Stress in our lives - a time to share

[sasvermont]

I am putting this in the Dog House because I don't know where else to put it. It is not pet related, for the most part....and I suspect it is too personal to find a better place for it.

This is a message about stress in our lives. I know most everyone has it. I have been stressed to the max in the last year and one half and have been hanging on by my fingernails (well, it feels like it anyway)....

I just want to acknowledge everyone out there, who is or has been stressed to the max. It is such a difficult time and seems endless. Each of us, will, hopefully find some help and get through these times. I sense that each one of us, stressed or not, has our work cut out for us.

I am hoping that this thread will serve as a place to share some of the stresses, not that we don't in other threads. I will list a few of mine, just to let you know that I can be open and frank and that I too need help from time to time. I am not perfect. :rolleyes:

1. My brother became very sick last Oct. and died in Nov. He was an important person in my life.
2. My 86 yr. old mother moved in with me last year, fell in June, broke her hip, went to a nursing home and then moved back in with me, but to a downstairs apartment, in September. I am now her caretaker.
3. Work is horrible, I work with insane people, for the most part. I need a new job. I have a history of working for insane people.
4. I broke my ankle in Jan. 07 - surgery....etc. while taking care of my mom and working. I still have issues with it.
5. Miley, my cat was put down in August.
6. Denver, my sick bunny died this month.
7. I turned 59 this month. I want to retire.
8. My sister stopped talking to me while at my brother's funeral because I asked her to show up sober. I admitted to her that I thought she had a serious drinking problem. She disowned me. Told me to consider her out of my life too, along with my brother. At this point I have no one but my mother who has dementia.
9. I have had major league depression and anxiety and have been doing the counseling thing.
10. I still want to retire. And of course, money is an issue.

So there, now you all know why I am cranky some times and vent at the wrong time.

I know we all have our history and issues. Mine are probably very minor compared to someone with the sick child or sick spouse.

Thanks for listening.

[Freedom]

What a time you have had, what a year!

I'm not sure if you are venting or looking for ideas? Or maybe both.

Life gets overwhelming at times, and things have steered themselves your way a bit TOO much. UGH! Sympathy, from RI.

[Laura's Babies]

Wow! YOu have had a rough time! I have noticed in life that there are rocky times that really seem like everything is working against you. I had a snap like that in my life right after I got my divorce when my car broke down and a lot of other things happened and I told a friend that I felt like I was being tested or prepared for something. Sure enough, my son died then 6 weeks later, my step Dad died. I turned to God for strength and I guess I passed because it has been smooth ever since.

This could be a test for you so hang in there. This time will pass and there should be a lot of sunny days for you ahead!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

And I was feeling a bit sorry for myself :rolleyes: Compared to what you are coping with I have no problems at all - excuse me while I nip off to count my blessings and to say a quick prayer for you

[lizbud]

(((HUGS))) 59 is much to early to give up on life's possibilities. Must
you be the one to care for your mom without any other help from family
members? It sure sounds like you are due for some positive changes in
your life & I hope they come soon.

[K9soul]

Thank you for the thread and for your thoughts and empathy towards others going through hardship and stress despite going through a tremendous amount yourself. I admire that, as I know for myself I sometimes get so caught up in my own stresses I don't even feel I have the 'energy' mentally to think about the stresses others are going through.

I've just had the most difficult 2 years in my life. In this past year my husband decided he wanted a divorce, his family cut me off immediately and I did not see or hear from them again, I still had to spend a year in the same house with him as an upstairs/downstairs "roommate" situation because I had no where else to go and neither of us could afford the house alone at the time, I started working two jobs and 12+ hour days. I got a puppy (before I knew I'd be moving), my puppy got malignant cancer at the age of 6 months. I took on a mortgage on my own so I could keep my babies and move closer to my family, leaving everything I have known for the past 11 years and going to an area I have never been in with a higher cost of living (my mom and stepdad moved to this area originally after I moved to MN so this is not the area I grew up in).

