Free to good home - one mother in law

[jazzcat]

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

She's house broken but her manners leave a lot to be desired. :rolleyes:

Today we got together with Richard's family at his sister's house for a 4th of July cookout. We were all sitting around the table eating our burgers and my Mother in law and a brother in law started talking about his weight loss and how he probably just gained 4 pounds with all the food he ate. My MIL said "you have to be careful because it comes back quickly, isn't that right Lori?" I wasn't in the conversation, I was at the other end of the table when she said that to me. :mad: Yes, I have gained back about 10 pounds of the weight I lost (and it's just been since my surgery last fall) but I really don't need her to point that out to everyone.

She does that kind of thing to me all the time. She makes comments about my hair color, weight and number of cats all the time. I'm sure she thinks she's being cute but she also knows she's being a "B" and it's meant to hurt. By the way, she really has no room to make weight or hair color comments.

What gets me with this latest zinger is that everyone at that table has weight issues and have all lost and gained over the years yet she chose me - her only daughter in law - to slam. Thanks Mommy in Law Dearest!

[K9karen]

Humpf! She needs to have a few Martha Stewart lessons in decorum! How rude! They say no reaction is the best reaction.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Lori, I'm sorry to hear this.:( Please try not to let it get to you because I'm sure that's what she wants to see. I know it's easier said than done. I'm lucky that I don't have to deal with any mother in laws.

[shais_mom]

:mad:
what a oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh

[DJFyrewolf36]

I feel your pain...my MIL, while having the capacity of being a very nice lady, sometimes will say the meanest things to both myself and my husband. It gets annoying, but Ive noticed that not reacting usually gets her to shut her trap ;)

[G535]

Smile, agree with everything she says then go and do what you like, works every time! :)

[chocolatepuppy]

My MIL ,who is gone now, used to do the same to me, pick, pick, pick. :rolleyes: Finally I told her off! My hubby stood behind me on that. ;) After that she showed me some respect and we got along fine. :)

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I've got one of those too! Often wish I had a direct line to St George....................................

[Pam]

That was just mean. :( It was probably best that you weren't sitting right there when she made the statement or you would have had to bite your tongue to the point of making it bleed. :p

Years ago I was eating at my MIL's house. Hubby and I had been married only a short time. He was in the military and I was a secretary and, for the only time in our married life, I was bringing in more money than he was. Anyway...... his sister was graduating from high school and didn't want to go to college. My FIL asked her what she was planning on doing for a living. She replied "I want to be a secretary" at which point my FIL sort of did one of these :rolleyes: and said "oh boy, be anything but a secretary." Believe me, I wanted to blurt out that my poor pitiful secretary's wages were helping to put food into his son's mouth. You know it was a silly thing but I have never forgotten that over the years. How totally insensitive some people are. :mad:

[sasvermont]

Oh gosh. This happens so often. My Mother is queen of insults...I could make a list that would make your head spin.

My take on this is that it is best to take the high road and not respond. Sometimes I do get caught up in it all and respond. I usually say things such as: Well, that surely hurt MY feelings, thank you very much....or Gee, she doesn't say mean things about you........or That doesn't make him/her a bad person......and then there is the return insult favorite of mine to my Mother.........So who asked you? ...... That usually shuts her up.

In general, people who need to insult another in an ordinary conversation, have self esteem problems and it makes them feel better than the others if the belittle someone else. I think we all stoop to that level once in awhile.

I could come up with many more scarcastic responses that would only add insult to injury, and serve no purpose except to entertain. I am not proud of the list, but hey, it is fun someones to respond in the same fashion.

Take the high road deary, and change the subject....move on, get over it.....don't stoop to her level. The fact that you are sensitive to the comments already makes you at the top of the heap of humanity.

:)

[jackmilliesmom]

You don't need a mother-in-law for that in my own home my mother is the biggest offender I am her only daughter and she favours my brother's wife over me my hubby is really ticked off every time we visit and on the last visit she really hurt me with something she said and my hubby said this


"Right Jo lets go if she wants you she knows where to find you and to be honest after sitting through the last half an hour she sounds like she does not want you or need you"

While saying all of this he looked at me we gathered up our things and left that was 2 weeks ago have not heard from her since!!!!!!!!!!!

[catnapper]

Ah, yes, the backhanded Mother-In-Law. Thankfully my MIL wasn't like that but I've known PLENTY of people like that in my life.

The worst offender was my grandmom. Oh how she could cut through you with a simple comment. I refused to see her for the last 2 or 3 years of her life because I wasn't going to sit politely while she dug knives into my back. Unlike the rest of my family I argued back to her and she just didn't understand why I didn't shut and and take it like the rest of the family.

