Would You Stay In The Relationship ?

[lizbud]

I guess this is a personal choice thing, but speaking for myself, no way
could I ever fogive & forget. I just think when trust goes out the window,
it's pretty much over.:(

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=5556236&page=1

[Medusa]

Now I wouldn't, no. But I've tolerated way more than I ever should have from men and stayed way longer than I should have, too. Elizabeth Edwards has her kids to think about. She's in remission w/a terminal illness and her husband could possibly go to prison on other charges stemming from his infidelity. I'm sure she fears that her kids could be w/out both parents so she probably wants to give them as "normal" a life as possible for as long as she can. What a lousy position to be in. I've heard that marriages can become stronger after infidelity but that wouldn't be the case w/me.

[lizbud]

Now I wouldn't, no. But I've tolerated way more than I ever should have from men and stayed way longer than I should have, too. Elizabeth Edwards has her kids to think about. She's in remission w/a terminal illness and her husband could possibly go to prison on other charges stemming from his infidelity. I'm sure she fears that her kids could be w/out both parents so she probably wants to give them as "normal" a life as possible for as long as she can. What a lousy position to be in. I've heard that marriages can become stronger after infidelity but that wouldn't be the case w/me.


I edited the title to use" relationship", rather than limit the question to marriages only. Some people have very long relationships & feel strong
comitments without formal marriages.

It is different for Elizabeth Edwards by being in the public eye & also
having younger children to think about too. I'm just glad she didn't do
the usual "stand byside him" thing as he apologized in the media.:rolleyes:

[jennielynn1970]

I guess when something like that happens, it makes me wonder what else I don't know (or the other person, like John Edwards' wife).

Once trust is lost, it's lost. No matter how much you forgive, you don't forget. It's there. It will be there.

I know I tried to see past infidelity before in my own relationships. The last one, the guy told me he was going to visit his grandpa, and actually went to visit another girl for a week. I found out because he borrowed my cell phone, and the calls showed up on my bill. He tried to explain things away, how he didn't feel that we were actually a couple at that point, blah, blah, blah. The fact that he went to see her the day after my birthday, had me drive him to the bus stop... it just was too much for me to forgive or forget really.

I tried. It just didn't work. And he continued to lie about things. Once a liar, always a liar.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. :(

[Pam]

Elizabeth Edwards has her kids to think about. She's in remission w/a terminal illness and her husband could possibly go to prison on other charges stemming from his infidelity. I'm sure she fears that her kids could be w/out both parents so she probably wants to give them as "normal" a life as possible for as long as she can.

I agree with that.

As for Mr. Pretty Boy Edwards.... how in the world did he think this would remain a secret, especially since he at one point was running for President? Didn't he realize that his life would be placed under a microscope during the process? I can only imagine the situation, should he have been the nominee and then this came out. It would have been like handing over the election to McCain on a silver platter.

[Catty1]

I don't think there is a black and white answer.

There ARE relationships and marriages that have survived infidelity - but the erring spouse HAS to commit to change, there has to be counselling for both. And the ES has to earn trust back, little by little by little, for a long time.

For some reason, I thought about Jimmy Carter just now...and sort of half-smiled in my mind, recalling his admission about 'committing adultery in his heart' many times.

I'm in Canada - but seems to me Mr Carter aged 10 years in his first 3 as President. I guess a fairly decent man suffers a lot more stress at the top...

[sparks19]

I"m not sure I could stay....

for crying out loud she was battling CANCER. the time when she needed the people she loved the MOST and he decided to fool around and POSSIBLY father another child? I understand that an illness such as cancer can be very trying for the spouse but honestly I don't think I could help but think "Does he really care that little for me that he would deceive me during my weakest moments?"

If things got bad for her again would he be searching for another woman to be with?

People that cheat (man or woman) in my eyes are SCUM. If you want to sleep around BE HONEST and tell your spouse you want out. Easier said than done? Well how easy is it when your spouse finds out you are a whore?

