View Full Version : The Bad Bunny List.

02-14-2007, 07:54 PM
--- Destroying ---

Chewing a giant hole in the carpet does not mean I will be let out of the playpen.
Chewing halfway through my male human's shoelaces and laughing at him when they break is not nice.
Chewing on fan cords to turn the fan off the other bunnies is not funny, even if the humans laugh.
Chewing under a door will not open it. No matter how hard I try or pull.
Christmas lights are pretty, I don't need to chew on them or the tree.
Cribs are not for chewing.
Digging up the oats my human plants for me is counterproductive. It will not make them grow faster.
Eating the keyboard cable is not the proper way to turn off the computer, even if the screensaver annoys me.
Grass mats should last at least a week. I do not need to put massive holes in mine 3 hours after I get them.
I can stop eating the stuffed animals. My human gets very mad, and one day I may get a blockage.
I do have my OWN magazine to shred and it is NOT neccesary for me to shred my human's magazines in the house.
I do not need to bite through the cord cover and cord to the speaker, even if I don't like the music. It doesn't solve the problem, and my human just gets mad.
I do not need to chew and dig up my human's new comforter.
I do not need to chew the bottom 12 inches off of every door frame.
I do not need to chew the ends off every shoelace/jacket cord/sweatshirt cord in the house.
I do not need to dig a hole in the brand new sofa.
I get the old phone book, not the new one!
I may not eat the piano. It belongs to my male human, and he will have me stuffed if I damage it.
I will ask my human to show me what carpet tacks look like, instead of digging up the carpet to find out myself.
I will eat my bunny treats instead of stripping the wallpaper.
I will never again chew on my human's college textbooks while she is lying on the floor doing her homework. I understand that they cost big bucks and need to be kept in tip top condition if she wants to get any money back for them.
I will no longer chew thesauruses and dictionaries; I will no longer hide them under the futon.
I will not artistically scallop the edges of borrowed books.
I will not bite the baseboards.
I will not bite through the dishwasher pipe in the middle of the night and flood the kitchen and two downstairs flats. (We still can't work out how he did it!)
I will not chew and eat the rubber off the soles of all of my human's shoes and slippers. I will get a job, earn some money, and go out and buy my OWN shoes to eat.
I will not chew any more phone cords. I could get myself killed and the phone lady thought my humans were nuts.
I will not chew holes in body-sized pillows then crawl inside and jump about the house in the pillow like a giant hopping pillow-worm.
I will not chew holes in the floor pillows.
I will not chew holes in the hoses and I won't eat all of the patio furniture.
I will not chew my human's mouse pad, even if the cleaning people set my cage next to the computer.
I will not chew on my human's pants leg.
I will not chew on my human's tax return, even if I don't get any of her refund.
I will not chew on the furniture. There is enough fiber in my diet already.
I will not chew on the laptop computer.
I will not chew on the wires of my cage, since that will mess up my teeth.
I will not chew on, knock down, or throw my human's action figures. They are not little people and I will not play Night of The Lepus (an old horror film about giant killer rabbits) with them. I have my own action figure and it makes my human angry if I chew on hers!
I will not chew the belt of my human's treadmill.
I will not chew the buttons on the TV remote down to little nubs so that the humans have to use a pencil to push them in.
I will not chew the cord of my humans new treadmill.
I will not chew the elastic waistband on my female owner's underwear that's hanging on the clothes drying rack so that she won't ever again have to run into empty cubicles at work to hike up her underwear.
I will not chew the shoes of every visitor. My human says this is very rude.
I will not chew the wires of my humans' brand-new electric blanket they got as a Christmas present from their parents.
I will not chew through my human's watch band if she stops petting me and falls asleep.
I will not chew through the bunny gate. No matter how badly I want into the other room.
I will not chew through the cords of sleeping bags.
I will not chew through the main phone wire coming into the house causing all the houses on our block to loose their phone service!
I will not chew through the phone transformer line. It makes the humans VERY mad and they have to buy a new phone. When I do chew through the line, I will not hide from the humans again, making them worry I may have killed myself doing that. When they find me, I will let them check my mouth, instead of chomping on fingers. Once they get the phone replaced, I will not go near the lines again, that means cage time (if they catch me). If I ever even THINK about chewing on cords again, it will mean long periods of cage time.
I will not chew through the TV cord; it frizzes my fur, and makes it smoke!
I will not chomp the phone cord when my human is talking on it instead of petting me.
I will not chomp the refrigerator cord, subsequently scaring my humans to death and causing two hours of repair work.
I will not climb up on the furniture, then climb up a wooden rack to chew through the string on the compound bow there. Especially when doing so causes the bow to make a loud TWANG sound and scares away all the other rabbits in the house.
