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View Full Version : College Application Help NEEDED~~ *What I have so far...*



ILoveMyAbbyGirl
11-13-2006, 09:58 PM
I'm filling out college applications, and I need help with the Applicant's Statement. I know you guys can't write it FOR me, but how do I start it? Do I state my name? I don't know how to get the darn thing started. :(

Any college application suggestions appreciated.


ETA:

Here's what I have so far. I'm not done yet. Do you think it will be too long?

There are so many high school students out there today that complain and whine about how awful high school is. Our parents always told us that 'these are the best years of your life!' and at first I was skeptical. As I come upon the halfway mark of my senior year, I can't help but agree with my parents. Through my parent's divorce, amazing twists and turns in one of my tight-knit friendships and managing two jobs, a nephew, band, living in two different homes and preparing for college, I still had a blast.

High school has been one of the most exciting times of my life. I've made many wonderful friends and I really enjoy learning. Don't get me wrong; 6 AM on Monday is not a fun time, but high school was still a blast. I am still enjoying being in my Advanced Placement Calculus class and Chemistry never fails to keep me occupied. Band is something I've always been involved in and we play at about two games per week over the winter. My English classes have been amazing and have opened my curious eyes to many wonderful pieces of literature such as Hamlet, Jane Eyre and many more.

Over the span of three or so years, my parents have been in a bitter divorce battle. In 2003, my mom made the drastic decision to move out, and ever since then, they have been struggling to get divorced. I've moved three times in the past three years within the city limits. Over the past year, my mother has severely distanced herself from my brother and I and we fought often. She was consumed in lies and it made it very hard to trust her or rely on her for support. My grades started to slip my junior year, but now that things are looking up for my family and I, my grades are heading back towards my high-B, low-A average.

I've been anticipating college for quite a while now. I've been doing some research and asking people who attend UWMC to find out more about the school. I've heard about the wonderful classes, the SMALL classes (nothing compared to highschool, where classes can reach upwards of 40 people!) and very friendly teachers. I'm very excited to hopefully experience this school atmosphere myself.

Ever since I was a small child, I have wanted to be a veterinarian. I have a very strong passion for animals, just ask my dad about the time I snuck home two mice (my dad HATES mice) because they needed to be adopted at the pet store. One was blind and the other could barely walk; who could resist them? Nevertheless, they needed homes and I just happened to be there. I love animals of all shapes and sizes, from my two gerbils and two mice, to the 9 fish I have, to my aunt's horses and cows. I have a very caring personality and helping others is a goal I have always strived to achieve on a daily basis.

BC_MoM
11-13-2006, 10:04 PM
Gosh, thanks for reminding me I have to start filling out appts for college. :(

Growing up is scary!

ILoveMyAbbyGirl
11-13-2006, 11:12 PM
Here's all of it. Comments/critiques/suggestions welcome.

There are so many high school students out there today that complain and whine about how awful high school is. Our parents always told us that 'these are the best years of your life!' and at first I was skeptical. As I come upon the halfway mark of my senior year, I can't help but agree with my parents. Through my parent's divorce, amazing twists and turns in one of my tight-knit friendships and managing two jobs, a nephew, band, living in two different homes and preparing for college, I still had a blast.

High school has been one of the most exciting times of my life. I've made many wonderful friends and I really enjoy learning. Don't get me wrong; 6 AM on Monday is not a fun time, but high school was still a blast. I am still enjoying being in my Advanced Placement Calculus class and Chemistry never fails to keep me occupied. Band is something I've always been involved in and we play at about two games per week over the winter. My English classes have been amazing and have opened my curious eyes to many wonderful pieces of literature such as Hamlet, Jane Eyre and many more.

Over the span of three or so years, my parents have been in a bitter divorce battle. In 2003, my mom made the drastic decision to move out, and ever since then, they have been struggling to get divorced. I've moved three times in the past three years, and have luckily stayed within the city limits. Over the past year, my mother has severely distanced herself from my brother and I due to her severe depression and lack of treatment. We fought often; she was consumed in lies and it made it very hard to trust her or rely on her for support. My grades started to slip my junior year, but now that things are looking up for my family and I, my grades are heading back towards my high-B, low-A average.

