Alcohol abuse! PLEASE help!

[king2005]

No its not me.

Its my boyfriend :(

I knew he had a problem, so I kept picking at him, but hes very stuborn so I could only pick so far. I then started telling him how I feared he was going to turn into his father & I was going to end up like his mother, alone & hurt.

Well that worked. Saddly hes drunk right now, but he realized what he had done. He skipped work to drink :( So he popped onto MSN (I'm at work) & told me everything. Hes been drinking in the mornings when I wasn't around & he called in sick last week :( ... I know hes going to loose this job.

He asked me for help & I said I'm taking him to an AA meeting tomorrow night (its a block from my house, every Tuesday at 8:30pm) & tonight I'm bringing him to the clinic..

CRAP gonna miss my bus, will post more

[Karen]

At least he realized for a moment, and asked for help. That's a step in the right direction. Be strong!

[RedHedd]

Good for you for taking him to AA. When the window of willingness opens, recovery is possible.

[Catty1]

And make sure you get to Al-Anon for yourself. That is a huge way to help HIM.

Good luck!

[sparks19]

They say the biggest step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem. So he's already won half the battle. I hope this helps him and you.

[JenBKR]

(((((hugs))))) I know this can't be easy for you to be going through, hopefully you can help him through this. Like someone else said, the first step is admitting that you have a problem, which he did, so maybe he can move past this. Good for you for helping him!

[king2005]

WEll I hopped off the bus at 6pm to meet Shawn at the station by my house. He walked out of the mall with a bag in his hand. It was the Rum he had bought & was drinking. I didn't say a thing about it. We walked to the clinic & I said, you can't bring that in here so toss it out into the trash.. which he did...

The clinic was 100% usless!!!!!
They quickly said look up the # to an AA meeting, they can help, & then they walked out!!

For crying out loud, Shawn was upset they could have atleast talked to him about the dangers or asked him why he thinks hes drinking all the time or that the turnout is good & wish him the best of luck.. or just ANYTHING!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: Shawn was heart broken!! He took a lot of guts to go in there & bring it up & they walked out on him not giving a rats ass!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Shawn was so upset he said he wanted to go for a bike ride around the mini lake to burn off some energy. He returned 25mins later & all seemed ok.


Shawn started to talk to his dad on MSN while I cooked dinner. When I finished cooking dinner I handed Shawn his plate & he was upset. He asked his dad for some help with his drinking (like driving him to his family dr.). I don't remember how the whole convo went but I'll never forget this line!

-Shawn: Don't you care about me dad?
-Shawn's Dad: I want you to be happy, but don't involve me in your life

OMG I nearly cried & Shawn nearly died in heart break!! His father has never been much of a father, but this was uncalled for!!! Shawn couldn't even reply to him. Shawn said thats it, I want him out of my life, I can't take this anymore, he's never loved us (saddly its kinda true), he never cares, he never wants to listen to what we say (poor shawn went on & on) :(

I said well you need to tell this to your dad, but Shawn said I can't type anymore, can you do it for me.. So I did.. We told his Father that his wish has come true. He is no longer in Shawns life & he was being blocked for life.

I know Shawns dad is the root of Shawn's problems, as all Shawn wants is for his father to love him. I've spent hours talking to Shawns mother (Shawn has no idea what I know) about Shawns father & how she knows thats why both boys are acting out. Shes doing the best she can & it does show, but the boys still want a father!

I'm hoping Shawn will get better, as I did when I ditched my mother. My mother caused me horrible stress & pain & I've never been happier now that shes been out of my life for 3yrs... I know people have said I look & sound much happier & I do feel much happier.

Shawn lost his job :(

[JenBKR]

Ah I know that must have been frustrating for you at the clinic. I sure hope Shawn can get past this thing with his dad - how awful for him to have treated Shawn like that. What a shame. When did he lose his job? Has it been a while?

[king2005]

he lost his job today. He didn't go into work yesterday, as he was drinking :(

Shawn has realized what he has done. He did buy more booze lastnight, but he didn't touch them. He was upset with his dad, but didn't want to drink them, but did want to.. I asked him why he bought them & he said he doesn't know why & that he is going to dump them down the drain. I said, why not give them to Rose instead, as a thank you gift for being a nice person...

Rose doesn't drink much, but I'm gonna call her today & let her know that Shawn will be giving her his booze & to just accept it as a gift & if she wants them, she can keep them or dump them, its up to her.. She knows what Shawn is going through & she really likes Shawn a lot(hes not violent or anything, hes always a friendly guy) so she also wants to help him (well help me help him), as I'm helping her deal with her POS b/f (which she kicked out lastnight & made him sleep outside).