I will not confuse my human by eating all the beads on the dream catcher without chewing through the string.
I will not consider cords (printer, phone, computer cords) bunny chew toys.
I will not destroy the sofa in revenge when my humans go away for a night.
I will not dig or bite my human's clothes, even if they are on the floor, and she wonders if there are cotton-eating moths.
I will not drag borrowed out-of-print books behind the toilet and eat them.
I will not duck under a piece of furniture while my owner is on the phone and pull the carpet up from one corner, then act innocent when caught in the act.
I will not eat my human's course catalog.
I will not eat my human's freshly potted plants.
I will not eat my human's roses, nor thump when her boyfriend says "Rabbit Stew".
I will not eat my male human's new rugby boots, getting my female human in a lot of hot water.
I will not eat the human's box spring so that no stuffing remains inside and I can play fort for hours. My rabbit Dusty ate through the box spring, removed all the stuffing and would hide out for days in it.)
I will not eat the numbers and buttons off the remote control, even though they are really chewy.
I will not fringe all those boring hemmed jeans.
I will not get jealous over the amount of time my human spends doing research, and will not display my "appreciation" of her work by shredding her only copy.
I will not get my human's attention by acts of wanton destruction. It only gets me sent to my cage.
I will not gnaw on my bedding when the humans are asleep.
I will not gnaw on my human's genuine birds-eye maple desk that his father made for him 40 years ago.
I will not gnaw the plastic off of the slave's eyeglasses.
I will not hide under the Christmas tree where no one can reach me, nibbling on and tearing up the plastic tree skirt.
I will not intentionally bite through the refrigerator power cord to make my human give me all the veggies before they go bad.
I will not jump up onto my human's desk and eat his Law School ethics paper.
I will not keep chewing on my human grandma's oxygen tubing. Even though she thinks it's funny, she can't breathe.
I will not leap onto the couch, run through the North Pole scene and then jump up onto the Christmas village on the tree platform, coating myself and my surroundings in "real fake snow," terrorizing the tiny villagers and leaving Tyrannosaur-sized footprints in the "real fake snow."
I will not look around in confusion, as if someone else is named Harvey and he is the ones chewing the carpet.
I will not nibble chunks off the hem of my human's mother's favorite silk dress when she fails to pay attention to me for two minutes.
I will not nibble large holes in the shower curtain to punish my human whenever she is away overnight and forgets to hike it up. Plastic is not good for my digestion.
I will not pull the nature books off the bookshelf, turn the pages, and then eat them.
I will not push open the bedroom door and eat the wallpaper when my human's asleep.
I will not remove the titles from the spines of all of my human's LPs.
I will not remove the titles from the spines of all of my human's paperback science fiction.
I will not repeatedly eat the printouts of the Bad Bunny List my human makes.
I will not rip huge, gaping holes in the top of the armchair and pull out the stuffing. I will not, I will not, I will not... (His Royal Heinie likes to sit at the very top of the chair. One evening he decided his throne needed redecorating, and got busy. My husband caught him in the act and glared at *me*. What?! I didn't teach him that! I didn't teach him any of his rotten little tricks! I'm innocent!)
I will not ruin another of my human's bags.
I will not ruin one more pair of shoes. I shouldn't be able to get through the soles, really.
I will not sever the phone cord between the phone jack and the answering machine, leaving my human to wonder why she's not getting any phone messages even though the lights on the answering machine and phone are all on. (Bun and I are on answering machine no. 3 even though we've been using those hard plastic sleeves that go over the wires. Bun just works his way down the plastic sleeve until he finds an exposed 1/4" next to the plug or back of the machine).
I will not sever the phone cord when my human is talking long distance.
I will not shred the water heater blanket, rendering it useless, getting my human in a lot of hot water...oops, getting my human in big trouble.
I will not sit under the artificial Christmas tree and chew it or pull branches out. It is not a big hay tree.
I will not sneak into the humans' bedroom and destroy the newest issue of "Old House Journal" or any other magazine that costs more than $2.00.
I will not sneak past the bunny-gate, jump into my human's bed, chew up her sheets, build a nest there, and line it with my own spare fur.
I will not steal and devour my human's slippers, especially after they have been declared "off limits" and I have been given my own special pair to destroy.
I will not try to chew holes into my human's singing machine, just to let her know she needs to practice more so that she can get a record deal and I can be famous, or be the "Celebrity's pet."
I will not try to eat my human's school notebooks and then drag them away while she tries to chase me.
I will not try to kill my friend the stuffed dog by eating his stuffing.
