View Full Version : What do you think is a good age to have a child(ren)?

06-17-2006, 02:05 AM
We have no intentions of starting a family any time soon. That could change, though. With all these wonderful babies springing into the world I was curious as to everyones opinion on a good age to start having children. If you have a specific age (as in, one that is in between the ranges or not an option) would you be so kind as to say so? Also, why do you think that age or age range is ideal?

Edit: I understand that it is different for every individual which is one of the reasons why I am asking. I am not asking to get advice on when *I* should have kids. (just to clear up any confusion)

Miss Z
06-17-2006, 02:36 AM
I would say 26-29 because I think it's important to be properly settled into a marriage before little kids come along, sometimes a screaming baby can make or break people ;)

finn's mom
06-17-2006, 02:48 AM
It totally depends on the person or people and the situation. I know I'll be 30 in September and have just now started thinking of having children. It's perfect for me. :) But, waiting this long isn't what others want to do. It's a very personal decision, and, I didn't vote. ;)

06-17-2006, 03:01 AM
Oops, I didn't mean to impose on anyones views. :(

Of course I meant what a person would do for themselves. :p Personally, I think I'd like to wait twelve years. That seems like a good, stable, age. I'd be out of college and in a stable job. :D

06-17-2006, 01:11 PM
I think it is different for every individual.

06-17-2006, 01:27 PM
I think it is different for every individual.

I agree.

I am 18 years old and could NEVER imagine having a child at my age. I am still a child myself and would not be able to financially support another child.

06-17-2006, 01:34 PM
I agree that it's different in every situation, some people should never have children at any age! I do feel that it is ideal if one can get out and live life awhile as well as build up financial and emotional security before planning children.

06-17-2006, 02:02 PM
Well, Ashley is 18, and NEVER considered having a baby. She in fact was the one who always said she'd adopt rather than give birth to a baby herself. Sometimes having a child isn't something you plan according to age or finances. Sometimes major "oops" change your life when you're least expecting it... and nobody has ever regretted having a child no matter the age they were when they had them.

06-17-2006, 02:08 PM
Sometimes having a child isn't something you plan according to age or finances.

Not trying to step on any toes, but I highly disagree.

You can plan not having a child at a certain age or stage in your finances, easily. I am 18 years old and don't plan to have sex until I am fully ready financially - JUST IN CASE.

Yes, everyone has different morals in life, doesn't mean anyone's wrong or right, but it is VERY possible to plan according to age and financials.

I personally don't want to go thru pregnancy, ever. It may change when I get married and the time is right for children in my family, but right now it isn't appealing to me. I'd love to adopt.

06-17-2006, 02:18 PM

If you go through life planning every little detail, then you miss out o wonderful surprises along the way. I never planned on marrying a man with 3 teenagers and being a grandmom at 33. Yet I feel so blessed that I am. If I lived my life according to some arbitrary plan, I'd have NEVER married my husband and wouldn't be experiencing this wonderful joyous moment of having a grandchild.

When I met my husband, I was making a good $10,000 a year more than he did. I had a great job and made GOOD money. If I had a child then based on finances, I'd be sorely surely surprised right now because I am making $15,000 less than hubby.

I stand by the idea that you can't always plan your life and when you'll have children SOMETIMES things just happen to change your life.

06-17-2006, 02:21 PM

I'm very capable of reading, thanks!

I was just expressing my opinion on your statement. I don't have every little moment in life planned. However, such a big commitment like that, in my life, needs to be planned and thought out. I wouldn't want having a child to be surprise - I'd want to be as ready I can possibly be.

As I said, everyone in life has their own morals.

06-17-2006, 02:23 PM
...and nobody has ever regretted having a child no matter the age they were when they had them.

Not trying to pick on you here Kim ;), but I disagree with this sentiment although I think I understand how you mean it.. However some people DO have regrets about having a child at a bad point in their life. They may not regret the child itself but they regret having it at a time when they were unable to provide for him/her the way a child needs to be provided for. There are so, so many children who are born to parents who have no support at all, have no home even and have to stay in a shelter, and the parent(s) have to watch their child grow up without the opportunities many other children have.

Mental illness can also be a huge factor. Someone in a horrible depression having to deal with an unplanned child and without support may feel horrible regret and devastation over it, it can even interfere with bonding with the child. My mother worked for many years in child support enforcement, so she saw a lot of the not so happy sides of having unplanned children.

