Holidays & Families

[catnapper]

Long story short: two of hubby's three sisters hate hubby for some reason. We honestly have no idea why, they just use every excuse in the world to start a fight. The last time they "attacked" us, we told them to just do everyone a favor and leave us alone.

We ADORE the third sister. She is drivng in from Florida and will be staying a few days with us next week, but getting into town Saturday. They are having a party at FIL's house.... we're invited and so are the evil sisters.

FIL tried to hide the fact from us that ES (Evil sisters) will be there, but hubby isn't stupid and asked if they'll be there. They will be, but they have NO idea we'll be there. I can only imagine the fight that will break out. Hubby is NOT bringing the kids, and he wants me to stay home too... oh boy...... can you hear the rumble of war already?


What is it about families? Why does the annimosity get to this point? What about holidays brings it to a boil? Should I duck and cover? Seriously... I know hubby's family isn't unique in this. Why do families get like this? What can be done ot try to fix things? Or is the hurt so deep that neighter side even knows why they are so hurt anymore?

[caseysmom]

I don't know Kim, my husband is like that with 2 of his brothers, one of them I don't really blame him, he is pretty wierd. I guess we can't choose our families but we are expected to like them and sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I don't have a lot in common with my brother but I still love him.

It would be nice to be able to ask the sisters what the problem is but I know its easier said than done, your hubby sounds like an adorable teddy bear to me, maybe they are jealous?

[poofy]

I know what you mean.. none of the 8 of us hate the other, but they go out of their way to not have any thing to do with each other. .its beyond me, I dont understand it..it wasnt that way before my mom died and I dont know what happened..but they dont call or even talk when you call them..
IM sorry familys are like that it makes me very sad and hurts us all when it shouldnt even be that way.. Im glad that he has one sister that will be coming by and hope you all have a wonderful visit and that the other sisters will some day relize the wonderful brother they have missed out on..

[K9karen]

God, that breaks my heart. I hate hearing stories like that. It's happened in my mom's family. Everyone was raised the same but over the years, for whatever reason, whether someone criticized the other, or when my uncles sold my nana's house and belongings without consulting the sisters, who knows? Some siblings didn't talk for years. I have 3 girl cousins I rarely see, except at funerals. That's so ugly. Only the middle one, my age, has been calling me, especially since her mom died a year before mine, and she expressed horror and asked forgiveness that her mother wouldn't let her contact me, we don;t know why. It took my mom's death for all the cousins to finally call me and keep in contact. We have 30 years to catch up on. My mom became the matriarch and finally, years ago, contacted every sibling and made each of them call each other etc. I find it so hard to understand. My best friend's family is so wonderful and close with 5 kids, all cousins, grandchildren are close. I'm so jealous (in a nice way). My brother, who lives with me. basically lives a life of his own. I don't hate him, I just learned to accept that I'll never ever change him.
Kim, just my opinion, but it's the holidays and I think you and hubby should go. If you stay away, you're giving in, and they'll relish it. If they start anything, just be sweet and tell them you're there to enjoy yourselves, not to argue and walk away. I'm the kind of person who would purposely show up to display my dignity and grace under fire. If worse comes to worse, you graciously say an early goodnight and let them look like the *b's* that they are. I hope you and hubby go.

[carole]

I am lucky I have only one sister and her and I are close, I cannot imagine anything coming between us and i hope it never does, but my hubby dis-owned his whole large family (for very good reasons, believe me) and has had nothing to do with them for over three years now and I know he never will again, it is sad, but sometimes it just happens.,my hubby is the good guy in all of this,so IMO they are the ones missing out , my hubby feels very much a part of my family and they treat him like his own family should have in the first place.

[G535]

I can't offer any advice as I have no family left but after reading this and a lot of similar stories I really think I'm better off than most.

Make the best you can of the situation and have a happy Christmas anyway!

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I'm sorry Kim. Good luck.
I think a lot of families are like that in one way or another. I love the Christmas season so much, but I dread the actual Christmas day when we have to spend the day with family.
First We'll go to Justin's parents house. We don't talk to any of them too often, in fact we just found out the other day that Justin's sister and her husband were living with Justins parents, we had no idea. I don't even know how to discribe our relationship with Justins family, Justin and I are totally different from them. One of his sisters and her husband are so tightly wound that practically everything offends them.
Then we"ll go to my parents house where my grandma will be. She loves to give hidden insults, especially to my mom. She'll say something like- "Oh Linda (that's my mom) what are you cooking?" My mom will tell her Turkey, then my grandma would respond with something like "oh, that's what that is". That's not the best example, but you get the idea. She'll say things like that all day.
Our last stop of the day will be Justin's Aunts house. This the worst stop of the day. We only see that family once a year on Christmas. I hardly know any of them and Justin doesn't like any of them. There is a lot of tension there because of a horrible "family secret" that everyone knows about, but no one talks about. It's the reason we only see them once a year. We usually stay there about 45 minutes, long enough to make an apearance and leave without seeming too rude.

