I received this e-mail from a friend and thought it was too cute not to share with you.
Dear Dog and Cat: When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not
> switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the
> way.
>
> The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
> other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a
> paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for
> it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
> pleasing in the slightest.)
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to
> ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They
> can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep
> perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent
> possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
> tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing
> but sarcasm.)
>
> My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If
> by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
> is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get
> your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
> through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the
> bathroom for years...canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats'
> butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change
> for you.
>
> To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
> door..... Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain
> about our pets:
>
> They live here; you don't
> 1. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> furniture
> 2. I like my pet better than I like most people
> 3. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son
> and/or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech
> challenged. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't
> ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when
> called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends,
> don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions,
> don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
> and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
>
> Pass this on to all your pet loving friends as well as those who
> aren't...it's too cute not to share.
>
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