There are a lot of good things too, but it's just been so much. Now I feel so tired. So incredibly tired right now it's hard to function, hard to think. I know it will smooth out though, and God has done a lot for me, and I have been blessed with friendships I treasure deeply.

[cassiesmom]

prayers for k9soul and sasvermont and (HUGS)

I don't know whether to call these stressors or prayer requests - I guess they're both:

-family business (which I don't work with) is slowly but very surely failing, huge debts exist.
-my current job (5 years Oct. 21), which I used to really enjoy - I don't anymore but I'm having a hard time figuring out what should come next. I've heard it said that if you do what you love, the money will follow eventually.

[Catty1]

Sas - does the state/your mom's insurance/your insurance not provide for even a part-time caretaker for your mom? Or a volunteer to just be with her for a few hours at a time?

JMO - you did the right thing with your sister. She KNOWS she has this problem. It is her job to come to terms with it and mend her fences. I hope she gets help.

I, too, have a history of insane bosses - I think I like working with people who have personality. UNFORTUNATELY, that often means....you know... :)

Look for a job with boring people. You might be surprised.

Prayers for you! and good wishes.

K9soul - it sounds like your mom and stepdad are still in touch? HUGS - the 'worst' is over, but now all the fallout...I have had that type of fatigue, and it is from all the adrenaline and mental "sticking-it-out" I did. Think of it as a HUGE long sigh of relief for your body, mind and soul. Do you have a puppy or some soft critter with you? I hope your sick puppy made it....HUGS!

[moosmom]

Sas,

The first thing I want to do is give you a big

(((((HUG))))))

You are my all-time favorite PTer. I've admired your strength for a long time. I am so, SO sorry for all you've had to deal with. Dealing with an alcoholic is very difficult when the alcoholic doesn't realize they have a problem. They also don't like to be confronted about it. Imagine having to be a caretaker of that elderly alcoholic. THAT'S what I went through. I fought with him, threatened him, you name it. Nothing worked. So I threw up my hands and gave in. He died doing what he loved, DRINKING. I beat myself up for a long time. I was his enabler. Took 10 years for the guilt to disappear. Like he said, "I'm just waiting to cruise on outta here." That's exactly what he did.

Depression goes along with being a parent's caretaker. It sucks all the energy out of you. Been there, done that.

Life is WAY too short to not talk to anyone. I hope your sister realizes it before it's too late. Sas, until she hits rock bottom and seeks the help she desperately needs, there's not much you can do except be there when she does (hit rock bottom).

I've PM'd you with my phone number. Please feel free to call me anytime. I'm there for you.

Donna

[pitc9]

Thank you for starting this thread, we may not be able to help each other with what we are going through, but it's nice to know that there are other people out there whose lives are not all peaches and cream

I've wanted out of my marriage for the past 2 1/2 - 3 years and Rick (my hubby) knows it, but he won't let me leave. He's controlling and verbally abusive.

The reason for all of Buddy’s fears is because of my Rick. Buddy knows I don't like him and Buddy is my soul mate, so he feels the same towards my hubby. (Nancy the psychic told me this and much more that was horribly sad)
Buddy has been around when I'm being verably attacked, that's why he is the way he is towards my hubby.

I drink too much and I hide it from everyone, along with smoking.

I'm depressed and suicidal, I feel like I just can't take another day of this hell I'm living in.... I just want it all to end. But what's stopping me is not knowing what would happen to Buddy if I died. (would my hubby have him PTS? Dump him in a shelter??) I've even thought of taking him with me.....

My husband thinks I'll "get better" and we'll live happily ever after, he's pushing me to sell our house and buy another one (bigger) so we can start having kids. I DON'T WANT TO HAVE KIDS!!!!

I love Buddy and Sierra much MUCH more than I love him.

I was the happiest when my hubby was working out of town and lived in another state for months at a time.

The things I just typed... I've never told anyone. No family members or friends of mine know how bad it's gottten.

Thank you for starting this thread so I could put it all out there.

