Sad to announce

[NicoleLJ]

I am very sadden to announce the passing of our little golden(Dark Yellow Collar) boy:

http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h264/NicoleLJ_2003/DYJ14A.jpg

We called him Golden and he was only 5 days old. He was doing so well but was one of the smaller pups and had the hardest time gaining weight. I feel like it is all my fault. I had decided to have a bath tonight while hubby and the kids were out in the pool. While I was relaxing I heard a puppy crying so I jumped out of the tub to run and check. By the time I got to the livingroom, where the pups are Sheena was screaming. I had never heard a cry like that in my life. She was in the center of the whelping box licking little golden boy over and over agian. He was turning gray in the tongue so I knew she had accidentally laid on him while attempting to feed the others. We tried several times to revive him. But it didn't work. He was such a sweet boy and was doing well. I have no idea why he went so fast. Between his cry and me getting there it was only a matter of a minute or two.

I feel like I failed Sheena and the pup. I know these things happen. I know it is a part of life and a part of breeding. I have dealt with it on many levels with all my years of fostering. But it never got easy and this has hit me harder and has left me more guilt ridden then I have ever felt before.

I feel awful. I should never have left them alone with her even for that short time. I felt they would be fine while I had a bath. They had all been sleeping and Sheena had done so well with them up till that.

I have already talked to the adopting families and one of them decided to wait till Sheena's next breeding. They totally understood and seem more worried about me then not getting a pup. Which really confirms for me what a great choice in a family they are. Which of course leaves me guilt ridden about that.

I am sorry everyone. I will not leave them alone agian.
Nicole & Sheena & Puppies

[Catty1]

Oh sweetie! I am SO sorry about the puppy!

Listen - you could have been in the same room as them, been doing something else for a minute or two - and the same thing could have happened. Dark golden boy is so little, and Sheena wouldn't have had to lay on him very long.

It was an ACCIDENT, Nicole!

HUGS HUGS HUGS to you, and dear Sheena.

Give that mom-dog some hugs, and heal your broken hearts together, just a bit.

Frolic at the Bridge, little one.

[Karen]

Hugs to you and petting to Sheena.

[Whisk_Luva]

(((Hugs)))

It was not your fault!

Hugs to Sheena too!

:( Yellow Collared Boy (aka Golden) :(

[Lori Jordan]

You are doing a great job with your babies,Dont ever think otherwise.

It is so very unfortunate,I have had many friends loose there pups to the same thing,it is not your fault.

Rest well sweet little one.

[Daisy and Delilah]

I'm so sorry :( Don't blame yourself, hon. You couldn't have been with them all the time. Everything happens for a reason and it was the little fella's time to go. He's at the bridge now, getting bigger and stronger.

Rest in Peace Little Guy :(

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[CathyBogart]

Rest easy little golden boy. :( Don't blame yourself Nicole, it was a tragic accident and not your fault.

[NicoleLJ]

Thanks everyone. I know I am taking this harder then normal and I also know why. My disability is the main cause for how this is affecting me. I know that but I can't change that. I know it is natures way and accidents happen. But for me knowing something and feeling something are two totally dfferent things.

Golden was only 5 days old but it is amazing how much personality they show even at that age. And in 5 days it is amazing how attached you can get to these little guys.

I am there for the others and they have just as much of my heart as Golden does. Just because tragity happens doesn't mean my responsibility stops. They need me. But it doesn't change how guilty I still feel.

Thank you all for your support. I so need it right now. I am trying to focus on doing as we have been for the past week but it is hard. It is nice to know I have friends here who can understand and support me when things like this happen.
Nicole & Sheena & puppies

[cyber-sibes]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I think it's just natural to blame ourselves, "if only I had...", but the sad truth is that if it's time, it's time, regardless how long or short that may be. My heart goes out to you & Sheena, she must feel so sad. At least with six growing boys to take care of, she will be keeping busy. And I know a Big Golden Boy who was probably standing there to greet little Golden boy and will watch out for him. (((hugs)))to you & Sheena.

[Catty1]

Is Sheena ok, Nicole?

HUGS to you and those precious babies and the mom!

[NicoleLJ]

Thanks so much.

Sheena is doing better. Last night she kept counting her pups and then looking for the missing one. Then over night she kept crying for him. But today she seems better. Wants to cuddle more with me and she is being overly protective of the 6 she has but I figure in a few more days she will go back to normal. I am trying to keep the routine she is used to going with some added play and cuddle time. I think she will be fine though in a few days. I know it hit her hard because she is a very emotionally sensative dog(which is one of the reasons she makes such a great PSD). But she is strong and with 6 boys they will keep her busy soon.
Nicole & Sheena & Puppies

[3muttsandaboston]

I'm so sorry for you and Sheena. It is such a tragedy but i'm sure it could have happened even if you were right there watching so please don't blame yourself. Give Sheena a big hug for me. Poor little girl.