The other group of people who feel free to comment is my coworkers. I've worked at 3 places since getting heavy and all 3 places felt it was in their rights to comment on my weight. The other day at work, a coworker wanted to show me something upstairs. I we were standing near the elevator so I started towards it. He said "no, you need the exercise. Take the stairs." WHAT?!?! I usually take the stairs 4/5 times. Then we were upstairs and he commented AGAIN about how I needed to exercise more. :mad: I challenged him to a 1 mile speed walk and letss see who crossed the finish line first and who was more out of breath. He declined my challenge :rolleyes: Just because we might be heavier than thou doesn't mean we're sedentary sloths.

[jackmilliesmom]

The other group of people who feel free to comment is my coworkers. I've worked at 3 places since getting heavy and all 3 places felt it was in their rights to comment on my weight. The other day at work, a coworker wanted to show me something upstairs. I we were standing near the elevator so I started towards it. He said "no, you need the exercise. Take the stairs." WHAT?!?! I usually take the stairs 4/5 times. Then we were upstairs and he commented AGAIN about how I needed to exercise more. :mad: I challenged him to a 1 mile speed walk and letss see who crossed the finish line first and who was more out of breath. He declined my challenge :rolleyes: Just because we might be heavier than thou doesn't mean we're sedentary sloths.

Yep that is true, I swim three times a week and walk for a half hour every night and even the dogs have stopped coming wiht me because I walk to fast when they see their leads the run and hide.... LOL

[wombat2u2004]

Geez.........all of you have had a bad run....eh ????
I have never had that......I've been married twice, and all of my inlaws were just terrific. Just the luck of the draw I guess.
But I have heard that old saying "Any woman is never good enough for another womans son".
I wonder if any of you ladies on this thread, will be the same to your daughter in law, when your sons pick a partner.
Wom

[jazzcat]

But I have heard that old saying "Any woman is never good enough for another womans son".
I wonder if any of you ladies on this thread, will be the same to your daughter in law, when your sons pick a partner.
Wom
My mother in law has made it very clear that she didn't think I was good enough for her one and only son. She did a lot to try to break us up when we started dating. Now she is doing the same thing to her grandson who is 16 (Richard's sister's son).

As for me doing the same thing to my daughter in law - it will never happen - I have no children and never will.

Thanks to everyone for the support. I guess I'm being a bit oversensitve and I don't know why. Usually her zingers just roll off me but that one yesterday really singled me out in front of everyone and no one came to my defense (hubby wasn't in the room but he probably wouldn't have anyway). She loves her two son in laws but she does a good job making me feel like I'm not part of the family sometimes. It just ate at me all night but I'm over it. She is not worth it!

[shais_mom]

It just ate at me all night but I'm over it. She is not worth it!
Its a hard lesson to learn - but its one I'm learning myself. -
people just aren't worth it -

[jazzcat]

The other group of people who feel free to comment is my coworkers. I've worked at 3 places since getting heavy and all 3 places felt it was in their rights to comment on my weight. The other day at work, a coworker wanted to show me something upstairs. I we were standing near the elevator so I started towards it. He said "no, you need the exercise. Take the stairs." WHAT?!?! I usually take the stairs 4/5 times. Then we were upstairs and he commented AGAIN about how I needed to exercise more. :mad: I challenged him to a 1 mile speed walk and letss see who crossed the finish line first and who was more out of breath. He declined my challenge :rolleyes: Just because we might be heavier than thou doesn't mean we're sedentary sloths.
Oh Kim, I could not take that!!! Why do people think it's socially okay to make comments about people's weight? It's the one thing left that isn't covered by the "political correctness" blanket. I think the PC stuff is way out of control but hey if your going to use it, use it for everything, make it socially unacceptable to make fun of weight.

What your coworker did is just another form of harrassment. Jerk!!!!

[slick]

Here are some examples of how my weight has given me "issues".....

Example 1
At work I used to hang around a group of people and we used to go for Dim Sum every month or so. Well I'm no longer invited and through the grape vine I found out why. It's because of weight and the fact that I eat more than the others. You see the others are all skinny minis.

It did hurt me at first then I got smart. These people aren't worth it and now when I see them all headed for the door I smile and say "have a good time". Hey, I work with these people, I don't have to be best friends with them too!