Very very sadly, not all parents love their children. I believe MOST do but there are those out there who treat their children horribly or blame them for their troubles, telling them horrible things like what a mistake they were. I can't imagine the tormented life these kids are brought up with, when they have parents who don't show love for them, parents who blame them for their lot in life. For the people who are like this, the children pay dearly for being born of an "oops".

Suki Wingy
06-17-2006, 02:42 PM
whenever YOU are ready. My mom had me at 23 and my dad and she were clearly not ready because they divorced about 6 weeks later.

06-17-2006, 02:47 PM
I had my first when I was 18, now I'm 21 and carrying my second. I want 4 before I'm 30! :D

06-17-2006, 03:42 PM
. and nobody has ever regretted having a child no matter the age they were when they had them.

I have to disagree with that. I was a child protection worker for a number of years. I met many women from all walks of life who deeply regretted they had children. Not all of them were abusive to their children(not every family involved with CPS is abusive), but in some cases their kids paid a terribly high price for their mother's regrets.

Weins--you left off an option--Never! Stuart and I could financially, physically, emotionally support a child, but will soon be taking steps to ensure it never happens.

Ally Cat's Mommy
06-17-2006, 03:45 PM
As most of you probably know, I have done both:
- had kids very early, and in a very new relationship (which didn't last). YES, it was unplanned, and NO I would not recommend it, HOWEVER I would never change what happened, as I love the girls so much, and they are both growing up into such fantastic young ladies.

Now I am in my mid-thirties and have just had Cali, who is the product of a VERY long relationship. It was a totally different experience. PHYSICALLY I probably coped better with the pregnancy, sleepless nights etc when I was younger, but EMOTIONALLY this last pregnancy and "new" motherhood again has been a totally different experience. I am more patient, and just feel like I am more tuned in to the WONDER of it all (probably also due to my infertility problems - Cali is truly a miracle baby). i would love mothing more than to have another baby - in fact I would LOVE to be pregnant again already - still trying to come to terms with not having more kids due to the RA medication.

06-17-2006, 04:28 PM
I voted 30-33.

I am 24 now, even if I met the man of my dreams today, i would want to wait a good 5 years, just so I can enjoy life with him.

I know everyone is different, but (IMO) the older you are, the more you have to offer your child.

06-17-2006, 04:58 PM
I think there is a emotional & a physical best time to have a baby. It's
great when you have achieved both at the same time.I am old enough to
realise that not all children are born to parents who've awaited their birth
as part of the couple's overall plans for a life as a family.

Some people might be the perfect age physically, but never mentally, and
that's ok too.I guess it's a tricky kind of question that really can be
answered in different ways. :) Interest question though.

06-17-2006, 05:07 PM
I voted for 26-29 but that is just because I was 28 when I had my first. I do believe it is different for each person. Some are capable of being wonderful parents at a very early age and some are never capable of being wonderful parents. (Oh my, the things you can read in the newspaper sometimes. :( ) I was ready for children earlier but hubby wanted to wait to be more financially ready. It all worked out. I had one at 28 and one at 30 and I was done. :)

Pawsitive Thinking
06-17-2006, 05:11 PM
Currently feel like half of Katie's school is sitting in my back garden so would say 120 seems like a good age to start :D

06-17-2006, 05:24 PM
I have to disagree with that. I was a child protection worker for a number of years. I met many women from all walks of life who deeply regretted they had children. Not all of them were abusive to their children(not every family involved with CPS is abusive), but in some cases their kids paid a terribly high price for their mother's regrets.

True - I suppose my opinion is slightly colored by the high I'm currently feeling about the baby ;) :p Its unfathomable to me to think that just because this baby was born to a young mom as a complete surprise that it would mean its not loved or wanted. Yes she is young (too young in my honest opinion) but she will be a great mom and this child will know nothing but love at home.

I know poor Ashley's own mom couldn't care less about her 3 kids. Pretty sad to see the end results: the disappointment and empty feeling because their mom doesn't want to think of them :( Ashley said that if her mom called about the baby all she'd say is, "Thank you for showing me how NOT to be a mom."

06-17-2006, 05:34 PM
Kim, Ashley is very blessed to have such supportive parents...it doesn't work out that way for all teen pregnancies, yes your grandchild will be blessed with love and support. Unfortunately the sacrifices will be for Ashley but she will be rewarded with a grown child before she is 40, yes I mean that, your grandson will have a Mom well into his life and not lose her at an early age. I had my kids at 30, not by choice I went through years of infertility, there is some down sides to having kids older, mostly the energy thing.