[Catty1]

pitc9 - he won't "let" you?

Sweetie...I have 'escaped' from a bad relationship (thank God it wasn't marriage, though it wouldn't have mattered). I had to plan, and even wrote down how he would react (I had it down to a T, including the suicide threats), and what I would say.

It might me one of those "Don't think about it, just do it." IMO, your hubby is very sick, and that makes you sicker. Don't try to take your life and let his sickness win!

Just suggestions:

1. Find a safe place to board Buddy and Sierra. (vet, or is there a PTr near you?)

2. Find a safe place for you - drop Buddy and Sierra off and get yourself to a women's shelter. Don't worry about hubby - the shelters have dealt with all kinds, and they are not allowed to tell anyone who is staying there. Try to call first, if you can.

For me, it was like planning an escape...and it IS.

Get out, please! ETA: Sent you a PM.

Major PT prayers going your way.

[moosmom]

Pitc9,

Catty1 gave you excellent advice. Take Buddy and find a place to go. No one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to be treated that way. You are such a wonderful person, someone who deserves to be happy. Unless you get out now, nothing will change.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, sweetheart. I've also pm'd you with my number. Call me anytime. I mean that.

I have MANY problems, including depression, ADD, PTSD and a hearing impairment in my right ear. My history of problems goes from losing my Mom, 44, from lung and brain cancer. I was 19. Grandfather was killed in a house fire 3 months later, one week before Christmas. My father and I were homeless for 6 months, till we found a place. It was not fun. I found my father's body after being his caretaker for 3 years. Put me over the edge. I'm the only person in my family who HAS to worry about money. *sigh*

I could write a book. I thank GOD everyday for the way my life is going and wouldn't change a thing. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You only have once to get it right. :D

[sasvermont]

and we (the unhappy/sad) could go to live. A place where one could trust, believe, and enjoy life while we are here on earth. Life seems to take some nasty turns from time to time.

Yes, I have started going to church, which I thought was not part of me for the longest time.....and therapy....and medication...... I think by sharing this information (somewhat) I have opened another bridge to getting on with life.....some of your suggestions have been excellent and your own stories make me see that I am not the only person here at risk, if you will.

Thank you all for your kindness and understanding. I know that there are other folks here struggling with life and its challenges and it isn't easy, that's for sure.

I will be looking in to parent care soon, and promise to let you know what I come up with. I am having a hard time admitting that I cannot do it all and survive.

Thanks again,
L,
Sas and her campers

[Catty1]

Hi, Sas...taking off the superwoman cape will be a relief. NO ONE can do all that you do! :)

HUGS!

[Daisy and Delilah]

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to everyone. :(

[dukedogsmom]

I'm so sorry there are so many with problems. They can be overwhelming.

Angie: I really identify with you. My first marriage was like that. He was verbally abusive and very controlling. He worked nights. I would be in bed when he got home. Duke was just six months old. I'd lie in bed with the covers over my head, listening to Duke's cries of pain. That haunts me to this day. If iit hadn't been for my dad, I wouldn't have been able to leave. I onlu had a part time job and was in Texas. Will your family or friends help you? Please, if there's any way, get away from him now. You deserve so much better and so does Buddy and Sierra. I hope you can find the courage and strength. I hate that you're living like that :(

Duke's death was what did it for me. It was the last straw. I barely made it through that time. Now, tears are always just below the surface, even after 10 months. They're here now. I'll never get over it.
1. Met wonderful, sweet man Brian (from Oregon) beginning of Feb 06
2. Dad died 2/23/06
3. 7/06 Spent happy week in Oregon. Finally found my soulmate.
4. Brian ill in 10/06 Had heart attack and strokes. I visited him. After I get home, he cuts off contact with everyone.
5. My greatest loss: Duke 11/12/06
6. 3 weeks later, BW, black and white stray we had been feeding for a year. I had finally trapped him in the garage. Was going to make him my kitty as Doogie has taken to mom. He had feline aids and, long story, had to be put down. He was so sweet. Purred like crazy.
7. Jump to this year. 6/12/07, Brian died. So, I lost both of my loves on the 12th of the month.
I used to be such a happy, carefree person. I have a feeling, I'll never be like that again.

[joycenalex]

angie, please PM me, we can and will find safe places for you buddy and sierra. you know some of my story, you helped me so much by listening to me before, honey we can get you out. and you can thrive again. ((hugs)) joyce in columbus

[caseysmom]

Hugs to everyone. Val I am so sorry about Brian, I didn't realize he passed away.

[joycenalex]

sas, k9soul, (((HUGS))). i wish i could do more, you are both in my prayers

[Catty1]

Many and huge {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} all around....

[Ginger's Mom]

I think it is nice to have this thread to just sort of vent and release. I, too, have been going through some rough times for the past two months (hard realiztaion that no matter how hard I try I can never have what I truly want, the loss of my grandmother and the loss of a good neighbor). {{{Hugs}}} to all of those who have posted and those who are reluctant to do so.
Jess, I hope and truly believe that things will be getting better for you (baby steps).
Sas, big hugs to you, you have been through much more than I have and are apparently much stronger than you give yourself credit.
Angie, things do not need to be that way. If I had a place with a yard I would drive out to Ohio and kidnap you and pups right away from there.

[Barbara]

Sallyanne I am sorry I am so far away from you.
Siegmar and I love to be with you because you are such a wonderful person and it is just fun to be with you.
We love you and your kitties and are sorry we can't be closer.

[sasvermont]

On my ride home tonight, my cellphone voicemail had a message saying the local rescue squad had been called via my Mom's monitoring system and she was having trouble breathing and was taken the the ER. I drove there to meet her and got home moments ago. They ran every test possible for her symptoms and found nothing. So, now I have to figure out if she really had an episode or if she is dementing more quickly than we had figured.

I am going to sleep now....a badly needed break.

Thanks again for all your kind words. Oh, I called the local senior citizens group to see about them taking her out a couple of times each week. Tomorrow I am going to start calling nursing services. I need to take off the "super woman" cape and get real. I am glad someone reminded me to do just that! ;) What have I been thinking?

Hugs to everyone, stressed or not! Hugs - free hugs! :D

Nite nite.

[slick]

I glanced at this thread on my lunch break and was tempted to post but work got busy. I've just now had a chance to read the whole thing and have decided not to post my "stresses". Seeing what others are going through, makes my health issues and personal trials seem like nothing.

Big {{{hugs}}} to every one of you. Hold your head up high and stay strong.

[caseysmom]

I glanced at this thread on my lunch break and was tempted to post but work got busy. I've just now had a chance to read the whole thing and have decided not to post my "stresses". Seeing what others are going through, makes my health issues and personal trials seem like nothing.

Big {{{hugs}}} to every one of you. Hold your head up high and stay strong.

Of course your trials and health are not "nothing" hugs to you too.

[Vermontcat]

Sas, I'm sorry to hear that you have been going through such a difficult time lately. :(
I'm not that far from you, give me a call if you need anything.
Sending hugs to you and the other Pet Talkers in need, remember you all have a lot of friends here at Pet Talk who are willing to listen and help when possible.

[flipgirl]

I think you all need a BIG HUG!!!![SIZE=7][FONT=Comic Sans MS]

Hugs because you may need one
Hugs because you gave one
Hugs just because....

Sometimes it seems that things all happen at once and for a lot of us like sas and k9 soul, things are overwhelming. I'm glad that you are all courageous enough to tell us what's happening in your lives and touched that you would share your lives with us. I know it's hard to see right now but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes when you think things are just too much to take, something will happen or someone will come along to help you pick up the pieces. A professor in university quoted Stuart Smalley from SNL when I was going through some bad times. This is what he said: "You're strong enough, you're smart enough and doggone it, people like you!!" Well you're supposed to say that to yourself. But it's true....And it's also true that you can't eat an elephant in one day...so take it a piece at a time. But obviously, there are people on this forum who are here for you.

