I wanted to tell everyone that I am very sorry for all of the lies that I told here. I had no right and I am very ashamed of myself. I hope this post does not get deleted because I do want people to see it. I do not except anyone to forgive me. I do feel really badly for not telling the truth from the beginning I have felt so guilty for about it for such a long time.

I do believe that my depression has over came some of my judgement. I've felt depressed for along time but I didn't know it would get this bad. I'm not even really sure what started my depression. Growing up I didn't have the best childhood my dad drank and my mom would hit me over dumb things. No my dad never did abuse me but seeing him drink his life away is enough. He is still drinking heavily even now and it kills me. After I had each of my kids I did notice that my depression was getting a bit worse but I still deynied anything was wrong. I have kept myself locked away in our house for a long time. I didn't want to go out and do anything or enjoy anything. My lying here just made things worse on me. Because the guilt was always there. It weighed so heavily on my mind that I drank to me the pain go away. I guess I used Pet Talk as part of my therapy.

My husband has never abused me. I love him with all of my heart and I know he does me too. He just does not understand how I feel about our dogs being outside. I can not change that. I have tried to talk to him and change his ways. But he refuses to change his way that a dog should live in the house with us. Our dogs live in a dog run I let them in our yard while I am outside with them.

I know I am not going change some members minds about me. That is fine. I understand if you do not want to forgive me. How can I except you to when I don't forgive myself.

I am true what I am saying now. If you still can not believe me that is totally fine. I will be more then willing give anyone a real life apolgy if needed. Just give me a PM.

If people want me to leave then I will. But I would like to stay if I can?