i need to get this out

[Queen of Poop]

I need to share this with someone. I don't know what to do now. My husband beat me up here in California on vacation. I am bruised and battered. I cannot move well my back is very sore from where he threw me into a piece of furniture. I wanted to fly home today but that didn't work out and if not be able to sit that long. I just want to be somewhere else. Pause to cry.

[Emeraldgreen]

The way you are being treated is NOT acceptable. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I was going to ask if this is the first time or an ongoing thing and then I realized that either answer should have the same response, you need to protect yourself. I pray that you are able to get some help so you can either get your husband into anger management counselling or some help to get you out of that enviroment.
I know you said you are on vacation. Perhaps this is the best time to get back home while he isn't there so you can pack up and leave. Do you have somewhere safe to go where you live? I'm sure you don't have alot of time to use the computer with him around right now and if you'd like help looking online for safe houses etc.. in the area you live in, please let me know. Maybe there is a place that accepts animals too.

[Grace]

The way you are being treated is NOT acceptable. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I was going to ask if this is the first time or an ongoing thing and then I realized that either answer should have the same response, you need to protect yourself. I pray that you are able to get some help so you can either get your husband into anger management counselling or some help to get you out of that enviroment.
I know you said you are on vacation. Perhaps this is the best time to get back home while he isn't there so you can pack up and leave. Do you have somewhere safe to go where you live? I'm sure you don't have alot of time to use the computer with him around right now and if you'd like help looking online for safe houses etc.. in the area you live in, please let me know. Maybe there is a place that accepts animals too.


I agree with Emeraldgreen. Also, have you reported this to the police? Is there anyone at home, in Calgary, who can help once you get back there?

[Emeraldgreen]

Here are some links of some places that you could possibly get into if you decided to go that route. Also, if you weren't ready, they could put you in touch with counselors. Please get help, it's out there for you. I'm praying for your safety.

Women Net- a page full of links re: shelters in Alberta (http://www.womennet.ca/directory.php?browse&210)

YWCA Calgary (http://www.ywcaofcalgary.com/ywca/the_issues/domestic_violence_prevention/families_in_shelters.html)


Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter (http://www.calgarywomensshelter.com/html/utility/contact.html)

[Catty1]

ETA: I strongly suggest you press charges while he is in the USA. That will buy you some time to get out and home.

If he has been hassling you at where you live, have charges been pressed in Canada? If you have filed a restraining order, and he is breaking it, that can result in stronger penalties.

HE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED AND PUNISHED. CALL THE COPS, HON. NOW


GAYLE - OMG, after all he did before he left...hon, did you get back together with him?

Dial 0 for the operator and tell her to connect you with the nearest help. If they have 911, do that too! Let them get help to you!

What part of CA are you in? There are PTrs there.

I'll PM them now!

[Freedom]

Report it and press charges here. Then go home and move to a safe house.
Is there anyone with you to help?
Is there anyone at home who will help?

You NEED to do this.

[ramanth]

Go to the nearest police station and tell them. Or go down to the front desk of the hotel, tell them, and have them call the police. Get his ass arrested.

*HUGS* No woman should have to deal with that. Ever.

[moosmom]

NO ONE has the right to put their hands on you. Get yourself to the police station and have him arrested. They will see for themselves what he did to you. Then, get yourself to a shelter. One that may be pet friendly. Please, keep us posted. We worry about you.

[Catty1]

Gayle - you know I live near you, when you get back to Canada. And a good friend of mine lives downtown, and knows all the resources as well.

HUGS - and I hope you have contacted the front desk, the police.

Please post when you can.

[Karen]

I have nothing to add to what was said above, but wanted you to know you will be in our prayers, both to get away from that situation, and to get help for physical and emotional healing.

[shais_mom]

I hope you can get the help you need.
stay safe.

[Taz_Zoee]

I am so sorry this happened (or is happening) to you. I believe you are in Southern California, while I am in Northern (Bay Area).
My only suggestion to you is to get the heck out and go to the police, or just call 911. Please don't wait for it to happen again. Something needs to be done NOW so he can't hurt you anymore.
The police may be able to find somewhere for you to stay until you can get back home, or they will remove him from your room. Once you are home Emeraldgreen's resources and Catty1's friend can help you from there.
Please do something, or this will not stop. We are all here for you.

