.

Host a BBQ or dinner with a theme.

Poker is big these days, get a date in mind and hold a poker party. Buy hot dogs, hamburgers and delegate people to cook, be card dealers and help you prepare.

With some thought and a plan you can have a party for your family that will be remembered as your 'gift' to them.

I long ago forgot a gift that someone bought for me.

But, I always remembered an day or evening where my family was gathered and we had fun.

[kitten645]

While I wouldn't classify it as tacky, I wouldn't impose a limit. I have a huge family as well and we are all in different economic situations. I'd just let every one know the "Andy situation" and leave it at that. I know I have family that take great joy in sharing their abundance. I'm a poor single working girl so everyone pretty much knows that it's all about the kids for me. I get my three nieces/nephew gifts. I do get some freebies at work and find some deals that I buy through out the year when something reminds me of someone when I see it.
My little sister (not so little..she's 31!:eek:) has been asking me questions about sewing. I made her a little sewing kit. I've offered to make her custom home decor if she foots for the materials.
I don't think it should be a $$ based gift. It's cliche but it's the thought that counts!
Claudia

PS: Goodness knows unless you are living under a rock..EVERYONE is scaling back. You can't go a day without it being screamed at you a million times!

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Thank you all for your opinions and advice.

I have a Christmas eve get together at my house every year, I make 2 Huge pots of chili (mild and EXTRA hot) and cookies, olive tray, etc... I would still like to do that.

I think I can cut down on numbers by doing couples presents.

I think I am just going to tell everyone tomorrow about the situation, and hope they "get" it. They know how I am, and I am always the person they call when they find a "stray"... They should understand.


I would love to make goodies for them, BUT I dont think they would appreciate Kitty Hair Brownies:p

Kim - hate to say it, but that IS tacky :o


AND Cassiesmom, thank you so much for the offer, but I think I can handle the rest of the bill ok.
I really appreciate the offer though:D

[Reachoutrescue]

I don't think it is tacky at all. This year, with all our vet bills, me not working since my accident at work, and having Austin's birthday on the 17th, I just can't do it either. I have decided to just buy for the children in our families. There are a total of 15 kids...that is a lot right there, plus my two...then the Santa gifts for my two. Then I want to buy for Dave....so I understand.

That is really nice of you to donate holiday decor to families....every little bit helps. Don't worry so much....you only can do what you can.

[sumbirdy]

I don't think it's tacky.

This year I can only buy for the children. When anyone else asks what I want, I say I don't want anything (which is the truth, I can't think of a single thing I'd like to have, exept maybe some socks and undies)

This year I just want some peace and happiness.

With the economy the way it is, it should be expected that people will have to cut back this year.

[Catty1]

You can also tell them to please not expect a gift from you this year...you would love to, but can't. Leave the "giving" up to them.

A lot of people are being hard hit by financial times these days, and your talking to them about this might be a huge relief for them! Maybe they need to scale back too, but are scared and embarrassed to do so.

The coupons ides is a great one - you could do really nice ones on your computer.:)

HUGS!

[jenluckenbach]

I scaled back gift giving YEARS ago!! But there are always those people who give to me anyway. While yes, I feel sad that I could not reciprocate, I understand that it is just who they are an it is THEIR choice.

My sister and oldest neice bake....and thank goodness for them or I would have no home baked things to eat. :p

My oldest brother hosts Christmas even dinner, but still insist on buying everyone something. (thankfully, it is never lavish) But still, I always feel so small showing up with nothing. :( So last year I searched the dollar stores and came up with a group of 3 things for each person. With careful selection, the gift did not look tacky. and I felt better being able to have something to give.

The only people I actual buy for are my 2 youngest neices (6 and 4 years old) and my dad, and I never put a limit (high or low) on what I spend, I just do what I can and each time is different.