I've been anticipating college for quite a while now. I've been doing some research and asking people who attend UWMC to find out more about the school. I've heard about the wonderful classes, the SMALL classes (nothing compared to highschool, where classes can reach upwards of 40 people!) and very friendly teachers. I'm very excited to hopefully experience this school atmosphere myself. Although I come off as quite shy, don't let it fool you. Once I get to know people and my surroundings, I open up. I have always been more of a listener than a talker; I was always the child that stayed up late, fearing I would miss some exciting happenings while my parents had friends over. I was always seen and not heard, and people always motivated me to speak up. Here I am, 18 years old, finally learning to speak up.

Ever since I was a small child, I have wanted to be a veterinarian. I have a very strong passion for animals, just ask my dad about the time I snuck home two mice (my dad HATES mice) because they needed to be adopted at the pet store. One was blind and the other could barely walk; who could resist them? Nevertheless, they needed homes and I just happened to be there. I love animals of all shapes and sizes, from my two gerbils and two mice, to the 9 fish I have, to my aunt's horses and cows. I have a very caring personality and helping others is a goal I have always strived to achieve on a daily basis. I know there is a bond shared between human and animal, and I feel that helping people take care of their beloved animals is something to take pride in. My goal is to someday become a successful veterinarian and possibly pursue a second goal on the side; photography.

I have a deep passion for photography, which developed nearly 4 years ago. I recently made a rather expensive purchase, a Canon S2 IS, the camera of my dreams. I always have my camera with me for fear of missing an opportunity to take a picture. I have thousands of images saved on my computer and I'm always adding more, often times by the hundreds. People have also made offers to buy my work from me, which only pushes me to pursue this career further if the chance arises.

Overall, I'm overwhelmed with joy at the opportunity I am being presented. College is something both of my parents have only dreamed of. Attending college has always been a goal of mine. Accomplishing that dream, either here or elsewhere, would be amazing.

DJFyrewolf36
11-13-2006, 11:51 PM
I like it! It shows that you have determination to do well dispite difficulty, and it also shows that you can be motivated where most people wouldn't be. You outline your goals too which is always good.

RockyRoad
11-13-2006, 11:51 PM
I think it is very good, and well written. :) You have a great talent with writing. I think it shows the school how you have not let your problems beat you down permanently, and you were able to get back up. Makes me excited to go to college, even though I have about another half a year before I start applying.

P.S. - AP Calculus?! How do you manage that one? I just dropped AP Chemistry because it was too hard.. I couldn't imagine Calc. :eek:

ILoveMyAbbyGirl
11-14-2006, 12:21 AM
I'm a year ahead in my math class. It's a group of 40 or so kids that all took freshman/highschool algebra in 8th grade. The AP Calc class isn't offered to everyone-- and if I do well on the AP exam, I could get up to 5 college credits. I love math. :)

caseysmom
11-14-2006, 12:26 AM
Good for you. I hope the math helps with veterinary medicine, my daughter is good in math also, she is in algebra 2 as a freshman and pulling a strong A. I know my daughter spoke with the woman at the UC Davis which has the top ranked veterinary medicine program in the country and she said they really want to see work with animals. So I guess if you have any volunteer work with animals really emphasis this...and good luck your on the right path!

Lizzie
11-14-2006, 12:40 AM
I couldn't resist editing your piece, tightening it up a little. Just take it as a suggestion.

So many high school students out there today complain and whine about what an awful time they have in high school. Our parents tell us 'these are the best years of your life!', and for some time I was skeptical that it could be true. As I reach the halfway mark of my senior year, I can't help but agree with my parents. Even living through my parent's divorce, amazing twists and turns in one of my tight-knit friendships, holding down two jobs, building a relationship with my new nephew, playing in band, living in two different homes and preparing for college, I still had a blast.

High school has been one of the most exciting times of my life. I've made many wonderful friends and I really enjoy learning. Don't get me wrong! Getting up at 6 a.m. for class on Monday is not fun, but high school was still a blast. I find my Advanced Placement Calculus class very stimulating and Chemistry never fails to keep me enthused to learn more. Band is something I've always been involved in and we play at about two games per week over the winter. My English classes have been amazing and have opened my curious mind to many wonderful pieces of literature such as Hamlet, Jane Eyre and many more.

Over the span of three or so years, my parents have been going through a bitter divorce. In 2003, my mom made the drastic decision to move out, and ever since then they have been struggling to get divorced. I've moved three times in the past three years, luckily staying within the city limits so that I didn't have to change schools. Over the past year, my mother developed clinical depression, for which she declined treatment, and severely distanced herself from both my brother and me. We fought often, especially when I found she was lying to me, and this made it very hard to trust her or rely on her for support. My grades started to slip in my junior year, but now that my family life has stabilised somewhat, my grades are heading back towards my high-B, low-A average.

