View Full Version : My "adopted father" passed away

09-13-2007, 08:39 AM
A few days after I graduated high school, I got a job at a picture framing shop (and stayed there for 10 years... it was only supposed to be a summer job). I worked for the most wonderful couple and began a lifelong friendship with them. They became as close to me as a second set of parents. They were who I'd fall back on for anything and they'd help me.

In the past year, he has deteriorated badly... Alzheimer's. He passed away in his sleep on Sunday and the funeral is tomorrow. I am beside myself with grief over his passing -- one of the most dynamic men I ever met. Charming, funny, intelligent, enterprising, generous.... he was everything a man aspires to be.

I saw him last about 4 or 5 months ago. He knew exactly who I was, but in his mind, I was still that little high school girl with a whole world ahead of her. He had no idea I'm a married woman with 3 kids and a grandson; he kept asking me if I had a boyfriend yet. I'm smiling bittersweetly at that one. I left the last visit and called hubby to tell him that my adopted father didn't have 6 months left in him. I could tell. He looked awful... skin and bones.

I miss him already :(

Rest in peace my dear friend. You'll surely make a wonderful angel.

09-13-2007, 08:51 AM
Sorry about your loss.. he sounded like a wonderful man!

09-13-2007, 08:58 AM
Kim...so much has happened in your world lately. I am truly sorry for the loss of this 'father' of yours. Even when you see it coming, it doesn't lessen the shock.

There is a debate over whether it's better to lose someone quickly or slowly, I'm sure you have run into that comment here and there. I believe there is no best way to lose someone you love. It hurts, and it sucks.

I know it's bittersweet for you - but he went in his sleep, and his last memories of you are of that high school girl that he loved; don't all 'dads' think of their daughters as their little girls? (gentle smile here)

Hugs to you, and I hope you and his wife are a comfort to each other tomorrow...and may you share many wonderful memories in the future.


09-13-2007, 09:05 AM
I am sorry Kim :( You write with such love and sweetness about this man. It seems such a peaceful way to leave the world though, in sleep and with memories his mind wanted to hold on to. Hugs to you dear girl.

09-13-2007, 09:22 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Call me if you need to talk.



09-13-2007, 09:38 AM
Thanks everyone.

My brother had another baby on Sunday too (well his wife had the baby ;)) and I told him I didn't know when I could get the time to come meet my new nephew. I called him this morning to let him know I was coming to the area for a funeral and I'd stop by to meet the baby if they would be home. I know my brother - he's now insulted that I couldn't make time for his son but I can make time for a funeral. Sigh. My brother and I just don't see eye to eye on anything... you should see the guilt trip he laid on me via email about Pouncer.

Tomorrow is gonna be a stinky day. :(

09-13-2007, 09:52 AM
Sounds like your brother shouldn't be told ANYTHING.

Heck, people are given days off from work for funerals, not nephew-visiting. You might want to mention that to him...once he gets the plugs out of his ears, that is. :p


09-13-2007, 09:58 AM
Catnapper--So sorry about the loss of your "father". Our friend is in a home suffering from Alzeihmer's also and we are watching him deteriorate ever so slowly. He doesn't even recognize his wife or children, very sad.
As for losing someone quickly or slowly I think both has pros and cons. Either way it's a severe blow.

09-13-2007, 02:40 PM

I am so sorry Kim. :( He sounds like he was and is very treasured!

09-13-2007, 05:28 PM
I am sorry for your loss. Having lost an aunt to Alzheimer's, I know that the passing is a blessing in man ways. You are fortunate to have had someone like this man in your life!

Aspen and Misty
09-13-2007, 10:09 PM
Kim I'm so sorry to hear that your father has passed away. (((HUGS))) God must have needed him for one of his mighty plans, he sounds like an amazing man.


09-13-2007, 10:15 PM
I'm sorry things are so rough right now...what a tremendous loss. :( You know we're all here for you...

09-13-2007, 10:23 PM
Please accept my sympathies on your loss, he sounds like a wonderful man. Friendships like that are real treasures in life.

09-13-2007, 10:23 PM
I'm so sorry Kim... I agree with Candace that you don't need to relate certain things to your brother. if he's just going to be a jerk, then why put yourself through it?? He should be a support for you, not someone to tear you down (don't ask me why I don't give this same lecture to myself about my mom...).

Big hugs coming to you! You were lucky to have your "adopted dad"...

Things will get better... it just takes time.

Scooter's Mom
09-13-2007, 11:49 PM
Since December 2005, we've lost 3 grandparents (Dec 2005, Sept 2006 and Feb 2007) to Alzheimers. It's a terrible disease, and I pray for a cure.

My condolences on your loss.


09-14-2007, 12:35 AM
Kim, I am so sorry. Treasure all of the wonderful memories you have of him.

I am sure a visit to his wife, in the future would be deeply appreciated.

09-14-2007, 01:32 AM
* H U G S *

09-14-2007, 01:22 PM
Kim, I'm so very sorry to hear of the passing of your special "father". You were blessed to have such a special relationship with him through the years. I hope your brother can be more understanding about this situation.


09-14-2007, 06:45 PM
Kim, I am so sorry. Treasure all of the wonderful memories you have of him.

I am sure a visit to his wife, in the future would be deeply appreciated.

I was thinking the same thing. I am so sorry at the loss of such a dear
friend. :(

09-14-2007, 10:26 PM
The service was beautiful and I got to see people I haven't seen in years. Funny how some things change a lot and others not at all.

I had forgotten just how wonderful this man was. His obit was 3 columns long and there were hundreds of people at the funeral. The service was long due to the fact that they let everyone talk about him on microphone. I got up and told a story.... I wasn't sure if half the people got the humor in it, but the people who knew him well came up to me afterwards and patted me on the back for the funny story. The people who didn't get it probably thought I was a sarcastic brat :o

I had forgotten to mention his love of animals.... right after I spoke, his niece stood up and mentioned his loves of all animals. She even ran to every store in town last night to find an orange stuffed tabby to put in his coffin with him. Hmmmm.... maybe he's why I love tabbies so much?

I'm going down to help out his wife clean out everything next week. She said we might be standing on the street corner selling things ;) Of course I managed to insult my mom this time when she called this afternoon and I told her I was going to help my "second mom".... "oh sure, you come down for her but you can't see your own mother!" Sigh - I can't win! So now I have to figure out how to see both in the same day and get home before dark with a one and a half hour car ride both ways.

09-14-2007, 10:42 PM
So now I have to figure out how to see both in the same day and get home before dark with a one and a half hour car ride both ways.

No, you don't - stay overnight with Mom! ;)

09-14-2007, 11:20 PM
Kim, I'm so sorry to hear about your adopted father's passing.:( I'm glad that you have so many fond memories of him. Too bad that your mother and brother just don't understand how special he was in your life.:(

Felicia's Mom
09-15-2007, 01:28 PM
I am sorry of your loss.