I will not try to make a nest on my human's stomach and bite two holes in my human's favorite shirt that my human is not supposed to be wearing! (It was actually kinda funny - I mended the bite holes and put the shirt in his closet. After the next time he wore the shirt I asked him if he had noticed anything wrong or different about it. When he said he hadn't seen anything wrong with it I fessed up. (Cause if I had told him *before* he would have noticed *every* blemish - even those Pixie hadn't made!) He isn't on PetBunny, but he is a Very Sensitive Bunny Guy! Thank goodness!
I will not try to pull the yarn out of the carpet. It has harmful dyes in it, and it doesn't make the house look nicer.
I will not turn the brand new sheets from my human's Grandma into intricate linen doilies. Holes in sheets are bad.
I will not wait until the human leaves the room and immediately jump into her computer chair and chew through her headset cord. When she comes back, I will not look completely innocent.
I will only chew on the things I'm allowed to chew on, not the baseboards, cords or humans.
I will quit trying to eat the TV remote.
I will stay out of my male human's office; he was very upset when I destroyed the cable on his spare monitor.
I will stop chewing on my human's expensive wooden chest. The doors do not need my scalloping.
I will stop chewing the thermal blanket. I could very easily get a blockage from it.
I will stop chewing through fan cords, especially those "out of my reach.". My human has other things to do besides replace cords, and the vet is getting tired of seeing me.
I will stop chewing up my human's books, as she doesn't like it when she can't finish a book.
I will stop eating headphone cords! (6 pairs and counting.)
I will stop eating holes in my human's underpants and socks when she leaves unfolded laundry sitting in my living room.
I will stop eating the broom so it can't clean up the messes I make.
I will stop eating the paint off of the walls. This puzzles the landlord and gets my humans into trouble.
I will stop getting the cats to knock the speakers over so I can eat the speaker wires.
I will stop ruining the shirts in the house.
If I am permitted to sit in my human's lap while she is reading, I will not tear at the pages, especially if it is her teacher's book.
If the baby gate is too high for me to jump over it, I will not try to scale it or chew through it so I can get out to play.
It is not good to chew the toilet paper off a new roll, just to get to the cardboard tube. my human provides me with plenty of cardboard tubes to play with.
It is not my job to chew the phone cord in half every time my humans buy a new one.
It is ungrateful of me to steal things to destroy when I have many toys of my own.
Just because I want out doesn't mean I have to knock my cage completely over and kick the door with my back feet until it breaks off.
Just because my male human was silly enough to leave it on the floor, I do not need to try to eat through the plastic protector on the new processor for my female human's computer.
Just because the baby's bassinet is made of wicker does not mean I must try to destroy it. The baby will stay off my floor if she is in her bassinet.
Just because the mouse cord is hanging down doesn't mean I can eat it.
My favorite chew toy will NOT be my human's favorite blanket.
My human like clothes without bunny toothmarks/fur.
My human put down cayenne pepper in a desperate, last-ditch attempt to stop me gnawing on the carpet. I will not mock her by licking up the pepper.
My human's back pack is not a tasty snack, nor is the second back pack, nor is her purse.
My human's cutting board is not a toy that I can shred or throw around.
My human's doll collections are not tasty treats.
Nylabone chew toys are designed to last for months. I will not destroy them without a trace in less than 12 hours.
Remote control buttons are not considered (by humans) to be treats.
Shredding the broom will not stop the humans from cleaning up my mess.
Teeth marks are not attractive decorations on cabinet doors.
The buttons on the remote control are not meant to be eaten.
The carpet does not exist purely for my grazing pleasure.
The catnip mouse is for the cats to play with. It is not for me to chew on, take the tail off of, dump in my water bowl, and eventually disembowel.
The cats are polite enough to not eat the plants. We rabbits should not eat the plants either!
The goldfish need air in their tank, I don't need to chew their air tubing to pieces.
The leather couch is not a food item.
The new carpet is not my new snack.
The sofa is not a giant chew toy.
The tassels on afghans are not spaghetti.
Though dietary fiber is important, eating large holes through cotton sheets, blankets and shirts will be frowned upon.
We will refrain from destroying boxes as our human is trying to pack.
We will no longer twist our human's guests around our paws by looking cute and innocent and then chew their shoe laces under the table.
When my human has finally chosen the perfect outfit, I will not chew a hole in it as she says "goodbye" to me.

02-14-2007, 09:09 PM
ahahahaha! Thanks sooo much for posting this buttercup!:D This brightened my day up soo much. I loved it, and I laughed so hard because every single rule is about chewing and every ones is sooo true about rabbits lol. You should send this to every rabbit on PT and make them read it:p

02-14-2007, 09:58 PM
I love it! Its almost like it was written just for Oz. If only he would listen to half of it :rolleyes: