Am I evil?

[catnapper]

Well, sonny boy is having his prom Sunday. Monday night he remembered he never ordered his tux, so we ran over to the tux rental place and rodered one. There ws nearly a blowup in the store because hubby and I wanted him to get one color, he wanted another. Long story, short, we just bended to him. Well, today the girls pounced on hubby when he came home from school --- they both said that their brother NEEDS to be in the black tux with the yellow vest and tie that matched his GFs dress (BTW, the vest was GORGEOUS pale yellow with black threads and the tie a beautiful soft shade the EXACT shade as her dress)

Now, hubby agreed with us saying he'll look stupid in the color he wanted and told me to call the tux place and CHANGE the order to what everyone wanted (except of course the boy who is wearing it does NOT want that color vest and tie). I feel rather bad for him, for the fact that he will not be wearing what he wanted, but glad that hell be looking smashing in the color we ALL think he should be wearing.

Now I feel evil for doing this. My son doesn't know what we did, and will NOT know until we pick the tux up Saturday night. Hubby feels that our son doesn't really deserve a right to say what color anyhow, because he's not the one paying for it (Thats right, my 18 year old son had US pay for his tickets and tux... which is a whole other issue altogether.)

Only, now I really DO feel bad that we took away his chance at expressing himself and such... no his choice wasn't ugly or garish, just not something we felt he should have been wearing. Perhaps if he paid for it himself we would have let it go, but HIS prom is not cheap for US (over $100 tux rental, plus another $75 for the tickets) and we feel we have the say here. Are we wrong? Are we evil?

[PJ's Mom]

I think you're wrong. (not evil. ) Let me tell you why...

We bought my daughters dress and ticket for the prom last year. She didn't have a date and wanted to go with her friend. I don't know the story with your son, but we didn't have a problem paying for anything and she helped out by finding a really cute, and really cheap dress. Since we paid for hers, we'll pay for the others to go to the prom, too. However, they want to go during their junior and senior years and that's something we will NOT pay for. They pay for anything other than their senior year.

I will let them all pick their own prom clothes, and as long as it's appropriate, I will exercise complete silence in the matter. The way I see it, they have to wear it, I don't.

Even if she had been working (she is now, but wasn't then) and if the rest are working by then, I will still offer to pay for them to go. It's a once in a lifetime event and I wouldn't want them to miss out because they couldn't afford to go.


Please don't be mad at me.

[catnapper]

This is his senior prom. He does not work, he does NOTHING around the house - might be different if he could at least take out the trash. He HAD a job and was fired because he never showed up. Its very frustrating because he always needs money and is always getting it handed to him, while his sisters work. Not fair.

I guess I should have mentioned how he ALWAYS expects us to pay for everything, and this was the line he crossed.

[caseysmom]

I would ideally (you know what we say and what we don't always match) anyway in my perfect world I would make him work off the tux and tickets but let him wear what he wants.

Just hope you don't have a really upset kid on your hands this weekend, I am not saying that he has a right to be but as you know that doesn't always matter.

[barclaysmom]

Hello. I just wanted to try to help you out a little. I'm 17 and my senior prom is next year. I absolutely can not wait. Your frustrations are understandable. Senior prom is a big deal. If my mom changed my prom dress without talking to me about it, I know I would be very upset. In my own OPINION, it is his senior prom and he wants to get something he likes and something he is going to feel comfortable in. Surprising him on Saturday night is probably not the best thing you could do, maybe you could talk to him share your frustrations with him and see how he feels about it. I'm only giving you my personal opinion, not meant offensively at all. I just wanted to help.

[Kfamr]

Coming from a 17 year old (who couldn't care less about prom or any other school function) while I wouldn't necessarily think of it as evil, I wouldn't call it right. It's kind of a 50/50 thing. You and your husband worked hard for the money to buy something you like. However, it's HIS night, his attire, and he's the one who has to wear it, not you or hubby. I can understand where you're coming from but if he has his heart set on a certain color (as long as it isn't more expensive than the one you chose) then he should get it.