[Freedom]

I am so sorry to be reading this. Hugs to you and Sheena.

[K9karen]

Admittingly, I gasped at the title.I understand how you feel, NicholeIt's an image and sound you won't forget. I know you feel guilty. When I hit that poor little dog in June, the guilt was overwhelming. But it has slowly subsided. I believe things happen for a reason. Please don't whip yourself. You are a compassionate, loving, experienced dog owner/breeder and I greatly admire you. Please accept my condolences but know my RBCody has an important duty at the Bridge, and will surely be watching over Little Golden Boy. Please hug Sheena for me. Hugs to you too.

[Taz_Zoee]

I am so sorry.
RIP Golden Boy.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Poor little puppyface :(

Can only repeat what the others have said - it was an accident and you are not to blame. Hugs to you, Sheena and the little boys

[WELOVESPUPPIES]

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of this little fellow. Give lots of extra kisses to Sheena and the 6 other pups. RIP little Guy, your time was short but you touched all of us who have been watching for this delivery and in your five days.

Don't blame yourself, these things happen as said by others, it would have been so quick you could have been in the same room and not been able to do anything. God knows what he is doing, there must have been some need for him in Heaven.

[pitc9]

Oh how sad... I'm so sorry for your loss.
Please don't blame yourself.

{{hugs}} to you and Sheena.

[buttercup132]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Don't blame yourself.

R.I.P Golden baby.

[cassiesmom]

Oh, I am so sorry to read this news. [[Hugs]] to Nichole, Sheena and the pups.

[Husky_mom]

I´m so sorry..... I know personally how it feels...... so frustrating when you really couldn´t have done anything, even when we want to think we could.....
accidents happen with or without us..... don´t blame yourself.... I know the guilt part and how hard it is but no one is here to blame.......

Poor Sheena, she must be clueless, but she´ll get back to normal, she still has a bunch of cuties to look out for....

I´m sorry Golden boy, rest easy at the RB.......

If you need anything I´m here......((HUGS)) to you all

[anna_66]

I read this last night and was so upset, both for you and Sheena and I just couldn't think of anything to say.

It's terribly heartbreaking but like Pat said, when it's time, it's time. Please just try not to blame yourself.

And your so right...these boys are going to be keeping her busy very, very soon!

Many (((HUGS)))
Anna

[K9soul]

I am so very sorry Nicole :(. The deep love and devotion you have for Sheena and the pups is very evident in every meticulous detail you have worked so hard on, even before they were born. Every post about them and their coming has been filled with love and commitment to do the absolute best possible for each one. So I know how horribly it must be hurting your heart. It wasn't even just five days you have loved this pup, you've been loving each and every pup since you learned for sure she was pregnant, before you ever saw them. Each is equally precious and important. Little Golden will be well looked after at the Rainbow Bridge. I don't think anyone here feels you are to blame, but I know how hard it can be to forgive one's self. I hope the love and support here can help you do that. Sending warm thoughts and hugs to you.

[gemini9961]

I'm so sorry Nicole. RIP little pup. Let Sherman take care of you up there, he'll show you the way. :(

[Sevaede]

Oh no!! :( I am so sorry for the loss of your golden boy. :(

R.I.P. Little one

[ramanth]

I'm so sorry Nicole. RIP little Golden boy. *HUGS*

[catloverforever]

I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your little golden boy. It was an accident, and not your fault, so don't blame yourself. R.I.P., sweet golden puppy.
Catloverforever and her kitties

[NicoleLJ]

Thank you so much everyone. Your support has ment a great deal to me. Things have gotten much better since Tuesday. Until then Sheena was constantly digging in closets crying for her pup. She would purposely count her pups and wake them every half hour. I kid you not. Drove us nuts because she wasn't content till they woke up crying. Then she would settle. Only to repeat it a half hour or so later. Made sleeping at night almost impossible. But finnally on Tuesday it all stopped. She still will go in once and a while and count her pups but not wake them anymore. She also is no longer searching and digging in closets or crying. So the past two days have gotten a lot easier on all of us.

I am still hurting inside for the loss of little Golden but not as bad as before and the other pups are keeping me busy along with updating the adopters and Service Dog Trainer regularly and updating my website. I am also kept busy with the constant emails asking if we have any pups avalable. And of course we don't. So we are already starting a waiting list for the next breeding. Which will be Sheena's last and not for at least a year and a half.

I had no idea I would be getting so many emails about these pups after I started posting pictures to my website. It is shocking and the volume is very over whelming. But it is keeping me busy, since I try and answer eveyone in a timely manner. And being busy keeps me from thinking and hurting too much.

Agian thank you everyone. Your support helped a great deal and Sheena and I are doing much better.
Nicole & Sheena & Puppies