I've been anticipating college for quite a while now. I've been doing some research and talking to students at UWMC to find out more about the school. In particular, students have told me about the wonderful classes, the SMALL classes (nothing compared to highschool, where classes can reach upwards of 40 people!) and very friendly teachers. I'm very excited about the possibility of experiencing all the wonderful and stimulating aspects of UWMC myself.

Although I appear quite shy, don't let it fool you. Once I get to know people and my surroundings, I open up. I have always been more of a listener than a talker; I was always the child that stayed up late, fearing I would miss some stimulating conversations when my parents had friends over. I was always seen and not heard, and people always motivated me to speak up. Here I am, 18 years old, finally learning to speak up.

Ever since I was a small child, I have wanted to be a veterinarian, and that desire has never left me. I have a very strong passion for animals and feel a deep commitment to help them. Just ask my dad about the time I sneaked home two mice (my dad HATES mice) because they needed to be adopted at the pet store. One was blind and the other could barely walk; who could resist them? Nevertheless, they needed homes and I just happened to be there. I love animals of all shapes and sizes, from my two gerbils and two mice, to the 9 fish I have, to my aunt's horses and cows. I have a very caring personality and helping others is a goal I have always strived to achieve on a daily basis. I know there is a bond shared between human and animal, and I feel that helping people take care of their beloved animals is something in which to take pride. My goal is to someday become a successful veterinarian and possibly pursue a second goal on the side; photography.

I have a deep passion for photography, which developed nearly 4 years ago. I recently made a rather expensive purchase, a Canon S2 IS, the camera of my dreams. I always have my camera with me for fear of missing an opportunity to take a picture. I have thousands of images saved on my computer and I'm always adding more, oftentimes by the hundreds. People have also made offers to buy my work from me, which only pushes me to pursue this career further if the chance arises.

Overall, I'm overwhelmed with joy at the opportunity being presented to me. College is something both my parents have only dreamed of. Attending college has always been a goal of mine. Accomplishing that dream, either here or elsewhere, would be amazing.

RockyRoad
11-14-2006, 07:12 AM
I'm a year ahead in my math class. It's a group of 40 or so kids that all took freshman/highschool algebra in 8th grade. The AP Calc class isn't offered to everyone-- and if I do well on the AP exam, I could get up to 5 college credits. I love math. :)

Wow, good for you! :) I could never grasp math, I can't even add simple numbers anymore. :rolleyes:

slleipnir
11-14-2006, 08:39 AM
I think it looks good! Sorry, no help from me :x

But wow, less than 40 people in your class? When I went, first year in some courses had hundreds of people in one class. (Biology...my english class was normal)

CountryWolf07
11-14-2006, 11:50 AM
I'm a year ahead in my math class. It's a group of 40 or so kids that all took freshman/highschool algebra in 8th grade. The AP Calc class isn't offered to everyone-- and if I do well on the AP exam, I could get up to 5 college credits. I love math. :)

You should take my Statistics final, haha. :) I hate math, it's not my thing! Besides, I don't understand it either.

buckner
11-14-2006, 01:33 PM
Did the school's application contain a 'prompt' of some sort? The applications I filled out and looked at all had different writing prompts. Some schools had a choice of three, and the instructions said to write about *one*. Did this school have that in its application?

Anyways, I think yours is good. I go to a Liberal Arts college, and I'm in a class that focuses on critical reading and writing. The only thing I have to critique is the size of your topic. It seems way too broad - I say pick a topic and go with it. You start out with talking about how highschool should be the best time of your llife - and you explain how it is. Then you move into your parents' divorce, college anticipation, and finally what you want to do with your life. I say pick one of those ideas and run with it. Maybe focus on how your parents' divorce forced you to grow up and have a much more mature outlook on life, or particularly how your highschool career allowed you to have fun and also learn about yourself (and how you learned about yourself).

Maybe I'm way off base. In the applications I looked at when applying for college, they all stated that they wanted to know your personality. I think that if you gave a personal look into who you are as a person (instead of just a touch of every aspect of your life) in one particular field, you could have a stronger impact on the college.

Then again, I only applied to one college.... but I looked at five applications! hahaha

Don't take this as an attack on you or your writing - you're AMAZING with everything you do. Just giving my $.02 worth...