[Medusa]

[QUOTE=Pam;2048039]

As for Mr. Pretty Boy Edwards.... how in the world did he think this would remain a secret, especially since he at one point was running for President? QUOTE]

Arrogance and narcissism, that's how.

[Medusa]

[QUOTE=jenn_librarian;2047973]Once a liar, always a liar.[QUOTE]

I must respectfully disagree w/this statement. Some people actually do learn from their screwups. Note that I didn't say "mistakes". When I heard Edwards say he made a mistake, it irritated me. (How did you get in my bed?!!! I've made an awful mistake! You are not my wife!) Puh-leeze. A mistake is putting on mismatched socks or earrings or taking the wrong exit off the expressway. Adultery is more than a mistake and Edwards became even smarmier when he wouldn't man up and admit his wrongdoing.

[Medusa]

People that cheat (man or woman) in my eyes are SCUM. If you want to sleep around BE HONEST and tell your spouse you want out. Easier said than done? Well how easy is it when your spouse finds out you are a whore?

IMO, people who cheat are human. I think what made this situation so deplorable is that he cheated during his wife's terminal illness, making it all about him. If you can't be there and be faithful when your significant other is terminally ill, well, it speaks volumes about your character. He's flawed, to be sure, and fortunately, he won't be our president but I think it's safe to say that situations like this occur every day and families deal w/it and move on. Mrs. Edwards knew about this long before the public did and I'm sure she had to do an energy assessment and decide just how much energy she could devote to her husband's philandering. She needed all the energy she could muster in order to survive her health ordeal.

[lizbud]

I"m not sure I could stay....

for crying out loud she was battling CANCER. the time when she needed the people she loved the MOST and he decided to fool around and POSSIBLY father another child? I understand that an illness such as cancer can be very trying for the spouse but honestly I don't think I could help but think "Does he really care that little for me that he would deceive me during my weakest moments?"




I agree. I think illness or stress could work to make a relationship even
stronger, rather than weaker.

I happened upon another article that talked about just the opposite. I
didn't know that John McCain did the same thing & even divorced his
wife after she had been crippled by a car accident. Pretty sad way to
treat someone you vowed to cherish in sickness & in health.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5559242&page=1

[Pam]

I agree. I think illness or stress could work to make a relationship even
stronger, rather than weaker.

I happened upon another article that talked about just the opposite. I
didn't know that John McCain did the same thing & even divorced his
wife after she had been crippled by a car accident. Pretty sad way to
treat someone you vowed to cherish in sickness & in health.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=5559242&page=1

I agree with you Liz about illness usually making a relationship stronger rather than weaker. My mom was the best caretaker to my dad after his stroke that you could ever imagine but of course their marriage was rock solid before that.

While we don't know the condition of the Edwards' marriage, my brother, whose marriage was not the best, became a total rock for my sister-in-law when she became ill with cancer. He said he could not imagine being anything else. He was by her side for five extremely difficult years until she finally passed. *For better or for worse* means more to some people than others.

I am scratching my head to understand why John Edwards even thinks stating that she was in remission at the time has any meaning. Her cancer is terminal, non-curable - remissions are temporary - enough said. I remember in an earlier thread I even posted that I thought it was wrong for him to even consider running for President since she would need him more than ever.

[shepgirl]

I don't think I can judge one way or another . I also canot say with certainty what I would do if faced with the same problem.It's one thing to think about and try to put yourself in that position, but quite another to really live it...just can't say for sure, too much depends on that one final decision.

[lizbud]

As for Mr. Pretty Boy Edwards.... how in the world did he think this would remain a secret, especially since he at one point was running for President? Didn't he realize that his life would be placed under a microscope during the process? I can only imagine the situation, should he have been the nominee and then this came out. It would have been like handing over the election to McCain on a silver platter.