For the 6 yo, I shop at thrift stores and can buy an entire shopping bag worth of clothes for the price of one "store-bought" outfit and her mom could not be happier. And for the 4 yo, well, she gets SOOOOOOOO much stuff, she never realizes that she only got one thing from me, and besides, my gift to her is my time. (she calls me her best friend) :D

I guess the bottom line is: Feel free to let people know you NEED to limit giving and then try not to feel guilty about it.

[Medusa]

When I was married, I had to start shopping for Xmas gifts early. My husband's family was large, mine wasn't, but I also had to shop for his employees (aside from their financial bonuses) and business associates plus our friends. So I became stressed out early. Don't let all this gift giving stress you out because you can't give the way you used to. That's such a killjoy.

I'd go w/the gift exchange idea. Draw names out of a bowl; it makes it so much easier on everyone, you won't know who drew your name so that makes it more exciting. When I was growing up, the family grew so much that there was no way we could keep up w/all the grandkids, nieces and nephews, so the gift exchange was the way to go. Plus we put a limit on how much to spend for the gift. If there are individuals that you feel you absolutely must give a gift to, then offer a service to them, such as pet sitting or cooking a meal for them, etc.

Above all, don't let guilt enter the picture. You have nothing to feel guilty about. That would definitely put a damper on things and is not in keeping w/the holiday spirit. :)

[Randi]

With such a large family, I think it's OK to say that you can't afford expensive presents.

My family and I have agreed to keep presents at a reasonable level. :)

When I spent Christmas in England with John's family, we also agreed to not overdo it. John's niece had made some chocolade truffles one year, which was a hit! Another year she made some other sweets. She made some very boxes for it too. Perhaps that's something you could try. I'll attach a picture of one box (we had already eaten one layer of the sweets), and paste the recipe of truffles here. :)


Ingredients:
100 g quality dark chocolade (or 50% milk)
50 g butter
2 egg yolks
6+ tablespoons icing sugar
flavouring (e.g. Grand Marnier, Tia Maria, Rum)
coatings (e.g. icing sugar, choc strands, cocoa powder)

Method:
Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of boiling water. Cream together the butter, icing sugar, egg yolks and flavouring (if used). Add the melted chocolate and beat until mixed and a fairly firm consistency, adding more icing sugar if necessary. Put in a dish and leave to cool and set - I put mine in a shallow dish in the fridge for a few hours or overnight. Once set, form into balls and roll them in the coatings. This is the messy and time-consuming part of the process.
Enjoy!

[Twisterdog]

Wow, that is a crazy amount of presents and money spent, IMO. No way I could afford to do that once, let alone every year.

I would absolutely say something. It's not tacky, it's honest.

How about baking a few big batches of cookies to give as gifts? And I like Richard's idea of coupons. Make one for something each person really needs or wants - could be an few hours of babysitting, a home-cooked meal, pet-sitting, house-cleaning.

All spring and summer, I go to yard sales, with the sole intent of buying gifts for Christmas. I almost always have my Christmas shopping done by fall. And, because I'm not in a rush, I always seem to be able to find the perfect gift. Example: I got my nephew a huge plush blanket with his favorite Nascar driver on it. It still had the new price tag on it - $69. No way I could have afforded to buy that for him new. But I paid $2.

And, for me, I honestly do not want or need anything else. I really dread getting stuff from people who don't know me well or don't spend the time to really think about what they are buying. I have a house full of stuff and if I really want something, I go buy it. There comes a point in our lives where we just don't want or need anything.

[Freedom]

I would not send anything around formally, but, I would make it a point to tell each sibling something along the lines of, "hey, this year is a pretty tough one for us financially, and we are not in a position to exchange gifts this year, I hope you can understand". And leave it at that. No need for details, excuses, etc. They are your FAMILY. If they can't understand, frankly...they don't deserve a gift anyhow..he he he

I agree with this. It is not tacky, you are just setting some limits. You are entitled to set limits for yourself.

If someone -- or even EVERYONE -- decides to get you something, just be gracious and thank them. And ENJOY! Don't feel guilty, you said something in advance.