Peace, and take care.

[Karen]

Big hugs to all of you.

Big Peterson-style hugs to all of you - though if you are not a "hug" person, I can be more gentle, I promise.

You all know our primary stress right now, from the thread in Pet Health.

There are plenty of others, of course, but that one is at the forefront right now, as we love our little bunny, and just want the best for her, and for her to feel better and breathe better.

Slick, do, please, share your stresses with us, we like to be able to be specific in our prayers and support!

And Sallyanne, please avail yourself of any support you can. Don't let your mom's needs overwhelm you. It's easy to try to think it is all up to you, because she is your mother, but just as much as your mom had a positive effect on the world by raising you, let the world return the favor by helping you take care of her.

[sandragonfly]

deep hugs to everyone. :( whoever would want or need one from me.

my first thought of wanting to share my stresses here is most stressful. dilemma huh? I want to share, really would like to - it helped me through last time - a lot as this is to some right now. and so I can help others too.

one thing you most already know, we're going to live in the car soon. I've shared pretty a lot on here but only 1/8 of it and am "limited" to now because of how this place can be. I want to think and wish I could say things easily without dreading, being judged at or walking on egg shells.

I even lost a few pet talk friends for that; my on-going disasters. it's nice to know this thread is helping some but it just seems to me - to some and many people out of this site - that sometimes no matter how much I said, gave or did for people - it really doesn't matter who I am. things and people just can get so ugly.

I know I can't please everyone but I didn't said or don't say the truth I need to share, vent, rant or rave about to please everyone. this place was my only and one hope and if there's something I don't understand about then it's not meant to be. or yet. you are not me and I am not you. I wish I could say more.

delilah, prayers for YOU too. (((hugs))) and (((especially))) to those who just opened themselves. be my heart, and in my thoughts.

[ChrisH]

Oh, Sallyanne, :( sending much love winging across the pond. My prayers are joining all the others for life to begin to get better for you very soon. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/CwmmawrJet/Smiles/Hugs2.gif

[ChrisH]

Prayers, love and positive thoughts going out also for each and every one of you who are going through stress, pain, heartbreak and worry, whatever form it comes in. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/CwmmawrJet/Smiles/grouphug.gif

[gini]

So many times I have wished that I had powers that God doesn't allow us to have. I wish that I had a special wand that would take away the pain and troubles and hurt from people who do not deserve such a load.

But I also know that with God anything is possible - so I put my wishes into prayers and ask God to please help out.

I am divorced after 23 1/2 years of marriage. At the time I did not understand why this was happening. But now after many years alone I know that truly it was a blessing because the problems were so much bigger than I was - and I would have been sucked under in the horrible name of addiction and it would have killed my spirit and ultimately me.

I truly will say prayers for all of you and hope that things get better. We women are much stronger than we realize - it is only once we are tested that our true strength comes out - but it is very difficult to get to that place.

[Alysser]

pitc4, you're one of my favorite pettalk members. I am so sorry to read about what you're going through. It's not what you deserve. (((hugs))) Things will get better! I'll be praying for you along with everyone else who has to deal with this kind of stress.

[Pam]

Bless you everyone who has taken part in this thread, and bless you Sallyanne for starting it. As I was reading the various posts the thought that came to my mind was how many of my very favorite people are going through hard times right now. Notice that I said going through. These are not permanent situations. Sometimes when we get down everything looks so bleak that we can't imagine that tomorrow will bring any positive change. As the song says "the sun will come out tomorrow." It may not be actually tomorrow but it will return. I promise you that. I have learned to call these times *valley experiences* and believe that in my life they have helped me tremendously in my walk with God. When we are on the mountaintop we do not need Him. He is there ready to listen and to help. Sallyanne I am glad you are attending church and getting some counseling. You are a strong woman and a wise woman to take these steps.

