Can Anyone Help Me? Im so sad

[xxangelxx]

Hi all, Im new to the forum so if i do anything wrong please let me know.
Im having a problem, I have a 4 yr old female Maine coon cat whom i have had since 3 months old. I recently got a 6 yr old Male Himalayan from an elderly lady whom was sent to live in a hospice. We have had the new cat for about 2 months now. He is sweet and adjusted well. However my old cat, Has retreated in the bedroom and mainly under the bed now from the very first day I brought the new cat home. I thought she would come out when she had to go potty or eat. but she didnt for the first 2 weeks, as a matter of fact she peed in the bed and layed in it. So i decided to take up her litter box to the bedroom, She has been using it. But she didnt eat, so i put water and food in the bedroom as well. and shes utilizing that as well. However when the new cat comes up she just hisses and growls. everyday its like that, the new cat just looks at her as if to say are you ever gonna get over it? lol Anyway the new cat does nothing but sits and watches her and then he gets bored and walks away. I believe he wants to be friends. Now my husband is getting mad, He moved her litter box into the upstairs bathroom which is right next to the room she has been retreating in, and moved her food in the hallway near the bedroom. Now for the past week she is under the bed and wont come out at all. When we go to bed she comes up to us, we pet her, but she is constantly looking for the other cat to come. He stays downstairs most of the time. Im just so sick over all of this and so heartbroken, I love my baby girl i want her back. Does anyone know what to do or has had a similar situation? She looks so sad all the time and shes not bathing herself or anything. I must say one more thing, She was very skiddish before the new cat arrived. She never ever met company. She hid till they left, and she even jumped at the sound of anything. Nothing has ever happened to her.its just the way shes always been..A tried and true "scaredy cat" any suggestions would help. OH and when me or my husband tries to get her out from under the bed she hisses and growls at us too and shes never ever done that before. Please help I miss my Gabbie girl

[krazyaboutkatz]

Welcome to PT.:) I'm so sorry to hear this.:( It sounds like Gabbie feels like the new cat is a threat to her. I would try using some Feliway/Comfort Zone plugins to see if this will help calm her down. You can buy them through your vet, online, or at most pet stores. You can also buy the spray so that you can use it in certain areas.
I don't think that moving her food, water, and litterbox to another area is a good idea at this time. I would leave it all in your bedroom until she's much calmer. You just have to let Gabbie take the time that she needs to get used to the other cat and feel more secure in her home. You may also want to contact an animal behaviorist for better information. I've never had this problem but my cat Ziggy is also a scaredy cat with strangers and she'll hide and won't let any one except my roommate and I see her. Good luck.:)

[jenluckenbach]

I am so sorry that your cat is being so stubborn. :(
I agree 100%, her food, water and litter should remain in the bedroom which she has taken refuge in. Some cats just need more time than others.
Since the new cat doesn't sound like a threat to her, I am hopeful that she will get used to him in time. the Feliway might help. And you might even wish to talk to your vet about medication to reduce her stress. Maybe there is even something natural that would help. Possibly some rescue remedy in her water?
Good luck! And thank you for not giving up, both cats need you. :)

[Medusa]

Welcome to PT! You came to the right place for help and encouragement. :) Years ago, I had that problem w/my now 18 1/2 year old Maine Coone mix, Pigeon, except that, besides her shyness, my now RB Peeka stalked her and beat up on her every chance she got. So poor Pidge retreated to underneath my bed and stayed there for what seemed an eternity. It wasn't until I brought in another cat w/special needs that, for some reason, Peeka decided not to bother Pigeon any more. However, Pidge still stayed underneath the bed until she was darned good and ready to come out. I know you miss your girl and her companionship but until she decides that it's safe on all accounts for her to come out, you're probably going to make things worse if you try to force the issue. Move her food, water and litter box back where she liked it and just leave her to her own devices. The Feliway plugins may help somewhat, too. If not, there are medications that your vet can prescribe, if only temporarily, to help her to chill out a little. I'm glad to see that you're not giving up on either kitty. These things take time and she'll come around, especially if you employ some of the suggestions. Good luck and please keep us posted. :)

[GILL]

Welcome, I agree with Jen and Krazy. We have a room that we cane isolate new kids in. There is a 1-inch gap under the door. Paws and noses can go under, so every one gets too know the new smell with no intimidation. Some times it takes a long time for things too even out. Our female Main Coon would hiss and growl at anything that moved. After 5 months she is starting to learn it does no good and may even get her wet. It may take awhile but it sounds like there are no threats. I would keep the litter box, food, and water in her safe room. Too many changes just make things harder. Personally I DO NOT believe in using drugs if at all possible. I think that the best way is still patience and time.
Please let us know how things are going

[mruffruff]

Welcome!