Rose is even gonna hook Shawn & I up with this wonderful dr. she found for her b/f (he does coke & drinks & he gets nasty!), as she said she knows she'll be good for Shawn as Shawn isn't hopelessly lost, he just needs a few more helpful loving hands to help him on his way to recovery.

Rose also thinks Shawn has ADD & also agrees with me, that it could be a small part of his problem. I told Shawn that I think he has ADD & he thought about it & agreed & is willing to go on the meds if the Dr. conferms that it is ADD.

Shawn is excited to get this help, but he has asked me to keep the bottle of pills in my purse so there is no temptation on his part to mess around. Shawn knows he still getting clean from his drug use (you guys have no idea how GREAT hes doing!! A guy on the bus the other day offered Shawn pills & weed & Shawn turned him down without a second thought!!!!). Shawns old friends & brother offered him pot & he turned them down too! Shawn fount pot in the basement & was angry that it was in the house.. I know its not 100% over, but just seeing how Shawn is dealing with it (as a bad thing) is wonderful!

[elizabethann]

Wow. You are such a rock and a god send to be there for him.

It sounds like he needs to see a doctor but also a therapist to talk about his life and his problems and to try to get through his issues with his dad.

He is very lucky to have you. I wish him (and you) the best of luck.

Take care.

[king2005]

Wow. You are such a rock and a god send to be there for him.

It sounds like he needs to see a doctor but also a therapist to talk about his life and his problems and to try to get through his issues with his dad.

He is very lucky to have you. I wish him (and you) the best of luck.

Take care.

Shawn just wants to forget about his dad & move on with his life. If it doesn't go well, I'll get Shawn to see someone.. Shawns dad wont change, as hes ditched his whole family & wished he never had it.. ya thats what young kids what to hear right? Shawns mother said its one thing for him to say he doesn't want his wife, but not wanting his kids!! Just makes us ladies sick.

If anyone is wondering Shawn is 19yrs old (will be 20 in Nov).. if it wasn't for my younger sisters drug abuse I don't think I could handle this. But since I already know what does & doesn't work, I can help Shawn much better, by being strong... Also Shawn looks up to me cause I'm older, live on my own, finished college, have a job & ditched my own mother as she was bad.. So talking & dealing with Shawn is decently easy.. also him being a super clingy person, I can get the message into his head faster, when I tell him hes hurting me (not physicaly, hes a pussy cat, not a mean bone in his body), he really WAKES up & wants to change..

I don't take advantage of his weakness on everything, just for the drug/drinking abuse. Once hes cleared from that (a couple years), I'll get on him about smoking ;) However hes not a big smoker at all, so its not the end of the world to get him to stop any time soon (hes very respectful & smokes outside).. & I know getting him to stop everything all at once is, like playing with fire, so he needs 1 bad habbit to help cure the rest.. Smoking doesn't change his personality, but drugs & drinking does, so those had to go asap.


I think if Shawn was anyother person I would have walked out of the relationship LONG ago. But Shawn is super sweet, kind, gentle, willing to learn more (pets, computers, things I like type of deal), willing to try new things (camping.. ya the poor guy has never gone camping!), doesn't want to be a mess & is changing for the better.. Come on the guy does my dishes, helps with the laundry & cleaning :eek: He carries the heavy groceries, rushes to the store to pick up something we forgot & always tries to puts me first! Hes scared of the rats, but tries to hold them cause I like them. However hes far too scared of the turtle & wont touch him at all lol

[Muddy4paws]

You sound like a wonderful person, Hes lucky to have you so close to him, I hope everything works out ok

[Catty1]

...and he can still call AA and go to that. A dr and having a medical checkup is good too.

Shawn's father is not the problem here - Shawn is an adult, and is making some important changes. But blaming someone else takes away a person's responsibility for what they do. Do you get what I mean?

Maybe it IS his dad's fault he is where he is now - but if Shawn stays stuck there, that is SHAWN'S fault.

He's focussing on himself right now.

Jess, give Al-Anon a call and talk to someone about this too.

hugs
Catty1

[king2005]

I'll look into Al-Anon . I can't call it when Shawn is around, so I have to wait until he gets another job. I'll see if they have a website & maybe I can do emails from work.

We're going to AA tonight

[Vela]

...and he can still call AA and go to that. A dr and having a medical checkup is good too.

Shawn's father is not the problem here - Shawn is an adult, and is making some important changes. But blaming someone else takes away a person's responsibility for what they do. Do you get what I mean?

Maybe it IS his dad's fault he is where he is now - but if Shawn stays stuck there, that is SHAWN'S fault.

He's focussing on himself right now.

Jess, give Al-Anon a call and talk to someone about this too.

hugs
Catty1

Great post. Couldn't agree more.