As you know, my mom is quite elderly herself (actually much older than your mom) and she is in a nursing home and, when I visit, rarely knows who I am. I know that I could never ever care for her myself, physically or emotionally, and she knew that too (before her dementia got as bad as it is now) and always said that she would never want to live with either my brother or myself. Though I feel the guilt of not being there for her, I know that she is being well cared for at an excellent facility and that this is what she wanted. I am so sorry to read of the passing of your brother. I remember it was on a trip for you to see your brother that we were able to meet up and hand Gabe over to you to become a camper.

Many prayers will go up for all of you with your various concerns. I have had some very rough spots in my life as well but they have passed. I know that yours will too. As my mother-in-law always said "just keep looking up because He is looking down."

(((hugs)))

[dukedogsmom]

http://www.boomspeed.com/dukedogsmom/PrayingForYou.jpg

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I am truly awed by the love and support that is flowing through this thread. I hope it helps those of you who are suffering to know that you are not alone - you have many friends standing shoulder to shoulder with you.

[Rachel]

I read this thread when you first posted it and felt so moved by the conveyance of such personal feelings, yet didn't know how to express my appreciation for your sharing them. I've come back to this thread several times. I guess all I can do is say what is in my heart.

Those of us who are in the upper age brackets of this board have probably been down many a rough road. Even so, sometimes it feels like this latest one is steeper, rougher, and frought with more peril than we could ever attempt to handle.

I don't know if it helps to know that there are others out here scared silly about the future and how we are going to play the cards we are being dealt. But we certainly are here. We can personally relate to some of your situation and are equally intimidated by our own challenges which may differ. I will add you to those I say my humble prayers for and ask that you think of me as one of the ones who needs Divine intervention.

[ramanth]

SallyAnne, Jess, and Angie, I'm so sorry so much bad stuff has happened to you. I wish I could give you all a huge hug.

Things are looking up for me, but I've been in couples counseling since August '06. Some days I just cry for no reason and I want to just walk away, but I keep pushing on.

[carole]

I am so sorry to read of all the stress you have been having in your life,i have had my share like everyone else, but they are pale in comparison, i think you have had enough, you poor thing, i can only imagine how hard it has all been, i am a highly stressed individual myself, it does not take much to make me feel that way, but gosh you have had so much, you must be stronger than you think my dear, to come through all that, i can only hope and wish for better times ahead for you and that you can retire as is your wish and soon, take care and giant gentle hugs to you.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry to hear that so many of you are going through such hard times. I don't know what kind of words of comfort I can give, so I will just send some (((hugs))).

Angie, I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. I am responding to your post because I have a father who was extremely controlling and verbally abusive. My mom was married to him for nearly 30 years, and I had to live with him for almost 16 before my mom finally left (My brother was already 20 and he has a lot of issues from living with him).

She left because of me- I was completely miserable. But you know what, she never regretted leaving for a second and it's been nearly 9 years. I wish she could have left for herself, but I guess if she left for me that was good enough because I was just as happy to leave. If you cannot leave for yourself, then leave for Buddy and Sierra because they depend on you just like I depended on my mom.

Please, you can do this for yourself and your pets. (((Hugs))) to you.

[Edwina's Secretary]

SallyAnne...is self-employment an option for you? I left the corporate enviornment just over three years ago. My income is not back up to what it was when I worked in a corporation but it gets better each year. And it is a liveable income.

One of my sisters took an early retirement package at 59. She considered the self-employed route but decided to go to work for a non-profit. Again, the income is not what she was accustomed to earning, but she loves what she does and feels good about doing it.

My other sister retired from teaching at 58. She tutors and works in a program for seniors at the YMCA part-time.

Being self-employed doesn't mean you don't have to deal with difficult people...but you have more control over when and how much you deal with them. It requires discipline (more than I have sometimes... ;) ) but can be very rewarding.

It can also leave you more time to take care of things...like your mother's needs -- and your own.

So there are options. Sometimes the options are not as obvious and it takes some digging to find out what those options are.

My thoughts are with you....