I have to agree with the others. Keep her food and litter box in the room where she feels safe. It can take a long time for some cats to accept another cat or person.

I would also encourage you to e-mail her picture to Nancy Efrusy, a pet psychic. She can give you some idea of what Gabbie is feeling. When you know her side, you'll know how best to proceed. And Gabbie will know that you want her back.

E-mail Nancy at [email protected].

[mrscat]

i am so sorry you are having this problem and that your girl is so upset. i would not give up. the 2 cats i have at the moment took over a year to accept each other. i dont know if you have heard of the bach flower remedies but my cats respond well to them. they can be bought in any health food shop or organic supermarket and even some vets stock them now too. there are ones for jealousy, fear, tolerance of other cats, and for your girl maybe look at resentment too. if you keep reassuring her of your love and of her place in her home im sure things will work out ok. you also need to try and not get too stressed over the situation. some rescue remedy for both of you might be a good idea. all the best. keep us informed of things. much love, eva

[moosmom]

You've got some great advice here. Follow it and I can assure you all will be well. Thank you for taking in that poor kitty and welcome to Pet Talk!!

[xxangelxx]

hi its me again..the one with the maine coon and himalayan, Anyway its been about 5 months now and my old cat IS STILL UPSTAIRS IN THE BEDROOM!! she hasnt come down once in that time. Please help, ive tried everything, from starting over to feliway to home remedies. She is getting so skinny. And the other cat want to be with us, but she wont dare let him in the room. I took the new cat upstairs and just plopped him on the bed, She didnt know he was there and she jumped up on the bed and had a fit when she seen him, Screaming (awful sound) and growling. He just looks at her and slowly walks away and meows like hes sad that she wont accept him. I hate having an upstairs and a downstairs cat. And we are downstairs till we go up to sleep then she wants attention and im ready to sleep. Will it always be this way? Please anything will help. And yes weve tried bringing her down, and she practically mauls us when we try. Shes not bathing and seems depressed. I am at my wits end here. I feel like if they dont get along to get rid of them both. And we have become attached to the new one. Usually its the new one that hides and makes it bad. When ever we say the new cats name to her she growls, she even knows his name. Comical somewhat..lol...please any other suggestions, I have seriously tried them all. Thanks for any help....Angel

[Emeraldgreen]

Sometimes certain cats just won't get along. I have some of those and while they get along with some, they detest the others so they have to be in different groups. It may be that way for your cats. I'm guessing that your Maine Coon is lonely and feeling a bit replaced. I don't know if this is feasable for you but maybe you could adopt a kitten for a companion to your Maine Coon. I only suggest a kitten because they are generally accepted by cats (but of course, not always). Or maybe there is a cat in a shelter that you feel would be a perfect match for your Maine Coon. This way, the Himalayen can keep the downstairs, the Maine Coon can have the upstairs and have someone to keep her company.
The other thing you could do is set up the room that your Maine Coon is in to be a bit more like the downstairs. If she used to hang out in the livingroom or family room where there is a tv (before the Himalayen arrived), you could put a tv in the room she is in now. I have two rooms that the cats sleep in each night and spend part of the day in and I have a tv in there. I think the background sound of tv is something they are very familiar with and it's nice for them to have that when they can't be with their people. :) If your bedroom is very quiet and no one is in it until bedtime, your Maine Coon is probably very bored and feeling very alone.

The only other thing I would suggest is to find a way to get your cats to play together. There are all kinds of things out there like collapsable tunnels and ropes with things that they might get so interested in that they forget that they hate each other. :)

[Medusa]

I know that we don't like to medicate our cats unless we absolutely have to but it may be time to look into some kitty Prozac. I hear it works remarkably well and fast, too. This would help your kitty to calm down while around other cats and it might help w/any other issues as well. If she isn't grooming herself, there could be something else going on. I'd have her checked out at the vet's, if I were you. Also, if she's up there all day, then it's important that she have some stimulation. I know that you say you stay downstairs all day until bed time but she needs interaction. Play w/her several times a day. There's a toy called a Cat Dancer that cats just love and it would give her some exercise, too. And what kitty doesn't like catnip toys? It'll make her romp around a bit. Good luck w/this and please keep us posted. Five months under the bed is too long.