Good Luck to everyone this Christmas!

[LKPike]

I've always got someone in my family on my case about "call your father!" on the holidays, but when has he ever called ME? sent me anything? told me happy birthday? so I'm expected to call the man and sit there for 30 minutes listening to some lecture about it being my fault we lost contact. it was over when i was excluded from his last wedding and vacations ((i was probably 10)) but my brothers and other family werent. thats when he stopped calling me, thats when I lost interest. he allowed his new wifes jealousy of me to rule him.
It really bugs me when people think otherwise.

*shrug* well thats our holiday family issue,

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm glad Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. Luckily, we spend that with my family. Not that they're not nuts, but it's usually peaceful. ...Christmas Day, after dinner at home with our furkids, we head to my in-laws. That's when the fun begins...

Kim, we've had similar situations with my in-laws, this one not speaking to that one, many times over the years....

[catnapper]

Somehow I get comfort knowing I'm not alone!

Things were always "iffy" between hubby's sisters, but when his mom died? wow! The funeral director said in his 30 years of working with berieved families, his sisters were by far the WORST he's ever encountered. They take being witches to a whole new level

They keep saying we don't keep MILs memory alive... but we DO. We have Thanksgiving and Easter at our house just like they always did. We celebrate all the holidays just like they always did, with one exception: we go to MY mom's on Christmas Eve, which is the one family tradition we kept of MY side. I always had Easter and Thanksgiving with my family until I married hubby.... but do they stop to consider MY family might want ONE holiday with us??? Noooooo.

Things hit the fan last spring when son had that wonderful newspaper article. They FLIPPED out because the article did not mention MIL's influence on my son. We DID, but it is not OUR fault the reporter decided not to mention it in the article! You should have seen the LETTER (not even a phoine call or in-person visit) they sent to son about how disappointed they are in him, telling him how bad he is and what an ungrateful, selfish youing man he is. To know my son, you'd know that cut him right into the heart. Hubby feels they can say and do what they want to him, but don't attack his kids. We have avoided them since that letter.

In the meantime, the one SIL we talk to has been trying to talk sense into her sisters. She flat-out says they are soooo wrong, but kshe knows her stubborn sisters won't ever see it. Pity.

[Edwina's Secretary]

I think sometimes it is our expectations. I once remarked that I kept wanting a Walton family holiday when I have the Addams family for relatives.....

[CalliesMom]

We are spending Christmas with my family this year. My mom and handicapped brother flew out to Atlanta and I am heading out there tonight. It has been several years since we spent Christmas with just my family and it should be an interesting experience.

I get along with everyone; however, my mother and oldest brother have issues stemming back from childhood. My SIL dislikes my mother for similar issues and it's great fun to listen to everyone complain.

I think it should be a good holiday though and I'm looking forward to it. It seems like Christmas brings out the best in everyone in my family and then we complain later. I can live with that.

[lizbud]

I came from a large family with many aunts, uncles, and cousins. We
must be in the minority because we all got along very well.Family is very
important to us & we might not all agree on everything, but we are all
individuals, but we are family & we above all,love each other.Only in law
problem I had was a MIL who thought she knew a better way to raise
children than I did.She was from the "let them cry" school and I prefered
to let a baby sit on my lap during meals than cry alone in the bedroom.

[Toby's my baby]

I am so sorry to hear this, I hate when things like this happen.

My grandpa had cancer, and he made out a living will, and it was something about giving most of his money to my dad and three of his brothers (he has four) because they all worked really hard, and helped him out a lot, while the other was sort of like a baby, and didnt do anything. Well anyways, right before he did of cancer, his wife changed the will so her and the one son got all the money and my dad and his three brothers got screwed. well, a big fight broke out, and now i have a restraining order agains my grandma and my one uncle. It is very hard not to be able to see or talk to my grandma. I have had the restraining order since i was about 7, and it will go untill i am 18, then I have to go to court again, and they will deside if it should be "renewed or whatever. "

[CathyBogart]

Icky icky situations. The closest I've had in my family was when my grandfather molested me and my little sister. Some family members were furious at him, others were furious at ME for getting him put in jail, and things have never been the same since, it really killed some of the holiday spirit.

Oh, and be careful what you say about Witches, most of us are nice people.