This was in today's Pet Warmers, which I subscribe to. Somehow it had Butter's name written all over it!!

STRICT CAT RULES

1. Stray cats will not be fed.

2. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.

3. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with
a little milk.

4. Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with
warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.

5. Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent
residence.

6. Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled
unnecessarily.

7. Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will
absolutely not be given a name.

8. Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house
at any time.

9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.

10. Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending
in "y."

11. Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or
sharpen their claws on the furniture.

12. Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on
the really good furniture.

13. Stray cats will be permitted on all furniture but must sharpen claws
on new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.