[karlyb]

Abusers seldom stop this behavior on their own. Please go to a safe shelter or get him out of the house. I know it is hard to go to a shelter and ask for help, but your life is on the line. Don't let him hurt you again. I am concerned for you.

[Alysser]

I am so sorry this happened to you. :( PLEASE listen to everyone and get yourself out of there. You don't deserve this. GET OUT while you still can. Good luck!

[Daisy and Delilah]

OMG!! You have to call the police!! I wasn't aware that you two had gotten back together. If he's arrested in California, you can possibly get home and have enough peace and time to make a permanent move away from him. Please call the authorities before he does it again. You may not be so lucky the next time. What a jerk he is!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[popcornbird]

This post makes me incredibly sad. :( I do not remember if there have been posts on this situation before or not, but...wow. Marriage is a relationship that is based on LOVE, MERCY...you husband is supposed to be your COMFORT, not your BEATER!!! Seriously. Please don't remain married to a man who is so abusive towards you. :( If he has hurt you to the point of bruising and injuring you, its time to say goodbye. No one has the right to hurt anyone like that, ESPECIALLY not a husband to his wife. :( Like I said, Marriage is love, mercy, comfort, and if your marriage is abuse, it is not marriage at all. You'll be better off without someone who beats you like that.

[cassiesmom]

Are you in a hotel? Can you go to the hospital and have them document the bruises so you will have it recorded after they have healed. And I will pray. It's 8:20 in Chicago, 6:20, supper time in Calif.

[jennielynn1970]

Where are you now?? Were you able to get to a safe place away from him? Have you called the cops or alerted the front desk to the fact that he needs to be arrested? Please let us know you are ok as soon as you can.

Gosh, I wish I lived closer to you, not half a country apart. I'd do my darnedest to get you somewhere safe away from him.

Is there anyone from PT living anywhere near where she is at?!

[Lilith Cherry]

Oh poor Gail! Please get yourself to safety away from this sad excuse for a man! No-one should have to live with abuse like that! PLease let us know you are safe away from him. Call the police, document the damage he has caused to you but first you should get yourself to somewhere safe honey!

[Catty1]

Has anyone heard from Gayle? If she is still in CA or home in Calgary? :(

[Emeraldgreen]

I looked through some of her previous posts with regard to this trip and it said that there was going to be 3 days of hockey games, the last two on Sunday. I would imagine that they are headed back today or last night?

[joycenalex]

gayle, we are praying for and thinking of you with love. may the angels of light and protection surround you, amen, blessed be. post when you are safe

[pitc9]

{{hugs}} and prayers sent to you.

Has anyone been in touch with her???

[jackie]

I hope you are ok and have sorted things out.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

OMG, Gayle! :mad: :mad: :( You DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. I will be praying for you daily, several times a day. Please check in... we are very concerned for you, and your safety.

[carole]

Oh my gosh i was shocked reading this post, you poor woman, please get some medical attention for yourself as well, i do indeed think he needs to be reported and you need to kick him to the kerb,you DONOT deserve to be treated this way, you are a wonderful human being,and he needs to be made accountable for his actions.

Don't hesitate, get some help,get him arrested and a restraining order against him,Do get him out of your life dear once and for all. HUGS and we are all very concerned about your well being,i hope you are able to stop by and let us know that you are ok, we are all thinking of you.

[critter crazy]

Oh My!! I am so sorry you are going through this!! No woman deserves to be treated this way, please get some help, and press charges! Prayers for you are on the way!

[lizbud]

Did anyone notice this post from earlier the same morning? Maybe she
was in trouble then. :(

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=139359

[lvpets2002]

I have nothing to add to what was said above, but wanted you to know you will be in our prayers, both to get away from that situation, and to get help for physical and emotional healing.

:( I totally agree.. Come to Texas & you can stay with me & my babies anytime.. Bigg Huggss & Prayers Being Sent..

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Did anyone notice this post from earlier the same morning? Maybe she
was in trouble then. :(

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=139359

Yeah I saw that and the brilliant response - all the numbers she would have needed (nice one Wolf Q) lets hope she used them and will check in with us soon

[Catty1]

She is online now - I just PM'd her.

She did post after getting the WestJet numbers that she couldn't get a flight - and would be too sore to sit for that long. She has my phone # and email if there is anything I can do.