[RedHedd]

I'll look into Al-Anon . I can't call it when Shawn is around, so I have to wait until he gets another job. I'll see if they have a website & maybe I can do emails from work.

We're going to AA tonight
Don't wait.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

[Catty1]

Why can't you call it when Shawn is around?

Hopefully someone at AA tonight will tell you about some local Al-Anon meetings.

There are some AA people who go to Al-Anon also. After all, they married an alcoholic! lol

Just don't get so lost in Shawn's solution that you lose sight of yourself. You are doing fine so far. Just remember you too!

hugs
Catty1

[gini]

Just don't get so lost in Shawn's solution that you lose sight of yourself. You are doing fine so far. Just remember you too!

hugs
Catty1


This is excellent advice. He MUST do his own work - you cannot do it for him. You can be supportive - but the hard work is his alone.

[zoey]

King2005, I agree with everyone, especially Catty1, Vela, & Redhedd about Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon!!!!!!!
Great organisations. I atteneded Al-Anon in the past. It was one of the most helpful groups I've ever attended. Also my sister still attends and feels it is invaluable.
The Big Book is also a great resource that A.A. uses.
Here is a link: Big Book (http://www.recoveryzone.org/docs/bigbook.htm)
You can read or listen to it online. A little everyday, one day at a time. I wish you and Shawn well!!! Zoey

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

You are doing a great job here!! Good luck to you and Shawn!!

[king2005]

I'll update later, I'm too pissed off to talk about this right now. I'll see what happeneds when i go home tonight & then will update tomorrow... Lastnight should have been an eye opener for him

[Pawsitive Thinking]

No its not me.

Its my boyfriend :(

I knew he had a problem, so I kept picking at him, but hes very stuborn so I could only pick so far. I then started telling him how I feared he was going to turn into his father & I was going to end up like his mother, alone & hurt.

Well that worked. Saddly hes drunk right now, but he realized what he had done. He skipped work to drink :( So he popped onto MSN (I'm at work) & told me everything. Hes been drinking in the mornings when I wasn't around & he called in sick last week :( ... I know hes going to loose this job.

He asked me for help & I said I'm taking him to an AA meeting tomorrow night (its a block from my house, every Tuesday at 8:30pm) & tonight I'm bringing him to the clinic..

CRAP gonna miss my bus, will post more

He's on the right road to recovery - has admitted he has a problem which is the biggest step to take. Good luck to you both

[Catty1]

Jess - I would guess you had expectations of how he would react at the meeting.

HOPE is one thing - EXPECTATIONS can be killers. We all do it - have a little script of expectations in our minds. "He/She/They should..."

You can carry the message but not the body. He knows what he has to do.

Get yourself to Al-Anon; you can't have him and his situation renting space in your head. And you'll be better help to him and others if you get support for YOURSELF.

hugs
Catty1

[king2005]

I'm giving up.

I don't want to go into details here, but tonight is more then likely gonna be the end. I'm already talking to someone & they do agree with me & I have 2 friends who also agree. I know you guys have no idea whats going on, but I'm not in the mood to type it out in public.

god I feel like crap, but I come first.

[caseysmom]

Jess, I am glad you are thinking of yourself. You just got out of a traumatic experience with Rob, this seems like it is going too fast. I don't mean to butt in but I think you should have some fun and go slow.

[king2005]

Jess, I am glad you are thinking of yourself. You just got out of a traumatic experience with Rob, this seems like it is going too fast. I don't mean to butt in but I think you should have some fun and go slow.

As in screw the dating world? Way ahead of ya.. I've already given up on that & I'm sick of this BS.. Mr. Right will just have to bump into me one of these days, as I ain't looking for him anymore!

Being single was kinda fun anyways. I also have a friend here in the city now, so its not nearly as bad. Sure it take me 2hrs to bus to her house *brain go off & brain dead drooling begins* but hey, I have a friend!

[caseysmom]

Yeah you know when you are least expecting it someone great will come along.

[king2005]

Yeah you know when you are least expecting it someone great will come along.

He better, as I ain't getting any younger lol

ok so that line doesn't quite work on me yet lol

[Catty1]

Pardon the language - but here is something I heard from an Al-Anon speaker at last year's AA Roundup:

"It's hard to see the light when your head is stuck up the alcoholic's ass." :eek: :eek: :eek:

:D

Catty1

Welcome back to the sunshine! :)

[king2005]

Pardon the language - but here is something I heard from an Al-Anon speaker at last year's AA Roundup:

"It's hard to see the light when your head is stuck up the alcoholic's ass." :eek: :eek: :eek:

:D

Catty1

Welcome back to the sunshine! :)

Note to self, don't read posts on pt while trying to drink pop.. It makes a sticky mess lol :D