I need to talk...

[Cookiebaker]

This past week and today have been so emotional for us. To back up, Mark's Mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone cancer) back in 1998. We thank God for every day, and especially for the 3 years that she has out-lived the Dr.'s predictions.

Well, in the last 2 weeks, she has gone downhill so drastically. You almost cannot recognize her, and today she admitted that she is nearing the end. She is suffering so much, and it just tears me apart inside. It also tears me apart to watch Dad, usually so strong. And he is struggling so much. (She has lost 15 pounds since Thursday)

They found another (she has had 2 previously) vertebrae that has exploded/shattered from the cancer. Radiation helped with the first two, but this time she has no strength or resources to withstand it. So, Friday was her last day of radiation, and she isn't going to take anymore. Basically, she is at home waiting out the time.


I cried the whole way home, and now my head hurts. I have no-one to talk to that understands. I have to be strong for Mark, and strong for his family.

I don't know what to do. Money can't buy what we need, all we can give is our time.

Please, God, help us through this time. Please, God......

[tatsxxx11]

I know so well the incredible emotional pain you're feeling right now Anna. I lost my mom to cancer and my father has leukemia and recently, had a major setback. Seeing him deteriorate was so devastating for me too. You're doing all you can, being there for her and offering her your support and strength. And I know how difficult it is to summon that strength when you feel like falling apart. At times such as these, often it is the family who suffers the most because they feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could say to make the sadness go away, but I can't. I can only tell you that I understand what you and all of your family are going through right now. Your mom in law has a very special daughter in you, and no doubt, she knows how much you love her. You have a shoulder to lean on in me Anna. I will say a special prayer tonight for Mark's mom and for you. Go dry those tears, wash your face and take a deep breath and hug someone you love, with or without fur Right now you need a little comforting of your own. We're here for you Anna, every step of the way. Love, Sandra

[dukedogsmom]

I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to say other than a lot of us here can be here for you. I know it must be terribly hard to deal with. I'm sure Mark wouldn't mind you showing some emotion. It might help him to deal with it, too. pm me if you need to talk some more.

[catnapper]

I'm so sorry for this terrible time {{{{HUGS}}}} We went through the same thing with my husband's mother two Christmases ago. She just deteriorated in front of our eyes. Just spend as much time as possible with her. We remember those last moments spent with her and cherish them.

[KYS]

I also lost my mom to cancer and my father to leukemia.
As Sandra said it is very devastating and such
an emotional roller coaster.
You are their for her and trying to keep up her
spirits by showing how much you love her
and what she means to you all.
That is all you can do.
And that will mean the world
to her.
Take the time to take care of yourself too.
Hugs Karen

[jazzcat]

I am so sorry. I know this is so hard to deal with. I just lost my mom in May. She had suffered 7 fractured vertebrae last year and was actually starting to improve from that a little when her heart stopped in her sleep. Even though she had been through such a rough year and had no real life outside of the house it was still an shock to. I don't think you can really be prepared for this. I know she just couldn't take anymore and at least she went peacefully. I pray Mark's mother goes that peacefully.

You all are in my thought and prayers.

[micki76]

I'm so sorry, Anna. I lost both my parents to cancer. My mom when I was 17 and my Dad Sept 29th of last year. I know it's hard but if you can tell her, when she's ready, that it's ok to go it'll be that much easier on her. My Dad suffered and suffered and finally after 3 days in total delirium , he came back to us for one final day. That last evening, we told him it was ok to go, and he passed away that night. It seems to ease them a bit, if they know we're ok with it. I hope her passing is as painless as possible.

You're whole family will be in my thoughts.

[moosmom]

Anna,

We are here for you!!

I can relate to what you are going through with Mark's mom. My mother was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 44, in January of 1973. She went through chemo and radiation and came home to wait it out as well. It's very difficult to be strong when you see someone you love in pain and not be able to do anything about it.

My dad had to give my mother shots of Morphine for the pain. She passed away that October. I was only 19.