[Catty1]

http://www.slsedmonton.com/docs/DomesticAbuse.pdf

Domestic abuse is against the law. Any person who abuses you is committing a crime even if that person is your spouse, partner or someone else that you are close to. The police can get involved when someone commits–or is threatening to commit–a crime. The following are chargeable offences under the Criminal Code:

Assault: intentionally applying force to another without that person's consent, or threatening to do so when it is believed that Domestic abuse is against the law. Any person who abuses you is committing a crime even if that person is your spouse, partner or someone else that you are close to.

Sexual Assault: unwanted sexual contact.

Criminal Harassment (stalking): harassment that causes someone to fear for their, or another person's, safety.

Uttering Threats: threatening to cause death or bodily harm, or to damage or destroy property. This also includes threatening injury to your pet.

Forcible Confinement: confining, forcibly seizing or imprisoning someone. This includes forcing someone to stay in bed or a chair for long periods of time. If any of the above apply to your relationship, you should get the police involved as soon as possible to make sure that you are protected.

During an assault, or as soon as possible afterward, you should call the police. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 (or the emergency number for your area). If you can’t call right away, you can talk to the police when it is safer for you to do so.[/COLOR] When you talk to the police, you should give them as much information as possible. They need to know if:

a. Your life is in danger
b. You are injured
c. There are weapons involved
d. There are drugs/alcohol involved
e. There are children or others in the home
f. There is a history of violence
g. You have a restraining order or peace bond against your
abuser

If the police come to your home, they will need to figure out what has been happening and to make sure that everyone is safe. The police may have some questions for you and it is important that you give them complete, factual information so that they can work to protect you. The police will probably want to know the details of the violence and any injuries that you suffered. If you already have a peace bond or restraining order against the person who
assaulted you, you should show a copy of it to the police.

The police can decide to lay a criminal charge against your abuser if they have reasonable and probable grounds to believe that a crime took place. This just means that they must think that your abuser committed a crime against you. They may decide to arrest your abuser and take him/her into custody. Within 24 hours of the arrest, an arrested person has the right to a bail hearing. At the bail hearing, a judge or justice of the peace will decide if it is safe for the arrested person to be released until the court date.

If the arrested person is released, you can tell the police that you are afraid of your abuser and ask that conditions be placed on their release prohibiting that person from contacting you. The police have recently enacted guidelines for notifying victims of an accused's release. It is important that you know that the police or Crown Prosecutor only notify you when they believe you are at a high risk.

If the police decide not to arrest your abuser but do still charge him or her with assault, he or she will be given an Appearance Notice with information on it with required dates and times about reporting for fingerprints and the first court appearance. As many offenders are released with an Appearance Notice, victims should inform themselves as to the conditions of release. Victims can do so by contacting the police or the Crown Prosecutor's office. The victim should inform the police immediately of any breach of release conditions. If the police decide that there is not enough evidence to charge your abuser at all, you can ask that the decision be reviewed by the officer’s supervisor or you can lay a “private information” against him or her. SEE #1 JUST BELOW

1. Criminal Assault Charges
If the police have decided not to press charges against your abuser, you can press charges yourself. To do so, call the Provincial Court - Criminal Division Clerk’s Office and tell them that you want to "lay a private information" for assault. The Clerk's Office will set up an appointment for you to speak to a Justice of the Peace. During that meeting, you will get to tell your side of the story. If the Justice of the Peace allows you to proceed, he or she will forward your complaint to the Crown Prosecutor’s Office. The Prosecutor’s Office will then decide if there is enough evidence to go ahead with the charge and, if so, you will get a chance to tell your story in court.

2. Peace Bonds
A peace bond is a court order that requires someone to "keep the peace" and obey any other conditions that the court places on the order. It can take weeks or months to get a peace bond–but the bond can be granted for a maximum of 12 months.

3. Restraining Orders
A restraining order is a court order like a peace bond, but they are not exactly the same. A restraining order is issued from civil court, rather than criminal court like a peace bond, and you will need a lawyer to help you get a restraining order. A restraining order can be attached to another action like a divorce or a civil action for assault, or you can ask for a restraining order alone. A lawyer should be able to get you a restraining order within 48 hours of meeting with her. Many orders are granted without notice to the abuser of the hearing. However, the Respondent [abuser] must be served with a copy of the order.

[lvpets2002]

:( Has AnyOne Heard From Gayle this Morning?? Gosh I sure hope she is ok & safe.. I Am Just In Rage Of That Sorry Piece Of A Excuse Of A Man.. :mad: I sure hope Gayle can get the help she needs & get out of this mess.. I Know its Very Hard!! Why do you think I have been divorced for 11 1/2 years.. Ok enough said about me.. Well I hope Gayle will check in with us soon.. Be safe Gayle & we are all sending Lots of Love, Huggss, Prayers && above all an Open door in Tx..