[catnapper]

Thanks guys... I appreciate this. You have no idea how frustrated we are with him. Tonight is a major awards baquet and he's getiing an award. We are fighting him RIGHT now with clothes over it. He'll be ok with the yellow once the initial shock wears off, and once he sees its not YELLOW. I think he thinks we're making him wear a yellow tux or something.

[wolfsoul]

I can't really judge your situation because I don't know your son, but my prom is coming up in a couple of weeks, and I know that if my mom switched my dress on me, I would FREAK out. Then again, I think a dress is more important than a tux. I think that doing it behind his back wasn't the best way to do it -- I think that saying "This tux, or we're not paying for it" would be better. After all, when he finds out it was switched, it will be at the last minute and he'll have no time to take it all in. If I had found out my dress was different the very day before my grad, I would probably refuse to go just out of spite. So I don't think that having him wear another tux is wrong -- it's the way you went about it. I would have a talk with him.

[RobiLee]

My first thought is you are wrong to have done this. I feel bad for him since he is thinking he ordered one thing and getting something else. That is extremly sneaky. Where is the honesty? Why didn't your son and his date talk about colors before he ordered the tux in the first place? I think that should have been done first.

I know you are frustrated that you are paying all the bills for your son,but when you agreed to pay for the tux did you let him know that you would be picking out which one he wore? If that was the way you and your husband felt then that point should have been made very clear before you purchased the tux. I also wonder why you and hubby have to control what he wears.

Are you evil? Heck, NO! You are a parent! The hardest thing to be. Hang in there and good luck!

[catnapper]

Thanks... hubby's wearing a yellow shirt and tie to tonight's awards banquet. To show our son how nice yellow can look. He'll tell our son tonight. And will pretty much put it to him that his choice is either wear the yellow tie and vest or not have a tux. I really have to say I am surrised hubby's being this firm this time. You have no idea what its like living with a moody moocher who expects us to bend at his every whim. He chose the wrong fight this time.

As for gf... SHE told HIM she wanted yellow.

[PJ's Mom]

I know you are frustrated that you are paying all the bills for your son,but when you agreed to pay for the tux did you let him know that you would be picking out which one he wore?

That was my question!

Good luck.

[catnapper]

Originally posted by RobiLee
I know you are frustrated that you are paying all the bills for your son,but when you agreed to pay for the tux did you let him know that you would be picking out which one he wore?

Yes, we did. He figured he'd make a scene in the store and we'd back down. Which we did. I was so peeved he did that, as was hubby but it didn't dawn on him to change it until tonight.

[PJ's Mom]

Originally posted by catnapper
Yes, we did. He figured he'd make a scene in the store and we'd back down. Which we did. I was so peeved he did that, as was hubby but it didn't dawn on him to change it until tonight.

Oooh! There's some info that we didn't know. Isn't he a little old to have temper tantrums? I think I might've done the same as you did it that situation. .

[carole]

Kim I personally would not have changed it without telling him, I think I would have said well it is that or nothing mate, we are paying for it, however he really should have some choice I think in the matter, however I still understand where you are coming from on this matter.

I think it would have been better to set the ground rules from the beginning, by stating because you the one's paying for it, you will have some say in it, and compromise from there, my daughter will have her first end of year social , it is not quite as elaborate as a ball, but she already knows we will go dress hunting together and that I will have some say in it, however I would never want her to wear something I liked and she felt uncomfortable in.

I just hope there are no fireworks on the night, good luck with it all.

[lizbud]

Originally posted by catnapper
Thanks guys... I appreciate this. You have no idea how frustrated we are with him. Tonight is a major awards baquet and he's getiing an award. We are fighting him RIGHT now with clothes over it. He'll be ok with the yellow once the initial shock wears off, and once he sees its not YELLOW. I think he thinks we're making him wear a yellow tux or something.

What kind of award is your son getting ?