I will say a prayer for you and your family. Hang in there sweetheart and don't forget to take care of yourself too!

[carole]

I am so sorry to read this , and how much distress you are in, We here at PT are there for you anytime, please know that, this is indeed a very stressful and agonising time for you, and everyone of us feels your pain,so many have experienced it and can offer you such love and warmth and understanding, so please post as often as needed , we are all here with an available shoulder to cry on.

I wish we could ease your heartache, but if knowing we all care and are here to help, makes you feel a little better, then thats what is important.

This is very sad, for all of you, just want to send you my love and HUGS, and let you know you are not far from my daily thoughts. Take care.

[NoahsMommy]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Time is what is needed now, not money, so don't feel bad about that. I wish there was no pain in the world too, that she would be free of at least that.

Just be there for Mark and come here for you. It sounds like such a horrible time...I wish I could make you feel better.

The only thing I can offer is an eye to read anything you want to let out of your hurting heart.

Can you get away for just a few minutes? Take a bath and eat some chocolate? Just a short get away may help you feel a tiny bit better.

Please take care and know we are here for you.

Love,
Kelly

[anna_66]

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I know there isn't. Just know that I'm here any time you need to talk.

I can't imagine what you and Mark are feeling right now.

I'll be keeping the both of you and your family in my prayers tonight.

[Karen]

You will be in our prayers. This will be an awful time for you, this I know, but you WILL get through it. Be with her, let Mark have special times alone with her, hug her gently and let her know you love her even now, and always will.

This is a poem I wrote for my friend Christine, who lost her mother to a rare form of cancer not long after I lost mine to ALS - Lou Gehrig's disease. Please read ut for yourself, and for Mark.

Mothers


Our mothers make us,
raise us, teach us,
and then, at least the best ones,
let us go.

Then,
sometimes much too soon,
we must return the gift
and let them go,
sometimes all at once,
sometimes bit by painful bit.

But, just as they
did not completely let us go,
still worrying in secret
when we were silent too long,
or made choices they didn't understand
still loving us
despite silence, or physical distance
remembering our birthdays
when we weren't paying attention ourselves

We, too, will not let go.
We will keep their love with us
keep a smile, a bit of laughter
a half-remembered (heart-remembered) lullaby
And all they taught us,
intentionally or not

We will forever be our mother's daughters
every bit as much as we are their free, grown children
And in the shape of our eyes, perhaps,
the line of a jaw, the timbre of voice
and the stories we tell their grandchildren

We carry our mothers with us, for everyone to see.
(And marvel at: they live on, still.
Death never wins.)

[Cookiebaker]

Thank you so much for the kind words, and thank you Karen, for sharing the poem. I am printing it out for us, and will hang it on our mirror. Your words mean more to me than you can know!

Here is a picture of my Mom-in-law, taken last Thanksgiving...

[Pam]

Anna I can hardly type after reading Karen's poem. Karen that was beautiful. I too shall print it out. It is hard being a grown-up isn't it? Silly that I say that at my age, but yet the days when we were little are not so hard to recall. It is so easy to look back and remember when our moms and dads were robust and full of health and we could lean on them physically as well as emotionally and they dried all of our tears. Now as we grow older the tables turn and we find ourselves being the comforters, the ones who they turn to just as we did years ago.

My father-in-law died in March. He died of pulmonary edema after years of being bedridden from a stroke. His lungs were filling up with water, making it impossible for him to get enough air to breathe. He was given morphine for his last few days and we all sat around in a vigil. I can remember the night he passed away. We had all left around 9:00 PM and my mother-in-law called a little after 1:00 AM and, in tears, told us he was with the Lord. May it comfort you to know that at the end of your mother-in-law's struggle she will awake to a new morning with a body totally whole and in the presence of God. Please know that your whole family is in our prayers, and come here any time you need to talk. (((Hugs)))

[dappledoxie]

I'm so sorry! I know you must be dealing with so much and it's hard to stay strong. I'm sending love, prayers, and hugs your way sweetie. Please know we all love you!