[carole]

Hoping to hear something soon, i hope gayle is ok.

[*LabLoverKEB*]

Still praying for Gayle...

[Daisy and Delilah]

Please check in Gayle. I keep checking this thread to see if you've posted. I'm getting very worried. I can't get these abusive men off my mind that we currently know about on this board. It's just horrid!! :( No one should have to live like that. :( I hope you're safe and he's somewhere else. If I were in better health right now, I would be asking a few of you if you would like a Florida vacation, perhaps permanently. :( :mad:

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Queen of Poop]

Thanks all for your concern. I couldn't get access till now. He's promised no more drinking and has held to that the last couple of days. I am weighing my options now.

[Catty1]

Gayle - please give a call to Al-Anon. If this guy has a history of drinking, quitting on his own will be 'white-knuckle', and he will snap at some point and go on a bender if he is a real alcoholic.

One option - just a suggestion - is to go live on your own til he proves he is recovered and sober. If he can stay sober for a year, that is a good sign.

But - my question - why stay with someone who already has hurt you physically, and badly? I get a bad feeling because I don't think you posted that he was back...because you felt uneasy? Because we would get upset here on PT? There is a good reason we would get upset, hon. ;)

JMO - you are living with a time bomb.

You went thru hell with this guy before, and I hope staying there is NOT one option you are considering.

I hope you are weighing your options with the help of a counsellor, women's centre, or other.

hugs!

[CathyBogart]

*Hugs* Gayle, I hope everything works out for the best, whatever you decide to do. You've got lots of friends here if you need anything.

[Twisterdog]

I agree with Catty1.

Wishing you the best way out of this bad situation. It's hard to leave, but much worse to stay.

[emily_the_spoiled]

Gayle, I am not sure what you are thinking right now but I can tell you that before I moved to Washington I lived in Calgary for a number of years. During that time I did some work with the Calgary Women's shelter and it is a good organization. They can help you either by providing you with temporary shelter or referral to someone to talk with.

Please contact them. Here is their website

http://www.calgarywomensshelter.com/html/utility/contact.html

[pitc9]

Sending {{hugs}} and prayers to you Gayle!

[Sevaede]

**HUGS** your way, Gayle! :( I hope whatever you decide that it is the best possible choice for YOU! Do not compromise your health, happiness, or safety! :(

[Edwina's Secretary]

Gayle...I am sorry your visit ended so badly. I would not presume to give advice that has not been solicited to someone I do not know. I hope you find the best solution for you.

And I hope you will come back to SoCal someday and make much happier memories.

[carole]

Gayle i do not know all the circumstances or know you very well either, but from what you have posted now and before ,this is an ongoing thing, the abuse from your husband,honestly i don't think he is going to change, but i could be wrong, i hope so, i hope you can find the courage and strength to leave ,because no-one deserves to be treated this way,drink is often the excuse, and IMO it just does not wear with me, i too have lived with an alcoholic, he was not physically abusive,but mentally, i had a young child with him, and i have never regretted my decision to leave him,i am now with a man who is nothing like him,you too can have such a life without all this pain and suffering.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide,i really hate to see you going through all of this. HUGS.

[Catty1]

I am not posting them here, but have PMd them to Gayle, and to several others here who have said they have "been there".

Let's just say this started in December of 2005 - and advice certainly was solicited after that.

Prayers for Gayle.

[ramanth]

So many prayers for you Gayle.

[cyber-sibes]

Adding my prayers for you. You do not deserve to be beaten, thrown, or belittled. You are not his punching bag. I fully agree with Catty1, too - get yourself to Alanon. It's free, and it will help you in ways you cannot even fathom right now. I hope you consult with a lawyer, a psychologist, & a trusted spiritual guide too, to help you decide what to do next.

[Animalhouse26]

Wow, I am just catching this. I am soo Sorry ure going through this. I have too.. been through this.. It is NOT A good thing! I Left him,and Have not talked to him Since! IT was a BAD Situation.. and NO ONE that knew him.. EVER Would have thought of him doing that! So, I wouldn't take his Word for it. And It sounds like this isn't the first time! :( If you need anyone to talk to.. Feel Free to PM me. You are in my thoughts!