[xxangelxx]

thanks for all the stories and advice, I do have a TV in the bedroom that i keep on for her all day (tuned to animal planet of course). She doesnt stay under the bed the entire time, She lays next to it sometimes and on the bed as well.These 2 cats have never even the had the opportunity to smell each other as most cats do, The older cat wont let the other one get close enough. I can tell the other cat wants to be friendly with the older one. His disposition is tremendous.Is it possible my first cat might die from this. Someone told me some cats just give up. oh how i hope this isnt the case. Yes my mom suggested meds for my cat too. My husband thinks i should bar the one upstairs from going upstairs. (block it off) that way she would have to get used to it. But i just said she would just hide all the time. The other cat shows no aggression whatsoever, so im not sure why she is so skiddish this way. im so puzzled as all of my other friends have brought strays into their homes with numerous cats and all got along just fine. Thanks again for everything and will keep you all posted. ..Angel

[Emeraldgreen]

I just finished watching a really interesting show this afternoon about cats on Animal Planet. They showed how an experiment was done with a bunch of cats. They didn't know each other and were put into a room together. They were all very stressed and some were being aggressive and others were just trying to find a place to hide. They repeated the experiment except the next time they played soothing music prior to the meeting and during the meeting. They were amazed by the results and showed that the cats were not aggressive this time around and some were even engaging in grooming each other.
Maybe you could begin to put the two cats in a neutral room. Not the upstairs bedroom and not the place the new cat hangs out downstairs but a different room that isn't special to either one of them. You could try the music thing. At some point, they should meet and it might take a few visitations before they accept each other. Worth a try.
I also think Mary had a very good point about getting your cat to the vet as there may be something else going on if she is no longer grooming herself. And, as she also mentioned, there are some meds out there like Clomicalm that might be able to help your Maine Coon get along with the new cat.
And, as mentioned by others, visiting with your Maine Coon and reminding her that she is important and loved will hopefully help her to feel less 'snubbed'. Maybe you could make a point of spoiling her rotten for a few weeks and see if it helps turn her around. Toys, treats and rubbies with lots of quality time.
Please keep us updated and let us know if the situation improves. :)

[xxangelxx]

Hi again..its been a while i know...the situation still hasnt changed, its December 1st and gabbie still is upstairs..Its been since June. i just dont get it. My original cat is so afraid of the new one. The new one cries to come in to the bedroom and the original one just hisses and growls and chases him out. Then when we are all downstairs.. the one upstairs sits at the top of the steps and meows her head off. Then i go up and comfort her. Ive tried everything. I guess we just have an upstairs and downstairs cat. Its been 6 months and i dont think it will ever change. I just feel so bad. I dont want to give any of them up. One time the new cat came up and got on the bed. the old one didnt know he was on the bed and she jumped on the bed and i had to hold her. they layed at each end. But the old one growled the whole time. And she wasnt even looking at him...its just what she does the whole time hes upstairs. Well that is my update...so sorry no good news. Its just so heartbreaking for both. We love them both ...

[catwhispers]

If someone else mentioned this, my apologies, but there is an over-the-counter liquid that you can put in the cat's water. It's natural and it has calming capabilities and might help. You can find it at a pet supply store like Petsmart. I don't remember the name of it, but people working there should be able to help. I foster cats and the rescue group gave me a bottle to use when I had a very terrified feral for a while. It's not like drugs you'd get at a vet, but it helps a little. Sort of the equivalent of camomile tea for us non-cats.

This link gives some advice on how to bring a new cat into a household. Even though it's been some time, you might find some ideas there.

http://www.wikihow.com/Bring-a-Second-Cat-Into-the-Family-and-Not-Make-Your-Old-Cat-Upset

One thing you might try which is somewhat addressed in the article is to contain the new cat in a room downstairs with its own litterbox, food, etc, just making sure you spend quality time with it a few times a day, but not letting it out in the house at all right now. Keep your bedroom door open and hopefully eventually your cat will see it again has domain of the house and will start to go outside the bedroom and feel safer. If you think about it, her whole space was invaded and she lost her home, in some respect, because she no longer feels it is safe. So give it back to her again, that might at least bring her out a bit.

If the other cat is upset by this, stay strong. It will all work out.

Once your older cat begins to feel safer about exploring the home again, you can start using the techniques described to see if you can get them used to each other.

One thing that wasn't addressed in the article... once they are beginning to get used to each other you can get two crates or large cat boxes, keep them in each on a bit apart but facing each other and let them get used to being in the same room but still feeling safe.

Hope some of this might help.