If you don't change a thing, I think it'll still be wonderful. :)

Pembroke_Corgi
11-14-2006, 03:27 PM
A good essay counts for a lot, and I think yours looks good. It is written well and sincerely done. Best of luck on getting into the school you want!! :)

ILoveMyAbbyGirl
11-14-2006, 03:34 PM
Slight revision-- went off what Lizzie suggested.

So many high school students out there today complain and whine about what an awful time they have in high school. Our parents tell us 'these are the best years of your life!', and for some time I was skeptical that it could be true. As I reach the halfway mark of my senior year, I can't help but agree with my parents. Even living through the divorce of my parents, amazing twists and turns in one of my tight-knit friendships, holding down two jobs, building a relationship with my new nephew, playing in band, living in two different homes and preparing for college, I still had a blast.

High school has been one of the most exciting times of my life. I've made many wonderful friends and I really enjoy learning. Don't get me wrong! Getting up at 6 a.m. for class on Monday is not fun, but high school was still a great experience. I find my Advanced Placement Calculus class very stimulating and Chemistry never fails to keep me enthused to learn more. Band is something I've always been involved in. We play at about two varsity games per week over the winter. My English classes have been amazing and have opened my curious mind to many wonderful pieces of literature such as Hamlet, Jane Eyre and many more.

Over the span of three or so years, my parents have been going through a bitter divorce. In 2003, my mom made the drastic decision to move out and ever since then they have been struggling to get divorced. I've moved three times in the past three years, luckily staying within the city limits so that I didn't have to transfer schools. Over the past year, my mother’s clinical depression worsened. She often declined necessary treatment, and severely distanced herself from both my brother and me. We fought often, especially when I found she was lying to me and the rest of my family. This made it very hard to trust or rely on her for support. My grades started to slip in my junior year, but now that my family life has started stabilizing, I am working on getting my grades back to a high-B, low-A average.

I've been anticipating college for quite a while now. I've been doing some research and talking to students that currently attend UWMC to find out more about the school. In particular, students have told me about the wonderful and small classes (nothing compared to high school, where “small groups” can reach upwards of 40 people, with large groups bridging 300) and very friendly teachers. I'm very excited about the possibility of experiencing all the wonderful aspects of UWMC myself.

Although I appear quite shy, don't let it fool you. Once I get to know people and my surroundings, I open up. I have always been more of a listener than a talker; I was always the child that stayed up late, fearing I would miss some thrilling conversations my parents and their friends would have when we had company. I was always seen and rarely heard and people have always motivated me to speak up. Here I am, 18 years old, finally learning to speak up and have a voice.

Ever since I was a small child, I have wanted to be a veterinarian, and that desire has never left me. I have a very strong passion for animals and feel a deep commitment to help them. Just ask my dad about the time I snuck home two mice from the pet store. (Then ask him if he likes mice!) One was blind and the other could barely walk; who could resist them? Nevertheless, they needed homes and I just happened to be there. I love animals of all shapes and sizes, from my two gerbils and two mice, to the 9 fish I have, to my aunt's horses and cows. I have a very caring personality and helping others, whether human or animal, is a goal I have always strived to achieve on a daily basis. I know there is a bond shared between human and animal, and I feel that helping people take care of their beloved animals is something in which to take pride. My goal is to someday become a successful veterinarian and possibly pursue a second goal on the side; photography.

I have a deep passion for photography, which developed nearly 4 years ago. I recently made a rather expensive purchase, a Canon S2 IS, the camera of my dreams. I always have my camera with me for fear of missing an opportunity to take a picture. I have thousands of images saved on my computer and I'm always adding more, oftentimes by the hundreds. People have also made offers to buy my work from me, which only pushes me to pursue this career further if the chance arises.

Overall, I'm overwhelmed with joy at the opportunity being presented to me. College is something both my parents have only dreamed of. Attending college has always been a goal of mine. Accomplishing that dream, either here or elsewhere, would be amazing.

Iilo
11-14-2006, 11:24 PM
Do you guys have a college counseler on hand at the school? He/she could definitely help you.

I know the UW's application and the applicant statement looks just confusing. Most colleges have a prompt, whereas the UW just leaves you hanging.

The key word I see in their "prompt" is CONCISE. Obviously this doesn't mean you shouldn't attach a seperate sheet of paper, but don't make it too lengthy. I was going to suggest staying focused on one topic until I reread the application.

I'm sure you shouldn't be concerned about getting in at all. UWMC looks like a great school.