[robinh]

I, too have been there. He promised a lot of things afterwards. I know now that I didn't deserve what happened to me, but he convinced me it was all my fault.

I haven't spoken to him in years; nor will I if I have anything to say about it. It's like Animalhouse26 says - no one would ever have believe that he could do such a thing.

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. If you need to talk, PM me.

[loveallfurryfriends]

I just caught this post, I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I just want you to know that there IS better life out there for you. Leave-- he is probably not going to change, you do not have to live like this. No man ever has the right to beat you, drunk or not. Please know that I'm praying for you. I know that there are others here who have been through this, they can point you in the right direction. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[jennielynn1970]

Anyone hear of any current updates?? Things tend to escalate in these matters, not get better, unfortunately.

[pitc9]

I keep coming back to post but never know what to say, I don't feel right telling her things that I should be doing as well. :(

So for now Gayle... do I as I say and not as I do....

Sure.. it will get better... then it will go back to the same ****. Time after time after time. It is a loosing battle, but you don't have it fight it alone.

The first thing you need to do is LEAVE!

{{HUGS}}

[dukedogsmom]

I, too, was married to an ***. I didn't receive physical but there was lots of verbal abuse and he was very controlling. Duke and his poor dog received lots of physical violence. It made me sick. Made me feel like a coward because I couldn't protect them, like I allowed it. Please realise it's not your fault. I hope you can find the courage and strength to get out of this. There should be a shelter in your area that will allow you and your animals. Do you have any friends or family that can help? Please check in with us.

[loveallfurryfriends]

Just checking in. Just want Gayle to know that she is in my thoughts.

[micki76]

Gayle, I know we don't know each other, but you have to make this stop. Abusers RARELY stop the abuse, even if the addiction (in this case drinking) stops. Alcohol doesn't make him hurt you, he does that because there's something wrong inside him. The alcohol simply unleashes the monster within. And it's likely that he will become MORE abusive without it.

PLEASE get help before something horrible happens.

[jennielynn1970]

Has anyone heard from Gayle?? I'm hoping she's ok. I'm worried since she hasn't posted in days!

[Catty1]

I still have an unconfirmed PM receipt for a message I sent her about the time she first posted here.

I hope she is busy getting herself out of there...but lately when I hear the Calgary news and a body is discovered, I shudder. They've all been male, so far... :(

I have one remote possible connection I can try...Gayle has put up with this for a few years - I hope she gets out for good this time. :(

[Twisterdog]

Abusers RARELY stop the abuse, even if the addiction (in this case drinking) stops. Alcohol doesn't make him hurt you, he does that because there's something wrong inside him. The alcohol simply unleashes the monster within. And it's likely that he will become MORE abusive without it.


Excellent point. Very true.

[Catty1]

Gayle, PLEASE check in. We're worried!

[Laura's Babies]

They ALWAY make promises they will not keep. If this is a ongoing thing, you know he will not change and you have probably heard all his promises before and knows he will not keep any of them. Going back only invites the next time to happen and I think you have already seen it only gets worse, each beating worse than the one before. You can spend the rest of your life walking on egg shells waiting for the next beating to happen or get out and possiably save your life. If you stay, you know what your future will be.

[elizabethann]

OMG. I just saw this post. This is awful! I hope this woman is okay. I am sending you a hug and Fenway is giving you a kiss on the cheecks. Please take care of yourself. Be strong and be well.

[Catty1]

Gayle's ok! Please see these two posts:

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=139764 POST #21

http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?t=139826

[luckies4me]

Having been the victim of domestic violence several times (not for a couple of years thank god!) I will tell you that they do not stop. They need help! Not only can they hurt you, but others as well, and themselves. When I was 19 my boyfriend at the time tried to kill me. I got away with minor injuries (he held me in his bedroom tied to a bed for weeks) and was able to get him arrested. Even then I didn't press charges because I was so scared. He told me he would find me wherever I went, and sure enough a year or so later he showed up at my work, in another city! He has since tried to kill his brother and cousin.

My last domestic violence relationship was harder, because we remained friends even after what he did to me, as he had problems. All he needed was help, and no one gave it to him. He took his life about a month ago. I saw him the day before he commited suicide, in front of his mother.

Domestic Violence is no joke. Please please protect yourself. If this man loved you he would never hit you. Please find a safe place to go and leave him. I'm very worried about you. :(