I've read some comments that ask "what the heck was she thinking" as well.:confused:

If this all happened in 2006, then she knew all about this. Why would she put
herself in the position of being" shamed" in public while supporting Edwards
for President. She's a smart woman & had to know this would all come out
in public one day. Elizabeth has my deepest sympathy & I wish her well,
but why did she do that?

[Pam]

If this all happened in 2006, then she knew all about this. Why would she put
herself in the position of being" shamed" in public while supporting Edwards
for President. She's a smart woman & had to know this would all come out
in public one day. Elizabeth has my deepest sympathy & I wish her well,
but why did she do that?

Liz I don't think we can try to second guess what went on. Perhaps she did tell Pretty Boy John that he was leaving himself wide open for "discovery" should he pursue the presidency and he just simply ignored her out of his own quest for power. I also don't think she was shamed - not any more than Hillary was. A woman unfortunate enough to wind up with either of these cads gets only my pity, not shame.

[lizbud]

Pam, I agree, bad choice of words on my part. I should have used humiliated
or mortified. I no way think Elizabeth has a anything to be ashamed about.

[Cataholic]

I don't think I can judge one way or another . I also canot say with certainty what I would do if faced with the same problem.It's one thing to think about and try to put yourself in that position, but quite another to really live it...just can't say for sure, too much depends on that one final decision.


Shepgirl, I really agree with your sentiments. Living a life is alot different from judging a life.

As for her being 'shamed'...what did she do to be ashamed of?

[sparks19]

No SHE shouldn't be ashamed. HE should be.

I think the thing that got me the most was in one article I read that he possibly fathered a child with this woman and when asked about he said something along the lines of "That child is not mine. One of my co workers fathered that child"

So you were sleeping around with the town bicycle? Even WORSE.

[Alysser]

No, I would not stay no matter what. (talking hypothetically) If I married someone I would be making vows to stay with them for the rest of my life, I gave them MY TRUST and PROMISES. It's not something to take lightly, and obviously putting your trust in this person was a mistake. If I stayed with someone who cheated I think all I'd be able to imagine is them with someone else and I'd be upset alot of the time. Maybe b-e friends, but a divorce/break-up would PROBABLY be the result.

[Scooter's Mom]

Sometimes life is more complex than an easy "Yes I would stay" or "yes I would leave" answer. Sometimes, things happen in life where a person totally loses themself, and in the process of finding themself, mistakes are made. When a series of events can turn your entire life upside down and you don't know if you can wake up the next day and breathe... sometimes mistakes happen. I say that if you want to stay and make it work, do it. Don't let anyone tell you it can't be done or shouldn't be done.

Even though I've been divorced, which was not really by my choice, I do not believe in divorce unless it's for abuse or other similar reasons. I think there will always be a way to work this type of situation out.

So, I suppose my answer is, "I would stay."

[Edwina's Secretary]

I cannot say how I would react. I hope I never have to find out.

But I do not judge either of them in this situation -- I just cannot as I do not know what has gone on between them. It seems such a private matter. My heart breaks for those involved.

Plus I read somewhere once -- "judge not lest you be judged".

[Scooter's Mom]

I cannot say how I would react. I hope I never have to find out.

But I do not judge either of them in this situation -- I just cannot as I do not know what has gone on between them. It seems such a private matter. My heart breaks for those involved.

Plus I read somewhere once -- "judge not lest you be judged".

I have firsthand knowledge of this type of situation. My theory then and my theory now is...

There was a reason you fell in love to begin with. With a little bit (or a lot) of work, you can find that reason again. It is altogether too easy to find those reasons with someone else - because it is easier than trying to fix a marriage (or a relationship) that is broken. Although both parties have to be amenable to fixing what is broken... one person can't do all the work.

That's just my theory. It doesn't apply to everyone. I just hold myself to that standard. When I married the 2nd time it was for life. Flaws and all. And there have been some doozy's.