06-17-2006, 05:47 PM
It is diff for each person.

06-17-2006, 05:55 PM
i think 26-29 is agood age. i personally will NEVER have kids! i don't like them, i think babies smell terrible, and i'd much rather have dogs than kids!

06-17-2006, 05:57 PM
i personally will NEVER have kids! i don't like them,

That is how i feel.My pets are my kids.

06-17-2006, 05:58 PM
I think it depends on individual maturity levels.
A friend of a friend I know just had a baby @ 28 which a lot of people would consider to be a perfect motherhood age.
Yet, this girl is an immature, totally self absorbed drug attict and alcoholic who in my opinion will probobly not be a good mother. *ahem*
The first friend is smitten with her and refuses to believe that she'll fail miserably.
I am occasionally in a position where I have to deal with her and use this time to observe and document, since there is a precious child at stake. (She drank through entire pregnancy.) *sigh*
My point is, I didn't vote b/c there is no right answer.
My own mother began having all of us at 18 and did remarkably well, in spite of the sperm donors refusal to contribute time or money. *shrug*

06-17-2006, 06:08 PM
I think it depends upon the person. Until recently, I never wanted to have children. I grew up with a mom who is mentally ill, emotionally and verbally abusive and I have always been afraid I would turn out like her if I had children.

However, now that I am older and in a loving relationship, I realize that my husband and I would provide a wonderful home to our children. We will not being having children for at least another two/three years as I'm still in school and we cannot afford them yet.

I thought I might be pregnant this month but am not. I was a wee bit disappointed but realize now is not a good time.

Anyway, some people should never have children, some are good parents at younger ages, and some like me needed to wait until they were older and more mature to be parents.

06-17-2006, 08:15 PM
Of course, it depends. I do think it is better to wait a bit, finish your education, become a bit more financially established, and a bit more emotionally mature. Having a child is hard work, and having the above mentioned makes it easier. Not easy, but, easier.

Having Jonah 'late' in life (he he he, I was 38) has some drawbacks, and some positives. Probably, for me, more positives. The biggest drawback, as has been mentioned, is the fact I possibly won't see his children born. That is difficult for me. The positives- I am who I am, I am comfortable with me, I have done all the things I wanted to do, and I can provide for him on my own.

When I had Jonah, I realized it was the perfect time. :D

06-17-2006, 08:25 PM
I chose between the ages of 26 and 29. It's not really early or late, and it is right in the middle. Most people are stable (physically, emotionally, and financially) by then. Some may wait until they are 30 to have kids, which is also ok. I, myself, will probably wait until I'm out of college until I even plan on having kids.

06-17-2006, 08:39 PM
Personally, I don't want children. IF I do decide to get one I will adopt. That'll be if I do want a child. But I chose ages 26-29 because I would rather settle into a marriage before having a kid.

06-17-2006, 09:47 PM
I voted 26-29. I think it's a pretty good age for many people because many people are emotionally mature enough to have children, and still pretty young. I could see myself having a child at 28 or 29, but you never really know I guess! Eric is great with kids, I'd have no worries there, he has far more patience than me. :)

06-17-2006, 10:07 PM
People marry at widely divergent ages, my mom married on her 29th birthday, so all the early options on your poll were off the table by then.

The woman I basically nannied for was 40 when she had her daughter, never married. She never regretted having her daughter, who is now 25 and a fabulous person.

So much varies from person to person - you may think when you are 14 or 15, that by 25 you will be settled enough for a child, but when you reach 25 realize that you are not where you thought you'd be in your life.

I stand by my "it is different for each person and each couple."

06-17-2006, 10:12 PM
I think it also depends on the person, their maturity etc, i myself had my first child at 24 and it was the perfect age for me, so i would say anything from that age on really

06-17-2006, 10:26 PM
It is so difficult hearing about the troubles that some mothers and/or kids have with the other. Especially in some cases because some of us can relate.

My birth mother had me when she was 16, my older younger brother at 17, my sister at 21, and my other brother at 22. I think she was too young at all ages. Combine that with the fact that she was immature in all aspects and you have a recipe for disaster. :eek: I could never imagine having four kids before I turned 23 but some people might be ready and able by then. Just never know...

Maya & Inka's mommy
06-18-2006, 03:36 AM
I voted 26-29 too. We wanted kids from day one in our marriage( we were both 23). Nature just didn't let us :( . It was a few months before our 30th birthday when our first adopted kid arrived. Perfect age!