Well, since I've been up working since 2 a.m. any jokes I could ever possibly think of will have to wait until I can try and rattle some out of my brain, I don't know any recent actual jokes, it's rather more off the cuff and on the fly when the opportunities present. But I'll see if I can think of one eventually

As for dire things, I don't have any dire things Life is pretty good hehe, but I make a really mean hot chocolate.