Example 2
When I was growing up my brother had a friend Terry. He was English and him and my brother and some other kids used to hang around together and when we got to be in our twenties we pubbed together. Long story short, Terry moved away. About 5 years ago he blew into town and was over at my Mom's. I was looking forward to seeing him again so I flew over there after work. The first thing he said to me when I walked in the door is "My God, you're FAT!!!" If he ever comes to town again you can be sure I won't be stopping to see him....arrogant bast****

Example 3
This goes back about 10 years and it involves a coworker who is still here. It was her first week on the job and when I was introduced to her he asked me when my baby was due. I quickly thought it out and said "November and I can hardly wait. The only thing is that I don't know who the father is but my baby's colour will determine that!!" That shut her up.

There are people (some PTers included) who love me in spite of my weight and that's enough for me.

Jazzcat, I'm sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that comment. It was truly uncalled for. Same hold true for you Catnapper.

...and to all the rest......we are women and we are beautiful!!!

[shais_mom]

Here are some examples of how my weight has given
...and to all the rest......we are women and we are beautiful!!!
that's exactly right - we are all goddesses! :D
I mean Slick - RICHARD posted our pic from 2005 on the eyecandy thread!
A few weeks ago - my co-workers and I were talking about how I had looked like I lost a lot of weight b/c I was working out about 3 times a week. (must get back into that habit) and I was thanking them - then the ER brought a Patient down the hallway - wheeled him the room. It was a teeeeny little 90 year old man. I said "we are going to take some pics of your belly today" he said "looks like you need some of your's when are you due?" :mad: I said I'm not. He said Oh I'm sorry. :rolleyes:
My grandpa used to be rather vocal about my weight especially when I was a child. He got better for the most part as I got older.
I had a lady I was xraying once ask me when I was due b/c I had on a scrub top that had baby angels on it - she thought it looked like a maternity themed top..... :rolleyes: :confused:
I had a guy IM me on yahoo out of the blue one nite - he was asking me all kinds of questions. He asked me what I looked like - I said brown hair - short - green eyes - plus sized - After 10 minutes from not hearing his answer - I don't know if he blocked me or not - but I responded - That's what I ********** thought - and Blocked HIM!
Not everyone can have as much tact or be as smart as we are. But they can't help it!
This was on the Dr. Phil show the other day. (re-runs)
http://www.clubbounce.net/
altho one of the guests - I don't think I would even qualify for him b/c he didn't even LOOK @ women UNDER 250 pounds!!! :p :eek:

[Husky_mom]

and thats why my fridge reads: I love my HUSKIES........... and not my MIL .....LMAO

Mil´s sure can get very very annoying........... and say the hurtest things..... and have no compassion to tell that at your face!! what a nerve........ been there done that........

so if anyone willing to trade MIL for a dog/cat/bird/etc...... I´ll pay big time!!

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I can't believe people say such hurtful things, especially people who are family!

I'm sorry that so many of you have had to deal with rude, inconsiderate MILs and others. I can't believe the way some people will behave- but I notice people will often criticize others for the things they wish they could change about themselves. So most likely they are jealous about something that you have and that is what leads them to make such hurtful comments. :(

[slick]

:D :D Staci, that Clubbounce looks like a real hoot!!! I would love to go there just one night. The next time we hook up in Cali do you want to go with me??? I'm not really a club person but that looks like phun!! :D

[RICHARD]

Not a MIL story but kinda close....


My GF's mom was a stone cold racist.


One time we were at my GF's place when her mom mentions how the Mexicans are taking over blah blah blah-She then turns to me and says, "Oh, not all mexicans are BAD!"

She then goes on to tell the story about how her and her hubby got a flat and some Mexican stopped to help them change the tire. They tried to pay him, but the "Mexican" turned the money down......

I said something like, "we are always around when you need us!"

---------------------

The GF's daughter was a gold plated biatch.

She moved in with her mother when she was in between penises -

I took the day off and had a left a drink on the coffee table...I jumped into the shower and didn't bother to close the BR door....I hear her voice at the doorway and asks if I am in the shower.

NO, It's the mass murderer from the street.

Later she complained about the booze to her mom and the fact that I was showering with the door open.

I think she tried to insinuate that I was exposing myself to her.....I can barely stand to look at my "own self"......

------------------

All mom's have that "I am the only woman in my son's life" attitude.

When the time comes, they are cannot stand the idea that their son's are leaving the nest.

Don't worry about it..Next time, after she insults you, put a huge smile on your face and stare......Say something like, "Thanks for noticing!"

You shouldn't have any more problems, IF she gets the message!

[Killearn Kitties]

I can't believe the way some people will behave- but I notice people will often criticize others for the things they wish they could change about themselves.
So, so true. I see it in "real life", as well as here. People can be so critical of others for displaying the faults that they themselves have. Why is that? (And no, I am not saying that carrying a few extra pounds is a fault.)

I'm so sorry that your mother in law can be so unpleasant Lori. As far as mother in laws go, I was very lucky. My in laws were always welcoming, friendly, loving. Not saying we have always agreed about everything, but I never felt less than welcome in the family. I don't think I appreciated my mother in law nearly enough when I was younger.

[Callie]

I would've smiled sweetly and said "Well, you'd know more about that than I do".

"Don't get mad, get even!" :D

Callie

[Lady's Human]

I'm sorry, I've already got one!

Now run away, you silly english K-nigetts!

[jennielynn1970]

I've definitely found that when some one insults you they are normally trying to make themselves feel better about whatever it is that they don't like. My "friend" from high school was like that... She was pretty, but not very bright, and usually used whatever ways she could to get guys... if you get my meaning. Me, I've never been skinny, but I'm pretty, and back in the day we were always out clubbing, bar hopping and having fun. I don't think I paid for a drink for about 4years straight back then. My friend was usually the same with that, but she always had to make a comment to make you feel inferior.

She did the same with my jobs... I usually jumped jobs when I was younger. If something better came along, I'd go there. I really didn't care about longevity or anything, but looked at pay and benefits and stuff. Well, the one time I got laid off, and I was on Unemployment until I could find another job. My current car at the time was dying and I was looking for another used car. SO, on her lunch break, at this little newspaper she worked at for years being a typist and was scared to leave, we went to look at a local place for used cars. The salesman comes over and says hello and what am I looking for, and my "friend" says "Oh Jenn, I didn't know you could buy a car with food stamps!" What the heck?! Who said anything about food stamps?! I just looked at her, totally embarrassed, and the sales guys walked away!!

That's just how she was. She is still petty. She is still unhappy. She's married and has 2 kids and all she does is yell and scream at them and the husband. We don't really see eachother but once a year, and even then it's a bit much.

I could always count on her to make me feel bad about myself. Not what you need in a friend. And definitely not what you want from a relative.

[moosmom]

I had a mother-in-law once. A real bad alcoholic who used to call my hubby and me (now ex-hubby) at all hours of the night drunk out of her mind. Didn't like her then either. She's dead now. Got rid of the ex too. Happy as a clam now!!! :p

[jennielynn1970]

I had a mother-in-law once. A real bad alcoholic who used to call my hubby and me (now ex-hubby) at all hours of the night drunk out of her mind. Didn't like her then either. She's dead now. Got rid of the ex too. Happy as a clam now!!! :p


LOL! Just goes to show how nice it is without negative people in our life!!

[Marigold2]

My first MIL was straight out of hell. Hell I tell you. When she didn't get her way she would cry. :mad: Everyone would go "poor poor mommy her feelings are hurt". And then the knife would come out and she would stab everyone in the back. Oh she was so evil. Then it turned out many years after we were divorced that the woman had a brain tumor. Aperently the DR's thought she had it for about 10 years before it was removed. I don't know if that was the reason for some of the evilness or is she truly is evil. I do know she was a piece of work.

[jazzcat]

It's nice to know that I'm not suffering alone. Sounds like I could have it much worse.

As for those with great mother in laws, LUCKY YOU! Be very thankful!!!!

I think I will try the advice of "thanking her for noticing" or whatever appropriate comeback for her snipe is. I'm not going to let her see she is getting to me.

[captain]

Lori,
I am sorry hear your MIL is being a stone-cold-b .....

I have used this saying many times:

"If you can't say something nice, rather say nothing at all".

Alot of people stammer and say, oh oh I wasn't being personal, blah blah - but YES, YES you were!!!!!

[ChrisH]

---------------------
All mom's have that "I am the only woman in my son's life" attitude.

When the time comes, they are cannot stand the idea that their son's are leaving the nest.


Not all Richard, not all.

[kimlovescats]

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) Lori!!!! That was a completely rude, hateful, and insensitive thing for her to say!!!!! :mad: Good thing I wasn't there, or I would have had to say something .... especially THIS week! :eek: ;) My ex mil told my ex before we married that he would not have her "blessings" if he married me. I guess it was a blessing that she passed away before she had to see us divorce! :eek:

Jerry's mother really drug me through the wringer early in our marriage. One time upset me so bad that I left her home after blessing her out and started walking home without Jerry or the kids. They caught up to me and picked me up .... AFTER he had a few words with his mother himself. For some reason she believed that I was a snob and thought her "people" were not good enough for me. :rolleyes: